I need buckets and buckets of ice. but i guess i'll make do with icecream :)
sexual frustration beyond compare with no relief in sight. add to a paper deadline. and meet a very cranky girl. : (
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3a.m. And 3B left. Off to do what he needs to do...And in some instance of our shared time together this evening I realized I
don't like 3B for the long term, so good thing thats over before it began
I miss the "Cuddling" oddly enough...prob what i deserve for underestimating it in the 1st place
don't like 3B for the long term, so good thing thats over before it began
I miss the "Cuddling" oddly enough...prob what i deserve for underestimating it in the 1st place
1:58 AM | Filed Under | 0 Comments
6:30 a.m.: Do you know where your pledge is?
Morning breakfast confused with evening dinner. My batt.
Now it can be like last night at His house; I can get comfortable, get ready to sleep, then right as I'm closing my eyes, I'll be told to get up and drive somewhere.
In summation, its December all over again-
Except now I've realized--No time to waste mine. Besides, June is coming up, and I recall Someone once told it was sacred.
Morning breakfast confused with evening dinner. My batt.
Now it can be like last night at His house; I can get comfortable, get ready to sleep, then right as I'm closing my eyes, I'll be told to get up and drive somewhere.
In summation, its December all over again-
Except now I've realized--No time to waste mine. Besides, June is coming up, and I recall Someone once told it was sacred.
5:56 PM | Filed Under | 0 Comments
Yes C. i believe in unconditional love. i believe i've known moments of recieving such love, and at moments feel i give it.
Perhaps Katie was more persuasive in conversation, but it is 3a.m.
with that said. don't catch a feelin'.
Expect pain, expect rain, the moon is weaning, and the tears keep coming.
I'll be strong when the run rises but right now... tut tut, it looks like rain.
please be just the moon.
Step one. delete. step 2. repeat "don't catch feelin's"
yupp. it still works. clear skies ahead?
Perhaps Katie was more persuasive in conversation, but it is 3a.m.
with that said. don't catch a feelin'.
Expect pain, expect rain, the moon is weaning, and the tears keep coming.
I'll be strong when the run rises but right now... tut tut, it looks like rain.
please be just the moon.
Step one. delete. step 2. repeat "don't catch feelin's"
yupp. it still works. clear skies ahead?
1:44 AM | Filed Under | 0 Comments
Have you ever....
have you ever...
done something completely out of the goodness of your heart just to be slapped in the face by utter ingrattitude and accusation of selfish motivation?
Such was the situation last night, that made me want to throw my phone, and ultimately ended with me feeling so damn resentful towards this person that I canceled an entire online account, just so I'd never have to deal with the accusations? Sad-- huh?
On top of it all I slept pretty poorly--such is the way when you lay in bed after such conversations, and just go to be thinking "UGH!"
Anyways, woke up pretty poorly too, I think it's the moon.
3YROLD BOY would get that.
Speaking of which, I should call him....
Anyways, "I'LL get over it"
"Oh Look!.......I just did"
So updates....The PARTY CONT...
SUFFICE IT TO SAY 5 DAYS LATER, WE"RE STILL HEARING ABOUT IT....PICS ARE OUT BEWARE....
BOYS---
Party Boy: K with the kid (Guy who was the blast from the past, I had mentioned earlier????) well yeah, he came over to the party. As always he's still good to look at--but suffice it to say, we're all grown up now...well, who knows maybe I'll have him take me on that motorcycle of his, and then go play "mommy"--Haha, thats sounds DISTURBING.....head out of gutter kids.....
Anyways, participants not at party....I'm not sure if I ever updated on 3YROLD Boy, for a while he was "voted of f the Island" but, after discovering he had a death in the family, I felt like an ass, for thinking so poorly of him and am letting him come back in his own time and way.
Grrr, that name is tooo long, we're gonna have to abbreviate --3B work??? Well it's gonna have too :)
BESIDES, if anyone wanted the most recent tabs on my "love life" in the short it's the following....
I'm working on FINALS! I have no life!
All those who saw me at the party would disagree, but apperances can be decieving.
Here is what is up though with the BOYS in my LIFE
J--HAPPY BIRTHDAY J's GIRL--Write me if you like your present--haha, I know what it is :)
Prophet--safe and sound in the East Coast, where I wish I was, but can't be, He'll be going to Europe this summer, and says there is some Navy code about how he can't stick me in a suitcase...boo.
Marine #1: My future husband: Once again we have revised the Will and Grace plan, and I will outline it later when I have the time, but in summary, I'm getting married at 27 damn it. And since HE JUST passed his Pilots test (Lets all say YAY---YAAAAAAAY!!!!!--He can get me an even bigger rock---haha, who am I kidding, like I said earlier, pick me up on your motor cycle and get me out of this town! hahah. Marine is figuring out the girls in his life, and like good medicine thats hard to swallow, it's his own words: JUST DO YOU luv.
Marine #2: My marine Daddy, all married and grown up. Just got word from him, and hope to hear more. A--you're a lucky woman.
Playa Playa, made his appearance into my life, and we will see how long that last,
um...who'm I forgetting?
oh yeah...well never forgotten just kinda always there?
Mr. Someone is graduating, going alum, making it big undoubtadely, and as much as I wish I was right there next to him, I haven't the slightest notion as to whether or not I ever got invited for the ride...nevertheless, I've learned to play sidelines cheerleader very well, and will be waiting when the dust settles, and the race is won.
And then there's HIM: to be honest I still feel a bitterness in my mouth when I refer to HIM. it's like, oh...yeah, that part of my life thats like air. Always around, taken for granted, and unfortunately I die when I'm deprived...BUT---
It's better, so much better; I've learned, I'm stupid, but I've learned HE's Stupider,
and I got tired of playing games so I stopped, which surpirsingly is working for me.
yeah--I don't know about HIM, and probably never will, and therefore I've stopped trying.
So here's a good stopping point...
Have you ever realized you get more play in grey sewatpants and no make-up then in that little red dress you love?
Have you ever realized that just when you're over someone, there not quite over you?
Have you ever realized that when someone you thought you were over calls you, you know right then and there, you're done--and he's got you for as long as he wants?
Have you ever ran across that person that took your heart, know that they still have it, but kept on walking, cause you were okay with that?
Have you ever stopped keeping score, and had more fun just doing/being/living then when you tried to win?
Have you ever realized life/relationships/school/work is just realy as busy/confusing/complicated/hard as you let it be?
Have you ever caught yourself in the midst of everything (a test, a fight, a kiss, bad traffic) and said, "you know, it just doesn't matter"....and then smiled cause you know you were right.
Mantra's:
"Do You"
"Don't Catch a Feelin'"
"Just Go With It"
done something completely out of the goodness of your heart just to be slapped in the face by utter ingrattitude and accusation of selfish motivation?
Such was the situation last night, that made me want to throw my phone, and ultimately ended with me feeling so damn resentful towards this person that I canceled an entire online account, just so I'd never have to deal with the accusations? Sad-- huh?
On top of it all I slept pretty poorly--such is the way when you lay in bed after such conversations, and just go to be thinking "UGH!"
Anyways, woke up pretty poorly too, I think it's the moon.
3YROLD BOY would get that.
Speaking of which, I should call him....
Anyways, "I'LL get over it"
"Oh Look!.......I just did"
So updates....The PARTY CONT...
SUFFICE IT TO SAY 5 DAYS LATER, WE"RE STILL HEARING ABOUT IT....PICS ARE OUT BEWARE....
BOYS---
Party Boy: K with the kid (Guy who was the blast from the past, I had mentioned earlier????) well yeah, he came over to the party. As always he's still good to look at--but suffice it to say, we're all grown up now...well, who knows maybe I'll have him take me on that motorcycle of his, and then go play "mommy"--Haha, thats sounds DISTURBING.....head out of gutter kids.....
Anyways, participants not at party....I'm not sure if I ever updated on 3YROLD Boy, for a while he was "voted of f the Island" but, after discovering he had a death in the family, I felt like an ass, for thinking so poorly of him and am letting him come back in his own time and way.
Grrr, that name is tooo long, we're gonna have to abbreviate --3B work??? Well it's gonna have too :)
BESIDES, if anyone wanted the most recent tabs on my "love life" in the short it's the following....
I'm working on FINALS! I have no life!
All those who saw me at the party would disagree, but apperances can be decieving.
Here is what is up though with the BOYS in my LIFE
J--HAPPY BIRTHDAY J's GIRL--Write me if you like your present--haha, I know what it is :)
Prophet--safe and sound in the East Coast, where I wish I was, but can't be, He'll be going to Europe this summer, and says there is some Navy code about how he can't stick me in a suitcase...boo.
Marine #1: My future husband: Once again we have revised the Will and Grace plan, and I will outline it later when I have the time, but in summary, I'm getting married at 27 damn it. And since HE JUST passed his Pilots test (Lets all say YAY---YAAAAAAAY!!!!!--He can get me an even bigger rock---haha, who am I kidding, like I said earlier, pick me up on your motor cycle and get me out of this town! hahah. Marine is figuring out the girls in his life, and like good medicine thats hard to swallow, it's his own words: JUST DO YOU luv.
