Prophet writes:
After some arm twisting on my part and four year partying hiatus on
his part (I guess my graduation party made a impression on him), my little
brother will be join us for the weekend of September 9th.....
**************8
That night comes to mind....
"It's your first time????...lol, well....on your knees...and open your mouth..."
HAHAHAAHA
PEPERMENT PATTY People, and if you haven't done it right, then you haven't lived...
God I hope I'm in town. Conference that weekend. Trying to arrange outs....
PS. update to come. too busy trying to be Sorority of the Year again, for the 4th time....no pressure right?
PPS. Mr. Boots...that soldier is MIA...too bad. I liked him...
a week in El Paso will make me forget, and if the week doesn't well...friday night will....
pray that i come home with my eyes.
love ya, miss me.
Some poetry...
THE COW IN THE BARN SAYS MOO...THE COW IN THE BARN SAYS MOO!
LAST NIGHT I HAD TWO HOT DOGS FOR DINNER
IF I WON A RACE THEY WOULD CALL ME A WINNER
AND THE COW IN THE BARN SAYS MOO!
BOATS AND JETS AND SCARY MACHINES
BIG FAT MEN THAT LOOK REALLY MEAN
I HAD A CAT AND I NAMED HIM BONKERS
MY FAVORITE CANDY IS THE DELICIOUS TASTY ZONKERS
AND THE COW IN THE BARN SAYS MOO!
An old friend and his zealous interpretation of life in the military. All rights, privalledges, copywrites to such a beautiful work, are his exclusively and therefore should not be duplicated. :)
Speaking of Poetry: If you didn't know I'm in to slam, well you probably don't know me...but here's one of my favorites. Thought I'd share.
http://www.riverdeep.net/current/2001/01/012901_m1_slam.jhtml#slam02
An old friend and his zealous interpretation of life in the military. All rights, privalledges, copywrites to such a beautiful work, are his exclusively and therefore should not be duplicated. :)
Speaking of Poetry: If you didn't know I'm in to slam, well you probably don't know me...but here's one of my favorites. Thought I'd share.
http://www.riverdeep.net/current/2001/01/012901_m1_slam.jhtml#slam02
Serendipitous Aftermath
Heather Nova---Like Lovers Do
There is a paradise that can be found
A better life to bring us round
And all we really need to do
Is see the world like lovers do
I want to take it easy, take it slow
To catch a fire and let it go
I want to give myself to you
So we can live like lovers do
Like lovers do, I want to feel that way
Like lovers do, they lose themselves for days
And I need to feel that way
I can hear you thinking what I feel
I know that what we've got is real
And all we need to get us through
Is just to live like lovers do
Like lovers do, I want to feel that way
Like lovers do, they lose themselves for days
And I need to feel, I need to feel that way
Give me strength to give myself to you
Like lovers, lovers do
Why your woman would cheat on you
By Elvina Nawaguna
When a man cheats, it is ok. But when a woman cheats, it is an
abomination! Society has made it that way. But still it happens.
Tales of women having affairs with houseboys, or the milkmen are not
new. According to Ruth Huston, author of Is he cheating on you?, men
cheat for sexual reason; women cheat for emotional reasons.
BettyTibaleka of Healing Talk counselling services says women are
emotional beings and if the man is not emotionally involved in her
life, she becomes vulnerable to other men, who may do things that
her partner doesn't. "It is not just about care when you are in bed,
but when you are out of bed. It is about that closeness that remains
even when your bodies are separated," Tibaleka explains.
Tibaleka also says many women cheat for revenge. Because the husband
is having an affair, many women resort to having one to get back at
him.
Tim Lwanga of Kadic hospital Nakulabye says this may be a way of
dealing with her anger, behind which are multiple feelings like
betrayal, mistrust, hurt and feelings of inadequacy.
Lwanga says that sexual incompatibility can drive a woman to have an
affair, especially if her husband is weak sexually and does nothing
to rectify the problem.
Women cheat because they want to communicate. "If you always degrade
her, she will go out to prove her worth to both her husband and
herself," Tibaleka explains. Such a woman is likely to cheat with a
man who compliments her and builds her self-esteem.
Distance many times leads married people to cheat. If the man is
always away on say, business trips and is never around for his wife,
the chances of cheating are high.
At the same time, proximity and companionship with other men like
workmates increase the chances of cheating. Juliet, a mother of four
who is currently running an extramarital affair blames it on the
fact that her husband is never at home.
"I also have needs and if someone is willing to be there for me, why
not?" she says.
According to Lwanga, marital problems which make the home and
marriage constantly strained may also cause the wife to give in to
another man who seems to care about her emotionally, especially if
he is within easy reach.
Lwanga also says that because of poverty, coupled with other
problems in the relationship, a woman may give in to another man who
may be willing to meet her needs.
Still, cheating may be a result of one's personality. "Some women,
though married, may remain jumpy as part of their personalities,"
Lwanga says. This could be routed in their upbringing or some
complex and bizarre behaviour or part of habit formation. It may
also be due to peer pressure; search for adventure or the husband's
physical or mental disability resulting from accidents, alcohol or
mental illness.
However, Tibaleka insists that above all, it is lack of commitment
that makes people cheat on their spouses. "When you are not
committed, all these things will come and sway you," she says. She
says that everything can be worked out if there is commitment.
Signs that she is seeing another man:
These may not be conclusive, but coupled with other signs may be an
indicator.
Tibaleka says that when she is cheating, the likelihood of being
happier are higher, unless she is feeling guilty or is not yet
enjoying the other relationship.
Sudden unexplained gifts may also be a warning sign. Her routine may
also change.
She starts coming home late and becomes protective of her mobile
phone and phone calls.
Sometimes her attitude may also change and she starts speaking
despicably to her husband.
Her sense of style and dress may also suddenly change. "It all comes
from the value that the other person had added to her," she
explains.
Tibaleka however, says that men can prevent their women from
cheating. "Love her, take care of her. Touch her, buy her small
gifts and reassure her of your love," she says.
Go out of your way to find what makes her happy and respond to it.
The key to this is communication. Sometimes, women just need to be
talked to and listened to, even when it seems like nothing serious.
Some counsellors can also help to administer a love language test.
Call her in the middle of the day to say, "I love you".
Let her know that you are proud of her and show it.
Bring her a flower when you return from work.
Compliment her and do things to raise her self worth.
Show appreciation for her and the things she does.
Every now and then, surprise her with very personal gifts that she
will be the only one to use. Don't give her source pans or a set of
cups. These are general household items that you are expected to
buy.
Show interest in her life and what she does.
Help her out with her household tasks and do for her something that
she could have done by herself.
Date her like you used to when you were still chasing her. Go some
place with her and do the things you both like doing.
Hug her frequently, especially if she is feeling down or depressed.
Just hold her, no lectures or advice.
There is a paradise that can be found
A better life to bring us round
And all we really need to do
Is see the world like lovers do
I want to take it easy, take it slow
To catch a fire and let it go
I want to give myself to you
So we can live like lovers do
Like lovers do, I want to feel that way
Like lovers do, they lose themselves for days
And I need to feel that way
I can hear you thinking what I feel
I know that what we've got is real
And all we need to get us through
Is just to live like lovers do
Like lovers do, I want to feel that way
Like lovers do, they lose themselves for days
And I need to feel, I need to feel that way
Give me strength to give myself to you
Like lovers, lovers do
Why your woman would cheat on you
By Elvina Nawaguna
When a man cheats, it is ok. But when a woman cheats, it is an
abomination! Society has made it that way. But still it happens.
Tales of women having affairs with houseboys, or the milkmen are not
new. According to Ruth Huston, author of Is he cheating on you?, men
cheat for sexual reason; women cheat for emotional reasons.
BettyTibaleka of Healing Talk counselling services says women are
emotional beings and if the man is not emotionally involved in her
life, she becomes vulnerable to other men, who may do things that
her partner doesn't. "It is not just about care when you are in bed,
but when you are out of bed. It is about that closeness that remains
even when your bodies are separated," Tibaleka explains.
Tibaleka also says many women cheat for revenge. Because the husband
is having an affair, many women resort to having one to get back at
him.
Tim Lwanga of Kadic hospital Nakulabye says this may be a way of
dealing with her anger, behind which are multiple feelings like
betrayal, mistrust, hurt and feelings of inadequacy.
Lwanga says that sexual incompatibility can drive a woman to have an
affair, especially if her husband is weak sexually and does nothing
to rectify the problem.
Women cheat because they want to communicate. "If you always degrade
her, she will go out to prove her worth to both her husband and
herself," Tibaleka explains. Such a woman is likely to cheat with a
man who compliments her and builds her self-esteem.
Distance many times leads married people to cheat. If the man is
always away on say, business trips and is never around for his wife,
the chances of cheating are high.
At the same time, proximity and companionship with other men like
workmates increase the chances of cheating. Juliet, a mother of four
who is currently running an extramarital affair blames it on the
fact that her husband is never at home.
"I also have needs and if someone is willing to be there for me, why
not?" she says.
According to Lwanga, marital problems which make the home and
marriage constantly strained may also cause the wife to give in to
another man who seems to care about her emotionally, especially if
he is within easy reach.
Lwanga also says that because of poverty, coupled with other
problems in the relationship, a woman may give in to another man who
may be willing to meet her needs.
Still, cheating may be a result of one's personality. "Some women,
though married, may remain jumpy as part of their personalities,"
Lwanga says. This could be routed in their upbringing or some
complex and bizarre behaviour or part of habit formation. It may
also be due to peer pressure; search for adventure or the husband's
physical or mental disability resulting from accidents, alcohol or
mental illness.
However, Tibaleka insists that above all, it is lack of commitment
that makes people cheat on their spouses. "When you are not
committed, all these things will come and sway you," she says. She
says that everything can be worked out if there is commitment.
Signs that she is seeing another man:
These may not be conclusive, but coupled with other signs may be an
indicator.
Tibaleka says that when she is cheating, the likelihood of being
happier are higher, unless she is feeling guilty or is not yet
enjoying the other relationship.
Sudden unexplained gifts may also be a warning sign. Her routine may
also change.
She starts coming home late and becomes protective of her mobile
phone and phone calls.
Sometimes her attitude may also change and she starts speaking
despicably to her husband.
Her sense of style and dress may also suddenly change. "It all comes
from the value that the other person had added to her," she
explains.
