Without internet at home, and with two jobs, I certainly don’t have time to write, but hey, what are you going to do?
Me I’m trying to mend some broken friendships, perhaps friendships better left alone.
SO…I haven’t even seen how many of my “Cell Phone” entries have posted (SINCE AGAIN NO INTERNET)—
Life without the net for a college girl like myself is truly purgatory, I truly feel like I am paying for sins not yet committed.
So Let me see if I can organize any semblance of an entry.
Consumption of alcohol has been on the rise again, a temptation we need to avoid, however, nicotine intake has been minimum :
Alcoholic activities for this week have included the following
Today: 2 glasses red wine
Yesterday: Proud to report not a drop. However I did have a hangover
So that was the result of Friday night: 2 long island ice teas, and an amstel light
Yah, amazing how seemingly small some drinks appear.
Thursday (Thanksgiving): 2 glasses red wine
Wednesday: um…..yeah, long island ice tea, and amstel light
Tuesday: Nothing,
Monday: Nothing
Saturday & Sunday: 2 shots Rum
Other than that clean last week.
k—with that homework out of the way: Lets relay the haps:
In abbreviated form for those who don’t get the daily TM pages on my soap opera of a life “as the hoe turns”: here’s the deal-lee-oh
Where to even begin? Well lets start with the insignifigants or those less heard from,
Just in case we forgot: mr someone is long gone, with only a minor glance ever so often as I heads to and from someplace in sweats and looking like crap to probably further his justifications for not staying with me but whatever, with me no longer living at the same place, Stalker laundry boy has done well in not contacting me, speaking of stalkers (which my ex is not but secretly I worry) MY ex, is no where or no one to be heard of which suits me just fine—honestly though, I contemplated the other day:
What if he were to see me in my escapades???
Lets take Friday night for example, shall we?
Leaving one boys car, hammered, obnoxious, and worst of all, loud, dropping the entire contents of my purse on the corner of Greek central, to which rather than be disturbed both me and my inebriated male counter part just continue to laugh.
Following the “picking up of my life” : I stumble towards yet again another “side door” of my so called Greek life, to be let in by one and only, um, what do we call him nowadays, well C-- (humunuh, what????)
Yeah, well any ways, so imagine, the ex to have been privy to this intoxicated exhibition of lack of socially constructed values? (Justification much??? Maybe.)
Yeah, not wrist splitting or anything, but you never know, and even under the best of circumstances still not a very comfortable view you would like of you ex I suppose.
Well, I suppose it is a very good thing I no longer looks for his, or any other male approval….
Speaking of which---(70’s porn theme music for “as the Hoe turns” plays: *bow-chick-a- bowmp-bow**** Announcer reads: “Like condoms in a fish bowl, so are the days of our lives---)
Boys boys boys. Less time more job, less friends, no money still (spending way too much, yeah) but still, magically, still the boys in my life never cease.
So a month has passed and right on cue, another monthly hook-up from HIM –
Except now, like lessons well taught by his predecessor, I have begun to try to remain, unattached, hoping like all hell perhaps, either one I might will myself to BE unnattatched or at least make the time lapse between our monthly-ness become less vile, and soothe a commitment phobia this man has no plans of working through….
*sigh.
But I suppose that’s why I do the things I do?
What is that we all wonder in awe and amazement, no no one does, but I wish someone did. Anyways, this fear of commitment, has and continues to allow me to keep my 18 yr old boy job distraction in a convincing manner quite content that I remain a cute, “shy” “virgin”—like? girl in his life.
And this is bad. Because unlike mr someone from this summer, I have no idea how to remain unconcerned about the welfare of other peoples’ hearts, when I know I control them. (a lesson not quite learned before my heart became a small casualty of this summers final lesson)
Well, 18 yr old boy thinks I’m his. LOL, My marine, knows he’s wrong, as does C. Soccoro boy knows actually nothing of 18 yr old boy, but as we have not seen soccorro boy in two weeks, it’s not his concern. Besides Soccorro boy has a thing about leaving literal marks of his pressance in my life, which makes it very difficult to enjoy this single adventure I have begun to pursue.
Continuing. Marine, is no longer getting married, to this we are ecstatic, not becauser I think I have a chance, but because I though he was an idiot for wanting to marry this girl any way. But nonetheless, marine, yes, marine is privy to all the games I do and do not play, and Like myself he is quick to call “shannanagins” on my fears, and is quick to lay it out…
I am the “cute friend” whom guys call favors on, and I allow it to happen, so I suppose, well, in the words of the dentist, I KNOW, I shouldn’t bitch.
Speaking of THAT: long lost love of my life, yes, dentist-- still has plans to come join us in this great land of entrapment for the bringing in of the new year. Oh yes, as the PROPHET(new, but old friend that remains in Virginia, and is rarely mentioned or called has said regarding this man)— I do need to “LET IT GO!”
Um, what remains, in summation, one weekend, three boys, two I have re-discovered within only the time that I could allow myself to feel hygienic, but not quite guilt free, are both such damn good kissers. Ugh!
One I control, One controls me, and the other just laughs with me, drinks with me, and remains knowledgeable that he too might, and more likely than not, will too one fine day call in a favor.
Last note: aside from this being way too damn long, I must pick up SETH’s new and old CD’s—oh yes, aside from the CD memory collection I’m creating, talk about a damn good artist. Finally, a guitarist who has been able to pull me out of the JM aversion left in my mouth from autumn.
Till I have more time in a computer pod. Ciao little big universe