Marine #2: My marine Daddy, all married and grown up. Just got word from him, and hope to hear more. A--you're a lucky woman.
Playa Playa, made his appearance into my life, and we will see how long that last,
um...who'm I forgetting?
oh yeah...well never forgotten just kinda always there?
Mr. Someone is graduating, going alum, making it big undoubtadely, and as much as I wish I was right there next to him, I haven't the slightest notion as to whether or not I ever got invited for the ride...nevertheless, I've learned to play sidelines cheerleader very well, and will be waiting when the dust settles, and the race is won.
And then there's HIM: to be honest I still feel a bitterness in my mouth when I refer to HIM. it's like, oh...yeah, that part of my life thats like air. Always around, taken for granted, and unfortunately I die when I'm deprived...BUT---
It's better, so much better; I've learned, I'm stupid, but I've learned HE's Stupider,
and I got tired of playing games so I stopped, which surpirsingly is working for me.
yeah--I don't know about HIM, and probably never will, and therefore I've stopped trying.
So here's a good stopping point...
Have you ever realized you get more play in grey sewatpants and no make-up then in that little red dress you love?
Have you ever realized that just when you're over someone, there not quite over you?
Have you ever realized that when someone you thought you were over calls you, you know right then and there, you're done--and he's got you for as long as he wants?
Have you ever ran across that person that took your heart, know that they still have it, but kept on walking, cause you were okay with that?
Have you ever stopped keeping score, and had more fun just doing/being/living then when you tried to win?
Have you ever realized life/relationships/school/work is just realy as busy/confusing/complicated/hard as you let it be?
Have you ever caught yourself in the midst of everything (a test, a fight, a kiss, bad traffic) and said, "you know, it just doesn't matter"....and then smiled cause you know you were right.
Mantra's:
"Do You"
"Don't Catch a Feelin'"
"Just Go With It"
2:04 PM | Filed Under | 0 Comments
Forward from mom...
THINGS TO LIVE BY!!!!!!
1. If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
2. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
3. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
4. Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to
be.
5 . Slower is better.
6. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly
happy.
7. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you
deserve then heck no you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a
friend.
8. Don't settle.
9. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
10. Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at
yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
11. The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
12. Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women.
He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, Why would he treat you any
differently?
13. Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
14. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you,
speak up.
15. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
16. You cannot change a man's behaviors. Change comes from within.
17. Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he
has more education or in a better job.
18. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing
less.
19. Never let a man define who you are.
20. Never borrow someone else's man.
21. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
22. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
23 . All men are NOT dogs.
24. You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is two
way street.
25. You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute
about baggage...deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
26. You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship
consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not
supplementary.
27. Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.
28. Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and
your always readily available to him- he takes it for granted.
29. Never move into his mother's house.
30. Never co-sign for a man. (Hallelujah, thank you Jesus!)
31. Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you
need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
Share this with other ladies..... You'll make someone smile, another rethink
her choices, and another woman prepare. They say it takes a minute to find a
special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love
them, and an entire life to forget them.
1. If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
2. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
3. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
4. Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to
be.
5 . Slower is better.
6. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly
happy.
7. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you
deserve then heck no you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a
friend.
8. Don't settle.
9. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
10. Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at
yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
11. The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
12. Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women.
He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, Why would he treat you any
differently?
13. Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
14. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you,
speak up.
15. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
16. You cannot change a man's behaviors. Change comes from within.
17. Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he
has more education or in a better job.
18. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing
less.
19. Never let a man define who you are.
20. Never borrow someone else's man.
21. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
22. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
23 . All men are NOT dogs.
24. You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is two
way street.
25. You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute
about baggage...deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
26. You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship
consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not
supplementary.
27. Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.
28. Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and
your always readily available to him- he takes it for granted.
29. Never move into his mother's house.
30. Never co-sign for a man. (Hallelujah, thank you Jesus!)
31. Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you
need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
Share this with other ladies..... You'll make someone smile, another rethink
her choices, and another woman prepare. They say it takes a minute to find a
special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love
them, and an entire life to forget them.
7:20 AM | Filed Under | 0 Comments
I just aced a final project and yeah... i'm happy
not just say the hell with it, hit the gym to get into a bikini and tan all day and drink all night
But in reality, waking up at 6 Tomorrow to DO... sigh. i could spill my innermost confessions, and say "Catching feelin's,"
Could say i miss a touch... but let me relax the best thing i learned last week.
At our self defence class the instructor says,
"Thoughts don't Feel, and Feelings don't Think"
not just say the hell with it, hit the gym to get into a bikini and tan all day and drink all night
But in reality, waking up at 6 Tomorrow to DO... sigh. i could spill my innermost confessions, and say "Catching feelin's,"
Could say i miss a touch... but let me relax the best thing i learned last week.
At our self defence class the instructor says,
"Thoughts don't Feel, and Feelings don't Think"
8:41 PM | Filed Under | 0 Comments
The Party...part 1
It's my party and I'll invite who I want to, drink if I want to, disappear if I want to...
Not that there was any lack of company (party estimated at apx. 150+), but a little part of me wished that life didn't have a funny way of keeping everyone busy at the exact same time. *sigh....
If you're reading about last night, then your presence was missed...if you just want a summary: well, no words are coming to me (hang over might be affecting that....hmmm)
But the morning conversation is telling:
"Snapper" ask, "So if you're a pimp, where's your man? I mean, You woke up alone?"
I respond,"The thing about being an Empowered Woman is, NOT needing to wake up next to a man."
ADDITION: sent to me by my Marine, a nice compliment to this story, as well as the tunes I shall listen to as I work my butt off in Zimmerman, remembering, OH YEAH---SCHOOL!
USE ME UP, By Filthy Children---Enjoy, I did.
http://www.filthychildren.com/Use%20Me%20Up.mp3
Not that there was any lack of company (party estimated at apx. 150+), but a little part of me wished that life didn't have a funny way of keeping everyone busy at the exact same time. *sigh....
If you're reading about last night, then your presence was missed...if you just want a summary: well, no words are coming to me (hang over might be affecting that....hmmm)
But the morning conversation is telling:
"Snapper" ask, "So if you're a pimp, where's your man? I mean, You woke up alone?"
I respond,"The thing about being an Empowered Woman is, NOT needing to wake up next to a man."
ADDITION: sent to me by my Marine, a nice compliment to this story, as well as the tunes I shall listen to as I work my butt off in Zimmerman, remembering, OH YEAH---SCHOOL!
USE ME UP, By Filthy Children---Enjoy, I did.
http://www.filthychildren.com/Use%20Me%20Up.mp3
12:41 PM | Filed Under | 0 Comments
"Don't catch a feelin'" lived up to It's name. ladies across area codes were pimp'n and we all slept happily ever after :)
4:02 AM | Filed Under | 0 Comments
can't even begin to describe last night without sounding cocky but be advised; true story only your perception may change...
So we get to el club. nice times. as is my way, one long island goes a long way...
make phone calls from the girls restroom.
again he i didn't know me i'd say i was pimp
other guy from my past: name ? drinks rum and coke bought me drinks lives in Florida. in air force. bottom line-> what you saw
Mission becomes remove any from neck and make a graceful exit like, could take you home but i have better taste.. specifically
Ellos que puede a comprendí está línea
Falling asleep again. 7a.m. meeting
People are so not trying to call me, boo...Its my lambdaversary.
Thank you gentleman zim called or wrote. that was nice ;-)
So we get to el club. nice times. as is my way, one long island goes a long way...
make phone calls from the girls restroom.
again he i didn't know me i'd say i was pimp
other guy from my past: name ? drinks rum and coke bought me drinks lives in Florida. in air force. bottom line-> what you saw
Mission becomes remove any from neck and make a graceful exit like, could take you home but i have better taste.. specifically
Ellos que puede a comprendí está línea
Falling asleep again. 7a.m. meeting
People are so not trying to call me, boo...Its my lambdaversary.
Thank you gentleman zim called or wrote. that was nice ;-)
8:04 PM | Filed Under | 0 Comments
J--Ay personas que me querida que los hombres que sí tienen importancia venir, pero como siempre no hay tiempo, tienen otro
Obligacións, o quién sabía--Que es importante es que tú estas cariñoso.
Felicidades en el regalo.
Lol. prophet. i miss you. i'd call but i'm falling asleep.
Obligacións, o quién sabía--Que es importante es que tú estas cariñoso.
Felicidades en el regalo.
Lol. prophet. i miss you. i'd call but i'm falling asleep.
1:17 AM | Filed Under | 0 Comments
"I was always looking outside myself for strength and confidence, but
it comes from within. It is there all the time."
-Anna Freud
it comes from within. It is there all the time."
-Anna Freud
12:10 PM | Filed Under | 0 Comments
Hmmmm, Comment #3
Alright, like JC himself, the Prophet has spoken...Fortunately it
agrees with my good sense, and it should be concluded that we will let
3YROLDBOY be. Well fine. (hurr-rumph). Actually I'm not upset, it was
getting complicated and there was that guilt thing, and well, this is
why you ...
*****drum roll please*****
DON'T CATCH FEELINGS!!!!