Tibaleka however, says that men can prevent their women from
cheating. "Love her, take care of her. Touch her, buy her small
gifts and reassure her of your love," she says.
Go out of your way to find what makes her happy and respond to it.
The key to this is communication. Sometimes, women just need to be
talked to and listened to, even when it seems like nothing serious.
Some counsellors can also help to administer a love language test.
Call her in the middle of the day to say, "I love you".
Let her know that you are proud of her and show it.
Bring her a flower when you return from work.
Compliment her and do things to raise her self worth.
Show appreciation for her and the things she does.
Every now and then, surprise her with very personal gifts that she
will be the only one to use. Don't give her source pans or a set of
cups. These are general household items that you are expected to
buy.
Show interest in her life and what she does.
Help her out with her household tasks and do for her something that
she could have done by herself.
Date her like you used to when you were still chasing her. Go some
place with her and do the things you both like doing.
Hug her frequently, especially if she is feeling down or depressed.
Just hold her, no lectures or advice.
National Directors as Vogons...
The Book:
Vogons. They are one of the most unpleasant races in the galaxy. Not
actually evil, but bad-tempered, bureaucratic, officious, and callous.
They wouldn't even lift a finger to save their own grandmothers from
the ravenous Bug-Blatter Beast of Traal without orders signed in
triplicate, sent in, sent back, lost, found again, subjected to public
inquiry, and finally buried in soft peat for three months and recycled
as firelighter. On no account should you allow a Vogon to read poetry
to you.
The proof of the non-existence of God, caused by the Babel fish: http://http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Babel_fish
(wikipedia.org article)
* The Hitchikers' Guide to the Galaxy, pg 52
The proof of the non-existence of God, caused by the Babel fish: http://http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Babel_fish
(wikipedia.org article)
* The Hitchikers' Guide to the Galaxy, pg 52
THE Director will be indispose....
Okay people, it's official, I have seen the flight confirmation stubs,
the great and hold "PROPHET" will be returning from September 7th to
September 14th....Do you know how much drinking that is???
No honestly, Prophet, Pick your days, cuz I am not going to be wasted an entire week.
Wednesday night I'm busy, and Sunday night I'm busy,....National Buisness stuff...but, if you want you got me thursday, friday and saturday....as fun nights. just an FYI
Thats me...I don't know about the rest of the crew...and well, I'm flexible, just give me the night, and i'll make it work. Afterall, you're only in town one week!!!!
Booo. but. what oh what shall we do???? hmmmmm.
you know I'll be in Hartford CT on the 19th of Aug., will you be back by then? how close is that to Richmond? hmmmm....not that I'd have any free time, but just curious.
--------
In other news, I am doing a fantastic job for my sorority, if i do say so my self.
No friends, busy friends, out-of-state friends, leave you with a lot of time on your hands to answer emaikls, blog, and do actual work....hmmmm
Mr. Boots is not dead...lets all aplaud. (No really, BOYS be nice, I still like this one)
--He's smart, he's nice, and he's far far away....what every girl wants...
when shes a national director and trying very hard to get into law school :)
*sigh, so yeah, he IM'd. no call like I'd hope, but he's busy...or so he says... yes yes, getting ready for deployment,....I really wish i could be like, uh huh, sure...but I can't.
Really there should be a chapter in my new bible "He's just not that into you"...
on guys going on deployment....
My letter to Greg (the author) would be the following: (P, this one is for you)
Dear Greg,
I met this guy three weeks ago. He's in the Army and stationed a milion miles away, so when I met him I knew he was on leave, and that nothing would happen. Except stuff did happen; like, me falling completely for him. He's incredibly smart, can be completely sensitive, and all and all passionate about me. We even contimplated flying me out to his base just so I could see him before he left the county...which leads us to that...Theres one thing Greg, he's headed off for deployment. This means he wants nothing to do with a long term relationship as he has a fear of dying and doesn't want me stop my life to wait for him as he heads off to war. I assured him I wouldn't wait and we agreed to be "just freinds," should something further develop, we would take it from there...You see Greg, I really like this arrangement as I have an incredibly busy schedule and never have any time for a real relationship myself. I have regular guys I "hang out" with, but as per the book, we all know that that's not going anywhere...and I've been honest with myself, I don't know if this will be going anywhere either. But-- should all the standard "He's just not that into you rules" apply when dating a man who's about to be shipped off to war?
I mean, he is in the Army. He doesn't know when he can call, or write, or anything. How exactly can I hold him up to the high standards we've set, when I know he's incapable of meeting them due to know fault of his own? Am I completely settling for what works for me right now Greg, or should I stop wasting my long distance minutes as settle for the fact that "he's just not that into me?"
Ha ha, maybe right?...I should submit this and see if I get a response. I'd die laughing.
Even if Greg told me I was an idiot for answering my phone.
Well, thats me...I'm off to clean my room, bug me profusely, I'm on vacation :)
No honestly, Prophet, Pick your days, cuz I am not going to be wasted an entire week.
Wednesday night I'm busy, and Sunday night I'm busy,....National Buisness stuff...but, if you want you got me thursday, friday and saturday....as fun nights. just an FYI
Thats me...I don't know about the rest of the crew...and well, I'm flexible, just give me the night, and i'll make it work. Afterall, you're only in town one week!!!!
Booo. but. what oh what shall we do???? hmmmmm.
you know I'll be in Hartford CT on the 19th of Aug., will you be back by then? how close is that to Richmond? hmmmm....not that I'd have any free time, but just curious.
--------
In other news, I am doing a fantastic job for my sorority, if i do say so my self.
No friends, busy friends, out-of-state friends, leave you with a lot of time on your hands to answer emaikls, blog, and do actual work....hmmmm
Mr. Boots is not dead...lets all aplaud. (No really, BOYS be nice, I still like this one)
--He's smart, he's nice, and he's far far away....what every girl wants...
when shes a national director and trying very hard to get into law school :)
*sigh, so yeah, he IM'd. no call like I'd hope, but he's busy...or so he says... yes yes, getting ready for deployment,....I really wish i could be like, uh huh, sure...but I can't.
Really there should be a chapter in my new bible "He's just not that into you"...
on guys going on deployment....
My letter to Greg (the author) would be the following: (P, this one is for you)
Dear Greg,
I met this guy three weeks ago. He's in the Army and stationed a milion miles away, so when I met him I knew he was on leave, and that nothing would happen. Except stuff did happen; like, me falling completely for him. He's incredibly smart, can be completely sensitive, and all and all passionate about me. We even contimplated flying me out to his base just so I could see him before he left the county...which leads us to that...Theres one thing Greg, he's headed off for deployment. This means he wants nothing to do with a long term relationship as he has a fear of dying and doesn't want me stop my life to wait for him as he heads off to war. I assured him I wouldn't wait and we agreed to be "just freinds," should something further develop, we would take it from there...You see Greg, I really like this arrangement as I have an incredibly busy schedule and never have any time for a real relationship myself. I have regular guys I "hang out" with, but as per the book, we all know that that's not going anywhere...and I've been honest with myself, I don't know if this will be going anywhere either. But-- should all the standard "He's just not that into you rules" apply when dating a man who's about to be shipped off to war?
I mean, he is in the Army. He doesn't know when he can call, or write, or anything. How exactly can I hold him up to the high standards we've set, when I know he's incapable of meeting them due to know fault of his own? Am I completely settling for what works for me right now Greg, or should I stop wasting my long distance minutes as settle for the fact that "he's just not that into me?"
Ha ha, maybe right?...I should submit this and see if I get a response. I'd die laughing.
Even if Greg told me I was an idiot for answering my phone.
Well, thats me...I'm off to clean my room, bug me profusely, I'm on vacation :)
Whispers, from my LS8
Whispers
The
man whispered, "God, speak to me"
and
a meadowlark
sang.
But,
the man did not
hear.
So
the man yelled, "God, speak to
me"
and
the thunder rolled across the
sky.
But,
the man did not
listen.
The
man looked around and
said,
"God
let me see
you."
And
a star shined
brightly.
But
the man did not
see.
And,
the man
shouted,
"God
show me a
miracle."
And,
a life was
born.
But,
the man did not
notice.
So,
the man cried out in
despair,
"Touch
me God, and let me know you are
here."
Whereupon,
God reached down and touched the
man.
But,
the man brushed the butterfly away
.
and
walked on.
I
found this to be a great reminder that
God
is
always around us in the little and simple
things
that
we take for granted ... even in our electronic
age
So
I would like to add one
more:
The
man cried,
"God,
I need your
help!"
And
an e-mail arrived reaching
out
with
good news and
encouragement.
But,
the man deleted it and continued crying
..........
Don't
miss out on a
blessing
because
it isn't packaged the way that you
expect.
My
instructions were to send this to
people
that
I wanted God to bless
and
I picked you. Won't you please pass this
to people you want to be
blessed.
Expect
the
unexpected...
Have
A Happy Day!
The ups, the downs, the in betweens
My cousins man is okay....Whew!
and I was reminded how much I love my friends.
It was great seeing you today "P", I think we're good, how 'bout you?
C--totally is coming through like a champ, helping me out left and right with my "duties" as a Sorority guru....lol.
Great, I hear the real headline now....
Latina greek, gets all her wisdom from a Mainstreamer....
yeah, well, what of it. :-P
Mr. Boots is Missing in Action. Which is kinda scary, you know with that Iraq thing and all, but, I'm staying strong to the book LADIES, --> There is no reason to call him. If he's really into you, he'll call you. (There really should be a chapter on deployment!)
So, once again, I'm adjusting to this....to want is to be disappointed. *sigh. well, his loss right?
Right.
Feeling better today, maybe the meds are finally working.
Maybe I'm just not allowing myself to get caught up in the "boo-hoo, I've got the flu thing any more?"
anyways, Last day of work is tomorrow!!!! YAY!!!!!
so pizza, and then yeah, more Sorority work....um...yay???
Well, on the plus side, I did find out I have my job back next semester, so yay, rugrats, for another year!!!!!
um...wait...yay???
hmmmm?
My Marine got tanked last night, YAY?!?!?!
okay too much of a pattern.
This is me just obviously exhausted and needing veg time....
I did my work!!!! Yay! only to have more tomorrow--> okay, that is a clear BOOOOOO.
anyways,
I've done all I can do...
the rest is up to you.
