Went out with J, am missing my cousins in their nights out. I'm assuming strip bars and apparently i'm too much of a girl to
be in their company lately...oh well. i guess.
I go back on Friday. to what and whom i'm still unsure.
I'm hoping to a man that realizes he loves me. I'm hoping to Him.
A year and a half we've played this game, and 3 days seem an eternity.
I've completed reading the Tao of Pooh. enlightening to say the least. Moral of the story- accept what is and learn to be
I've got the kiss goodbye down...but I'm thinking an MP3 player would prob be easier
(Despite her looking very "Santa Fe.")
I woke up business oriented with tasks on mind. In addition to that, I woke up very much in love. 7 more days til Christmas,
Which is funny, because I woke up very much alone.
Maybe its the space alone that let my heart rest and miss not just a warm 98 degrees, but a man of permanance.
I realize my heart and emotions are vulnerable by asking the universe for a boyfriend this season, but perhaps Santa will
deliver. I have been...well, better??? Lol......No one wants to be alone when its cold.
...i'll work and work and not be recognized but i'm okay with that. it is as it is. hmmm. cool.
still not any one's girlfriend. hmmm. how long will i have my freedom?
Oh...1 Day left till the Dentist returns. um. yeah. crazy.
This just in. pledge off limits
He has been corrupted. and for once. i swear it wasn't me :)
my favorite procrastination...
So...it's finals time...
I got a 25 pager due tomorrow... and for once..you guessed it...I'm Zen.
But. lets talk un Zen, cause thats where the fun is...
Un-Zen...the Sorority, I should be doing more but I'm trying to be a professional, a grad student, and take care of my real Sisters, so...I'll let it be....take it in, let it go....Zen
Un-Zen...lol, um, not much more, I mean, i could give you the guy breakdown, not like any one cares...
Apparently I'm well hated at my ex's fraternity house...wow, an award. I feel special. LOL...to be honest I didn't even think anyone noticed me. So kudos.
The ex--yeah, I'm trying to let go softly. for his sake...i mean, life is about fun...we can't seem to have that. oh well... take it in, let it go...
Speaking of houses...the pledge...always fun, always elusive. One of these days he might learn his entrigue only reaches my curiosity...to push the limitys is to know no boundaries...
My Marine in WY...he is getting Christmas in a Box...as I told him...he better marry me for all the -ish I give him.
My philisophical marine in AK--he's also getting a box...yeah...that one...lol. "It's not about love...It's about the ring...."
sigh, who else....um, i've been talking to a co-worker...playful jest, it'll all go away by Christmas...
oh....THE DENTIST....yay, he'll be here this weekend...all the way from CALI!!!!
Yay, alone and single this time...I'm very excited to catch up...I will be freeing my weekend up I'm sure....
hmmmm...oh Playa Playa, will be coming end of the month, also from Cali...I'm sure he'll be having me bring him breakfast in bed for many days as retribution of my untouched food... last visit in LA :(
who and what else...oh, the "dad" left on good terms as usual. I'm sure he'll resurface given a few years time....take in, let out, give to the universe...Zen
non-resurfacing is Mr. Someone...shocking almost, but perhaps most easily explained as...
"No one wants to be alone during the holidays"
Oh...Secret Santa at work,...rocks my world...shopping for this season...like therapy...I shouldn't be all commercialist...but i love giving and receiving gifts....maybe its the girl in me...
last but not least...HIM....yeah yeah yeah... leave me alone. I screwed up and point blank asked him for the relationship...point blank...
"I want a boyfriend"....
HE is not amused...He feels "pressured" and that I'm "demanding a title" etc etc...
Funny thing is...I find it hilarious!!! I guess thats whats cool about being Zen...its like...what-evering life...I'm like, yeah "This Christmas I want a boyfriend"---
LOL, along with "something small and shiny"...
HE truly is not amused...I think I'm getting $30 worth of coal if I keep it up :-)
Oh well, this finals season,...
Finals, are like, yeah...I can do this...
With boys, I'm like....yeah, you can take me out...
with Work it's..., yeah, I do a good job.
With The Sorority, its...I'll get to that...
Zen baby...Zen...
Oh and on the wall...a new set of autographs to recap my acoustic christmas...
Life is good...and I got a handle on it :)
so...back to the paper :-)
a satisfactory smile comes when I think that boys risk so much for one night with little old me
Tickets in hand. I'll be at the acoustic christmas. Will you?
**********
dun...dun...dun....the drama returns....LOL. or so it seems....
In this weeks episode, Our aspring Zen Master takes on "surrogate" motherhood---
aka, she's gonna baby sit 'the daughter.' Hmmmm.
Deep Insight
The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.
We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom. We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.
We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more
copies than ever, but we communicate less and less. These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes.
These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete.
Remember, spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.
Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.
Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.
Remember, to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.
Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there any more.
Give time to love, give time to speak, and give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.
AND ALWAYS REMEMBER: Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
George Carlin
After watching JARHEAD, I wonder how good I'll look in a USMC shirt. Ha ha.
So...I talk big...but, I'm trying J.
I erased numbers. I did...
Burning Question: How does one damn song make me miss someone so much?
Restless tonight
Cause I wasted the light
Between both these times
I drew a really thin line
It's nothing I planned
And not that I can
But you should be mine
Across that line
If I traded it all
If I gave it all away for one thing
Just for one thing
If I sorted it out
If I knew all about this one thing
Wouldn't that be something?
Life tempts us with that which we can only have for a moment.
Oh well. Zen, baby, Zen...
"One of these days someone is going to come into your life and make you realize why it didn't work with any one else."
Brrr...Cold. So cold.
Okay. So given the "guy thing" as usual, I'm over analyzing...
So, instead I'm gonna go to bed. Yes, bed.
Not thinking of the concert I've missed. Just gonna let it go. Zen Master.
Lol. I wonder what my Philosophical Marine must think of my Zen attitude???
Lol. At least he has the background. "Zen Master" is a reference from my book, Autograph Man, in case some of ya'll missed it. --> I'm not taking up Kabalah or anything...(Now, any intelligent person should get that)
Moving on...Sarah's on the radio. How serendipitous.
I really need to stop talking to men with girlfriends, wives, kids, etc... I want what I can't have. Tragic flaw. Is there a name for that? Like signalic complex?
I should call my other Marine. He said 10.
Awe. movie reflection: JARHEAD....um, having a girl who just broke up with a guy overseas...yeah. maybe not the best idea. In short, it made me call up my Marine, re-affirm not all women are bitches, and told him I would always be there.
I'm hungry. Mom hasn't cooked. Boo...
So.....yeah. After the movie, J "called me out."
I'm not okay... and thats okay...
but it seems I only miss him every 3 days or so. Other days. I'm good. Today looks to be good. But today, he comes off the cell phone. along with a dozen others...
The Criteria...
"He's just not that into me" = delete.
Amazing when all things seem right. Wake up late. French toast is being made. C, J, and my Ksig are all in good spirits with
me; meaning, J will take me out tonight. Ksig's not mad for my foul behavior last visit, and C...well, we can all admit I'd be
lost without him...C who never reads this... may I confess, as I did to him Last night, without him, I prob couldn't go back.
