So much for holding out...

A phone call from a friend at school informed me that she had talked about me to one of her friends...."I told her how proud I was of you...you're really getting it together"....

Uh-huh.
If getting it together, feels like I never have it together, than damn, am I on top of it now...

I did a master chart....In sum, here's what my life looks like:
There are 24 hours in a day...IF I sleep 8, that means there are 16 hours left.
If I subtract my commute (going and coming=3), then I'm left with 13 hours.
If I subtract the hours I'm in  class each day (3), then I'm left with 10.
If I subtract an 2 hours to total my showering, eating lunch breakfast, and dinner, and any other "personal" distractions I might have...like...I don't know breathing???, I'm left with 8 hours a day....
8 hours is all i really have to study....technically, unless I don't sleep....or eat...or shower...but the last is ewe.
Here's the crazy part....say I have 8 hours per week day (M-F) (8 x5), that equals 40 hours per week, and if I only study during the weekend....(lets pretend I study while I shower--because anyone who knows me, knows I DO read while eating....) that would be the 16 hours....
(16 x 2), totaling 32 hours....
40 + 32 =72.....

Guess how many hours per week I'm supposes to study???
1 hr per every every 10 pages
1.5 hours for every 10 pages needing to be outlined....
1 hour per exam per course topic (=5)
and 10 hours every week for research....
I could scare you with the page amounts...lets not....
Now, I've done the math and it totals to 89 hours per week.

89 HOURS PER WEEK.

Long and short....I am about to take out another loan to move near the campus...
(Apparently, the librarian didn't get the memo that 1L's should be allowed to just sleep in the library...)

*sigh... On the plus side Super Tuesday and Valentines came and went; and despite the cat knocking over the beautiful  roses the boys in my class gave me [a truly special gesture]....and me slipping in the ICE that I am not at all accustomed to...I enjoyed it quite a bit.

In that spirit...a few lines from the movie that reminds me about love....

                  
- Hi.
- You're trying to kill me, woman.
                   
- Uh-uh.
- Mm-hmm.
             
- Mmm...
- Mmm...

-I need rest.
I need food
so I can regain my strength.

	Okay, what do you want?
                   
Umm... umm...         
some pancakes.
	Okay.
And bacon.
	- Okay.
- And some chicken.

---
which leads to this...8 days,...I lasted eight days without checking in on the world that
moves on without me....8 days without being reminded that vital organs 
look like the desert sands I left...As if I needed to be reminded? 

--
Finally, a class mate wrote: I wonder what the body of Christ is, because Jesus must be the soul. 

Leo

Feelings that were tying your nerves in knots may be released dramatically today. It's time for you to breathe a deep sigh of relief as you are set free from an impossible situation. Taking responsibility for your life is surely a step in the right direction, but it doesn't mean that you can avoid serious long-term issues. Graciously accept what's on your plate while you work to improve your position.

By Rick Levine

Saturday, February 9, 2008

 

Rick Levine is my stalker....

Ash Wednesday/ Deee-leted....

In recognition of Ash Wednesday....Catholics around the globe choose today to embark on a 40 day trial of Change. Some try to "abstain" --giving up, coke, sweets, red meat.
Others, embark to do something new. Add prayer or musical enrichment to their daily lives.

I think, the hope is to remind ourselves that this is a world in which we make choices. For better or worse.  My Torts professor would have me say that this is a good time to be thinking about we are doing politically....but lets not go there today.

Being more spiritual than religious, and enjoying my self-proclaimed Taoism, one would thing that today wouldn't be that signifigant for someone like me. But it is.
   Maybe it was that I was raised Catholic and still cling to the rituals in my life that make sense. Maybe like my Torts teachers suggested, I'm using today as an opportunity to check in with myself. Its probably both, combined with recent frustrating events.

The events I won't go into, because now ever weary of being just another thing held against me, I plead the 5th. Suffice it to say, I am comfortable with my choices, my past, and the memories I have; and am now seeing a future that broadens my future to a point in which I may no longer have to depend upon my past.

Some call it closure, others call it preventative. Whatever you call it, action is still needed to sustain the thought.
(Lol....that was legalease for "if youre gonna do it, stop thinking about it, and just do it")

So I did it. I deleted old accounts and got rid of every link....electronically, if not emotionally. The Myspace is gone. My AOL is gone. All the letters and emotional safety nets that once told me I meant something at sometime.

Truth is. I can be happy in the now. Well....maybe not "now" --lets face it, I'm a 1L in Lawschool. Life sucks. But. I can be happy. I have good good friends, that are girls. Lol. imagine that. I have a wonderful family, that supports me. I have a cat that despite never seeing me, still loves me--even if I am doing miserably in law school.

And despite never ever putting an even more personal account of my life on this thing, for fear that I might regret it....Lol, I do have one.

Just like the links and accounts that takes a very small effort to prove to myself everyone else has moved on in their lives....I guess its time I moved on with mine.

Still debating how long to leave this cite up. It seems pretty well disclaimed....so we'll see.

Have a Good Ash Wednesday Little Universe.

Playing hookey

Ever feel like you were meant for something, [to be/] someone more?

Feeling Seth Horan: give him a listen.  http://www.reverbnation.com/tunepak/artist_29576

Playing Hookey in an attempt to avoid the inevitable melt-down that comes with 21 credits.....My property teacher missed me though; so, at least I'm a star student in Someone's eyes.

Wonder how long until I slip into just being "something pretty."

Just a thought. Super Tuesday is coming...Ever wonder what gets more advertising? Super Bowl or Super Tuesday?  I mean think if Victoria Secret got behind Hillary or if E-trade behind Obama.....

I'm still on the fence...."I am not procrastinating....I just haven't found one yet."