:)
But truly, here it was... and I was thinking, "hmmmm, decent guy," "hmmm, guy who OMG wants to see me when I have time," "guy who responds to my calls and more importantly calls me first," but then....as is the way with "boys"...
strangely, he stopped?
Perhaps as the Prophet gives us wise insight, "Anything more and it would get way to complicated for you or him to handle"
Maybe...we will never know....
BTW, I'd really like some clarification on that. I mean how does liking people become so complicated? really shouldn't it be fairly simple? I think people blow things way out of proportion.
Oh well, as someone else has given me insight into, clarity seems to only emerge when you stop keeping score. So like most things in my life I'm going to let this experiance be that, and that alone....but too end on a slightly reminicent and positive note, in the words of the Crew, good times? ...aww yes, "Good Times"
(Will and Grace plan to be explained at a later date and time...
I'm glad you're not mad. Just another reason why when you ask, why not you....well, example # 576. Moral of Story: This is why I keep my "friends" seperate from my "friends"--yeah, something I'm still trying to figure out, lol.)
I'm gonna take a poll, and Mr. Firefighter should respond (money shots and all)--
---------------------Should I just give up on men?
I mention Mr. Firefighter, because this sentance just translated:
---------"Should I make out with a hot girl and let you take pictures of it?"
Lol, those who know him, know I'm right.
Goodnight ladies, gentleman, and children of all ages, lullabyes manana.
Si quieren a venir a la fiesta para las mujeres encantadas, estamos en Raw o Sauce, Miercoles, a la tarde, quando se tienen tiempo???
*****drum roll please*****
DON'T CATCH FEELINGS!!!!
:)
But truly, here it was... and I was thinking, "hmmmm, decent guy," "hmmm, guy who OMG wants to see me when I have time," "guy who responds to my calls and more importantly calls me first," but then....as is the way with "boys"...
strangely, he stopped?
Perhaps as the Prophet gives us wise insight, "Anything more and it would get way to complicated for you or him to handle"
Maybe...we will never know....
BTW, I'd really like some clarification on that. I mean how does liking people become so complicated? really shouldn't it be fairly simple? I think people blow things way out of proportion.
Oh well, as someone else has given me insight into, clarity seems to only emerge when you stop keeping score. So like most things in my life I'm going to let this experiance be that, and that alone....but too end on a slightly reminicent and positive note, in the words of the Crew, good times? ...aww yes, "Good Times"
(Will and Grace plan to be explained at a later date and time...
I'm glad you're not mad. Just another reason why when you ask, why not you....well, example # 576. Moral of Story: This is why I keep my "friends" seperate from my "friends"--yeah, something I'm still trying to figure out, lol.)
I'm gonna take a poll, and Mr. Firefighter should respond (money shots and all)--
---------------------Should I just give up on men?
I mention Mr. Firefighter, because this sentance just translated:
---------"Should I make out with a hot girl and let you take pictures of it?"
Lol, those who know him, know I'm right.
Goodnight ladies, gentleman, and children of all ages, lullabyes manana.
Si quieren a venir a la fiesta para las mujeres encantadas, estamos en Raw o Sauce, Miercoles, a la tarde, quando se tienen tiempo???
10:34 PM | Filed Under | 1 Comments
Lol. I just got done in class, and my housemate is regulating someone on the phone. It's beautiful. Poetry to come... I woke
up feeling inspired...Prophet??? You mad at me, yet?
My only solace is my baby's daddy is picked, and I'm gonna be an officers wife. LOL. right...
up feeling inspired...Prophet??? You mad at me, yet?
My only solace is my baby's daddy is picked, and I'm gonna be an officers wife. LOL. right...
8:47 PM | Filed Under | 0 Comments
Awwww...My Marine made my night.
We discussed my plans to be a good "Officer's wife."
Meaning... No tea and crumpets--Beer and Brauts all the way.
Also, should the Will and Grace Plan actually come to be...My loyalty. Unless kicked to the Curb; I'd be the wife to wait.
Sad actually, always seems like i'm waiting. well. back to monday and not catching feelings i guess. good night world. muawww!
We discussed my plans to be a good "Officer's wife."
Meaning... No tea and crumpets--Beer and Brauts all the way.
Also, should the Will and Grace Plan actually come to be...My loyalty. Unless kicked to the Curb; I'd be the wife to wait.
Sad actually, always seems like i'm waiting. well. back to monday and not catching feelings i guess. good night world. muawww!
9:49 PM | Filed Under | 1 Comments
I swear I don't control the weather... but perhaps my life has become a whirl-wind; ready to unleash.
Last night's/This morning's fun is still in the back of my mind.
As I did my "Community Service" for the day, I found myself just smiling.
If the world only knew...
Or if anyone knew for that matter....hmmm.
I must admitt though, I like that WHATEVER it is that I have going on right now is between us.
Last night's/This morning's fun is still in the back of my mind.
As I did my "Community Service" for the day, I found myself just smiling.
If the world only knew...
Or if anyone knew for that matter....hmmm.
I must admitt though, I like that WHATEVER it is that I have going on right now is between us.
4:33 PM | Filed Under | 0 Comments
Greek row slumber...
as perdicted, i'm exhausted, buzzed, and craashing at the purple frat
cave where all is safe and i don't have to be worried about judgement.
---
except i do.
uh oh, bad night....here HE comes
except i do.
uh oh, bad night....here HE comes
10:42 PM | Filed Under | 0 Comments
*sigh
"So...who's the guy?"
As C asked tonight,
"Just a friend"
"Why do I think you're lying to me?"
LOL--Don't Catch Feelings...
I'll be honest I don't know what to think, or feel or what ever...A week ago I shut him down so hard I'm surprised he ever called........and then last night I catch myself amazed that I'd known this boy seven years and didn't even know his last name.
Learned other things too....
Like how I really liked the fact that when he found my pack of tobacco and I told him it was for sweat, he only smiled and said "that makes sense."
For Five seconds I glanced and thought, "yeah if he said it's okay, then I could do it, I could fall"
then....like the girl I am....I changed my mind.
CANT DO IT!
Right?
As C asked tonight,
"Just a friend"
"Why do I think you're lying to me?"
LOL--Don't Catch Feelings...
I'll be honest I don't know what to think, or feel or what ever...A week ago I shut him down so hard I'm surprised he ever called........and then last night I catch myself amazed that I'd known this boy seven years and didn't even know his last name.
Learned other things too....
Like how I really liked the fact that when he found my pack of tobacco and I told him it was for sweat, he only smiled and said "that makes sense."
For Five seconds I glanced and thought, "yeah if he said it's okay, then I could do it, I could fall"
then....like the girl I am....I changed my mind.
CANT DO IT!
Right?
10:17 PM | Filed Under | 1 Comments
Ah!!!! doing bad things...maybe it's the wine. maybe it's the night, maybe it's the fact that homeboy #1 didn't pick up and homeboy #2 did, i don't know, but something fun tonight
10:14 PM | Filed Under | 2 Comments
Lol. you know you're a teacher when you wake up thinking hmmm that would make a great lesson. Other aside my Firefighter
Friend did it. My alarm goes off and i'm startled. The first thing that i think of: YATZI!!!
Friend did it. My alarm goes off and i'm startled. The first thing that i think of: YATZI!!!
6:30 AM | Filed Under | 0 Comments
No one can ever say my academics slid.
EMAILING PROF FROM CIRT
In other randomness. the to do list are starting again as we approach the end.
C ask me today when i'll in inactive. its beaming sooner than later i'm realizing
It will happen sooner than later i'm realizing
Tonight mixed emotions. one part is doing the Fuck boys tough girl act saying. hmmm. boys want me. as proven. but then again
i evaluated the boys that want me suck.the boys i want are "Unavailable?" to say the least?
So i don't blame me anymore. but it doesn't make it easier
For once i feel like i'm worth wanting. worth being proud of
Not the friday call. i'm more than the other girl thats into him. i'm not a number . there is no turn.
Bottom line is its hard not to catch feelings when he tm's once or a 100 times. he does just the right things or
When someone unknowingly to you or him still gets you smilling
EMAILING PROF FROM CIRT
In other randomness. the to do list are starting again as we approach the end.
C ask me today when i'll in inactive. its beaming sooner than later i'm realizing
It will happen sooner than later i'm realizing
Tonight mixed emotions. one part is doing the Fuck boys tough girl act saying. hmmm. boys want me. as proven. but then again
i evaluated the boys that want me suck.the boys i want are "Unavailable?" to say the least?
So i don't blame me anymore. but it doesn't make it easier
For once i feel like i'm worth wanting. worth being proud of
Not the friday call. i'm more than the other girl thats into him. i'm not a number . there is no turn.
Bottom line is its hard not to catch feelings when he tm's once or a 100 times. he does just the right things or
When someone unknowingly to you or him still gets you smilling
12:02 AM | Filed Under | 0 Comments
In a conversation with the Dentist i state: "Single looks good on me I guess... So does a dress. Hmmm."
9:37 PM | Filed Under | 0 Comments
sunday ends
In Quick like fashion:
I'm oh so happy....
