So. i'm gonna fast. and not the usual fast. i am gonna fast from negative habits.
I'm going to try this keeping my personal life personal.
You see, i'm in texas now. a little escape. a little meditation. and It's nice
Before i left, i resolved to come back with clarity. lol. yeah. some summer lessons needed revisiting. lol. but... in my quest
I forwarned those most likely to be affected that my behavior would soon reflect the ideals of happiness i'd like to pursue.
Lol. big concept??? let me break it down. i don't want to be a hypocrite.
I want life to be simple. i don't want to cry over loser friends. i want the guy i hook up with to be the guy that i love.
the last being the most complicated. but again to keep the personal personal, let me only say this: again i have caught
Feelings, again i predict heart ache. but as i learned from the boy i'm stuck on, when it comes to this game of love,
Instead of waiting on the sidelines to be picked, "You have to play to win."

4 something in the morning. wide awake. and i am reminded of my someone and a song...
I'm not alone. and i wish i was. because then i'd know. i'm down because...

Wow. summer has begun and one of my new friends unexpected visits made it so nice. I ended up conversating the evening away as
Opposed to having "MALL BOY" come over. in the truce of outside dating hurts i suppose It's best. wow. i like my new friend.
Fortunately no confusion can be had with this friend-as we have both discussed other love interest.
I'M naming new Friend...red tie. just for you J :)

An Update

So the below was me trying to remember how my truck didn't get broken into, how i don't have to spend over 150 in repairs, and how I'm not hating the absolute annoyance of it all---
:)
Well, I'd like to think I'm pulling it all off pretty well.

*Sigh, but here's the update.
Other than vandalism in my life, I have one MIA housemate, and another in alaska.
yeah in 96+ weather for recess, I'm not really feeling sorry for her in the 60-70 degree bliss she's got going on....
hmmm. but that leaves me (*pause for scream)
Home ALONE!!!!
(AGGGGHHHHH!!!!!)
well, sorta. we do have the minature spawns of satan, or rats, or whatever toy dog it is that my housemate has me watching, but....yeah,....they're smaller than chihuahuas, louder than a police siren, and more chicken sh*t then me, so yeah....
in the end, thanks to recent events, I fall asleep for five minutes (literally, someone TM's me so i knew the time, but, I fall asleep) asnd I have a nightmare that someone is trying to break in. Great right?
ugh!!!!
perfect time to mention, if you are a stalker, I' lied my dogs are mean and big and have rabies. and I have a gun!!!!
well no gun, but if i did, well....i'd probably shoot myself, because statistically...well--I have dogs, so Boo to stalkers and creepy ness. :)

Anyways, i thinking I'm doing an adopt a friend for the night program any way. Just have random friends stay over with me, so that I don't freak out.
#3 stayed the other night, and 3yr boy keeps wanting to, so, *yeah,****i might not just quite stop ignoring his calls.
mean right? invite a boy over just so you can sleep better?
well I've heard of worse, and besides it's not like he minds. LOL
I kid! I swear. It crossed my mind, but--SIGH, all in all guys I'm just to good a girl.
I've decided to face reality once again.
I am reliving last summer all over again.
well sort of. except no psycho ex to claim and I'm financially, and emotionally secure, and I'm 3 pounds away from being the absolute lowest weight my doctor says is acceptable for my height, and hmmm.. okay so it's nothing like last summer.
with exception. SAME Men.
Yeah. I was all set. all ready to go all, like, hmmm 3YOB is like nice, and he like takes me out, and he spends the night and holds me, and yeah, well in the end. I'm just really not that into him.
Nice guy, awesome guy. I just, well I'm not into him. I kiss him and it's like going through the motions, and then worse,....
the next day. I wake up thinking about HIM, and If i shoukld tell HIM, and
well that  3YOB is just not HIM.
and you know to be honest at least when I hooked up with someone outside of HIM, (open/non-existant relationship that it isn't) I would have fun. but this permanent, lets go out, let me come over, blah blah blah, just isn't fun. so yeah. I know I'm bad, but hey. I'm learning.
I'm learning I don't have to say "Yes I'll stay with you because you want me."
It's progress, hell, isn't that what I learned last summer?

So...yeah the return of HIM.
*SIGH.
Relax folks it was temporary if at all, and to be honest I'm kicking myself for going against the mantra,  "Don't catcha feelin'"

Cuz, bottom line is, I'm like, 50 cent thinking,

Hate it or love it the under dog's on top
And I'm gon shine homie until my heart stop...

From the beginning to the end
Losers lose, winners win
This is real we aint gotta pretend
The cold world that we in
It's full of pressure and pain
Enough of me nigga now listen to Game.....