L, M
and I was reminded how much I love my friends.
It was great seeing you today "P", I think we're good, how 'bout you?
C--totally is coming through like a champ, helping me out left and right with my "duties" as a Sorority guru....lol.
Great, I hear the real headline now....
Latina greek, gets all her wisdom from a Mainstreamer....
yeah, well, what of it. :-P
Mr. Boots is Missing in Action. Which is kinda scary, you know with that Iraq thing and all, but, I'm staying strong to the book LADIES, --> There is no reason to call him. If he's really into you, he'll call you. (There really should be a chapter on deployment!)
So, once again, I'm adjusting to this....to want is to be disappointed. *sigh. well, his loss right?
Right.
Feeling better today, maybe the meds are finally working.
Maybe I'm just not allowing myself to get caught up in the "boo-hoo, I've got the flu thing any more?"
anyways, Last day of work is tomorrow!!!! YAY!!!!!
so pizza, and then yeah, more Sorority work....um...yay???
Well, on the plus side, I did find out I have my job back next semester, so yay, rugrats, for another year!!!!!
um...wait...yay???
hmmmm?
My Marine got tanked last night, YAY?!?!?!
okay too much of a pattern.
This is me just obviously exhausted and needing veg time....
I did my work!!!! Yay! only to have more tomorrow--> okay, that is a clear BOOOOOO.
anyways,
I've done all I can do...
the rest is up to you.
L, M
I've learned that we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.
I've learned that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.
I've learned that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. The same goes for true love.
I've learned that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.
I've learned that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.
I've learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.
I've learned that you can keep going long after you can't.
I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
I've learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you.
I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.
I've learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.
I've learned that money is a lousy way of keeping score.
I've learned that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.
I've learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up.
I've learned that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.
I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
I've learned that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them, and less to do with how many years you have lived.
I've learned that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.
I've learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.
I've learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.
I've learned that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do love each other.
I've learned that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.
I've learned that two people can look at the same thing and see something totally different.
I've learned that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.
I've learned that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you you will find the strength to help.
I've learned that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.
I've learned that the people you care about most in life are sometimes taken from you too soon
I've learned that you cannot make someone love you.
All you can do is be someone who can be loved.
The rest is up to them.
I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people just don't care back.
I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.
I've learned that it's not what you have in your life but who you have in your life that counts I've learned that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life. I've learned that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be. I've learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words.It may be the last time you see them.
I've learned that you can keep going long after you think you can't. I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel. I've learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you. I've learned that learning to forgive takes practice. I've learned that there are people who love you dearly, but just don't know how to show it. I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. I've learned that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself I've learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.
Just when you think you have it bad...
I get a call from my cousin, "Hi. Can I get the Abq Police department number...oh you're invited to my baby shower"
FIVE MINUTES LATER...phone rings again. cousin ask,"Can I get the number from UNM H?" I ask, whats going on. Car accident.
Someone died. Her boyfriends being flown to Abq. i'm her only contact here. I tell her to rest assured and that he'll have
flowers by morning. In a way that moms do i guess, she says thank you. remains calm, and will forward me his room number as
soon as she acquires it. She misses and loves me. then hangs up. and I thought I had it bad with the flu.
I get a call from my cousin, "Hi. Can I get the Abq Police department number...oh you're invited to my baby shower"
FIVE MINUTES LATER...phone rings again. cousin ask,"Can I get the number from UNM H?" I ask, whats going on. Car accident.
Someone died. Her boyfriends being flown to Abq. i'm her only contact here. I tell her to rest assured and that he'll have
flowers by morning. In a way that moms do i guess, she says thank you. remains calm, and will forward me his room number as
soon as she acquires it. She misses and loves me. then hangs up. and I thought I had it bad with the flu.
bleh...
Feeling like crap!
One of my co-workers says its the stomach flu...It seems to be going 'round. When I pulled my car over this morning (just) to throw up, I'm inclined to believe her....
I'd love to send that message to my mother..."hey mom, I threw up this morning...." --She'd die. LOL
Well, UNLESS the Lord himself has decided I am the "chosen one," NO PEOPLE, I am still going to lawschool before I have a kid. Despite popular beliefs, conception without action is still highly implausible....
The doc is at a loss; as usual, they assigned the regular antibiotics. As usual, they ran the same damn white blood count test...this is like the hundreth test....and as usual, I'll be deemed "all normal"--in a week. It's so sad, to know you know more than medical staff...I know what this is...its the same thing that happens during every finals week. I get stressed, I get susceptible, I get sick.
Simple stress, or at least I can hope. Thanks to all my well wishers ;-). I'm sure I'm fine and just killing myself slowly, follow-ups in a week.
To be honest, the only thing that really blows is the fatigue. I can't stay awake to save my life, and while I'm done with school, I still have work for two more days, I just hope I don't get my little ones sick, but I suppose since I probably got it at school, they're either imune to it by now, or are the ones that brought it to me....
(Little rugrats that light up my life. )
In other news: Hey 3, I miss hearing from you, and congrats on the piercing. You will make someone very happy---as soon as you heal that is??? Anyways, today was nice.
C, like me is sick, he thinks he has a cold/cough or something though. I figure as long as we don't breathe each others air we should be good, LOL. Hoping the night I passed out at his place isn't what brought his ill-ness on...the last thing I need is him being mad at me for yet another thing I can not control.
Marine and J, have been life savers in the "listening" and "guidance" they have provided via phone and IM.
which brings me to....yes 3, Mr. Boots.
(It really is such a fitting name...if we ever are more than friends, and he lets me, I'll relay the story. )
Well, for starters, he just signed on. LOL... I swear he is psychic. Or just this crazy kool guy.
*sigh*
BUT as I stated much earlier, he hurt me hard, and yes he did apologize, and he didn't have to. I mean....he's dealing with going over to Iraq. He's non-emotional and I can see how commiting to a long term relationship is the last thing he needs to be dealing with...especially regarding he only met me for less than 24 hours.
Me, I have school, and the sorority, and law school upcoming. I don't need the pressure either.... I guess that's what works. That and he's a billion miles away...
He hasn't called since Sunday and I suppose thats okay....this flu thing has me passing out any way. I am hoping that he is sincer in his attempts to try this out though...
I just got confortable with leting this guy back into my life, the last thing my system can handle is a liar...I truly feel I would throw up all over again....bleh!
JK, I think its the medicine. Better health and my love to my little universe. Ms. V. brought Tai....yeah, Tai and Pinot Noir....can we say, no wonder you're sick. lol.
MUAH!!!
One of my co-workers says its the stomach flu...It seems to be going 'round. When I pulled my car over this morning (just) to throw up, I'm inclined to believe her....
I'd love to send that message to my mother..."hey mom, I threw up this morning...." --She'd die. LOL
Well, UNLESS the Lord himself has decided I am the "chosen one," NO PEOPLE, I am still going to lawschool before I have a kid. Despite popular beliefs, conception without action is still highly implausible....
The doc is at a loss; as usual, they assigned the regular antibiotics. As usual, they ran the same damn white blood count test...this is like the hundreth test....and as usual, I'll be deemed "all normal"--in a week. It's so sad, to know you know more than medical staff...I know what this is...its the same thing that happens during every finals week. I get stressed, I get susceptible, I get sick.
Simple stress, or at least I can hope. Thanks to all my well wishers ;-). I'm sure I'm fine and just killing myself slowly, follow-ups in a week.
To be honest, the only thing that really blows is the fatigue. I can't stay awake to save my life, and while I'm done with school, I still have work for two more days, I just hope I don't get my little ones sick, but I suppose since I probably got it at school, they're either imune to it by now, or are the ones that brought it to me....
(Little rugrats that light up my life. )
In other news: Hey 3, I miss hearing from you, and congrats on the piercing. You will make someone very happy---as soon as you heal that is??? Anyways, today was nice.
C, like me is sick, he thinks he has a cold/cough or something though. I figure as long as we don't breathe each others air we should be good, LOL. Hoping the night I passed out at his place isn't what brought his ill-ness on...the last thing I need is him being mad at me for yet another thing I can not control.
Marine and J, have been life savers in the "listening" and "guidance" they have provided via phone and IM.
which brings me to....yes 3, Mr. Boots.
(It really is such a fitting name...if we ever are more than friends, and he lets me, I'll relay the story. )
Well, for starters, he just signed on. LOL... I swear he is psychic. Or just this crazy kool guy.
*sigh*
BUT as I stated much earlier, he hurt me hard, and yes he did apologize, and he didn't have to. I mean....he's dealing with going over to Iraq. He's non-emotional and I can see how commiting to a long term relationship is the last thing he needs to be dealing with...especially regarding he only met me for less than 24 hours.
Me, I have school, and the sorority, and law school upcoming. I don't need the pressure either.... I guess that's what works. That and he's a billion miles away...
He hasn't called since Sunday and I suppose thats okay....this flu thing has me passing out any way. I am hoping that he is sincer in his attempts to try this out though...
I just got confortable with leting this guy back into my life, the last thing my system can handle is a liar...I truly feel I would throw up all over again....bleh!
JK, I think its the medicine. Better health and my love to my little universe. Ms. V. brought Tai....yeah, Tai and Pinot Noir....can we say, no wonder you're sick. lol.
MUAH!!!
As I wait to be seen in a doctors office, I grow increasingly more impatient.
15 Minutes ahead of time for my appointment only to be told I have no appointment.
After pulling out a nurse issued appointment card, i'm assured of service and to go wait. After half an hour, I approach a
separate staff person. "Your not on the list". "I KNOW That. I asked to be put on the list Half an Hour ago.""Well we'll put
You on the list. " I smile. "GREAT..." I proceed to sit. An hour and 25 more minutes pass, and as I practice even breathing
in an attempt to not kill someone, i'm called to fill out a form. I complete said form in 2 minutes. I'm then told to go sit.
Which I do, and am continually doing for now 35 more minutes.
The incompetance of those suffocates me as i realize I am dependant upon them for returning to me a status of my health.
Well, working for the school system. it has it's rewards, and then it has its drawbacks.
Today was definately a drawback.
IN OTHER NEWS: Mr. Boots called last night, and like magic we got back on the same comfortable page.
At least from my perspective, I think he knows Now, I'm worth the pursuit.