I mean, can I survive without him, undoubtedly. would i want to...eh, not so much. C is a constant. boys come and go. sorority
brings its challenges. but C remains. School starts and ends. C is still there. truly. when he's mad. and I've caused it. lol.
yeah. I'd rather be naked at school then deal with the guilt he can create...
Oh well, he's happy now. and that makes me happy. the 48 hour time limit has expired on my friend from the past...shame.
I liked him. but as the book says. If he likes you, he'll call.
J will be picking me up tomorrow.
Watching music choice. alex's came. why don't you and I plays in background.
I've always loved that song. always nails an emotion. why don't you and I get together, take on the world, then straight on to
One. i'm native. this damn holiday can have really bad implications for me. interna ish.
2 I'm a child of divorce. every holiday is the big "Who do you love more" war waged between imaginary foes that could never
win, even if they did keep score.
Presently. i'm calm. missing family or rather loved ones of new mexico...i love being with my siblings, but like split parents
, theses never anything toad done about the lack of time and inadequacy i feel towards my responsibilities of being a big sist
presently i'm tired. i'm confused as to which men in my life want me in their life and to what capacity, but i'm trying to
Give till sunday evening so, that I may fung-shai my room.
After that. we'll try the clean lines drawn in the ever sifting quick sand of our worlds
I miss the illusion of closeness. intimacy, clarity, simplicity.
all currents are great at the illusion. but i want the real deal and am ready to lose for it.
Yeah the big parade manana. j if you're reading, come buy your girl a hot chocolate...
So. i'm listening to DMB...you're like my best friend...I was dreamin'...DREAM GIRL...
must be thankful for the time we have with our loved ones. even if it is for just a short while...
Later, the same girl is crying...her friends wont play with her. I tell her,"You know, even though It's nice to have friends
to always remind you, you're still a beautiful, smart, and awesome girl without them."
So...I bought a full length mirror today...maybe I'll start looking into it as these pearls of wisdom so easily hush the
tears of a 6 year old.
Yes. the full length mirror. in celebration of my new single-ness. along with sexy curtains...some frames for my musical taste
...speaking of which I want a good black and white JM photo/cover to print for this framing project.
If not i'll have to go with Maroon 5 or AAR...good choices but...its all about finding the right images...
Fung Shui, baby, Fung Shui.
In related news...the blast from my past remains ever intriguing, child and all...
Critics may boo all they want but I love kids and I'm beyond thinking that at this point, life hasn't happened TO most of us.
Last entry on that. Long story short, he's got a girl in his life, and she's priority...i'm gonna respect their privacy.
you that I existed.
So...when you are ready to get rid of the losers you're with, i'll be here."
Agh. i am so high school! why do i let guys woo me so easily?
Things I've learned so far: My Sisters love me enough to wait 3 hours in traffic to see me, and I love my Sisters enough, not
to take their men, and freely share the company of my own.
I've learned no matter where you are, if you need to throw up, you will...Rodeo drive be damned.
I've learned I have many friends who will pick me up and take me to the airport.
I've learned...ooh. this one is a Ksig zen moment...even though you don't want a relationship, even though it will only be sex
...you should still never settle, and always keep high standards...best Ksig quote ever: "everyone you associate with is a
Reflection upon you and your taste." Long story short-Fuck buddies included. hmmm. the wisdom.
Given such a pearl of wisdom, I am now re-evaluating some choices...Another old boyfriend has begun calling me, and the
memories seem to be enticing both of us...but again, I find myself evaluating..just because you can...doesn't mean you should.
Zen. baby. Zen. but part of some zen is giving into pleasure...hmmm can't say I have it figured out..
Sleep is pulling me back to the warmth of my bed, and that empty space where another 98 degrees may easily lay.
Everything from c to religion. she missed her flight this morning. my kappa sig should pick me up today, but we'll see. if any
thing i have many standing offers from Sorors and Interest to chill with them :) If tonight goes well, maybe a brother will be
chivalrous and ensure my safe arrival to the airport manana.
I'm still missing C's formal, which makes me sad, but he hasn't called so I'm sure he's found some bottle blonde to adorn his
arm. ...I don't miss anything or anyone though. nice feeling actually. I wonder if anyone misses me?
A Kappa Sig alum. Always the gentlemen, he has opened his house to me for my last Friday night and Sat morning in the City of
Angels. An offer, especially now that I'm Very single, may take up. Eh. We'll see.
Travelin' Light
Atmosphere
[Flight Announcement]
"Flight 101, Super Jet service for Pittsburgh and Los Angeles
will depart from Gate 12. Passengers may proceed into the
gate area for checking..." [faded out echoing]
[Slug]
(Oh yeah) Los Angeles, hot and bothered
Helicopters watch their daughters play parking lot soccer
A whole lot of love from the target's hide
Got a soul looking for a magic carpet ride
Environment, perfect for a hustle
Many people are distracted by the puzzle
And while they're not lookin', the angel got tooken
Welcome to the gray space between fingerprinting and booking
Do your best 'cause the lesson is love
It's enough to keep your head up, another day to get up
Wake up, and let the sun shine through the smog
Free the dialogue 'til everyone believes in God
L.A., to some it's hell, to some it's play
Pay the cover charge and watch what you say
The Barbie doll's caught, body parts come off
And I think she's a he...STOP, look at how it walks
They got the weirdoes, the talent, the beautiful
An arm and a leg for a one-story cubicle
And if the heat don't beat you, the pigs will
Everyone's relaxed, but no one can sit still
Los Angeles... I love it, I love it...
(Lips Glisten... believe 'em.)
"Ooh California highway... California my way."
This has nothing to do with i want/need a man bs. i'm content being single- thank you very much. i like fun and freedom. BUT-
How is it that most guys just don't get it. ug. and i don't mean me. i mean life. i'm easy to get. girl. sorority. grad studen
me in a nutshell. add sexually open and politically aware, and there ya go...But how do guys who say they want to know me...
Get denser each moment i'm around them? i mean. i know smart guys. they should comprehend little things like social injustice.
I'm not asking that they can quote malcom x. hell i'm not even asking that they like malcom x. but please for the love of god
Tell me you heard about him somewhere. anywhere. geesh
You know what-This is sexist-I'd go lesbian if i thought i'd avoid stupid females. but they are just as bad. maybe It's true..
Maybe i'm destined to be with a socio-politically consious male who still believes in chivalry. *Sigh. i just thought there
Was more of a pool to draw from.
Ug. double ug. but i'd rather be alone than with poor company. Boooooo.
everything changes, but it's all the same
Not emo. not emo at all :)
Actually amazed. smiling. and just not sad, mad, etc.
I dare say happy ?
Now...lets do some math. 3 people live in this house, we all only own 1 vehicle. I just moved the car so someone could leave;
So question is, whose red car is that? and will i meet them in the morning? hmmm in related news my favorite pledge was so
Sweet. he was totally prepared to catch grief just to make sure i got home,
Mr. Boots....
"To change one's life: 1. Start immediately. 2. Do it flamboyantly. 3. No exceptions."