In summation, I'm ready to f-up the cool casual let me be your plan B, and I'll call you on a saturday when I'm too far gone to drive. aka, I'm gonna screw it up by asking what the relationship status is. awe!!!! yes, I'm doing it knowingly people but what can I say....
"Hate it or Love it." LOL. in my defence, he screwed it up before me, he wanted to "see what else life had to offer" or some bs like that.....
yup "the talk" should happen...sadness, the re-occurring shack is nice--even for us Ladies.

So if HE ever calls me, maybe I'll find out what out "relationship status" is, or "where this is all going"--
I guess the diff is that "the talk" is a well known tool girls use to kill the shack.

I'm not bored, I'm just past the games.

Honesty, there is a point to the song below. If you know me, you get the bolded words.

PS. LOL....Hey Mr. Someone, truly, you amaze me. That door is still always open. LOL--after all it is summer

So I had to put it in here....

Don't Cha


Baby
Ladies
Fellas
Are you ready?
Lets dance
Baby (ooooh)
I know you like me (I know you like me)
I know you do (I know you do)
Thats why whenever I come around
Shes all over you (she's all over you)
I know you want it (I know you want it)
Its easy to see (it's easy to see)
And in the back of your mind
I know you should be f***ing me (babe)
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me?
Don't cha
Don't cha
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was raw like me?
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was fun like me?
Don't cha
Don't cha
Fight the feeling (fight the feeling)
Leave it alone (leave it alone)
Cause if it aint love
It just aint enough to leave my happy home (my happy home)
Lets keep it friendly (lets keep it friendly)
You have to play fair (you have to play fair)
See I don't care
But I know She aint gonna wanna share
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me?(like me)
Don't cha (Don't cha baby)
Don't cha
Don't cha wish your girlfriend raw like me? (raw)
Don't cha wish your girlfriend fun like me (big fun)
Don't cha
Don't cha
I know Im on your mind
I know we'd have a good time
Im your friend
Im fun
And Im fine
I aint lying
Look at me shit
You aint blind (you aint blind)
I know Im on your mind
I know we'd have a good time
Im your friend
Im fun
And Im fine
I aint lying
Look at me shit
You aint blind
I know she loves you (I know she loves you)
So I understand (I understand)
I probably be just as crazy about you
If you where my own man
Maybe next lifetime (maybe next lifetime)
Possibly (possibly)
Until then no friend possibly
Is a drag for me
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me?
Don't cha
Don't cha
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was raw like me?
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was fun like me?
Don't cha
Don't cha

Waiting for the cops to come. Someone finally wanted my truck. but they took nothing and now a window needs replacing. boo

went to a wedding. it was so sweet. wish it meant something for me. but sadly it doesn't.
All and all great times this weekend. fun times too. but yeah. It's time to have "The talk."

For 3," No, Brad"

Boo. at fridays server is slow.

Those whom know me dearest know what i'm really going thru. for all those that do care, i know you'll ask, and for all those
Reading for the novela, no worries, a strong front will keep me in line and in the game. i still do me...i'll hold it down.
In other lives, Hate seems to be going round. ouch. as tupac said, "Ladies I know your fed up, but keep your head up."

As ms. v summarized: a lawyer, a black guy, a cute puerto rican, the white boy with the hat... is there anyone else that
Wanted you that i missed?
I tell her my 3YB is blowing up my phone. she laughs.
*Sigh* what a differance a night out makes.
My lambda world is being taken out from under me, and my BF while concerned enough to make sure i'm still alive, can't help:)
And more importantly doesnt care

Back in the days when i was young i'm not a kid anymore, but somedays i sit and wish i was a kid again.

Awe. thank you for the call prophet. i know my plan of keeping you in my life as a friend sucks, but i'd rather you be in it
as a friend then out as a boy. :-\
Speaking of which, night two alone is easier. hmmm. who would have thought i'd be counting days over Him.

In summary. As I told ms. v, if i didn't love HIM, I would have found someone better by now.
But, damn it all to hell, i caught a feeling, and like a cold it just seems to come back when It's going around.
Ugh! hey Sis, got any anti-Boys
pixie dust laying around? your Big could use some.
Speaking of. luv you honey. muaw. but boys. yeah. got a new one again. some kid. i'll kill it off like i've been. and why?
Because stupid any has me jacked in the head.
Dumb boy. It's summer. i have fun remember??? boo on Him. well i have a headache.
Sleep now. miss someone something bad. Perhaps i feel he got that it wasn't all so hard
Anyways. HE invited someone else as his "Guest" to an event that is meaningless to me outside of the fact that it meant
Something to Him. ugh. don't catch feelings!!!!