And I am....We will see if he continues his efforts.... I'm still numb, not sure what to think...
I did hang up the phone with a smile though...he does have that ability
oh, and after a fabulous talk with Him... I know now, we'll be happy
Regardless of what either of us do.
15 Minutes ahead of time for my appointment only to be told I have no appointment.
After pulling out a nurse issued appointment card, i'm assured of service and to go wait. After half an hour, I approach a
separate staff person. "Your not on the list". "I KNOW That. I asked to be put on the list Half an Hour ago.""Well we'll put
You on the list. " I smile. "GREAT..." I proceed to sit. An hour and 25 more minutes pass, and as I practice even breathing
in an attempt to not kill someone, i'm called to fill out a form. I complete said form in 2 minutes. I'm then told to go sit.
Which I do, and am continually doing for now 35 more minutes.
The incompetance of those suffocates me as i realize I am dependant upon them for returning to me a status of my health.
Well, working for the school system. it has it's rewards, and then it has its drawbacks.
Today was definately a drawback.
IN OTHER NEWS: Mr. Boots called last night, and like magic we got back on the same comfortable page.
At least from my perspective, I think he knows Now, I'm worth the pursuit.
And I am....We will see if he continues his efforts.... I'm still numb, not sure what to think...
I did hang up the phone with a smile though...he does have that ability
oh, and after a fabulous talk with Him... I know now, we'll be happy
Regardless of what either of us do.
In summation...
"There's no crying in baseball!"
C took me out to the Brick...after a highly unappetizing slice, and a poor beer selection, we settled for the guarantees in life....
Rum and coke....
We played the game I requested..."Tell me something I don't know about you"
He started..."When I was younger...." --fascinating but not enlightning,
My turn...
" Please don't be mad......""I met someone last week, his name was ......., " and then I proceeded to cry.
"Lets take a walk," he said.
I agreed and we covered "us" like we hadn't done in years....what made me hurt, why I now felt jaded, the optimism slowly turned to fatalism.
I told him I was happy for having met such a guy, he had opened my eyes into the person I wanted to be when I was truly "with" someone I would love...but even as I explained it to C, I realized the fear and intimidation I created in men, and swore never to do it again..."Ijust had no right to present ME to him all at once..it is too much." I concluded.
Too much, too soon....the fall that would inevitably lead to the crash...
----------
J called in the midst and reminded me as always, that I will always be loved....
yeah babe I know...and thanks.
My Marine called, and aside from re-affirming our "best friends" wedding pact, offered to buy he first round when he returned to ABQ.
Mom called and asided from hiding the "I told you so"in her voice... asked about what was truly important, and i assured her I had passed my final, and that I would be very careful drinking that evening...
-------------
This was a promise I had meant to keep.
1 very large pinacolada later however, I found myself in a tipsy daze being guided by C through the random-ness that is downtown Burque.
To say I had fun would be an understatement, meeting and getting autographs from the band, Galic Storm (TRULY Awesome) as well as learning the local talent via bar hopping, was just what I needed. ...
That and the liquor undoubtedly helped. ("[S]he didn't die of drinking, she dies of tirst!"
---------------------------
I awoke this morning to have breakfast served to me in bed....french toast, fresh oj. It was wonderful...
The moments leading to breakfast while not hazy, still feel distant.
Heartbreak, bar, band, bar, band, bar, long talk in the plaza, a request to lay my head down .... and then breakfast, as if I had never even met my soldier a week ago.
---------------------
As I've said before, when my words and mind aim to decieve me, my body always reveals the truth....
A soreness throughout my body....
Everything ached....still aches....
Reminance of 45 minutes of cardio and 45 minutes of beating the emotion out of myself vis-a-vis a pair of boxing gloves and a very heavy boxing bag....
Perhaps it worked, for now all I feel is the pain of my body....
My desire for hoplessness romantisism, my desire for any form of relationship, my optimism towards life, all grow exceedingly numb....yet, no remorse, no regrets, nothing to remind me what-so-ever that it ever existed.
There is a rationality within me that explains that this is just passing....that greif will perhaps return at some later time, but for now, I am just numb....denial overcome by soreness, emotion overcome by rationality, and now...the only pressing emotion I have is one to "just be."
Should my soldier call, let me know he hurts equally, I will go back...
Should he only want friendship, I will oblige...
Should he never call, well I have memories....
He has given me introspection into myself, and for that I am forever grateful....
------------
Men aren't alone in the ability to detatch, to seperate, to shut off emotion.
For like a light switch, I have decided--just as I relayed could be done--not to feel, not to hurt.
I've known for a long time that it is my descison who hurts me and whether I can fall apart and be hurt...lifes too short. I've been hurt before, I remember whait is to let life impact you...to fall apart based on something that you have no control over....so in the words of my baby sister..."how bout I don't and said I did?"
LOL. I'm actually happy. happy for a clarity I reached on introspection, happy at my ability to control the situation at hand without falling to pieces and happy that I depend on noone to Create my happiness. I let myself be happy....I choose to be happy, and I feel great, because to know me is to allow yourself to be caught up as well and to feel that momentarily. Knowing that if i can/have generate(d) that for even a moment in another, well, let it be so.
I'll just be....
whoever wants to be in my pressence is welcome.
It's only as complicated as youchoose it to be...
On the long shot that you're reading soldier, if you're not letting yourself be happy, don't be lame, and smile :)
------------
Despite being disillusioned, and having seen the error in the optimismin thats intrinsically entangled in the hopeless romantic, I am reminded, there's no crying in baseball.
C took me out to the Brick...after a highly unappetizing slice, and a poor beer selection, we settled for the guarantees in life....
Rum and coke....
We played the game I requested..."Tell me something I don't know about you"
He started..."When I was younger...." --fascinating but not enlightning,
My turn...
" Please don't be mad......""I met someone last week, his name was ......., " and then I proceeded to cry.
"Lets take a walk," he said.
I agreed and we covered "us" like we hadn't done in years....what made me hurt, why I now felt jaded, the optimism slowly turned to fatalism.
I told him I was happy for having met such a guy, he had opened my eyes into the person I wanted to be when I was truly "with" someone I would love...but even as I explained it to C, I realized the fear and intimidation I created in men, and swore never to do it again..."Ijust had no right to present ME to him all at once..it is too much." I concluded.
Too much, too soon....the fall that would inevitably lead to the crash...
----------
J called in the midst and reminded me as always, that I will always be loved....
yeah babe I know...and thanks.
My Marine called, and aside from re-affirming our "best friends" wedding pact, offered to buy he first round when he returned to ABQ.
Mom called and asided from hiding the "I told you so"in her voice... asked about what was truly important, and i assured her I had passed my final, and that I would be very careful drinking that evening...
-------------
This was a promise I had meant to keep.
1 very large pinacolada later however, I found myself in a tipsy daze being guided by C through the random-ness that is downtown Burque.
To say I had fun would be an understatement, meeting and getting autographs from the band, Galic Storm (TRULY Awesome) as well as learning the local talent via bar hopping, was just what I needed. ...
That and the liquor undoubtedly helped. ("[S]he didn't die of drinking, she dies of tirst!"
---------------------------
I awoke this morning to have breakfast served to me in bed....french toast, fresh oj. It was wonderful...
The moments leading to breakfast while not hazy, still feel distant.
Heartbreak, bar, band, bar, band, bar, long talk in the plaza, a request to lay my head down .... and then breakfast, as if I had never even met my soldier a week ago.
---------------------
As I've said before, when my words and mind aim to decieve me, my body always reveals the truth....
A soreness throughout my body....
Everything ached....still aches....
Reminance of 45 minutes of cardio and 45 minutes of beating the emotion out of myself vis-a-vis a pair of boxing gloves and a very heavy boxing bag....
Perhaps it worked, for now all I feel is the pain of my body....
My desire for hoplessness romantisism, my desire for any form of relationship, my optimism towards life, all grow exceedingly numb....yet, no remorse, no regrets, nothing to remind me what-so-ever that it ever existed.
There is a rationality within me that explains that this is just passing....that greif will perhaps return at some later time, but for now, I am just numb....denial overcome by soreness, emotion overcome by rationality, and now...the only pressing emotion I have is one to "just be."
Should my soldier call, let me know he hurts equally, I will go back...
Should he only want friendship, I will oblige...
Should he never call, well I have memories....
He has given me introspection into myself, and for that I am forever grateful....
------------
Men aren't alone in the ability to detatch, to seperate, to shut off emotion.
For like a light switch, I have decided--just as I relayed could be done--not to feel, not to hurt.
I've known for a long time that it is my descison who hurts me and whether I can fall apart and be hurt...lifes too short. I've been hurt before, I remember whait is to let life impact you...to fall apart based on something that you have no control over....so in the words of my baby sister..."how bout I don't and said I did?"
LOL. I'm actually happy. happy for a clarity I reached on introspection, happy at my ability to control the situation at hand without falling to pieces and happy that I depend on noone to Create my happiness. I let myself be happy....I choose to be happy, and I feel great, because to know me is to allow yourself to be caught up as well and to feel that momentarily. Knowing that if i can/have generate(d) that for even a moment in another, well, let it be so.
I'll just be....
whoever wants to be in my pressence is welcome.
It's only as complicated as youchoose it to be...
On the long shot that you're reading soldier, if you're not letting yourself be happy, don't be lame, and smile :)
------------
Despite being disillusioned, and having seen the error in the optimismin thats intrinsically entangled in the hopeless romantic, I am reminded, there's no crying in baseball.
Crash and Burn...
as quick as it has begun, like so many things in my life...
it's over.
I can't but help hearing the "I told you so's"
Even after just a small tear letting this morning, I realize,
what more could I have hoped for?
it always ends...
shallow waters lay with someone else.....
I think I might start using names in this journal. I don't know why I've always been everything else to everyone else....
I guess in some way I wasn't as committed as I say I was either...I still called HIM last night, and yes Mr. Someone, I was reaching out for you last night....and why?
because deep down I knew, despite my "affection" for Mr. Boots....he hurt me....
and I don't get sad I get even.
That and I love being listened to....which is where He comes in...
and I love being held....thats where Someone else comes in...
and...
once again I thought one man can be both....
to want is to be dissapointed...
I've got a month of vacation right ahead of me...and despite wanting to live it up in my "bad girl" way....maybe this "break up" for a lack of a better term, was just what I needed....