Why...well theres the visit and revisit of old friends:
What I might have failed to mention in some of these stories is I haven't seen The Prophet and Crew for like 3 years...
these were the boys who knew me as "one of the guys"--a rep I'm still trying to live down, or rather, one that I destoyed thursday as I walked into Distillary.
I must say I had no idea dressing like a girl could make my liqour tab become obsolete. It was like, what do you want to drink, from every one of them, it was the best.
Best yet, is me having to find a dress to compliment the new 14kt gold necklace The Prophet left me as an upgrade to his dog tags.
hmmmm....
yeah my girls flipped when they saw that one...
"It is illegal for you to get that much ass" says my co-worker when she see's it.
--fellow kindergarten teacher might I add....
but no "ass" given in return, awww, much I'm sure to his sadness....
as I might say to another boys sadness this weekend...
Here's a story, so I haven't seen some of these boys for like 3 years right, well--me showing up looking cute seemed to take its effect, aside from gold "bling" (as the girls put it) I now have a new number in the cell, that yeah well, hmmm, don't know what to do about that.
Anyways, as I keep telling myself everytime my phone rings: we've been down the friend wanting more road, is it worth it?
But, let me admit the obvious:
I love the fact that The Prophet thinks I'm "more" than a hoodie.
I love the fact that Boy 3yrs ago, "has always wanted me" and is now blowing up my phone
I love the fact that NYC boy still calls me "sweety,"
I love that J makes the time to call me, and even when I don't have the time to return, he'll love me anyway,
I love that My Marine is saving up just to meet me in Chicago, cuz I'll be there,
I love that I have a purple frat cave to hide in when all of the above gets to silly, I'm drunk, or the two have become horridly intertwined and I need escape, and
I love that even though I have the busiest life in the world sometimes, I make time....
like tonight:
Time to IM, time to take calls, time to eat my left over PF Changs, sip the last of my red wine, laugh at the ridiculous amount of TM's left on my phone, blog some, chat some, and wish a silent wish for five more seconds of it for myself and others, but ultimately just being happy.
So lets not think on this but heres what ran through my mind...because J wants "the whole story,"
(Reminder/ Disclaimer: IF YOU'RE reading no getting mad--that's the rule--everything in here is just random disclosures of the randomness that is me and my so called life, its funny, it's weird, but most of all it's personal, so again if you know who I'm talking about, well you obviously someone I trust a hell of a lot in, so don't jack that up by being dumb. K-K)
Whole Story:
The Prophet, hopefully will not get mad, but yes, this Boy from 3 years ago is calling.
So here's a question: I don't pursue (or let him pursue) this right because
1. It breaks boy code: 3YRBOY is friends with the Prophet who like loves me enough to buy me gold, and hell I don't hook up with him (yes #3, the question is WHY NOT, but Um, ewe, he's like a brother)....
2. It breaks girl code: I used to be friends with his Girlfreind (Bad juju)
3. Not trying to "Catch Feelings" --It's been my mantra, therefore i should stick to it.
4. Not "Catching Feelings" has been working for me, and if I were to catch feelings I know, you know, i don't like the one boy one night, one boy another night, game. So I stick to the someone that makes me happy, right?
Or--even better, follow my chick book advice, and be happy with my wonderful dynamic sexy self, and he who is "INTO ME" will be the one to make the advances and will make it clear that "he really is into me."
hmmmm. alright J- you're filled in. I think.
From the land of entrapment to the lonelist state, there might be gaps, but that's the gist. drop a comment if you have a question.
I'm oh so happy....
Why...well theres the visit and revisit of old friends:
What I might have failed to mention in some of these stories is I haven't seen The Prophet and Crew for like 3 years...
these were the boys who knew me as "one of the guys"--a rep I'm still trying to live down, or rather, one that I destoyed thursday as I walked into Distillary.
I must say I had no idea dressing like a girl could make my liqour tab become obsolete. It was like, what do you want to drink, from every one of them, it was the best.
Best yet, is me having to find a dress to compliment the new 14kt gold necklace The Prophet left me as an upgrade to his dog tags.
hmmmm....
yeah my girls flipped when they saw that one...
"It is illegal for you to get that much ass" says my co-worker when she see's it.
--fellow kindergarten teacher might I add....
but no "ass" given in return, awww, much I'm sure to his sadness....
as I might say to another boys sadness this weekend...
Here's a story, so I haven't seen some of these boys for like 3 years right, well--me showing up looking cute seemed to take its effect, aside from gold "bling" (as the girls put it) I now have a new number in the cell, that yeah well, hmmm, don't know what to do about that.
Anyways, as I keep telling myself everytime my phone rings: we've been down the friend wanting more road, is it worth it?
But, let me admit the obvious:
I love the fact that The Prophet thinks I'm "more" than a hoodie.
I love the fact that Boy 3yrs ago, "has always wanted me" and is now blowing up my phone
I love the fact that NYC boy still calls me "sweety,"
I love that J makes the time to call me, and even when I don't have the time to return, he'll love me anyway,
I love that My Marine is saving up just to meet me in Chicago, cuz I'll be there,
I love that I have a purple frat cave to hide in when all of the above gets to silly, I'm drunk, or the two have become horridly intertwined and I need escape, and
I love that even though I have the busiest life in the world sometimes, I make time....
like tonight:
Time to IM, time to take calls, time to eat my left over PF Changs, sip the last of my red wine, laugh at the ridiculous amount of TM's left on my phone, blog some, chat some, and wish a silent wish for five more seconds of it for myself and others, but ultimately just being happy.
So lets not think on this but heres what ran through my mind...because J wants "the whole story,"
(Reminder/ Disclaimer: IF YOU'RE reading no getting mad--that's the rule--everything in here is just random disclosures of the randomness that is me and my so called life, its funny, it's weird, but most of all it's personal, so again if you know who I'm talking about, well you obviously someone I trust a hell of a lot in, so don't jack that up by being dumb. K-K)
Whole Story:
The Prophet, hopefully will not get mad, but yes, this Boy from 3 years ago is calling.
So here's a question: I don't pursue (or let him pursue) this right because
1. It breaks boy code: 3YRBOY is friends with the Prophet who like loves me enough to buy me gold, and hell I don't hook up with him (yes #3, the question is WHY NOT, but Um, ewe, he's like a brother)....
2. It breaks girl code: I used to be friends with his Girlfreind (Bad juju)
3. Not trying to "Catch Feelings" --It's been my mantra, therefore i should stick to it.
4. Not "Catching Feelings" has been working for me, and if I were to catch feelings I know, you know, i don't like the one boy one night, one boy another night, game. So I stick to the someone that makes me happy, right?
Or--even better, follow my chick book advice, and be happy with my wonderful dynamic sexy self, and he who is "INTO ME" will be the one to make the advances and will make it clear that "he really is into me."
hmmmm. alright J- you're filled in. I think.
From the land of entrapment to the lonelist state, there might be gaps, but that's the gist. drop a comment if you have a question.
9:24 PM | Filed Under | 1 Comments
Sunday Blip,
Thursday: Drank
Friday: Hang Over, followed by more drinking and stories of the "Alpha Female"
Saturday: Recovered, chilled, Lambda evening
Sunday:
Checked email: gonna cry: I missed the SETH HORAN CONCERT!!!!
I have waited threee damn months for this thing, and what do I do, not check my email one day, and boom it happens
GRRRRRRR
oh well, I'll get over it.
Other Sunday plans:
Wash Clothes
Return Clothes*
Eat
Do Lambda Paperwork, meeting at 6,
hmmmm. What else?
cry some more over Seth?--nah
um. dunno, homework I guess....boo my responsible-ness.
As always I will be making time for those you know that are important to me...so--> Use my phone, it's on, charged, and actually with me!
PS.
*How do I accumulate clothing that does not belong to me?
In this manner: just finished the convo:
dentist: just doing errands today
Lil zuby: me too. laundry
dentist: same
Lil zuby: so much laundry!!!
Lil zuby: question, are girls the only one who aquire other people laundry?
Lil zuby: is it like a gender thing?
dentist: no
Lil zuby: leave my sweat shirt or something around and it will be washed and returned?
Lil zuby: lol
dentist: sometimes
Lil zuby: i swer I have so many peoples crap
dentist: then give it back
Lil zuby: then again, i do "aquire" some
Lil zuby: sometime I don't even know who's crap it is
Lil zuby: lol
dentist: goodwill then
Lil zuby: i don't know who to give it too
Lil zuby: yup
Lil zuby: i'm gonna put up a sign:
Lil zuby: "All clothes left after one week will be donated"
dentist: sounds reasonable
Friday: Hang Over, followed by more drinking and stories of the "Alpha Female"
Saturday: Recovered, chilled, Lambda evening
Sunday:
Checked email: gonna cry: I missed the SETH HORAN CONCERT!!!!
I have waited threee damn months for this thing, and what do I do, not check my email one day, and boom it happens
GRRRRRRR
oh well, I'll get over it.
Other Sunday plans:
Wash Clothes
Return Clothes*
Eat
Do Lambda Paperwork, meeting at 6,
hmmmm. What else?
cry some more over Seth?--nah
um. dunno, homework I guess....boo my responsible-ness.
As always I will be making time for those you know that are important to me...so--> Use my phone, it's on, charged, and actually with me!