I HATE PARKING SEVICES

 HERES MY BITCH:

Dear Erin, <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p>

 

I apologize for exasperating this topic, and truly wish not to be difficult, however I feel validated in my point in contending that I am only entitled to a fifteen-dollar fine.

 <o:p></o:p>

To begin, I am in no way contending that in any way was I justified in parking in the space I was cited in. However as you noted, there are signs that indicated $100 fines and spots within that parking that lot that there are spaces that are not marked with such a sign. As you write, “some [signs] even have additional arrows pointing to either side of the sign to make it clear that the whole row is for patients, as it is difficult to paint stripes on that type of asphalt. “ <o:p></o:p>

 <o:p></o:p>

While it can be assumed that it is general knowledge that each of these parking spaces were “considered” citable for the $100 offense, obviously it was not; especially, as I specifically parked in a location without the $100 sign to avoid the offense. <o:p></o:p>

 <o:p></o:p>

Now, while this may be a nominal point to Parking and Services, it is a huge matter of importance when negotiating a $100 fine or a $15 fine. As I was exhausted the night before, and felt it unsafe to drive, I weighed my options of parking in the west side of the said lot, where signs indicated towing, or the east side of the lot, indicating fines. As the space I parked in was not marked with a $100 fine, I assumed it was a general UNM lot. I knew should I not wake up in time, I faced the possibility of a “warning” or a $15 dollar fine. Obviously, I had never been cited in that lot before, as I expected a “warning” but when I discovered a $100 fine, I was understandably distraught. <o:p></o:p>

I immediately called the Parking and Services appeals office, in which I left two messages, and when no response was given I moved my car. <o:p></o:p>

 <o:p></o:p>

The purpose behind my inflexibility on this matter is one of logic to me. Throughout the University, there are numerous signs that indicate the penalties one may receive for parking in a reserved spot. However, as I’m sure you are aware, the penalties all differ. In the same lot, you can have “Reserved Parking” –monitored only from 7-8pm M-F or “Reserved Parking” –monitored and enforced 24/7, you may have “Patient Parking,” that is only enforced during business hours,  right next to Metered Parking or “Letter lot” parking.  As a University Student, I depend on those signs to indicate to me whether or not my car will be cited or towed should I have to park there. <o:p></o:p>

 <o:p></o:p>

Similarly, if I had parked in a “lettered lot” parking space directly across from a “Reserved” Parking Space, I would feel justified in believing that my car would not be towed, and/or cited the $100 fee, the sign indicates, for the exact same reason. The space I would have chosen to park gives no indication that I would be liable for the $100 fine.  <o:p></o:p>

Again, should I not be displaying a permit, again, I would understand that I would be liable for the $15 fine. <o:p></o:p>

 <o:p></o:p>

I understand, that a complaint was given and that regardless of how many free spaces were present, I was not a patient for CRS and am citable. Again, I will not contend that I was wrong. My contention is that the signage deemed “sufficient” is unclear; and, had it been clearer, perhaps, I would have walked an extra two blocks to be parked at the metered parking by Z--- and have my metered parking expire, and be liable for the same $15 dollar fine I had prepared myself for. Again, I stayed till 1:30 am studying for a final at this University, I was under an enormous amount of stress, and was extremely tired and felt unsafe to drive. I had every intention of moving my vehicle to not be cited at all, however that was not the case. As when I called appeals immediately-- the very moment I realized my error was out of incomprehension-- I am asking for understanding and leniency. <o:p></o:p>

 <o:p></o:p>

Please let me know if there is anything I may do to appeal this further.<o:p></o:p>

 <o:p></o:p>

Respectfully,<o:p></o:p>

 

THE ROYAL BITCH

 <o:p></o:p> 

 

"I've got a broken heart for every light bulb in Vegas, when one goes out, I screw another one in. Hello. Goodbye." Tu Won Foo
Late night with the potentials. but all worth it :) My Brothers came over tonight just to visit
Miss Him but over it

Rest your sleepy head. I won't ask you to leave.
~~ i'm online. and every once and a while i see you. but It's been so long and you're always away.
A friend tells me he's fallen; that he'd give everything up to be with some girl. i tease him at first. but then give in...
I tell him something perhaps i've been afraid to admit,
the "Game's" only winners are those Players who get out in pairs.
I fell asleep the other night at His house. Got a 100 Dollar ticket for it to. i got nothing but time it seems...
my summer has officially begun.
I wonder how different this summer will be from last.