For once I'm not questioning, what I did wrong though....I never did anything wrong with you Mr. Someone, I just loved you.
I never did anything wrong with HIM, I never did something wrong with my EX, I never did anything wrong with T---
I'm an incredible, intelligent, wonderful, caring and compasionate person who loves with every fiber in my body....thats who I am.
It's got nothing to do with me.
-------------
Heres to me....
I know a girl
She puts the color inside of my world
But she's just like a maze
Where all of the walls all continually change
And I've done all I can
To stand on her steps with my heart in my hands
Now I'm starting to see
Maybe it's got nothing to do with me
Fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too
Oh, you see that skin?
It's the same she's been standing in
Since the day she saw him walking away
Now she's left
Cleaning up the mess he made
So fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too
Boys, you can break
You'll find out how much they can take
Boys will be strong
And boys soldier on
But boys would be gone without the warmth from
A womans good, good heart
On behalf of every man
Looking out for every girl
You are the god and the weight of her world
So fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too
it's over.
I can't but help hearing the "I told you so's"
Even after just a small tear letting this morning, I realize,
what more could I have hoped for?
it always ends...
shallow waters lay with someone else.....
I think I might start using names in this journal. I don't know why I've always been everything else to everyone else....
I guess in some way I wasn't as committed as I say I was either...I still called HIM last night, and yes Mr. Someone, I was reaching out for you last night....and why?
because deep down I knew, despite my "affection" for Mr. Boots....he hurt me....
and I don't get sad I get even.
That and I love being listened to....which is where He comes in...
and I love being held....thats where Someone else comes in...
and...
once again I thought one man can be both....
to want is to be dissapointed...
I've got a month of vacation right ahead of me...and despite wanting to live it up in my "bad girl" way....maybe this "break up" for a lack of a better term, was just what I needed....
For once I'm not questioning, what I did wrong though....I never did anything wrong with you Mr. Someone, I just loved you.
I never did anything wrong with HIM, I never did something wrong with my EX, I never did anything wrong with T---
I'm an incredible, intelligent, wonderful, caring and compasionate person who loves with every fiber in my body....thats who I am.
It's got nothing to do with me.
-------------
Heres to me....
I know a girl
She puts the color inside of my world
But she's just like a maze
Where all of the walls all continually change
And I've done all I can
To stand on her steps with my heart in my hands
Now I'm starting to see
Maybe it's got nothing to do with me
Fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too
Oh, you see that skin?
It's the same she's been standing in
Since the day she saw him walking away
Now she's left
Cleaning up the mess he made
So fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too
Boys, you can break
You'll find out how much they can take
Boys will be strong
And boys soldier on
But boys would be gone without the warmth from
A womans good, good heart
On behalf of every man
Looking out for every girl
You are the god and the weight of her world
So fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too
Final Today....
So I'm at Zim, Ms. V. took my phone...working on the Final that is still freaking me out.
The debate within me rages on...to go or not to go to Alaska....
Are you insane says the little voice in my head....
If Ms. V finds a way, I'm going...no money, no guarantees, but, I'll be on that flight...
My poor guy though, he really wants to pay for EVERYTHING,...and it bothers him SO much for me to spend my own money on just the ticket...
If Ms. V, gets the ticket, I know it will be forcing his hand...but I'm going to see Ms. V's Family....yeah, sure, that's why I'm going....LOL
In other news, I really needed a Friend last night. 700 dollars lost yeah, could have used you C....but I'll wait till I'm "forgiven" --
I guess.--
Really could have used the help.
Which THANK YOU, My Marine, called as though thru instinct, and settled me down.
Poor NEW GUY!!!! (We'll really have to come up with a name for him)
Me and Ms. V, call him Mr. Boots....long but short story. But it's fitting....so maybe. unless I change it, lol
So poor MR. Boots. I think we had the closest thing to a "first fight" as we could for this being an extreemly new, extreemly not commited, extreemly nothing type relationship....
He doesn't want me to go into financial jepordy, I don't want him to go into financial jepordy, it's like the war of "but if I spend money on you, it must mean I care..." fighting "I will never stop caring about you, please don't spend a dime"
both ways....
Most divorces end in financial struggle.
Well, add this to ME freaking the hell out over a final, and having a THIRD PARTY in control of both of out finances and feeling out of control....yeah,
plus the intensity of it all....
him leaving, this fealing like a one time shot....
yeah. it got tense....
(if you ever read this baby....cuz i know you're crazy kool, and look up all kinds of -ish up on me, lol, I'm still sorry)
okay, well, back to the damn final...
UPDATE:
It's 9:12 PM My time....Ms. V is doing her thing at the bars....and where am I? Doing my damn Final! Still! Ridiculous!!!!!!
Yes, when this is done, I'm drinking....A LOT!
I am in the I don't give a damn, where are my heels, lets do this Coyote Ugly style and look for the nearest bar to dance on!!!! UGH!!!! must be done in 20!!!!
Oh p.s.
1 I ned to get the Notorious Cherry Bombs....
2 Mr. Someone, your blog dates are scarrying me, and yes I do still check in on you...I miss you too.
3. Mr. Boots. HAHA, if you're reading this I'd be dying but if you are....why aren't you out enjoying your last weeks of freedom??? hmmmm???? It's friday, don't be lame, smile...know that I miss you more than anything, and yeah....8.2....
I really should go up.....miss you.
The debate within me rages on...to go or not to go to Alaska....
Are you insane says the little voice in my head....
If Ms. V finds a way, I'm going...no money, no guarantees, but, I'll be on that flight...
My poor guy though, he really wants to pay for EVERYTHING,...and it bothers him SO much for me to spend my own money on just the ticket...
If Ms. V, gets the ticket, I know it will be forcing his hand...but I'm going to see Ms. V's Family....yeah, sure, that's why I'm going....LOL
In other news, I really needed a Friend last night. 700 dollars lost yeah, could have used you C....but I'll wait till I'm "forgiven" --
I guess.--
Really could have used the help.
Which THANK YOU, My Marine, called as though thru instinct, and settled me down.
Poor NEW GUY!!!! (We'll really have to come up with a name for him)
Me and Ms. V, call him Mr. Boots....long but short story. But it's fitting....so maybe. unless I change it, lol
So poor MR. Boots. I think we had the closest thing to a "first fight" as we could for this being an extreemly new, extreemly not commited, extreemly nothing type relationship....
He doesn't want me to go into financial jepordy, I don't want him to go into financial jepordy, it's like the war of "but if I spend money on you, it must mean I care..." fighting "I will never stop caring about you, please don't spend a dime"
both ways....
Most divorces end in financial struggle.
Well, add this to ME freaking the hell out over a final, and having a THIRD PARTY in control of both of out finances and feeling out of control....yeah,
plus the intensity of it all....
him leaving, this fealing like a one time shot....
yeah. it got tense....
(if you ever read this baby....cuz i know you're crazy kool, and look up all kinds of -ish up on me, lol, I'm still sorry)
okay, well, back to the damn final...
UPDATE:
It's 9:12 PM My time....Ms. V is doing her thing at the bars....and where am I? Doing my damn Final! Still! Ridiculous!!!!!!
Yes, when this is done, I'm drinking....A LOT!
I am in the I don't give a damn, where are my heels, lets do this Coyote Ugly style and look for the nearest bar to dance on!!!! UGH!!!! must be done in 20!!!!
Oh p.s.
1 I ned to get the Notorious Cherry Bombs....
2 Mr. Someone, your blog dates are scarrying me, and yes I do still check in on you...I miss you too.
3. Mr. Boots. HAHA, if you're reading this I'd be dying but if you are....why aren't you out enjoying your last weeks of freedom??? hmmmm???? It's friday, don't be lame, smile...know that I miss you more than anything, and yeah....8.2....
I really should go up.....miss you.
THINGS ABOUT LIFE I LEARNED FROM A JIGSAW PUZZLE
1. Don't force a fit. If something is meant to be, it will come together naturally.
2. When things aren't going so well, take a break. Every thing will look different when you return.
3. Be sure to look at the big picture. Getting hung up on the little pieces only leads to frustration.
4. Perseverance pays off. Every important puzzle went together bit by bit, piece by piece.
5. When one spot stops working, move to another. But be sure to come back later (see #4).
6. The creator of the puzzle gave you the picture as a guidebook.
7. Variety is the spice of life. It's the different colors and patterns that make the puzzle interesting.
8. Working together with friends and family makes any task fun.
9. Establish the border first. Boundaries give a sense of security and order.
10. Don't be afraid to try different combinations. Some matches are surprising.
11. Take time often to celebrate your successes (even little ones).
12. Anything worth doing takes time and effort. A great puzzle can't be rushed.
Smile smile smile. The ticket isn't even purchased yet but...yeah it's safe to start the countdown...14 days till I see the
Guy that makes me smile.
I dreamt my first dream about him... grabbing a bite to eat before he had to be somewhere, and kissing me a temporary goodbye.
In other worldly news... i haven't touched my final. lord help me
I worry about my potentials... who call and i'm hard pressed to tell them what reality will soon befall them. :(
My friendships are becoming stronger daily, and despite hurt, I'm working really hard to forgive...
I want to share how happy I am. I know C will be happy after he's done being mad, and I know 3 is happy too. I just...well...
I don't want to risk being or bringing unhappiness to my very happy life right now.
In time it will always be okay
Guy that makes me smile.
I dreamt my first dream about him... grabbing a bite to eat before he had to be somewhere, and kissing me a temporary goodbye.
In other worldly news... i haven't touched my final. lord help me
I worry about my potentials... who call and i'm hard pressed to tell them what reality will soon befall them. :(
My friendships are becoming stronger daily, and despite hurt, I'm working really hard to forgive...
I want to share how happy I am. I know C will be happy after he's done being mad, and I know 3 is happy too. I just...well...
I don't want to risk being or bringing unhappiness to my very happy life right now.
In time it will always be okay
As it was said,
HERES TO DISAPPOINTING OTHERS.....
"HE" decided to be pissed at me....
and you know what...I'm cool with that....
you know why?
Because even if my new guy isn't my "boyfriend"--which unlike the commit-a-phobia HE had, --I could call my new love that if I wanted to, and not only would my "boyfriend" not mind, he'd probably smile at the mention of it...
hmmmm,.....
funny...
When a guys into you, they don't mind being your boyfriend!!!!!