PS.
*How do I accumulate clothing that does not belong to me?
In this manner: just finished the convo:
dentist: just doing errands today
Lil zuby: me too. laundry
dentist: same
Lil zuby: so much laundry!!!
Lil zuby: question, are girls the only one who aquire other people laundry?
Lil zuby: is it like a gender thing?
dentist: no
Lil zuby: leave my sweat shirt or something around and it will be washed and returned?
Lil zuby: lol
dentist: sometimes
Lil zuby: i swer I have so many peoples crap
dentist: then give it back
Lil zuby: then again, i do "aquire" some
Lil zuby: sometime I don't even know who's crap it is
Lil zuby: lol
dentist: goodwill then
Lil zuby: i don't know who to give it too
Lil zuby: yup
Lil zuby: i'm gonna put up a sign:
Lil zuby: "All clothes left after one week will be donated"
dentist: sounds reasonable
11:33 AM | Filed Under | 0 Comments
Ah! I realized the whole reason I called my mother this afternoon was
to wish her a Happy Birthday, but me being me, I forgot to
remember. So...
Happy Birthday Mama.
I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always,
as long as I'm living
my Mommy you'll be.
Happy Birthday Mama.
I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always,
as long as I'm living
my Mommy you'll be.
10:58 PM | Filed Under | 0 Comments
No lie. I should be at Spring Storm. I'm up, and awake, and obviously playing on my phone. Point being- I just got home...
As other woke up around me to do good, I layed in bed and restated that I had asked for this weekend off . I am to accomadate my visitor; who--after 3 years, remains steadfast in making it his priority and was determined to see me drunk.
Oh! what can I say.
I grew up a little? developed a little class.
Anyways, after a random night of seeing "My Boys" approach and get approached by random drunken girls, I fled the scene to my 'cartoon channel, playboy channel, teddy bears and teddy's, weird but oh so safe frat cave.'
Perhaps, I would have liked to have been a half block down; but, without a vehicle of my own due to poor planning that didn't account for random drunk girls all getting invited over to the Birthday Boy's house*, I went where I knew a ride could be
procurred, a change of clothes offered, and despite the "you should know better than to trust boys" looks-I would be allowed to crash on the floor, till daylight and Spring Storm would call for me to go home.
Knowing despite the fighting, that "that" is still there--I gotta admit it's pretty nice and almost made up for the drunken-ness.
I'm finding I have very little tolerance for drunken girls.
But now Spring Storm has begun, I am returned home to where I shall sleep another 2 hours before my farewell lunch to a The PROPHET. Like JC himself, might return: Here- now gone.
Not unlike my ability to stay awake :)
As other woke up around me to do good, I layed in bed and restated that I had asked for this weekend off . I am to accomadate my visitor; who--after 3 years, remains steadfast in making it his priority and was determined to see me drunk.
Oh! what can I say.
I grew up a little? developed a little class.
Anyways, after a random night of seeing "My Boys" approach and get approached by random drunken girls, I fled the scene to my 'cartoon channel, playboy channel, teddy bears and teddy's, weird but oh so safe frat cave.'
Perhaps, I would have liked to have been a half block down; but, without a vehicle of my own due to poor planning that didn't account for random drunk girls all getting invited over to the Birthday Boy's house*, I went where I knew a ride could be
procurred, a change of clothes offered, and despite the "you should know better than to trust boys" looks-I would be allowed to crash on the floor, till daylight and Spring Storm would call for me to go home.
Knowing despite the fighting, that "that" is still there--I gotta admit it's pretty nice and almost made up for the drunken-ness.
I'm finding I have very little tolerance for drunken girls.
But now Spring Storm has begun, I am returned home to where I shall sleep another 2 hours before my farewell lunch to a The PROPHET. Like JC himself, might return: Here- now gone.
Not unlike my ability to stay awake :)
7:48 AM | Filed Under | 0 Comments
i must admit i have some mixed emotions tonight. another conversation with C another night without sleep. no ones fault but my
own. i wish i was coming home now to the fatigue i felt after being somewhere or with Someone you cared about. instead it
seems like i talked to long and wasted valuable time, sleep, and energy in the process. It shouldn't be this hard to maintain
a friendship... i'd like to blame the new girl, but i think that would be giving him to much credit. i'd like to say, it was
anything more than boredom-but, It's not. It's merely withdrawls from holding on tightly and now realizing its time to let go.
like most of the boys in my life, he apologized, made nice, and said i won't hurt you again...Except this time i'm tired. too
tired to deny whats blatantly obvious-- i'm fine alone, have been for some time, and will be till someone wants to change that
But as the book says, "Since when is good enough what were going for?"
Early morning fatigue in T-3 hours. :-)
own. i wish i was coming home now to the fatigue i felt after being somewhere or with Someone you cared about. instead it
seems like i talked to long and wasted valuable time, sleep, and energy in the process. It shouldn't be this hard to maintain
a friendship... i'd like to blame the new girl, but i think that would be giving him to much credit. i'd like to say, it was
anything more than boredom-but, It's not. It's merely withdrawls from holding on tightly and now realizing its time to let go.
like most of the boys in my life, he apologized, made nice, and said i won't hurt you again...Except this time i'm tired. too
tired to deny whats blatantly obvious-- i'm fine alone, have been for some time, and will be till someone wants to change that
But as the book says, "Since when is good enough what were going for?"
Early morning fatigue in T-3 hours. :-)
12:48 AM | Filed Under | 0 Comments
ah!!!!!!!!okay, i'm in Sociology--My Gender Course, and I think I just got scarrred out of my mind---Birth control as cancer causing--
I take my pill every day!!!!!!!!!!
I take my pill every day!!!!!!!!!!
5:11 PM | Filed Under | 1 Comments
I hate my life, I can't seem to study or do my homework...I'm calling it a night
gonna read a book hmmm....
He's just not that into ME, LOL
gonna read a book hmmm....
He's just not that into ME, LOL
8:49 PM | Filed Under | 0 Comments
Stalling....
Some quotes on "Doing"....(this while I procrastinate in the library).....
While some people have dreams ... i have plans.
Dreams come when people are sleeping - plans are accomplished when your on da grind.
This my friends applies to me - on da grind.
--Away message from my NY boy....yeah, he's got it figured out...
in the same respect, here's a quote from "the DJ"
"I tell people all the time, If you want to get ahead in this life, you gotta work like 70hrs a week--Thats how we do ma..."
---After seeing me bust at my comp for 2 hours solid.....we plan a club event, flyers, champagne room, VIP passes, a "donation" and some future party plans...
*****************
Had a song here, but wanted to make sure there was no confusion, so I have had place two in it's spot, just to compensate, lol!!!! enjoy.....awwww jes.....
How ya feelin'?
The day has had its way with both of us
And oh, I've gone out of my way
But I'm not free
From this pain I'm feeling
I was a fool to think someday
You would come around
But no, no, no
I'm not thinking that way
'Cause now i see
You are not what you seem
You are a mystery to me
Sometimes I just want to scream
I think you should just go away 'cause
There's no necessity for you to stay and
Next time you come around my way
Forget it baby
You're not comin' in
How's your day been? (yeah)
'Cause mine has taken strange and ugly turns
But no, no, no
I feel better today
Because I'm off my knees
You are not what you seem
You are a mystery to me
Sometimes I just want to scream
I think you should just go away 'cause
There's no necessity for you to stay and
Next time you come around my way
Forget it baby
You're not comin' in
A heart ready for a life of sorrow
No you can't come back tomorrow
Shut my windows
Lock my doors
'Cause my heart won't be your ragdoll anymore (yeah)
I think you should just go away 'cause
There's no necessity for you to stay and
Next time you come around my way
Forget it baby
You're not comin' in
A heart ready for a life of sorrow
No you can't come back tomorrow
Shut my windows
Lock my doors
'Cause my heart won't be your ragdoll anymore (oh oh yeah yeah)
'Cause my heart won't be your ragdoll anymore
**********
Yes I am
I hope you think you beat me
Hope I start talking crazy
Before you understand me
Are we through
You think that I'm beneath you
But you like the things that I do
Wrap em up and take em with you
I'm alright
Hope I can sleep for one night
If not to cool my insides
Maybe to calm my backside
Rain on me
I got a weakness in me
I think that weakness feeds me
I don't think you think you need me
Sunshine, you're the best time
I ever, ever had
But I think I made you feel bad
A black fly on your necktie
Time after time
[Chorus]
But when the sun starts sinking
On your beautiful soul
Make you cry, cry baby
Make you feel so cold
Don't you know it's alright
Sometimes you just got to show how you feel
Cause that's you baby
Hell, you're so real
Run this round in your head
Like you don't know what's on the inside
You don't know me too well
You ain't seen my bad side
Shame on me, shame on the things that I be
If you could complicate me
If you could get inside me
Sometimes, you're the best time
I've ever, ever known
A pretty girl with a wicked smile on
But I've cried for the last time
Something just don't feel right
[Chorus]
But when the sun starts sinking
On your beautiful soul
Make you cry, cry baby
Make you feel so cold
Don't you know it's alright
Sometimes you just got to show how you feel
Cause that's you baby
Hell, you're so real
You always know just who you are
You never needed someone else
To realize yourself
[Chorus]
How when the sun starts sinking
On your beautiful soul
Make you cry, cry baby
Make you feel so cold
Don't you know it's alright
Sometimes you just got to show how you feel
Cause that's you baby
Hell, you're so real
Yeah baby, you're so real
Yeah baby, you're so real
So real, so real
Oh god, yeah
Yeah, yeah
***************
So me and C aren't talking again....lol, what else is new?