THE TIME IS NOW...7:01

STICK A FORK IN ME--I'M DONE!

Call me, stop by, whatever, it's all good :)

My little sister just rocked my world. She called and says, "HAPPY MOTHERS DAY! After all, you always were like my Mom."
Still typing. still working. Pray for passing grades for me guys! PS. You men in my life have been amazing! Thanks for the
Midnight calls, the rides to and from Zim, listening when I needed an ear, and the joys you just bring to my little universe.
I love you all so much. Your love to me doesn't go unnoticed.

Want to...lol... well, sleep. She asked for 20 pages, i gave her 27. lets hope for the best :)
Thank you to the men in my life who have checked in on me
I know you all have your lives, which makes me feel so loved that you would make the time.
til manana. besitos. i miss you all!!!

Hey Sis! Now It's 230 in the morning
2 Days later :) it was nice

I hate how He does that!!!! how does He get my forgiveness back so quickly???
Ugh. i'm a bitch. 3B is coming by. why? cause i didn't tell him not to
Just once, i'd like to hear someone jealous. just once i want a guy to say. it drives me nuts to hear you talk about anyone
Other than me. don't see Him. Don't go. anything.
But till i'm told otherwise...let it ride, and just go with it :-)

boo on HIM

Ever think that you're sharing something to get like a simple affirmation,
like,
Hmmm my butt looks big in this....
and a simple, yeah girl go change would suffice..... but instead you get a bitch that says, girl you've gained weight, or something to the affect?

Well the above didn't happen, but i think it might have been far more confortable than what just did.
I mean I was sharing the fact that some boy approached me, and somehow,
YES-I CAUGHT A FEELING--
when I was pretty much told by HIM,
he responds"Go get him"
I mean c'mon???
I know you don't get it, I know you don't but,  let me spell it out....
YOU DON'T TELL THE GIRL THAT  YOU HOOK UP TO GO HOOK UP WITH SOMEONE ELSE!!!!
in summary: CAUGHT A FEELING--it hurt... that's why you DONT CATCH FEELINGS!!!!

HAHA...and to make matters funnier, J just as were getting off the phone, the boy thats was hollar'ing at me heard me talking to you!!! Ha ha. oh well he was short, and besides, don't I have enough?

Also, taking a poll, that boy that wears a "red tie"; the one I told you I was talking to, should I let him read these entries? give me your input.

Anyways, if J's girl is reading this, Besitos Ma. Thanks for lending me your boys ear and time this evening. Enjoy midnight breakfast.

Lastly, I have not forgotten about you Prophet. Boo on you for not being here till September. Bring me back coinage.

ALSO--CAN I GET ONE, JUST ONE BOY TO buy me a hoodie. I feel so unloved, and Yes, I still refuse to buy one, because now its a point, I want someone to love me enough to buy me one.....hur-rumph.

Still in finals. wish me luck, pray for me, light a candle, use some sage, write a comment.
Mua!

So stressed, I made myself sick. *Fake cough, fake cough.
So I took the day off of work to complete projects. working on one now, and yeah. this is why you get the whole semester I'm
Anyways. i'm at home or i'll be at campus. my life is on delay til next tuesday. but i'm almost done. i feel it.
Thank you C, for the escape and helping me get through this weekend. You always do come through.
Boo. he never reads this anyway. but appreciation should always be given right?
Except after you just hook up with someone. 3 and I have decided It's just rude for a guy to say "Thank you" after hooking up
with you. I mean c'mon. while the notion is nice, "Thank you" aren't exactly the words we want to hear.
It somehow implies a service was provided. i don't know. It's just overall tacky.
Say it was fun. Say it was great. Say the truth is I'm not gonna call because I have a girlfriend, but don't cheapen the
moment before with a "Thank you." If you're going that route, might as well ask for the bill.
Oh. and trust me guys, you can't afford it.
Hopefully 3, I summarized correctly. :)
Anyways back to why i took off of work.

Forward from el dentista

Okay take the five seconds, it's crude, I apologize I don't have a higher sense of humor or that I still find things like this funny...but well, ya'll make up your own mind...

http://www.craigslist.org/pen/rnr/70914143.html 

20 minutes till a phone call from my marine. i'm freaking out. paper. catching a feelin. lambda-ness. i just need to finish!
K. here i go. wish me luck.

Okay there's this long entry... coming... maybe. my housemates on the comp, so... we'll all wait. in the meantime...
Hi Cali Boy :) Shout out as promised. Otherwise, went to bed at 4. got up at 7. Meetings are done. It's nap time. :) besitos

She be big pimp'n...teaching P's