Where the Fuck have I heard that one?
You know what, Ms. V. and everyother girl that ever knew about HIM, was right....
what a waste of time.
and now....I'm not going to wait one more moment to be who I truly am.
I'm intense. I'm complicated. I'm highly motivated. Absorbed in an organization that barely acknowledges me....but you know what...
"the new guy"===>
he gets that.
he likes my intensity
he likes that I'm multi-facseted.
and above all, he realizes, lack of communication in no way signals lack of emotion.
hmmm. there it is J...if I ever though that trigger wasn't pulled, well, consider it done.
Thats an emotional rollercoaster I don't have to get on again....it got me sick.
and now...I wasn't pissed,....but that attitude...yeah...oooh....you're lucky you don't read this honey....cuz, you know what....
you know what....you're not even worth the time to be angry...
I've got a guy who wants to see ME happy...
wow. I think I'm gonna try that...
*deep breath*
right now.
yeah....
(*I remember his smile, I remember him telling me i deserve to always be smiling)
right now....
wow, and just that quick....lol. the memories will take over, and god I hope they last.
:)
If all goes well tonight, 15 days until we can make new memories.
whoever says to give this feeling up, obviously has never had it...don't bring me down world....i won't let you...i deserve to smile. and I'm gonna....lol....
yeah....he's that good.
"HE" decided to be pissed at me....
and you know what...I'm cool with that....
you know why?
Because even if my new guy isn't my "boyfriend"--which unlike the commit-a-phobia HE had, --I could call my new love that if I wanted to, and not only would my "boyfriend" not mind, he'd probably smile at the mention of it...
hmmmm,.....
funny...
When a guys into you, they don't mind being your boyfriend!!!!!
Where the Fuck have I heard that one?
You know what, Ms. V. and everyother girl that ever knew about HIM, was right....
what a waste of time.
and now....I'm not going to wait one more moment to be who I truly am.
I'm intense. I'm complicated. I'm highly motivated. Absorbed in an organization that barely acknowledges me....but you know what...
"the new guy"===>
he gets that.
he likes my intensity
he likes that I'm multi-facseted.
and above all, he realizes, lack of communication in no way signals lack of emotion.
hmmm. there it is J...if I ever though that trigger wasn't pulled, well, consider it done.
Thats an emotional rollercoaster I don't have to get on again....it got me sick.
and now...I wasn't pissed,....but that attitude...yeah...oooh....you're lucky you don't read this honey....cuz, you know what....
you know what....you're not even worth the time to be angry...
I've got a guy who wants to see ME happy...
wow. I think I'm gonna try that...
*deep breath*
right now.
yeah....
(*I remember his smile, I remember him telling me i deserve to always be smiling)
right now....
wow, and just that quick....lol. the memories will take over, and god I hope they last.
:)
If all goes well tonight, 15 days until we can make new memories.
whoever says to give this feeling up, obviously has never had it...don't bring me down world....i won't let you...i deserve to smile. and I'm gonna....lol....
yeah....he's that good.
Can you tell I have free time at work lately?
Horoscope Test
If you are honest, this tells the truth. It's pretty good. Write your answers on a piece of paper, and NO cheating!! The answers are at the bottom.
1. Which is your favorite color out of: red, black, blue, green, or yellow?2. Your first initial?
3. Your month of birth?
4. Which color do you like more, black or white?
5. Name of a person of the same sex as yours.
6. Your favorite number?
7. Do you like California or Florida more?
8. Do you like a lake or the ocean more?
9. Write down a wish (a realistic one).
When you're done, scroll down. (Don't cheat!)
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Answers 1. If you choose: Red - You are alert and your life is full of love. Black - You are conservative and aggressive. Green - Your soul is relaxed and you are laid back. Blue- You are spontaneous and love kisses and affection from the ones you love. Yellow - You are a very happy person and give good advice to those who are down.
2. If your initial is:
A-K You have a lot of love and friendships in your life. L-R You try to enjoy your life to the maximum &your love life is soon to blossom. S-Z You like to help others and your future love life looks very good.
3. If you were born in:
Jan-Mar: The year will go very well for you and you will discover that you fall in love with someone totally unexpected. April-June: You will have a strong love relationship that will not last long but the memories will last forever. July-Sep: You will have a great year and will experience a major life-changing experience for the good Oct-Dec: Your love life will not be great, but eventually you will find your soul mate.4. If you chose:
Black: Your life will take on a different direction, it will seem hard at the time but will be the best thing for you, and you will be glad for the change. White: You will have a friend who completely confides in you and would do anything for you, but you may not realize it.
5. This person is your best friend. Ms. V
6. This is how many close friends you have in your lifetime. 17 7. If you chose: California: You like adventure. Florida:You are a laid back person. 8. If you chose: Lake: You are loyal to your friends and your lover and are very reserved. Ocean: You are spontaneous and like to please people. 9. This wish will come true only if you send this to five people in one hour. Send it to ten people, and it will come true before your next birthday! To have money for all my incoming expensesAgainst my better judgement...
A trip to Alaska?
okay, I know what you're all thinking...now she's lost it....
well maybe.
I mean if he does leave to Iraq in August as he's scheduled to, there is a sivere posibility I won't see him for an entire year...
Now, while we thought his next amount of free time wouldn't be for 8 months, it ends up theres a four day weekend coming up...my mother and father would kill me if they even thought I was entertaining the notion...but wow, here I am, pricing flights...
lord help me.
"Want a Cookie?"
A little background: Neiman-Marcus, if you don�t know already is a very
Expensive store; i.e., they sell your typical $8.00 T-shirt for $50.00.
Let's let them have it. THIS IS A TRUE STORY!
My daughter and I had just finished a salad at a Neiman-Marcus Cafe in Dallas, and we decided to have a small dessert. Because both of us are such cookie lovers, we decided to try the "Neiman-Marcus cookie."
It was so excellent that I asked if they would give me the recipe, and the waitress said with a small frown, "I'm afraid not, but you can buy the recipe."
Well, I asked how much, and she responded, "Only two fifty-it's a great deal!" I agreed to that, and told her to just add it to my tab.
Thirty days later, I received my VISA statement, and the Neiman-Marcus charge was $285.00! I looked again, and I remembered I had only spent $9.95 for two salads and about $20.00 for a scarf. As I glanced at the bottom of the statement, it said, "Cookie Recipe - $250.00". That was outrageous!
I called Neiman's Accounting Department and told them the waitress said it was "two fifty", which clearly does not mean "two hundred and fifty dollars" by any reasonable interpretation of the phrase. Neiman-Marcus refused to budge. They would not refund my money because, according to them, What the waitress told you is not our problem. You have already seen the recipe. We absolutely will not refund your money at this point." I explained to the Accounting Department lady the criminal statutes which govern fraud in the state of Texas.
I threatened to report them to the Better Business Bureau and the Texas Attorney General's office for engaging in fraud. I was basically told, "Do what you want. Don't bother thinking of how you can get even, and don't bother trying to get any of your money back." I just said, "Okay, you folks got my $250, and now I'm going to have $250 worth of fun." I told her that I was going to see to it that every cookie lover in the United States with an e-mail account has a $250 cookie recipe from Neiman-Marcus ... for free.
She replied, "I wish you wouldn't do this." I said, "Well, perhaps you should have thought of that before you ripped me off!"and slammed down the phone. So here it is! Please, please, please pass it on to everyone you can possibly think of. I paid $250 for this, and I don't want Neiman-Marcus to EVER make another penny off of this recipe!
NEIMAN-MARCUS COOKIES (Recipe may be halved)
2 cups butter
24 oz. chocolate chips
4 cups flour
2 cups brown sugar
2 tsp. soda
1 tsp. salt
2 cups sugar
1 8 oz. Hershey Bar (grated)
5 cups blended oatmeal
4 eggs
2 tsp. baking powder
2 tsp. vanilla
3 cups chopped nuts (your choice)
Measure oatmeal, and blend in a blender to a fine powder. Cream the butter and both sugars. Add eggs and vanilla, mix together with flour, oatmeal, salt, baking powder, and soda. Add chocolate chips, Hershey Bar, and nuts. Roll into balls, and place two inches apart on a cookie sheet. Bake for 1 0 minutes at 375 degrees. Makes 1 1 2 cookies.
PLEASE READ THE RECIPE AND SEND IT TO EVERY PERSON YOU KNOW WHO HAS AN E-MAIL ADDRESS! THIS IS REALLY TERRIFIC!! Even if the people on your e-mail list don't eat sweets send it to them and ask them to pass it on. Let's make sure we get this lady's $250.00 worth. Enjoy the cookies, they are good ....
Subject: Every Woman's Dream
A teacher asked her class, "What do you want out of life?"
A little girl in the back row raised her hand and said,
"All I want out of
life is four little animals."
The teacher asked, "Really and what four little animals would
that be sugar?"
The little girl said, "A mink on my back, a jaguar in the garage,
a tiger in the bed and of course, I'll need a jackass to pay for
all of it."
The teacher fainted
A fitting quote from FM
“No man is great enough or wise enough
for any of us to surrender our destiny to.
The only way in which anyone can lead us is
to restore our belief in our own guidance
-- Henry Miller
(1891-1980)
Source: The Wisdom of the Heart, 1941
After 5 hours of "distraction," we have challenged one another to sleep...
Yes, it can be said, there she goes again, falling for whoever crosses her path... but please, please let some higher power
be so kind as to keep this one around...*Sigh.
Alas. to want is to be disappointed. and i would much rather he continually surprise me.
Yes, it can be said, there she goes again, falling for whoever crosses her path... but please, please let some higher power
be so kind as to keep this one around...*Sigh.
Alas. to want is to be disappointed. and i would much rather he continually surprise me.
Some humor from across the oceans,
Why I Fired My Secretary
Two weeks ago was my 45th birthday and I wasn't feeling too good that
morning. I went to breakfast knowing my wife would be pleasant and say,
"Happy Birthday!", and probably would have a present for me. As it turned
out, she didn't even say good morning, let alone any happy birthday. I
thought, well, that's wives for you, the children will remember..
The children came in to breakfast and didn't say a word. So when I left for
the office, I was feeling pretty low and despondent..
As I walked into my office, my secretary Janet said, "Good morning, Boss.