This time though, I'll state it for the record, I just don't care....
And I'm too busy to respond to his messages right now,
In your words C, "Can we talk about this tommorow?"
While some people have dreams ... i have plans.
Dreams come when people are sleeping - plans are accomplished when your on da grind.
This my friends applies to me - on da grind.
--Away message from my NY boy....yeah, he's got it figured out...
in the same respect, here's a quote from "the DJ"
"I tell people all the time, If you want to get ahead in this life, you gotta work like 70hrs a week--Thats how we do ma..."
---After seeing me bust at my comp for 2 hours solid.....we plan a club event, flyers, champagne room, VIP passes, a "donation" and some future party plans...
*****************
Had a song here, but wanted to make sure there was no confusion, so I have had place two in it's spot, just to compensate, lol!!!! enjoy.....awwww jes.....
How ya feelin'?
The day has had its way with both of us
And oh, I've gone out of my way
But I'm not free
From this pain I'm feeling
I was a fool to think someday
You would come around
But no, no, no
I'm not thinking that way
'Cause now i see
You are not what you seem
You are a mystery to me
Sometimes I just want to scream
I think you should just go away 'cause
There's no necessity for you to stay and
Next time you come around my way
Forget it baby
You're not comin' in
How's your day been? (yeah)
'Cause mine has taken strange and ugly turns
But no, no, no
I feel better today
Because I'm off my knees
You are not what you seem
You are a mystery to me
Sometimes I just want to scream
I think you should just go away 'cause
There's no necessity for you to stay and
Next time you come around my way
Forget it baby
You're not comin' in
A heart ready for a life of sorrow
No you can't come back tomorrow
Shut my windows
Lock my doors
'Cause my heart won't be your ragdoll anymore (yeah)
I think you should just go away 'cause
There's no necessity for you to stay and
Next time you come around my way
Forget it baby
You're not comin' in
A heart ready for a life of sorrow
No you can't come back tomorrow
Shut my windows
Lock my doors
'Cause my heart won't be your ragdoll anymore (oh oh yeah yeah)
'Cause my heart won't be your ragdoll anymore
**********
Yes I am
I hope you think you beat me
Hope I start talking crazy
Before you understand me
Are we through
You think that I'm beneath you
But you like the things that I do
Wrap em up and take em with you
I'm alright
Hope I can sleep for one night
If not to cool my insides
Maybe to calm my backside
Rain on me
I got a weakness in me
I think that weakness feeds me
I don't think you think you need me
Sunshine, you're the best time
I ever, ever had
But I think I made you feel bad
A black fly on your necktie
Time after time
[Chorus]
But when the sun starts sinking
On your beautiful soul
Make you cry, cry baby
Make you feel so cold
Don't you know it's alright
Sometimes you just got to show how you feel
Cause that's you baby
Hell, you're so real
Run this round in your head
Like you don't know what's on the inside
You don't know me too well
You ain't seen my bad side
Shame on me, shame on the things that I be
If you could complicate me
If you could get inside me
Sometimes, you're the best time
I've ever, ever known
A pretty girl with a wicked smile on
But I've cried for the last time
Something just don't feel right
[Chorus]
But when the sun starts sinking
On your beautiful soul
Make you cry, cry baby
Make you feel so cold
Don't you know it's alright
Sometimes you just got to show how you feel
Cause that's you baby
Hell, you're so real
You always know just who you are
You never needed someone else
To realize yourself
[Chorus]
How when the sun starts sinking
On your beautiful soul
Make you cry, cry baby
Make you feel so cold
Don't you know it's alright
Sometimes you just got to show how you feel
Cause that's you baby
Hell, you're so real
Yeah baby, you're so real
Yeah baby, you're so real
So real, so real
Oh god, yeah
Yeah, yeah
***************
So me and C aren't talking again....lol, what else is new?
This time though, I'll state it for the record, I just don't care....
And I'm too busy to respond to his messages right now,
In your words C, "Can we talk about this tommorow?"
6:15 PM | Filed Under | 0 Comments
I've decided I don't need a plaque. I don't need approval. I am the Fucking Alumnae of the Year!!!
11:37 PM | Filed Under | 0 Comments
Like "A," # 1-219-555-5555. who's that? hmmm. delete. i scroll thru my buddy list. hmmm. homeboy is never on. delete. will he
ever call, IM, or text? No. Delete.
REASON? I'm bored+Realistic+ too tired to do more homework. so. yeah. so now after playing clean up on my phone,
Delete. Delete. Delete. In a fit of impatience, as I wait for sleep to come I've deleted many a screen names and cell numbers.
ever call, IM, or text? No. Delete.
REASON? I'm bored+Realistic+ too tired to do more homework. so. yeah. so now after playing clean up on my phone,
Delete. Delete. Delete. In a fit of impatience, as I wait for sleep to come I've deleted many a screen names and cell numbers.
9:47 PM | Filed Under | 0 Comments
Poem from FM
Just wanted to share this poem.... hope its ok... *he bows*
I'm Sorry
Michael Guinn
Every time I see you! I hear the melody of raindrops and realize that
... you are crying inside. And someday� I'll write a poem that wins the
Nobel peace prize for the peace I couldn't find in your eyes.
You� be that poet, writer, soul survivor and your misery, cuts through
me�truly.. taking me back to that moment in your story where you first
lost your glory.
And I... can only imagine how it must feel to have wings and not be
able to fly.
That has to be the most painful feeling any woman could bear.
Well�.I've never known that feeling. I�ve never felt the sting of words
with out wings become dirty pretty things.
And I�ve never screamed at the top of my lungs and had no one hear my
cry. I�ve never known what that was like. I�ve never known.
And even though I've never been where you are, I can still feel the
scar on your spirit. Cause when you speak� I hear it.
And even though I've never had hopes bashed�I can still hear the echo
of dreams smashed like a thousand fist against the window of your past.
But � I.. have had words trapped like Terri Schiavo�s Verbs.. dying to
get out and had doubt� just beat them back down until they became
poetic lumps in the throat of my soul. I�ve known�. what THAT�S like! I�ve
known!
But tonight �I REFUSE to let you stand there all alone� wrapped in
blues, clutching black, seeing red.
YOUR Sunshine is just hiding behind dark clouds waiting for you to
shout out loud that you are no longer a slave to pen without ink. YOU CAN
THINK...
And your VOICE� WILL NOT BECOME SIGN LANGUAGE FOR THE GHOST OF YOUR
ANGUISH! BECAUSE TONIGHT! YOUR WORDS TAKE FLIGHT! THEY SOAR! Traveling
from metaphor to metaphor, giving life to
incomplete sentences! THEY SOAR!
Stretching the limitations of sound, YOUR words fan the clouds and cool
the sky�
They Soar�Capturing the moment...
They Soar!...Freeing the soul.... They Soar! THEY SOAR!!
And ..I just wanna say .. I'm sorry�
Sorry for every man who never said HE was sorry.
Sorry �for all those times�your essence was left dying in the shade of
never.. forever road kill for vultures�too stupid to see� that in your
eyes blooms the seed of their culture.
Sorry �for all those nights your heart was left tangled in the curve of
a smile as crooked as his shifty grin... To me THAT is the greatest
sin!
And I want you to know that the prize between your thighs could never
match the beauty inside your eyes�. because you are beautiful.
And I PROMISE to never disrespect you with fist, hurt or pain� Just
protect you with prayers and be your umbrella in the rain..
And I know you may not believe me, I KNOW�
But � tonight �.I'll take that chance to say�"Beaumont".....I'm sorry.
Michael is an award winning poet/performer from Jacksonville Texas now
residing between Fort Worth and Sacramento Ca. www.mikeguinn.com
http://www.cdbaby.com/michaelguinn
I'm Sorry
Michael Guinn
Every time I see you! I hear the melody of raindrops and realize that
... you are crying inside. And someday� I'll write a poem that wins the
Nobel peace prize for the peace I couldn't find in your eyes.
You� be that poet, writer, soul survivor and your misery, cuts through
me�truly.. taking me back to that moment in your story where you first
lost your glory.
And I... can only imagine how it must feel to have wings and not be
able to fly.
That has to be the most painful feeling any woman could bear.
Well�.I've never known that feeling. I�ve never felt the sting of words
with out wings become dirty pretty things.
And I�ve never screamed at the top of my lungs and had no one hear my
cry. I�ve never known what that was like. I�ve never known.
And even though I've never been where you are, I can still feel the
scar on your spirit. Cause when you speak� I hear it.
And even though I've never had hopes bashed�I can still hear the echo
of dreams smashed like a thousand fist against the window of your past.
But � I.. have had words trapped like Terri Schiavo�s Verbs.. dying to
get out and had doubt� just beat them back down until they became
poetic lumps in the throat of my soul. I�ve known�. what THAT�S like! I�ve
known!