William James
well not really. but Autograph man. i should get paid to promote it.
Other news. the pledge i've come to adore has become very single. therefore, i shall avoid him at all cost, and text and write
Might as well be in another city. boys House has become off limits to me again i think...
Actually thats not true i get many standing offers, however those with nobility gracefully bow out.
a better day, knowing he's safe...He doesn't know it yet, but my sorority sisters will be sending him Christmas in a box.
Leave it to women, when their men are away, we'll do anything to make sure they feel like we're right there.
Because you know, nothing says i love you like chapstick and AA batteries for your whole unit :)
I'm silly i know. boooo on me. no one wants to hear about him. i read other peoples blog's who do that-Talk about their sig.
other- makes for bleh reading. SPEAKING OF WHICH. hee hee. i read some entries. intriguing to get a window into others lives.
I try not to read to often, its like dramatic television, before you know you're addicted and your life passes you by while
too busy looking into somebody elses
Speaking of... i made myself participate in yet another sleep over. very odd. this socialization with girls. i still prefer
the company of guys, but at present, they are all trying to get a girl, have a girl, have a wife, or want more than friendship
The latter being completely okay, except without doubt, its always the guys i want friendship with that want more, and the
Guys i end up wanting, that want only friendship.
Me. i say go figure. my housemate, ms.v, says its bad karma at this point anyway to get involved with anyone else.
Whole heartedly, i can admit i'm weak. distance does not make the heart grow fonder, it creates doubt. and questions, and
Choices... me personally. i'm weak. i enjoy having fun and instant gratification. fortunately all my wants are untouchable.
Which is prob psycho analytical. creating wants outside your reach, therefore making it impossible to fail despite your
temptations. creating that fail safe envioromnent. eg. wanting to break your diet but not having chocolate at the house, or
wanting someones boyfriend but knowing its too unlikely and therefore its easier to flirt with him, then say the single guy at
the bar. both are okay, as long as they stop before feelings get involved...but like i said, i know i'm weak.
So glad i never gave that guy my number in the end.
Anywho, C has a cold that i might be getting. which is weird cuz i haven't so much as seen him for 2 weeks.
My chapter might die but sisters across the nation "Get it" and thats enough for me.
Selfish aside, autograph man is still fabulous although i didn't read and only got to chapter 2 last night.
Hee hee. okay now really selfish...i've started telling sorrors about mr.boots. While not incredibly Wow, its huge for me.
I mean huge. by telling girls i'm committee to this one guy. thats it. thats so it. i'm marked the loyal girl waiting and
I'll be expected to play the role. now fortunately, they're hundreds of miles away, and like mr.boots, subject to my
Interpretation of loyalty, commitment and fidelity. Now don't judge. subconsgously we all know everyone plays the game.
Some just better than other. some just more upfront. me personally. i dont put myself in a comprimising position of commitment
Thereby eliminating guilt, most judgement, and my sense of wasting time...
Overall though. i can rationalize. and thats key.
I can't comprehend falling, but i sure know how to justify catching myself.
I find myself caught between to worker. that which is and that which could be. like my pledging days once enlightened me to do
I know i must be prepared for sacrifice. i must give up comfort and work for what i already know could be mine: figurative or
not. i miss my soldier, but know he's not mine to miss. i also realize, he is only a question away from being mine. or not.
Its all really simple. Do you want me to wait? Do you want this to be real...the real trouble lies in accepting his answer.
He couldn't be with me and I understood. I dreampt and I woke up shaken. talk about a nightmare for Halloween
In summary, i ran into a lot of fraternity men. some beyond friendly, but all gentlemen. :)
i write my soldier this evening with silly complaints, but i feel better just telling him....
Hee hee, me and ms.v have the joke that after a day of his return, i'll be married. :)
One day maybe i'll fill him in. :-) or not. i'm such a commit a phobe
Hmmm. bad habits die slowly. i always want what i cant/shouldn't have.
La la la. we will have to see how this evening goes over
I miss my baby though. 7lbs 7oz of candy going his way. hopefully he'll appreciate.
life...I really need out of this city. I want law school bad, but am doing little to get there. I keep envisioning someone
will just rescue me from this mundane town of clones, but as usual, i need to rescue my self. i'll be tired this evening.
j. call me. i miss you. tell your girl i say hi. :)
Boo. escapism is so tempting...i mean given fight or flight...it just sucks when you have to fight to run away.
honestly though...I just miss my soldier...life seems dull without him, but It's oh so occupied.
Meaning, ofcourse, that I have one. :)
A true angel. Liberal, democrat, young, cute, and interested in someone else...so naturally we TM everyday.
Anywho, my friends seem to be a select few, especially with my time being literally gone after this thursday. so...
I'm deciding to keep this friendship as long as he'll allow. Sadly, i know myself, and know my weakness to get what I want,
But as I have just boxed like 15 lbs of candy to be shipped to IRAQ, I think I can resist.
I just need to be committed already. No ring, no wedding, no nothing. just the commitment that says, "No baby I won't Fuck
around, as long as you don't." :)
Sigh. I miss him like i miss air, people! Fucking torture. And leave it to me to want the impossible relationship. lol. what
else is new? Truth me the matter is, i figured it out. I love unavailable guys, because ultimately i'm unavailable. i've got
School, the sorority, future plans, and my love of being free. I mean, commitment doesn't fit too well. lol. trust me. i've
Him and the ex that i couldn't do it...which begs the question, why Mr.Boots?
if we go with the above reasoning, it i because he is unavailable until 2007, army and what not. But...then why do I want
The committment? i've outright said i would marry this boy, but that was a lie i know nothing about him! so why do i still
Contemplate it? toy with the idea? ask ms. v to be my maid of honor? perhaps because i'm bored? perhaps because its fun?
Perhaps because it keep everyone on their toes, including me as to what my real desires are...hmmm.
Survey
Name:
Birthday:
Birthplace:
Current Location:
Location of Choice:
Eye Color:
Hair Color:
Height:
Right Handed or Left Handed:
Your Heritage:
The Shoes You Wore Today:
Your Weakness:
Your Fears:
Your Perfect Pizza:
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:
Thoughts First Waking Up:
Your Best Physical Feature:
Your Bedtime:
Your Most Missed Memory:
Pepsi or Coke:
MacDonalds or Burger King:
Single or Group Dates:
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:
Chocolate or Vanilla:
Cappuccino or Coffee:
Do you Smoke:
Do you Swear:
Do you Sing:
Do you Shower Daily:
Have you Been in Love:
Do you want to go to College:
Do you want to get Married:
Do you belive in yourself:
Do you get Motion Sickness:
Do you think you are Attractive:
Are you a Health Freak:
Do you get along with your Parents:
Do you like Thunderstorms:
Do you play an Instrument:
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:
In the past month have you Smoked:
In the past month have you been on Drugs:
In the past month have you gone on a Date:
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:
In the past month have you been on Stage:
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:
Ever been Drunk:
Ever been called a Tease:
Ever been Beaten up:
Ever Shoplifted:
How do you want to Die:
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:
What country would you most like to Visit:
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color:
Favourite Hair Color:
Short or Long Hair:
Height:
Weight:
Best Clothing Style:
Number of Drugs I have taken:
Number of CDs I own:
Number of Piercings:
Number of Tattoos:
Number of things in my Past I Regret:
History. and all because of you've guessed it MR. BOOTS. It's true. I can't help it. As C stated, he's like heroine for me.