Happy Birthday". And I felt a little better that someone had remembered. I
worked until noon, then Janet knocked on my door and said, "You know, it's
such a beautiful day outside, and it's your birthday, let's go to lunch,
just you and me." I said, "By George, that's the greatest thing I've heard
all day. "Let's go!" We went to lunch. We didn't go where we normally go;
instead we went out to a private little place. We had two martinis and
enjoyed lunch tremendously.
On the way back to the office, she said, "You know, it's such a beautiful
day. We don't need to go back to the office, do we?" I said, "No, I guess
not." She said, "Let's go to my apartment."
After arriving at her apartment she said, "Boss, if you don't mind, I think
I'll go into the bedroom and slip into something more comfortable."
She went into the bedroom and, in about six minutes, she came out carrying a
huge birthday cake ----- followed by my wife, children, and dozens of our
friends, all singing Happy Birthday.
And I just sat there ---- on the couch ---- naked
Two weeks ago was my 45th birthday and I wasn't feeling too good that
morning. I went to breakfast knowing my wife would be pleasant and say,
"Happy Birthday!", and probably would have a present for me. As it turned
out, she didn't even say good morning, let alone any happy birthday. I
thought, well, that's wives for you, the children will remember..
The children came in to breakfast and didn't say a word. So when I left for
the office, I was feeling pretty low and despondent..
As I walked into my office, my secretary Janet said, "Good morning, Boss.
Happy Birthday". And I felt a little better that someone had remembered. I
worked until noon, then Janet knocked on my door and said, "You know, it's
such a beautiful day outside, and it's your birthday, let's go to lunch,
just you and me." I said, "By George, that's the greatest thing I've heard
all day. "Let's go!" We went to lunch. We didn't go where we normally go;
instead we went out to a private little place. We had two martinis and
enjoyed lunch tremendously.
On the way back to the office, she said, "You know, it's such a beautiful
day. We don't need to go back to the office, do we?" I said, "No, I guess
not." She said, "Let's go to my apartment."
After arriving at her apartment she said, "Boss, if you don't mind, I think
I'll go into the bedroom and slip into something more comfortable."
She went into the bedroom and, in about six minutes, she came out carrying a
huge birthday cake ----- followed by my wife, children, and dozens of our
friends, all singing Happy Birthday.
And I just sat there ---- on the couch ---- naked
With everything going on...
LOL, well it looks like it'll all be calming down for a while.
and honestly I'm relieved. The pressure is off, and from now until later, I can breathe....
BUT....
can I talk more about this guy?
well, maybe just a bit....
Instead of waking up cranky, I woke up thinking. of him....and I keep forcing myself to smile, despite the distance, despite the realities....but here I am...smiling.
I asked him yesterday, if it was all real?
Did we really meet?
Is he really calling me?
Am I really supposed to wait....?
Everyone knows deployment last longer than it should....?
(Great, another reason to hate Bush....he's ruining my personal life, lol )
*Yawn. Don't know how or if I'll explain it to HIM.
I avoided "that" conversation all together.
But you know something that doesn't make me feel bad?
I told HIM, I would have more free time, and that we should hang out....you know what HE said?
HE said,
"We'll see"
I don't want a "we'll see"....I don't know if it's any better than a "I miss you," but at least the latter implies he cares.
So there it is, a five mile away "we'll see" versus a "I miss you from Mezul"---great.
Yes J, Prophet, Marine, I know what you're all thinking...
"Where do you find these guys!?!?!?!"
*SMILES* This one is from Alaska....lol.
and honestly I'm relieved. The pressure is off, and from now until later, I can breathe....
BUT....
can I talk more about this guy?
well, maybe just a bit....
Instead of waking up cranky, I woke up thinking. of him....and I keep forcing myself to smile, despite the distance, despite the realities....but here I am...smiling.
I asked him yesterday, if it was all real?
Did we really meet?
Is he really calling me?
Am I really supposed to wait....?
Everyone knows deployment last longer than it should....?
(Great, another reason to hate Bush....he's ruining my personal life, lol )
*Yawn. Don't know how or if I'll explain it to HIM.
I avoided "that" conversation all together.
But you know something that doesn't make me feel bad?
I told HIM, I would have more free time, and that we should hang out....you know what HE said?
HE said,
"We'll see"
I don't want a "we'll see"....I don't know if it's any better than a "I miss you," but at least the latter implies he cares.
So there it is, a five mile away "we'll see" versus a "I miss you from Mezul"---great.
Yes J, Prophet, Marine, I know what you're all thinking...
"Where do you find these guys!?!?!?!"
*SMILES* This one is from Alaska....lol.
I guess I finally found a boy that's into me...
When a guys into you, he'll call when he says he will.
Lol. Well, he said he would call on Monday. :) He called today before he got on his plane. Just to tell me he missed me, he
said.... I was on a national board meeting on the other line, but I let them hold two minutes, while I listened to him tell me
about the blueberry pancakes he had this morning.
I told him I had to go and he promised to call again tomorrow.
He understood. He told me how much he missed me, and I returned the sentiment.
And now I'm sleepy, and wanting to dream sweet dreams.
When a guys into you, he'll call when he says he will.
Lol. Well, he said he would call on Monday. :) He called today before he got on his plane. Just to tell me he missed me, he
said.... I was on a national board meeting on the other line, but I let them hold two minutes, while I listened to him tell me
about the blueberry pancakes he had this morning.
I told him I had to go and he promised to call again tomorrow.
He understood. He told me how much he missed me, and I returned the sentiment.
And now I'm sleepy, and wanting to dream sweet dreams.
I was supposed to do laundry...
I was supposed to do my final.
I was supposed to clean my room.
I was supposed to complete all lambda projects.
I wasn't going to leave the house
I wasn't supposed to meet anyone
I wasn't supposed to stay up the entire night discussing Plato, Hume, and Rand.
Ms. V says it's all over my face...
A philosopher, a well educated socially conscious liberal free thinker.
He's 6ft. Brown eyes.
He calls me a rarity; intelligent and beautiful.
He embodied everything I wanted...
Only...given the irony of life... he's deploying in 4 hours.
Naturally, he's spending his last moments with his father, whom I so graciously declined to meet this morning for breakfast.
I keep trying to ground myself and concentrate on the reality..
He says to tell the boys, I have a "Boyfriend in Iraq" now... but perhaps it was only figurative,...wishful thinking.
Ms. V is right. I'll never forget him. Each time there's a name on CNN, I'll be looking,...praying.
He says he'll come back for me, and I naively beleive him.
He says he'll call tomorrow as soon as he's returned to his station.
If he does... my world may be forever changed.
It already is, and as he asked me to I will just smile.
I was supposed to do my final.
I was supposed to clean my room.
I was supposed to complete all lambda projects.
I wasn't going to leave the house
I wasn't supposed to meet anyone
I wasn't supposed to stay up the entire night discussing Plato, Hume, and Rand.
Ms. V says it's all over my face...
A philosopher, a well educated socially conscious liberal free thinker.
He's 6ft. Brown eyes.
He calls me a rarity; intelligent and beautiful.
He embodied everything I wanted...
Only...given the irony of life... he's deploying in 4 hours.
Naturally, he's spending his last moments with his father, whom I so graciously declined to meet this morning for breakfast.
I keep trying to ground myself and concentrate on the reality..
He says to tell the boys, I have a "Boyfriend in Iraq" now... but perhaps it was only figurative,...wishful thinking.
Ms. V is right. I'll never forget him. Each time there's a name on CNN, I'll be looking,...praying.
He says he'll come back for me, and I naively beleive him.
He says he'll call tomorrow as soon as he's returned to his station.
If he does... my world may be forever changed.
It already is, and as he asked me to I will just smile.
God, I'm sorry...
Wow, I'm a freaking idiot. I've been so caught up in the petty, the
drama, the -ish, that I've lost sight of some of the closest people of
my life--
__________
Prophet,
I know you read this, and that's why I'm writing it here. I'm sorry. I'm an idiot,
I should have written right away. I should have bugged you for a number to call, just so I can say I'm sorry for your loss in person, just a voice of someone that is still here for you.
I am still here for you, and I'm sorry to bring it up. I've prayed for E and your family, and you are always in my prayers.
Love you, --
-------------------------
C-
You never read this, and I'm glad. But I've done yet again what I promised I never would do again. I put my sorority life in front of my own.
I'm sorry I picked up the phone
We will be proud of our organizations till we die, but I hope that they never bring on such a demand that we will forget the people we were before them. to this day, I'm proud to say, we were friends before we were greek.
Oh, and since I'm being honest, just so you know, please don't ever apologize for a year ago...That single moment changed my life. Each day is a painful reminder of the poor choice I made that night, and it only hurts more to know you wish you had stayed silent.
I love you, and you know that.
________________________
J-
I know lately there's this weird thing going on with you. Call it a gut feeling, call it knowing you for 10 years of my life. Who cares I should have called.
Something is going on, and I haven't even called you.
I'll do my best to put it in one of your analogies, "Your life is this baseball game, that I don't have a ticket to go see"
I'm sorry honey. Its not about you holding my purse, its about us holding each other when life gets ruff. I lost sight of that for 1 week too long.
Thank God you know me well enough to not hold it against me...i love you.
____________________
Marine;
Hey buddy, I tried, I'm sorry. Damn phone keeps dying. Next phone call is all YOU. I'll be connected to a damn charger if need be, but I miss you. you know I love you too. besides, birthday boy, it's getting one year closer to my wedding ceremony...lol.
love you
________________
Mr. Someone,
On the up-shot that you might check in...I don't even know if your email is valid? Did you recieve my post card?
Hmmm...but tonight....Have I become so shallow that we have nothing left to say to one another? It seems all thats left to reiterate is that I do want you in my life.
As I said earlier, I'm done with complications. You make me happy, so I want you to stay. Not knowing you anymore, not being able to talk at lengths end about anything, makes me sad ( missing that), so I'm letting that go.
If you become the guy I love, for no reason other than once upon a time you "got me"--then I'm okay with that.
You have the power to make me drop everything...and believe it or not, I'm glad one guy does. Please don't abuse it, without complication, I couldn't stop it then, and I realize now I'd only be kidding myself if I said I could now, so why fight it.
lol, in lyrical prose:
"Do you suppose that I would come running?....you know I would"
--------
Fork--
honey, if you read this. Your big sister loves you. Tell spatulla and the butterknife I love them too. I have no excuse for not being in your life 24/7. I miss you. I love you. I owe you a concert if I ever get money.