But tonight �I REFUSE to let you stand there all alone� wrapped in
blues, clutching black, seeing red.
YOUR Sunshine is just hiding behind dark clouds waiting for you to
shout out loud that you are no longer a slave to pen without ink. YOU CAN
THINK...
And your VOICE� WILL NOT BECOME SIGN LANGUAGE FOR THE GHOST OF YOUR
ANGUISH! BECAUSE TONIGHT! YOUR WORDS TAKE FLIGHT! THEY SOAR! Traveling
from metaphor to metaphor, giving life to
incomplete sentences! THEY SOAR!
Stretching the limitations of sound, YOUR words fan the clouds and cool
the sky�
They Soar�Capturing the moment...
They Soar!...Freeing the soul.... They Soar! THEY SOAR!!
And ..I just wanna say .. I'm sorry�
Sorry for every man who never said HE was sorry.
Sorry �for all those times�your essence was left dying in the shade of
never.. forever road kill for vultures�too stupid to see� that in your
eyes blooms the seed of their culture.
Sorry �for all those nights your heart was left tangled in the curve of
a smile as crooked as his shifty grin... To me THAT is the greatest
sin!
And I want you to know that the prize between your thighs could never
match the beauty inside your eyes�. because you are beautiful.
And I PROMISE to never disrespect you with fist, hurt or pain� Just
protect you with prayers and be your umbrella in the rain..
And I know you may not believe me, I KNOW�
But � tonight �.I'll take that chance to say�"Beaumont".....I'm sorry.
Michael is an award winning poet/performer from Jacksonville Texas now
residing between Fort Worth and Sacramento Ca. www.mikeguinn.com
http://www.cdbaby.com/michaelguinn
6:41 PM | Filed Under | 0 Comments
"I'm the Center of my own little Universe"
Hello Little Universe:
(If C read this, or if anyone could get in my head, you would know this is truly Hilarious--but since this probably ramble to 100% of those reading, lets move on:)
I am listening to "The PEAK," generous donators of comp American Rejects' tickets. In a word: score. That's April 15th.
Plan Change: Was gonna go to CLOVIS, and no not to see a boy, but to hang with the girls as they saw theirs. :)
(If my LS15 read this, which she won't cuz she's mad stressing, she's be smiling and saying in her Cute Voice: "Ugh-huh")
But why the change we all ask? Well uh-duh, Prophets coming into town, I can't just leave him un-chaperoned. Hee Hee
So people have been asking, "Who is this guy?"
Um....hello its The Prophet.
Aside from saying it's Jesus Christ himself, which I won't, he's just the coolest guy ever.
And let me point out: The Prophet is a "guy" --not to be confused with a "boy."
But--The similarities:
Christ can make water into wine,
The Prophet makes wine run like water, and miracullouslly it all disapears too? hmmmm.
Christ preaches the love thy neighbor thing;
Prophet: Well this fine man can make people who haven't seen each other, those who haven't talked to each other, in like "YEARS" come together in a moment all to await his arrival.
He was my "crews" glue.
He is the one I think about everytime I hear "good times" or Blink 182's "23."
(wow, i just remembered I have underlining ability--Sorry, moving on...)
The Prophet is just cool peoples, and he's my bud. Surprisingly though, the only person that knows him outside of my "crew" is well C, who knows everything. hmmm.
Well---almost everything. Some things just don't need to be spoken, or said--ever, or mentioned here, for that matter.
hmmm....Sadly I hate this new, lets just not tell each other "that part of our lives" scenario me and C got going on. Well, just so all you Ladies know, as of last night he may no longer be on the market--yes the comit-a-phobe.
In the words of my Six, "He's just not that into you."
a book that has now been loaned to me, lets see if I get 5 to read it.
other news. oh I guess the Weekend recap, followed by upcoming me-ness:
Friday:
Drank at the Brick, good times.
Drank like high-schoolers on the side of some random house because we were too lazy to go home but not brave enough to drink and drive...childish maybe, silly definately, but all in all, good times.
After an hour in line and trying with all compasion not to hit the girl in front of me for being a (insert your favorite vulgar expression here) --we get into the Club.
Girls got open tabs running, and somehow I'm the recipient of generosity.
aww, the drinking continues, good times, but now older and wiser, I have learned. yes--there is a stopping point, and at 1 am I hit mine.
Some, unfortunately have not learned this lesson, and from 2-3 am, suffered the reprucussions.
uh-yeah, not so pretty.
Fortunately, I had alternative plans at 3:30 and leaving everyone dutifully, on their sides tucked away in drunken slumbers I proceeded to pursue them.
After careful manuever of questions and cops, I found myself right where I wanted to be, in bed and Confortable; a feeling that undoubtatedly will pass.
A day later I look back and think the late nights are getting harder to pull off, but affirm to myself with a smile--yeah, all worth it.
Saturday:
After I wake up to the land of the living, oh, lets say 2pm-ish. I make my way to see Co-worker boy one last time and collect my check.
With kind words regarding how I "be coming all up in here" and a free sandwich, I'm feeling uplifted again, which makes perfect seg-way to time with C.
A random occurance now-a-days, with only short mention of what are nights were like, only to be more focussed on the time we plan on making for each other in the future....
Like:
April 8th: Movie 7-9/10pm
(Cuz I'm gonna be with the Prophet later on you see...)
April 15th: American Rejects (Do you know anyone else aside from the 14yr old cuteness that would enjoy them?)
April 12th: The Return of the sock-blowing-off, Seth Horan,
and something else...hmm.
Well all in all that was my calender. Add The Prophets return April 7th-April 9th and I'm smiling.
Oh!!!! That was it! Poetry Slams.
April 9th. 7pm Blue Dragon. ah-yes, lol--I can bet money on it now, he won't go, but I will. (With or without him, thats how it's gotta be... ooh, maybe I'll take The Prophet with me???hmmm... I know you're reading--so how 'bout it? Poetry prior to Party?)
So Saturday night, yes, Poetry. Thats what I did...to be followed by kegger with Ksig-ness, but yeah, bed just seemed far more intriguing...
Then before I drifted compliments were exchanged, and I slept still thinking it was all worth it.
Awoke this morning, ON TIME,
did my Lambda Thang, worked this afternoon, got a few phone calls from friends, and made a few phone calls to friends, and alas I must now return to the dilegent task of grad life and studies
All in all this weekend was "good times"--
Speaking of which, I leave with the lyrics from a back porch poet, lol--
(Yes, poetry lately, right?--that and yeah it played on the radio--so why fight it, what can you do? Me, I'm going with it...)
I'm so alive
I'm so enlightened
I can barely survive
A night in my mind
I've got a plan
I'm gonna find out just how boring I am
And have a good time
Cause ever since I tried
Trying not to find
Every little meaning in my life
It's been fine
I've been cool
With my new golden rule
Numb is the new deep
Done with the old me
And talk is the same cheap it's been
Is there a God?
Why is he waiting?
Don't you think of it odd
When he knows my address?
And look at the stars
Don't they remind you of just how feeble we are?
Well it used to, I guess
Cause ever since I tried
Trying not to find
Every little meaning in my life
It's been fine
I've been cool
With my new golden rule
Numb is the new deep
Done with the old me
And talk is the same cheap
It's been
I'm a new man
I wear a new cologne and
You wouldn't know me if your eyes were closed
I know what you'll say
'This won't last longer than the rest of the day'
But you're wrong this time
You're wrong
Numb is the new deep
Done with the old me
I'm over the analyzing
Tonight
Stop trying to figure it out
(you try to figure, you try to figure it out)
It will only bring you down
You know, I used to be the back
porch poet with my book of rhymes
Always open knowing all the time I'm problably
Never gonna find the perfect rhyme
For 'heavier things'
(If C read this, or if anyone could get in my head, you would know this is truly Hilarious--but since this probably ramble to 100% of those reading, lets move on:)
I am listening to "The PEAK," generous donators of comp American Rejects' tickets. In a word: score. That's April 15th.
Plan Change: Was gonna go to CLOVIS, and no not to see a boy, but to hang with the girls as they saw theirs. :)
(If my LS15 read this, which she won't cuz she's mad stressing, she's be smiling and saying in her Cute Voice: "Ugh-huh")
But why the change we all ask? Well uh-duh, Prophets coming into town, I can't just leave him un-chaperoned. Hee Hee
So people have been asking, "Who is this guy?"
Um....hello its The Prophet.
Aside from saying it's Jesus Christ himself, which I won't, he's just the coolest guy ever.
And let me point out: The Prophet is a "guy" --not to be confused with a "boy."
But--The similarities:
Christ can make water into wine,
The Prophet makes wine run like water, and miracullouslly it all disapears too? hmmmm.
Christ preaches the love thy neighbor thing;
Prophet: Well this fine man can make people who haven't seen each other, those who haven't talked to each other, in like "YEARS" come together in a moment all to await his arrival.
He was my "crews" glue.
He is the one I think about everytime I hear "good times" or Blink 182's "23."
(wow, i just remembered I have underlining ability--Sorry, moving on...)