One call from him, and I'm high. God I miss him. so much that i am debating on giving up all my freedoms just to have peace
of mind, and know that when he comes home, he'll be coming home to me. I've said it before, loving him is like breathing air.
It seems like its all i've ever known.
Well first graders need me, so i should begin. Everyone, i'm ok now. please know you can call. love me
And you know? i am
I love trouble. i like the challenge. the chase. the taboo.
Needless to say, i'm all grown up and stay out of it when i see it, but wow
I swear it looks for me
the ex has banned me yet again from the house...
I'm sad about that most of all. i love those guys. but the price you pay for freedom.
Speaking of which i'm on day 11Without email or a call. :-(
I know its dumb to hold onto dreams of a guy you barely met, but if you knew, you'd understand
Long overdue.
Dear Universe,
As some of you may know, I am a national director for my sorority. Beleive it or not this is news to others....LOL. Somehow I have always managed to not let one aspect of my life jepordize the other...or so I used to believe.
Anywhoo. I've been busy with that.
Also, I'm in first grade all over again...Educational Assistant,..not really a teacher, but you could never gues....
On tuesdays I'm a grad student.
Usually Friday through Sunday I make it known that I'm a pretty fun gal.
I travel frequently which makes encounters with the male kind always exciting, temporary, and perhaps the saddest fleeting....
I bring the last point up, as I had errased some boys number from my phone, as I've decided it confused me too much every time I tried to text another boy---IMAGINE that.
Too many boys with similiar names. BUT heres the kicker....of all the boys of all the encounters, my time, my thoughts, and usually my week go to the following:
The ex, Mr. Someone, and HIM..... hmmm that order for a reason????
Same storyline....I know ya'll think I get hella play outside the Enchanted Land....and no doubt, I sometimes accidentally do. But it all comes back to....well them.
Tragic perhaps, but I believe it has to do with confort, excitement, and the taboo all wrapped into one.
I know I shouldn't be with any of them. Yes. I know this. they know this. WE ALL know this.
But, Getting fed, living out the fantasy, and fall backs are nice....
(hmmm, the order really isn't intentional, but perhaps there is a subconsious undertone...)
NE-whoo. lawschool is going no where fast and I only have myself to blame. no applications are in and why is beyond me.
Perhaps, T was right, I really am chicken shit....hmmm. or I have no time.
I vote the latter.
Now, since we all know the above three seem to be fictures in my life,
one by my grace, two by his grace , and three by pure dumb luck,
let us proceed to the not so permanent but always fun....
MR. BOOTS.
Awe yes people, I'm still maddly on cloud nine over this fool. Completely and absolutely to the point that everyone at "The Fraternity" knows him by name.
I mean, I figure, People already have their preconceived notions as to what kind of girl I am, what I do on my weekends, and where I spend my nights, the truth is but a minor detail....
Therefore, Why hide that I'm infactuated with a man across the seas?
If they think I'm available, that hasn't changed. if they think I'm off linmits, that too won't be upset. Ultimately, if anyone thinks I'm a hoe, I still am, and if they didn't well they're not assholes, and I'm still not, and everything across the spectrum.
So...I sent MR. Boots a letter. A BIG letter. it was cute. I hope he gets it....
I'm considering posting the letters I send to him...just so I can have a record. Besides, those letters have the every other updates that I've been failing to write on this log....
hmmm. send a comment, let me know what you think.
anyway....laundry awaits. and when you've updated you've updated, right?
so in summation, same ol same ol. but i'm learning each day :)
quick aside from first grade
So here it is down and dirty...
I woke up panicked....I realized, I've been here before....stuck in a dead end with no where to go...the only differance, is I can leave this time...and I did.
No guilt, no remorse, no commitment.
Its like a weight is off my shoulders..........
But why the turn about?
Well its simple, cognitive dissonance.
Cognitive dissonance. When your actions don't reflect your desires and thoughts....
So heres the match up.
I don't want the ex. never did.
I still want someone else...and just knowing that is enough.
We all deserve someone like this?
Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who
calls you back when you hang up on him, who will stay
awake just to watch you sleep.
Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead, who wants
to show you off to the world when you are in your
sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends
Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of
how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to
have you. Wait for the one who turns to his friends
and says, "...that's her."
Inner Peace (a forward)
So I looked around my house to see things I started and hadn't finished; and, before leaving the house this morning I finished off a large bottle of Dr Pepper, a package of Oreo's, the rest of the Cheesecake, with a pot of coffee, some Saltines and a box of Godiva Chocolates.
You have no idea how good I feel.
Please pass this on to those you feel are in need of inner peace
checking in...
Doing big things with Hurricane Katrina, if you're not involced now, please respond...the world is only so big, and you can only turn away for so long.
www.lambdalady.org/hurricaneKatrina.htm
As for me. Graduate Studies keep me occupied.
My life is as follows....
My heart belongs to a man overseas, and alas he has no way of staying updated so perhaps the following should not disturb him as much....
my time is divided by two other men,
C-ofcourse, needing no further explanation if you know me, and
My Ex: who i suppose now has become my friend...
C has duly informed me he feels replaced by my ex, and I must agree to some extent he has....especially as I find myself typing from my ex's bedroon at 7:34 in the am.
Its quite odd. Coming back to familiar novelty. Rest assured, J-and others, he's aware of the above devotions....
As usual, Mr. Someone could waltz into my life, and perhaps I'd be typing from right down the hall. ....was that an invitation, I'm not sure....
The reality is, I am finally "free" to do as I please, without remorse, and this time around, I have chosen not to feel bad for loving, or living.
The man of the Hour is in Iraq now. God has been nice and has granted him phone privalledges, so 1 am phone calls keep me awake.
He too is aware of my life and its many dirrectional pulls. He laughs at knowing I turn every boy away simply for his phone calls.
The future is clear though....In June of 2006, I leave. With or without memories.
The memories I have are fond, and the ones I plan on creating,....
well, I hope you remain a part of.
J, all my love for being put on the burner for a "phone call"
Philosopher Marine, --My phone is free this evening after 7pm MST
Mr. Someone....You have a standing invitation....I know its been memories, but I hold on to them. And by the way, I haven't forgotten, Happy Birthday, even if no gifts are exchanged.
All others, make time for me, and i will make time for you.
and this is why i listen to rap...
Friday, September 2, 2005 Updated at 10:30 PM EDT
New York — It began, fittingly enough, with jazz from New Orleans natives Harry Connick Jr. and Wynton Marsalis.
But "A Concert for Hurricane Relief," a heartfelt and dignified benefit aired on NBC and other networks Friday night, took an unexpected turn thanks to the outspoken rapper Kanye West. Appearing two-thirds through the program, he claimed "George Bush doesn't care about black people" and said America is set up "to help the poor, the black people, the less well-off as slow as possible."