__________
Prophet,
I know you read this, and that's why I'm writing it here. I'm sorry. I'm an idiot,
I should have written right away. I should have bugged you for a number to call, just so I can say I'm sorry for your loss in person, just a voice of someone that is still here for you.
I am still here for you, and I'm sorry to bring it up. I've prayed for E and your family, and you are always in my prayers.
Love you, --
-------------------------
C-
You never read this, and I'm glad. But I've done yet again what I promised I never would do again. I put my sorority life in front of my own.
I'm sorry I picked up the phone
We will be proud of our organizations till we die, but I hope that they never bring on such a demand that we will forget the people we were before them. to this day, I'm proud to say, we were friends before we were greek.
Oh, and since I'm being honest, just so you know, please don't ever apologize for a year ago...That single moment changed my life. Each day is a painful reminder of the poor choice I made that night, and it only hurts more to know you wish you had stayed silent.
I love you, and you know that.
________________________
J-
I know lately there's this weird thing going on with you. Call it a gut feeling, call it knowing you for 10 years of my life. Who cares I should have called.
Something is going on, and I haven't even called you.
I'll do my best to put it in one of your analogies, "Your life is this baseball game, that I don't have a ticket to go see"
I'm sorry honey. Its not about you holding my purse, its about us holding each other when life gets ruff. I lost sight of that for 1 week too long.
Thank God you know me well enough to not hold it against me...i love you.
____________________
Marine;
Hey buddy, I tried, I'm sorry. Damn phone keeps dying. Next phone call is all YOU. I'll be connected to a damn charger if need be, but I miss you. you know I love you too. besides, birthday boy, it's getting one year closer to my wedding ceremony...lol.
love you
________________
Mr. Someone,
On the up-shot that you might check in...I don't even know if your email is valid? Did you recieve my post card?
Hmmm...but tonight....Have I become so shallow that we have nothing left to say to one another? It seems all thats left to reiterate is that I do want you in my life.
As I said earlier, I'm done with complications. You make me happy, so I want you to stay. Not knowing you anymore, not being able to talk at lengths end about anything, makes me sad ( missing that), so I'm letting that go.
If you become the guy I love, for no reason other than once upon a time you "got me"--then I'm okay with that.
You have the power to make me drop everything...and believe it or not, I'm glad one guy does. Please don't abuse it, without complication, I couldn't stop it then, and I realize now I'd only be kidding myself if I said I could now, so why fight it.
lol, in lyrical prose:
"Do you suppose that I would come running?....you know I would"
--------
Fork--
honey, if you read this. Your big sister loves you. Tell spatulla and the butterknife I love them too. I have no excuse for not being in your life 24/7. I miss you. I love you. I owe you a concert if I ever get money.
After some down time last night, i discovered the any who text messaged me last night and so casually called himself "Daddy,"
I did infact know. A friend from long ago from the house of Blue. A lifetime ago. I must say, I found it odd that he'd msg me.
Now aware of who it was though, I'm not at all worried it was some guy hitting on me. Although It's been forever,
809 has always been good gente and supportive to me and my girls. maybe we bond and bbq because were Brown? anyways, I blew
809 off last night not knowing why random boys had my number, but well maybe I'll drop him a line and see what's up. Friday is
The Hilton. then, well i'll have to make time again for my social life and ensure I don't double book. Lol. Yeah, double book
My life as a director with anything else. ha ha. i'm not too worried.
The boys I love at least reflect on me enough to send an invite ever so often, and as usual, thats enough for me.
Lol. I mean I'm just a director of a major non-profit. How can that compare to being scared to commit or having two women?
Well, to each their own. Me...I'm just a song lyric waiting to be played.
I did infact know. A friend from long ago from the house of Blue. A lifetime ago. I must say, I found it odd that he'd msg me.
Now aware of who it was though, I'm not at all worried it was some guy hitting on me. Although It's been forever,
809 has always been good gente and supportive to me and my girls. maybe we bond and bbq because were Brown? anyways, I blew
809 off last night not knowing why random boys had my number, but well maybe I'll drop him a line and see what's up. Friday is
The Hilton. then, well i'll have to make time again for my social life and ensure I don't double book. Lol. Yeah, double book
My life as a director with anything else. ha ha. i'm not too worried.
The boys I love at least reflect on me enough to send an invite ever so often, and as usual, thats enough for me.
Lol. I mean I'm just a director of a major non-profit. How can that compare to being scared to commit or having two women?
Well, to each their own. Me...I'm just a song lyric waiting to be played.
The Predicatable, and the Not So Predictable
The Predictable:
C would pick me up from the bus stop and take me home
That the oncoming next few weeks/months would be difficult
I was going to end things with "HIM" soon due to the lack of commitment
The Not So Predictable
That my truck would be just "gone" when I got home
That my keys to my house (left for friend to come feed the dogs) would also be "gone"
That as soon as I opened the gate to check in on the dogs, that they would run away, ending up "gone"
The fight me and HIM would end up with me staying at His house (and me actually typing on his computer now) making me feel like reality is "gone"
How I'm coping:
Quite simple, I made the right phone calls and located the truck, in the mechanics shop, leaving me with a vehicle...
Another phone call later, I locate my friend who apologizes profusely and brings me my house keys
Sorrors, who back me in my need to breathe, are volunteering left and right now to keep me motivated, and are succeeding. I feel refreshed, motivated, and prepared for the oncoming months.
Now-HIM, well, we fought as usual and the outcome is always as complicated....In summation, it was me wanting commitment, Him wanting a benefited friendship,an acknowledgement of a loose loose scenario resulting in me waking up this morning to him kissing me goodbye before he heads off to work.....yeah, confusing much.
All I know, is that my trigger has been pulled. Yes, J. I'm done.
In the words of Ms. V.--I can't keep going on this "emotional roller coaster."
Undoubtedly, I love to easliy. Its what makes me a great friend, a great sorror, and probably the passionate lover that my Someone misses.
But heres the "conclusion" or "descision" I've made....
Time apart will do my soul good. You can't be broken up and keep making out with the guy right?
(LOL--Says her!)
....HE came in, he's asleep...and before I go to class, I'm tempted to kiss him goodbye.
willpower....yeah we all know how much of that I have--
bottom line, everything and nothing changed?
Some luv from my #8
Around the corner I have a friend,
In this great city that has no end,
Yet the days go by and weeks rush on,
And before I know it, a year is gone.
And I never see my old friends face,
For life is a swift and terrible race,
He knows I like him just as well,
As in the days when I rang his bell.
And he rang mine but we were younger then,
And now we are busy, tired men.
Tired of playing a foolish game,
Tired of trying to make a name.
"Tomorrow" I say! "I will call on Jim
Just to show that I'm thinking of him."
But tomorrow comes and tomorrow goes,
And distance between us grows and grows.
Around the corner, yet miles away,
"Here's a telegram sir," "Jim died today."
And that's what we get and deserve in the end.
Around the corner, a vanished friend.
Remember to always say what you mean.
If you love someone, tell them.
Don't be afraid to express yourself.
Reach out and tell someone what they mean to you.
Because when you decide that it is the right time it might be too late. Seize the day. Never have regrets.
And most importantly, stay close to your friends and family, for they have helped make you the person that you are today.
_______________________________________________
Now some luv from Sarah.... YOU KNOW YOUR A MEXICAN IF... You now you are mexican if...> Your Mexican Status
>
> If you can run and play any sport while wearing chanclas....Mexican
> status!!
>
> If your late Tio left you a van and you turned it into a taco vending
> business,Yes, you're a Mexican.
>
> If you pronounce words beginning with the letter "S" by
> putting an "E"
> in front of it, (estop instead of stop), big time Mexican.
>
> If you call a chair, a sher, you got it.... Mexican.
>
> If you have ever hurt yourself and your mamacita rubbed the area
while
> chanting, "Sana, Sana, Colita de rana....." You're Mexican,
> big time!!!
>
> If you have your last name in old English lettering anywhere on your
> car, truck, or tattooed on your back. Yes, you ARE a Mexican (proud
> one
> too).
>
> If you refer to your wife as your ruca, your hina, your wifa, your
old
> lady, or your vieja, guess what? Not only are you a Mexican, you're a
> cholo.
>
> If you throw a "Grito" every time you hear Vicente
> Fernandez, then not
> only are you a Mexican, but you are a drunk Mexican.
>
> If you have ever been pinched in church and been told "pobrecito
> de ti
> si lloras" or "Vas a ver orita que salgamos." Yes,
> you're definitely a
> Mexican.
>
> If you grew up being called "chamaca or chamaco"
> .Mexican.
>
> If you grew up scared of La Llorona, or fear the dark because of El
> CuCuy!
> Yes! Mexican!
>
> Si te persinas with a lotto ticket in your hand before every drawing.
> You're in the Mexican Zone!!!
>
> If you ask for something by "dame esa chingadera" instead
> of calling it
> by its name. Yup! Mexican!
>
> If you constantly refer to cereal as "con fleys" or cake as
> "kay-ke".
> You're a Mexican.
>
> If you use manteca instead of vegetable oil and can't figure out why
> your butt is getting bigger......You might be a Mexican.
>
> If you have some Tias that dress up in their prom dresses to go to a
> birthday party at "el parque". You are a Mexican.
>
> I f your Tias and Abuela dress up in their Sunday best with heels and
> all
> to go to the "pulga." (AKA the Flea Market) Then, yes, you
> are a
> Mexican.
>
> If most of the houses on your block are painted bright pink, mint
> green,
> and lavender. Mexican.
>
> If you use the bushes in front of your house, the fence, or the top
of
> an old car to dry laundry. Yes, you're a Mexican.
>
> If you're congested and your mamasita rubbed "Bicks" into
> your nostrils
> and gives you "jugo de sebolla" with sugar, (grandma's
> recipe) to help
> relieve your symptoms. You're Mexican.
>
> IF YOU DON'T NEED ANY EXPLANATIONS FOR ANY OF THE ABOVE, YOU KNOW
> THAT YOU ARE A TRUE MEXICAN. VIVA LA RAZA!!!
>
> You know you're laughing your head off. It's all in fun, so don't get
> all "adoloridos." Just pass it on so another Mexican can
> laugh too!