The Prophet is just cool peoples, and he's my bud. Surprisingly though, the only person that knows him outside of my "crew" is well C, who knows everything. hmmm.
Well---almost everything. Some things just don't need to be spoken, or said--ever, or mentioned here, for that matter.
hmmm....Sadly I hate this new, lets just not tell each other "that part of our lives" scenario me and C got going on. Well, just so all you Ladies know, as of last night he may no longer be on the market--yes the comit-a-phobe.
In the words of my Six, "He's just not that into you."
a book that has now been loaned to me, lets see if I get 5 to read it.
other news. oh I guess the Weekend recap, followed by upcoming me-ness:
Friday:
Drank at the Brick, good times.
Drank like high-schoolers on the side of some random house because we were too lazy to go home but not brave enough to drink and drive...childish maybe, silly definately, but all in all, good times.
After an hour in line and trying with all compasion not to hit the girl in front of me for being a (insert your favorite vulgar expression here) --we get into the Club.
Girls got open tabs running, and somehow I'm the recipient of generosity.
aww, the drinking continues, good times, but now older and wiser, I have learned. yes--there is a stopping point, and at 1 am I hit mine.
Some, unfortunately have not learned this lesson, and from 2-3 am, suffered the reprucussions.
uh-yeah, not so pretty.
Fortunately, I had alternative plans at 3:30 and leaving everyone dutifully, on their sides tucked away in drunken slumbers I proceeded to pursue them.
After careful manuever of questions and cops, I found myself right where I wanted to be, in bed and Confortable; a feeling that undoubtatedly will pass.
A day later I look back and think the late nights are getting harder to pull off, but affirm to myself with a smile--yeah, all worth it.
Saturday:
After I wake up to the land of the living, oh, lets say 2pm-ish. I make my way to see Co-worker boy one last time and collect my check.
With kind words regarding how I "be coming all up in here" and a free sandwich, I'm feeling uplifted again, which makes perfect seg-way to time with C.
A random occurance now-a-days, with only short mention of what are nights were like, only to be more focussed on the time we plan on making for each other in the future....
Like:
April 8th: Movie 7-9/10pm
(Cuz I'm gonna be with the Prophet later on you see...)
April 15th: American Rejects (Do you know anyone else aside from the 14yr old cuteness that would enjoy them?)
April 12th: The Return of the sock-blowing-off, Seth Horan,
and something else...hmm.
Well all in all that was my calender. Add The Prophets return April 7th-April 9th and I'm smiling.
Oh!!!! That was it! Poetry Slams.
April 9th. 7pm Blue Dragon. ah-yes, lol--I can bet money on it now, he won't go, but I will. (With or without him, thats how it's gotta be... ooh, maybe I'll take The Prophet with me???hmmm... I know you're reading--so how 'bout it? Poetry prior to Party?)
So Saturday night, yes, Poetry. Thats what I did...to be followed by kegger with Ksig-ness, but yeah, bed just seemed far more intriguing...
Then before I drifted compliments were exchanged, and I slept still thinking it was all worth it.
Awoke this morning, ON TIME,
did my Lambda Thang, worked this afternoon, got a few phone calls from friends, and made a few phone calls to friends, and alas I must now return to the dilegent task of grad life and studies
All in all this weekend was "good times"--
Speaking of which, I leave with the lyrics from a back porch poet, lol--
(Yes, poetry lately, right?--that and yeah it played on the radio--so why fight it, what can you do? Me, I'm going with it...)
I'm so alive
I'm so enlightened
I can barely survive
A night in my mind
I've got a plan
I'm gonna find out just how boring I am
And have a good time
Cause ever since I tried
Trying not to find
Every little meaning in my life
It's been fine
I've been cool
With my new golden rule
Numb is the new deep
Done with the old me
And talk is the same cheap it's been
Is there a God?
Why is he waiting?
Don't you think of it odd
When he knows my address?
And look at the stars
Don't they remind you of just how feeble we are?
Well it used to, I guess
Cause ever since I tried
Trying not to find
Every little meaning in my life
It's been fine
I've been cool
With my new golden rule
Numb is the new deep
Done with the old me
And talk is the same cheap
It's been
I'm a new man
I wear a new cologne and
You wouldn't know me if your eyes were closed
I know what you'll say
'This won't last longer than the rest of the day'
But you're wrong this time
You're wrong
Numb is the new deep
Done with the old me
I'm over the analyzing
Tonight
Stop trying to figure it out
(you try to figure, you try to figure it out)
It will only bring you down
You know, I used to be the back
porch poet with my book of rhymes
Always open knowing all the time I'm problably
Never gonna find the perfect rhyme
For 'heavier things'
6:35 PM | Filed Under | 0 Comments
Don't know how...
Okay, it's been a long time since Brick and I gotta admit, I'm glad
those girls have more pull with me then boys. Maybe it's the 2.50 Happy
Hour? Maybe it's MY FAVORITE BARTENDER!!! :)
Anyways, there ain't nothing like Sisters to hold you back when you're catching feelings. And nothing like Sisters to make you waste the time you know you don't have...but, i'm living for right now, and tired is just a state of mind.
*Sigh. But going back to "catching feelings"...At the Brick, I run into * lets say* a Man of the Blue, an older more aged rendition of those Boys and Blue, (aka Alum) and I must say I am impressed.
Despite everything that has gone down, in this Gentleman's House-- nonetheless-- with my EX, this alum was beyond decent, approachable, and kind. We talk of the Boys, how I miss them, Greek-ness, and upcoming events. He talks of Formal, I speak of Founders Week. I invite him to mine, he says he hasn't the slightest as to when his is.
Time and again, these men give me an affiliation and friendships to be proud of.
Ladies, or whomever might be reading, I'm not sorry, those boys still have my heart...
Hearts-hmmm. Some are wondering if I have one-- People are wondering. After my Spring Break escapade, there have been no "boys" lately--haha. Well the end result is no reprucussions, and little fear. Or maybe it's a lot of fear and therfore the push to say, "just go with it." But lately, I'm thinking there may just be nothing to go with? I shall see...yet again the invite goes out-- i'll see if the door will be opened once again?
Unitl then Rendevouz at 10, then downtown, then ????
If you got my number, use it. :)
Anyways, there ain't nothing like Sisters to hold you back when you're catching feelings. And nothing like Sisters to make you waste the time you know you don't have...but, i'm living for right now, and tired is just a state of mind.
*Sigh. But going back to "catching feelings"...At the Brick, I run into * lets say* a Man of the Blue, an older more aged rendition of those Boys and Blue, (aka Alum) and I must say I am impressed.
Despite everything that has gone down, in this Gentleman's House-- nonetheless-- with my EX, this alum was beyond decent, approachable, and kind. We talk of the Boys, how I miss them, Greek-ness, and upcoming events. He talks of Formal, I speak of Founders Week. I invite him to mine, he says he hasn't the slightest as to when his is.
Time and again, these men give me an affiliation and friendships to be proud of.
Ladies, or whomever might be reading, I'm not sorry, those boys still have my heart...
Hearts-hmmm. Some are wondering if I have one-- People are wondering. After my Spring Break escapade, there have been no "boys" lately--haha. Well the end result is no reprucussions, and little fear. Or maybe it's a lot of fear and therfore the push to say, "just go with it." But lately, I'm thinking there may just be nothing to go with? I shall see...yet again the invite goes out-- i'll see if the door will be opened once again?
Unitl then Rendevouz at 10, then downtown, then ????
If you got my number, use it. :)
7:47 PM | Filed Under | 0 Comments
Blog Archive
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2005
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April
(36)
- I need buckets and buckets of ice. but i guess i'l...
- 3a.m. And 3B left. Off to do what he needs to do.....
- 6:30 a.m.: Do you know where your pledge is? Morn...
- Yes C. i believe in unconditional love. i believe ...
- Have you ever....
- Forward from mom...
- I just aced a final project and yeah... i'm happy ...
- The Party...part 1
- "Don't catch a feelin'" lived up to It's name. lad...
- can't even begin to describe last night without so...
- J--Ay personas que me querida que los hombres que ...
- "I was always looking outside myself for strength ...
- Hmmmm, Comment #3
- Lol. I just got done in class, and my housemate is...
- Awwww...My Marine made my night. We discussed ...
- I swear I don't control the weather... but perhaps...
- Greek row slumber...
- *sigh
- Ah!!!! doing bad things...maybe it's the wine. may...
- Lol. you know you're a teacher when you wake up th...
- No one can ever say my academics slid. EMAILING...
- Have you seen YOUR Facebook Lately?
- In a conversation with the Dentist i state: "Singl...
- sunday ends
- Sunday Blip,
- Ah! I realized the whole reason I called my mother...
- No lie. I should be at Spring Storm. I'm up, and a...
- i must admit i have some mixed emotions tonight. a...
- ah!!!!!!!!okay, i'm in Sociology--My Gender Course...
- I hate my life, I can't seem to study or do my hom...
- Stalling....
- I've decided I don't need a plaque. I don't need a...
- Like "A," # 1-219-555-5555. who's that? hmmm. dele...
- Poem from FM
- "I'm the Center of my own little Universe"
- Don't know how...
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April
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