The show, simulcast from New York on NBC, MSNBC, CNBC and Pax, was aired live to the East Coast, enabling the Grammy-winning rapper's outburst to go out uncensored.
There was a several-second tape delay, but the person in charge "was instructed to listen for a curse word, and didn't realize (West) had gone off-script," said NBC spokeswoman Rebecca Marks.
Immediately after the airing was over, Marks said it was undetermined how much, if any, of the tirade would be included in the taped West Coast feed three hours later.
The host was NBC News' Matt Lauer, who invited viewers to contribute to the American Red Cross Disaster Relief Fund by phone or on the Web. Some 18 presenters performed musical numbers or gave information on the tragedy's huge scope.
Louisiana native Tim McGraw teared up as he told Lauer, "I know the citizens that weren't affected by this directly are gonna stand up and do good things for people." He sang two songs, then became the first of the evening's stars to sign a Gibson Les Paul Special guitar to be auditioned online.
Faith Hill, a Mississippi native, sang "There Will Come a Time," with the inspiring lyrics, "The darkness will be gone, the weak shall be strong. Hold on to your faith."
New Orleans son Aaron Neville performed Randy Newman's soulful "Louisiana 1927" with the memorable chorus, "they're trying to wash us away, they're trying to wash us away."
New York governor George Pataki presented the Red Cross with a check for $2.5-million (U.S.) and promised, "This great state will do far more."
"Interms of property damage," said actress Hilary Swank, "the estimate is at least $26-billion in insured losses and perhaps twice that in uninsured losses over a 90,000-square-mile area — approximately the size of Kansas."
Other speakers included Lindsay Lohan, Eric LaSalle, Glenn Close, Richard Gere, John Goodman and Leonardo DiCaprio.
Comedian Mike Myers was paired with West for a 90-second segment that began with Myers speaking of Katrina's devastation. Then, to Myers' evident surprise, West began a rant by saying, "I hate the way they portray us in the media. If you see a black family, it says they're looting. See a white family, it says they're looking for food."
While allowing that "the Red Cross is doing everything they can," West — who delivered an emotional outburst at the American Music Awards after he was snubbed for an award — declared that government authorities are intentionally dragging their feet on aid to the Gulf Coast. Without getting specific, he added, "They've given them permission to go down and shoot us."
After he stated, "George Bush doesn't care about black people. Please call —" the camera cut away to comedian Chris Tucker.
Concluding the hour a few minutes later, Lauer noted that "emotions in this country right now are running very high. Sometimes that emotion is translated into inspiration, sometimes into criticism. We've heard some of that tonight. But it's still part of the American way of life."
Then the entire ensemble performed "When the Saints Go Marching In."
In a statement, NBC said, "Kanye West departed from the scripted comments that were prepared for him, and his opinions in no way represent the views of the networks.
"It would be most unfortunate," the statement continued, "if the efforts of the artists who participated tonight and the generosity of millions of Americans who are helping those in need are overshadowed by one person's opinion."
Friday's program was the first of several TV benefits planned through next weekend.
NBC and the five other major commercial broadcast networks, along with PBS, plan to unite next Friday for a special. The same night, BET will air a benefit. And on Saturday, Sept. 10, the MTV networks will air a special.
Quick quick
I'm in my classroom, the kids are working on spelling, and few thoughts run through my head...
The first is how desperately I loved being my Philisophic Marines "cat"--> referance7-16-99.
The second thought, is how much I apprecitate J and his "checking in" phone calls.
Speaking of checking in....
Heres the tally:
Mr. Someone: there seems to be a semblance of you at the "House," but you're still no where to be found... despite how much I look. Is it sad when you go to visit one friend, but still wish to see another? I don't think so. Well, things to think on.
Marine: Has an interest in the middle of nowhere. Go him
Dentista: Is dating. Comes in 2 weeks
Prophet. In the states, Comes in 1 week
THE EX: well, it's been interesting to say the least. I've been talking and hanging out with im, like we are something. but with a "new girlfriend" for him (Colorado girl) and a boy I miss (Mr. Boots) we're both content to just keep each other company and catch up.
C-is still my favorite distraction, and with plans to see him tonight and visit "The Crest" tommorrow, hopefully we'll get back to good.
I know I've been distracted guys, no updates no nothing...hell theres even a cute story on my newly aquired "trophy sunglasses" from Conneticut, but theres just no time.
Honestly, my day progresses...
7am Wake up, 8am-4pm Teach, 5pm Get Home, 6-10pm Sorority Buisness, 11 pm Sleep or maybe 30 minutes of me time after 10pm which equals a phone call or IM session and passout at 12p
then wake up...do it all again
to tell him in person...Speaking of boys, talks with the ex are yielding to good times and human relations. hey, if anything,
he does buy me dinner. :) okay okay, not a good enough reason as it was my sudden departure from him that brought on the
creation of this journal. sigh. nonetheless, we are human.
He even drove me to the airport.... C however recieves my voicemails of love and adoration, and keys to the house.
my dentist bids me safe travel via IM, and my 21Yr old, recovers from a hang over, and Mr. Boots, tells me he is fine in the
Sandbox across the world.
all is well
E-mail: a week later is now all caught up. :)
School:
Only one class this semester what shall I do with my time?
Oh! I know: Seth Horan, 26 August, Irysh Mac's Coffeehouse, 9 PM
$5 cover; All ages welcome
Work:
Love it, School Starts on my Birthday. Booo and Yay, all at once
Men:
Marine is in the Bahamas getting me a coconut and a little umbrella. LOL
Prophet is coming home soon
Dentista is coming home and bringing the "kids"
C is printing a photo so my class can see my Best Freind
Mr. Someone is Somewhere?
Mr. Boots is still in the States? I think? That boy's deployment is the crappiest thing ever. I kinda am like, GO! so i can break down and cry already. the sad anticipation kills me a little each night.
Speaking of deadly anticipation:
I meet the ex in an hour and a half. I'm scarred out of my mind! *Sigh
I should shower. yes, the sign of growth and strength is hygeine. LOL
OMG!!!! Seriously I hope mr boots reads this and realizes how a call would be nice right about now; a nice reminder that a man in the world thinks I'm "rare" and deserve to always smile.....*sigh.
well, so much for the hopeful romantics of the world right? lol, Going to see the EX.
more email filing= stories i want to read...but later!
The Guys' Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all
down
Finally, the guys' side of the story.
(I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear "the rules"
from the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note... these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it
down.
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that
way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to
almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help
solving it.
That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1 A headache that lasts for 17 months is a
problem.
See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible
in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7
days.
1. If you won't dress like the
Victoria's Secret girls,
don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two
ways
and one of the ways makes you sad or angry,
we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something
or tell us how you want it done
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it
yourself.
1. Whenever possible,
please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions
and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows
default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color.
Pumpkin is also a fruit.
We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing,"
we will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth
the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer
to,
expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely
anything you wear
is fine...Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless
you are
prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the
shotgun formation,
or monster trucks.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
1. Thank you for reading this
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
but did you know men really don't mind that? It's
like camping.
Pass this to as many men as you can -
to give them a laugh.
Pass this to as many women as you can -
to give them a bigger laugh!!
And I remain unavailably available. best reading tonight: "...and I don't even speak spanish but thats what you do to me,"
Followed by, "blow me a kiss...throw me a glance...just wave at someone and let me think it's me."
This is me waving. :)...i just miss you...this is me kissing you. xoxo's.
quotes
"Do not go where the path may lead,
go instead where there is no path and leave a
trail."<o:p></o:p>
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
(1803-1882)
"Two roads
diverged in a wood, and
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference."
-- Robert Frost
(1874-1963)
AN EMAIL I HAVEN'T EVEN READ...BUT WANT TO...TELL ME IF IT'S GOOD...
>
> --------------------
> In search for Mr. Right, she found herself
> --------------------
>
> By Dan Thanh Dang
> Sun Staff
>
> August 11, 2005
> Looking for love online? Or, like us, simply hooked
> on Hooking Up, ABC's documentary series about online
> dating that, alas, ends tonight? This is the last in
> a series of tales, as told to us by a reader, about
> the good, the bad and the ugly of online dating.
>
> Pamela Silberman considers herself a child of the
> Disney generation.
>
> In other words, the 33-year-old Abingdon counselor
> was raised on stories that someday her prince would
> sweep her off her feet and they would ride off
> together to live Happily Ever After.
>
> Everyone, she was told, would discover The One. Once
> found, it would be Love At First Sight. A Big
> Wedding would follow, then Babies and after that,
> Marital Bliss.
>
> "I fed right into that story," Silberman says. "I
> never believed a guy was supposed to fulfill my
> dreams or complete me, but I took it for granted
> that one day, I'd have a good relationship with a
> guy."
>
> In her quest for True Love in her teens, she kissed
> many frogs, but no Prince Charming. In her early
> 20s, she tried happy hours, blind dates and dating
> services to no avail. Was Prince Charming stuck in
> some speed dating purgatory, forcing that glass
> slipper on some other girl's foot in six minutes
> flat before a ringing bell pushed him on to somebody
> else?
>
> Five years ago, Silberman moved her quest online.
> Surely, Prince Charming had Internet access by now,
> right? Which online service would he use? Match.com,
> eHarmony.com, lavalife.com "where singles click" or
> datemypet.com for animal lovers (he's supposed to
> gallop into her life on that lovely white steed,
> isn't he?).
>
> Silberman chose Jdate.com, a service for Jewish
> singles. Is Charming Jewish?
>
> But perusing photo after photo of eligible bachelors
> proved difficult. What does Prince Charming look
> like? Silberman believes strongly that he's funny,
> educated and a professional, but if she was lucky,
> he would also be a tall, blue-eyed redhead. Would
> Prince Charming e-mail her and say, "Your picture is
> really hot?" Would he ask for an "emotionally free"
> or "open" relationship?
>
> "Can real relationships be formed from pigeon-holed
> responses?" Silberman says. "I wonder how people in
> the cyberworld would judge me based on the limited
> information I could post in this tiny little box.
> Are successful relationships built from menu-style
> descriptions? Can a true understanding be relayed in
> an eye-catching title, 1,000 words or less of text
> and a 1-inch photograph?
>
> "I think online dating sets you up to be
> judgmental," Silberman says. "You try not to be, but
> it's a slippery slope."
>
> What if she ruled out her intended Prince Charming
> because he was shorter than 5-foot-7? What if she
> nixed him because his name was Sven, B.J., Yogi,
> Chip, Skip or Moe? What if she vetoed a meeting with
> him simply because he misspelled words and wrote
> grammatically incorrect sentences?
>
> "People are seeking a lot more perfection now,"
> Silberman says. "It's so easy to cross someone off
> because they're missing something from your list."
>
> Alas, there is no Fairy Tale Ending. Prince Charming
> has not been found.
>
> But in an ending that's more true to the real world
> and represents a new attitude of dating in the 21st
> century, Silberman says that, "In searching for Mr.
> Right, I found myself."
>
> What does that mean? Silberman has discovered that
> the woman who was searching, searching, searching is
> smart, successful, witty and realistic. She knows
> happiness comes from within. She knows that unlike
> that Jerry Maguire movie trifle, "No man can
> complete me." She knows there is no Perfect Love.
> She knows fulfilling your own life dreams is more
> important than waiting for someone else to do it for
> you.
>
> With that said, Silberman is still out there
> exploring online. Still hopeful. But she's got a
> whole new attitude these days. She no longer
> believes that someday her prince will come, but that
> someday her prince might come - and if he does,
> he'll find a really wonderful person to share his
> life with.
>
> In other words, unlike Cinderella, Silberman needs
> no rescuing.
>
>
>
> Copyright (c) 2005, The Baltimore Sun | Get Sun home
> delivery
>
> Link to the article:
>
http://www.baltimoresun.com/features/bal-to.hook11aug11,1,4388565.story?coll=bal-features-headlines
>
> Visit http://www.baltimoresun.com
quote of the night: "You really are fabulous"
Thank god for the housemate who forces me to have a life.
rule of the night: "No talking about boys if they are not here"
Good rule...good night universe... wait.
On a complete aside, the Ex wrote me. Has jewelery of mine. It's funny, me and C were just talking about being over him, and low and behold he sends an email. good thing i'm over him right. lol
Wow. i'm exhausted. maybe sometime this week mr.boots will tell me to stop worrying. Perhaps them i may visit with someone
who enjoys my company ;-)
Until then, some rest.
Pleasant convo with T via IM, reveals he is still my favorite ex fiance. :)
C finds new ways to impresses me, revealing he is still my favorite friend, and away messages from Mr. Someone, reveal that
he is still my favorite mystery. :)
Lastly, and most surprisingly an online sighting of Mr. Boots reveals he is my favorite ...well something. lol
why hello little universe.
Well. i've enjoyed a pseudo vacation
I'm on my way back to enjoy the drudgery that is work. but alas, such is life.
Lol. actually. It's perfect timing. just enough face time to see family, not enough to go nuts.
In synopsis, here's my vacation. saturday arrive. catch a movie. find a coffee shop that has internet work. work on sorority
Business. sunday. baby sisters birthday. wake up give her 10 bucks. proceed to coffee shop. work on sorority business.
Have a great convo via IM with Someone. in actuality, It's the best conversation i've had with any one for three weeks.
Continue to work on sorority business. til 3am. wake up 3 hours later. go to computer pod. work on sorority business. It's
Monday. i've missed my baby sisters 15Th birthday. and i go back to the coffee shop. the owner knows me now. he buys me
my last round of coffee, and keeps the shop open for an hour part closing. He rubs my shoulders and ask that I stay and relax.
It's 11:32 when I send my last piece of business out. I smile at the owner, and leave a five dollar tip, and tell him i'll be
around. i get to my car and after crying just a little in relief, i promise myself not to go back for the rest of the week.
Tuesday. I sleep till 1pm and almost cuss out a soror for waking me. I begin post op procedures and begin the routine of eye
drops. no one is home. i check my email.113 messages. i get through 80 when my baby sister calls saying she wants to shop.
Sister doesn't get home till 8pm. i guess It's bitter sweet payback. we shop. i buy her a gift. markers and a purse. sure
Why not. j calls. he got the night off. ofcourse i want ice cream with him.
We go to grab a scoop. mr. boots calls. he says he'll call back. he doesn't. great catching up with j.
Good ice cream. he takes me to dad's. wednesday. i wake up at 7. we cross the border. i'm tired. i'm nervous. the nurse takes
My clothes. gives me scrubs, cleans my eyes, and gives me half a valium. i go inside the operating room. i lay down. i feel
the first two minutes and cry and shake in pain. the doctor scolds me to stay still and explains i shouldn't be feeling
"a thing." and puts more anesthic in my eyes. i stumble out of surgery and cling to my dad feeling helpless and hurt.
and while my vision is mn clearer than when i entered, i'm glad i am able to see and am not blinded entirely.
My dad drives me home unsure how to handle my tears. he asks if i was given drugs and then smiles sadly when i tell him about
about my half valium: explaining, we've always had a hard time with anestigia, and how if i was only given half I was bound to
be a nervous wreck. he feeds me and puts me to bed. i wake in fear-as my vision remains blurred and all light hurts my
shielded eyes. everything is blurry. my eyes ache. and i'm all alone. after numerous tries i succeed in turning on the radio.
I listen in darkness for two hours. my step mom arrives. after being through the surgery herself, feeds me, and hands me two
Pills for the pain. i get drowsy within the hour. tylenol pm. extra strength. lol. i'm out till the next morning.10am Thursday
No pain. but with a deep desire to wash my face. i remove my protective goggles. put drops in. after blinking i realize for
the first time in my life, I can see. no contacts. no glasses. just my eyes. blinking focussing.
1pm were back at the doctors. 20/20 vision he says. perfect. i ask if i can go to the club later that night. he smiles and
says no makeup, no smoke, but to have a good time.
I force J out. and almost regretably leave him at a bar when a guy offers to take me home should i want to stay later. i did.
J knew it, and let me go. I had net the guy once before with J so felt safe and was. He was a perfect gentlemen and tried
nothing. well. tried but very politely apologized. he was from NMSU. he kissed me goodnight after asking permission, and got
my number. he'll never call and i'm okay and even happy about that.
Friday comes and i watch my step sister play her first varsity game of the season. exhausted from the night before, J and I
decide to stay in. I go to bed suprisingly early, sad after watching "Black hawk down". I message Mr boots, and hold back
Half I want to say. how I'm sorry i let another guy kiss me. how i'm sure he could care less. how i wish i could not care
about him at all. but i say nothing. i just write. "I miss you" and hope that the sentiment if not the message is returned.
And now It's saturday. and i'm on my way home.
I tell myself Mr. Boots isn't my concern. Not a boyfriend. barely a friend. and yet i'm completely scared. Missing him.
Scared he was sent off, called, and I missed it. scared even more so that he could care less. understanding now how scary it
might be to love someone than face death. i pretended for 5 seconds he didn't have to deal with that, but after that movie, i
Realised that "that" is reality. death is just another monday. another week. until you go home. i really wished for 5 seconds
I never met him. that some girl some where else will cry for him. but even as i write now i realize neither of us asked for
this. he leaves "in august." could be tomorrow, could have been yesterday. and deep down, i hope if i'm on his mind at all,
That i don't worry him...I fight the urge to outsour to him, so that he doesn't worry. i tell myself he's gone, and I should
be glad. I think of how cute ÑMSU boy was. how happy i am with mr.someone and his consistant inconsistant pressence in my
life. i think i'm happy with where me and C are and am finally happy to see him with his ex. I think how respected i've become
How many trips there are to make. how many adventures to live. and how i'm almost done. going back doesn't sadden me,
it excites me. i have a new chapter emerging, and i finally feel like i'm the author. i love all the players in this game.
and i'm winning. i know and undertand all thats happening and yet, i guess the hopeless romantic in me still wants to believe
Make no mistake. i'm happy. happier than i've ever been even with a guy, i think. but yeah. the jaded me is starting to fade.
And that makes me happy too
only one thing is dominating my world. and that's the need to smile :-)
As Mrs. Smith would say.....312
After some arm twisting on my part and four year partying hiatus on
his part (I guess my graduation party made a impression on him), my little
brother will be join us for the weekend of September 9th.....
**************8
That night comes to mind....
"It's your first time????...lol, well....on your knees...and open your mouth..."
HAHAHAAHA
PEPERMENT PATTY People, and if you haven't done it right, then you haven't lived...
God I hope I'm in town. Conference that weekend. Trying to arrange outs....
PS. update to come. too busy trying to be Sorority of the Year again, for the 4th time....no pressure right?
PPS. Mr. Boots...that soldier is MIA...too bad. I liked him...
a week in El Paso will make me forget, and if the week doesn't well...friday night will....
pray that i come home with my eyes.
love ya, miss me.
Some poetry...
An old friend and his zealous interpretation of life in the military. All rights, privalledges, copywrites to such a beautiful work, are his exclusively and therefore should not be duplicated. :)
Speaking of Poetry: If you didn't know I'm in to slam, well you probably don't know me...but here's one of my favorites. Thought I'd share.
http://www.riverdeep.net/current/2001/01/012901_m1_slam.jhtml#slam02
Serendipitous Aftermath
There is a paradise that can be found
A better life to bring us round
And all we really need to do
Is see the world like lovers do
I want to take it easy, take it slow
To catch a fire and let it go
I want to give myself to you
So we can live like lovers do
Like lovers do, I want to feel that way
Like lovers do, they lose themselves for days
And I need to feel that way
I can hear you thinking what I feel
I know that what we've got is real
And all we need to get us through
Is just to live like lovers do
Like lovers do, I want to feel that way
Like lovers do, they lose themselves for days
And I need to feel, I need to feel that way
Give me strength to give myself to you
Like lovers, lovers do
Why your woman would cheat on you
By Elvina Nawaguna
When a man cheats, it is ok. But when a woman cheats, it is an
abomination! Society has made it that way. But still it happens.
Tales of women having affairs with houseboys, or the milkmen are not
new. According to Ruth Huston, author of Is he cheating on you?, men
cheat for sexual reason; women cheat for emotional reasons.
BettyTibaleka of Healing Talk counselling services says women are
emotional beings and if the man is not emotionally involved in her
life, she becomes vulnerable to other men, who may do things that
her partner doesn't. "It is not just about care when you are in bed,
but when you are out of bed. It is about that closeness that remains
even when your bodies are separated," Tibaleka explains.
Tibaleka also says many women cheat for revenge. Because the husband
is having an affair, many women resort to having one to get back at
him.
Tim Lwanga of Kadic hospital Nakulabye says this may be a way of
dealing with her anger, behind which are multiple feelings like
betrayal, mistrust, hurt and feelings of inadequacy.
Lwanga says that sexual incompatibility can drive a woman to have an
affair, especially if her husband is weak sexually and does nothing
to rectify the problem.
Women cheat because they want to communicate. "If you always degrade
her, she will go out to prove her worth to both her husband and
herself," Tibaleka explains. Such a woman is likely to cheat with a
man who compliments her and builds her self-esteem.
Distance many times leads married people to cheat. If the man is
always away on say, business trips and is never around for his wife,
the chances of cheating are high.
At the same time, proximity and companionship with other men like
workmates increase the chances of cheating. Juliet, a mother of four
who is currently running an extramarital affair blames it on the
fact that her husband is never at home.
"I also have needs and if someone is willing to be there for me, why
not?" she says.
According to Lwanga, marital problems which make the home and
marriage constantly strained may also cause the wife to give in to
another man who seems to care about her emotionally, especially if
he is within easy reach.
Lwanga also says that because of poverty, coupled with other
problems in the relationship, a woman may give in to another man who
may be willing to meet her needs.
Still, cheating may be a result of one's personality. "Some women,
though married, may remain jumpy as part of their personalities,"
Lwanga says. This could be routed in their upbringing or some
complex and bizarre behaviour or part of habit formation. It may
also be due to peer pressure; search for adventure or the husband's
physical or mental disability resulting from accidents, alcohol or
mental illness.
However, Tibaleka insists that above all, it is lack of commitment
that makes people cheat on their spouses. "When you are not
committed, all these things will come and sway you," she says. She
says that everything can be worked out if there is commitment.
Signs that she is seeing another man:
These may not be conclusive, but coupled with other signs may be an
indicator.
Tibaleka says that when she is cheating, the likelihood of being
happier are higher, unless she is feeling guilty or is not yet
enjoying the other relationship.
Sudden unexplained gifts may also be a warning sign. Her routine may
also change.
She starts coming home late and becomes protective of her mobile
phone and phone calls.
Sometimes her attitude may also change and she starts speaking
despicably to her husband.
Her sense of style and dress may also suddenly change. "It all comes
from the value that the other person had added to her," she
explains.
Tibaleka however, says that men can prevent their women from
cheating. "Love her, take care of her. Touch her, buy her small
gifts and reassure her of your love," she says.
Go out of your way to find what makes her happy and respond to it.
The key to this is communication. Sometimes, women just need to be
talked to and listened to, even when it seems like nothing serious.
Some counsellors can also help to administer a love language test.
Call her in the middle of the day to say, "I love you".
Let her know that you are proud of her and show it.
Bring her a flower when you return from work.
Compliment her and do things to raise her self worth.
Show appreciation for her and the things she does.
Every now and then, surprise her with very personal gifts that she
will be the only one to use. Don't give her source pans or a set of
cups. These are general household items that you are expected to
buy.
Show interest in her life and what she does.
Help her out with her household tasks and do for her something that
she could have done by herself.
Date her like you used to when you were still chasing her. Go some
place with her and do the things you both like doing.
Hug her frequently, especially if she is feeling down or depressed.
Just hold her, no lectures or advice.
National Directors as Vogons...
The proof of the non-existence of God, caused by the Babel fish: http://http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Babel_fish
(wikipedia.org article)
* The Hitchikers' Guide to the Galaxy, pg 52
THE Director will be indispose....
No honestly, Prophet, Pick your days, cuz I am not going to be wasted an entire week.
Wednesday night I'm busy, and Sunday night I'm busy,....National Buisness stuff...but, if you want you got me thursday, friday and saturday....as fun nights. just an FYI
Thats me...I don't know about the rest of the crew...and well, I'm flexible, just give me the night, and i'll make it work. Afterall, you're only in town one week!!!!
Booo. but. what oh what shall we do???? hmmmmm.
you know I'll be in Hartford CT on the 19th of Aug., will you be back by then? how close is that to Richmond? hmmmm....not that I'd have any free time, but just curious.
--------
In other news, I am doing a fantastic job for my sorority, if i do say so my self.
No friends, busy friends, out-of-state friends, leave you with a lot of time on your hands to answer emaikls, blog, and do actual work....hmmmm
Mr. Boots is not dead...lets all aplaud. (No really, BOYS be nice, I still like this one)
--He's smart, he's nice, and he's far far away....what every girl wants...
when shes a national director and trying very hard to get into law school :)
*sigh, so yeah, he IM'd. no call like I'd hope, but he's busy...or so he says... yes yes, getting ready for deployment,....I really wish i could be like, uh huh, sure...but I can't.
Really there should be a chapter in my new bible "He's just not that into you"...
on guys going on deployment....
My letter to Greg (the author) would be the following: (P, this one is for you)
Dear Greg,
I met this guy three weeks ago. He's in the Army and stationed a milion miles away, so when I met him I knew he was on leave, and that nothing would happen. Except stuff did happen; like, me falling completely for him. He's incredibly smart, can be completely sensitive, and all and all passionate about me. We even contimplated flying me out to his base just so I could see him before he left the county...which leads us to that...Theres one thing Greg, he's headed off for deployment. This means he wants nothing to do with a long term relationship as he has a fear of dying and doesn't want me stop my life to wait for him as he heads off to war. I assured him I wouldn't wait and we agreed to be "just freinds," should something further develop, we would take it from there...You see Greg, I really like this arrangement as I have an incredibly busy schedule and never have any time for a real relationship myself. I have regular guys I "hang out" with, but as per the book, we all know that that's not going anywhere...and I've been honest with myself, I don't know if this will be going anywhere either. But-- should all the standard "He's just not that into you rules" apply when dating a man who's about to be shipped off to war?
I mean, he is in the Army. He doesn't know when he can call, or write, or anything. How exactly can I hold him up to the high standards we've set, when I know he's incapable of meeting them due to know fault of his own? Am I completely settling for what works for me right now Greg, or should I stop wasting my long distance minutes as settle for the fact that "he's just not that into me?"
Ha ha, maybe right?...I should submit this and see if I get a response. I'd die laughing.
Even if Greg told me I was an idiot for answering my phone.
Well, thats me...I'm off to clean my room, bug me profusely, I'm on vacation :)
Whispers, from my LS8
Whispers
The
man whispered, "God, speak to me"
and
a meadowlark
sang.
But,
the man did not
hear.
So
the man yelled, "God, speak to
me"
and
the thunder rolled across the
sky.
But,
the man did not
listen.
The
man looked around and
said,
"God
let me see
you."
And
a star shined
brightly.
But
the man did not
see.
And,
the man
shouted,
"God
show me a
miracle."
And,
a life was
born.
But,
the man did not
notice.
So,
the man cried out in
despair,
"Touch
me God, and let me know you are
here."
Whereupon,
God reached down and touched the
man.
But,
the man brushed the butterfly away
.
and
walked on.
I
found this to be a great reminder that
God
is
always around us in the little and simple
things
that
we take for granted ... even in our electronic
age
So
I would like to add one
more:
The
man cried,
"God,
I need your
help!"
And
an e-mail arrived reaching
out
with
good news and
encouragement.
But,
the man deleted it and continued crying
..........
Don't
miss out on a
blessing
because
it isn't packaged the way that you
expect.
My
instructions were to send this to
people
that
I wanted God to bless
and
I picked you. Won't you please pass this
to people you want to be
blessed.
Expect
the
unexpected...
Have
A Happy Day!