I really don't know what to do....lol. Things and people are turning my downs to ups, and my tears to laughter. All I really know is that it'll all work out it the end.
Favorite Quote: hope I get it right?
"Love is an infinate thing, defined only by everything that we are."
How can I not fall to pieces? Grrrr, LOL. I don't know if I'm frustrated or just demonstrating I'm a "Twisty, Pretzel Tiger."
It’s amazing what friends can make you do. I mean the true power of friendship probably supercedes love in a million ways.
So, I go out with the boys last night. I love boys. Theres nothing more to say than that. Boys are the best. If I had gay guy friends who could raid my closet I might never need females outside of discussing the agony that boys bring to our lives. Even with that said, hmmm….that seems to be my sole topic with most boys, on how other boys make my life miserable. And I don’t know why they put up with it?
My moms boyfriend says, "Deep down, boys only want one thing. They always think that friendship will transcend and they will get more than friendship eventually. If they had the chance they would get in your pants."
I disagree. In the wise words of Cruel Intentions,
“I hate being Mary Sunshine. Excuse me for exuding confidence, and liking sex….”
The bitch has her life ruined eventually, but she had a point.
Anyways, I keep running across boys that have no intention of sleeping with me, they just genuinely want friendship. The Marine, okay now he was my first encounter, god I loved him. Still do, really. I so would have done anything for that man. Still would probably. Hmmmm….he’ll be back in October. Damn other continent and oceans keeping us apart. L Anyway, I’ve made him swear to marry me if we’re both single by 35. So in the end I guess I might win, I mean at the rate I’m going I have pretty goododds. Playa Playa was my second encounter, but I wanted him, and eventually, I got him. But we’re still friends. He’ll always have a piece of my heart, and my friendship to him is unconditional. Now most recently there is my Mr. Someone, who is just the coolest friend ever in this weird way; I’ve never had a friend like him. I have never talked to Mr. Someone about my personal life---we actually talk about stuff, and not just stuff, like strawberry ice cream, but ambitions, and life philosophies. Well, anyway, he’s smart and he can see the complications that intimacy brings to friendship. So that’s man number three that can leave my pants alone. Yet, again, I wanted him, and well, hmm….I don’t think I’m proving my point?
Okay different route, there are the true friends who have been my friends for years….well, true friend number 1: I know he told me he loved me once, but he stayed my friend even though I told him there was nothing there. Still, given the opportunity, would he take it? Well, maybe I am a very hard person to turn down?
At the moment, I still might have the best friend wanting more too. I didn’t expect that one. Hell, my mind keeps swimming on it. How do you tell your best friend you’re falling in love with them? I don’t think you’re supposed to? But isn’t that what everyone wants? To be in love with their best friend? Isn’t that what all my late night conversations have always been? Why can’t the man I love be my best friend? And yet now I have that chance….
I put on my make up and got all dressed up last night to go out, and I was sad for the first time, that I really don’t do this for my best friends. I mean my sister is right, I only look great, and make an effort when I want something.
So, ultimately my best friends have seen me at my worst. I mean, they see me when the mascara is running, and some jerk stood me up, and they're there with spoons when my smile can only be found at the bottom of a Ben and Jerry’s pint. LOL, They’ve seen me go to the gym and sweat and work off the B&J and bitch about fitting into a dress for formal. LOL. They’ve seen me trashed, they’ve held my hair, they’ve carried me to bed, and they’ve never taken advantage. There really is something to be said for that kind of friendship. It is a powerful, powerful thing, one doesn’t give up for much. Do you give that up for love?
I do….I don’t know why I’ve been lying to myself about that. These guys and gals in my life have taken the back seat to my love life time and time before. It’s messed me up actually. I’m sorry guys. Put me in check okay? I don’t ever want to do that again, okay? Not to you, not to me.
I know these are innocent ramblings lately; nothing consistent and nothing really coherent to let anyone really know what’s going on with my life. I’ll clear it up in the next day or two….got nothing much to really do, but for some reason or another I’m just coming out with verbal projectile.
It's 8:37am and I'm wide awake. I've managed to sleep through the 3yr old screaming wake up call, my mothers obsession with laundry, the 13yr old getting ready for band, and my "14 yr old crush" coming to join her and making his acute observations about my thong underwear sitting atop my folded laundry.
What awakes me instead two hours later is the sound that would alarm any girl in the desert, the sound of water hitting pavement; the rain. It's funny how the sky cries with you sometimes.
Amused, I go online to write this quick tidbit down, and am greeted by many an electroniclly posted yellow "away" messages. I sit and ponder these messages sometimes, and often, (as learned by C) 'drop some luv.'
As I respond to one of these yellow tags I'm reminded of a song...
Stoned Lyrics
When you're stoned, baby, I am drunk
We make love seems a little dazzler
It's hard sometimes not to look away
And think what's the point when I'm having to hold this fine time
I think I'll explode if I can't feel this free now
[Chorus:]
If you won't let me fall for you
Then you won't see the best things I would love to do for you
Instead you will be missing me when I go
As I want to hang it out in your coat
I feel love baby, joy in the road
And the world moves with me
I feel love start just slip away silently
Quietly take the things and go
And think what's the point, think where's the hope when coming home
[Chorus]
And if you find one day, find some freedom merrily
With this freedom maybe, maybe you will find some peace
With this peace baby, I hope it brings you back to me
Bring you home, take me home
[Chorus]
Oh, take me home
Oh, take me home
When you're stoned, baby, take me home
Oh...
Phone call from J-low chimes in...the rumors never stopped, great....and the rain continues to pour.
Blah blah blah,...."if you are happy your mind will force you to smile, conversely if you force a smile, it tricks your mind into thinking you might be happy." 100 Women
Knowing I can always turn to C, to find my smile I call. C, asks "what would make you happy right now?" and I know he would do whatever just to make me happy. I know he would.
I tell him I might never go to Never Never Land; I can't find my happy thought.
We talk about love, and how I understand how everyone who loves me, loves me as their perfect friend. I'm no one's someone, and everyones someone all in one. As the kid says, I'm a contradiction in a box. You know the only guy friend that I've probably never kissed has been C? Not sure, but pretty sure, might have to check.
I've done what is being done to me. Wanting only to make things better in the long run and unfortunately hurting someone temporarily so as not to hurt them more in the furture, at least not taking that gamble.
It really does suck when you know that you could make someone love you more, worse yet, is knowing you should love someone who loves you, but for whatever reason you don't, or can't. Two ends of the candle, and I seem to be burning both of them tonight.
Well here's the song I knew I'd play....but somehow it means less now.
It's the way
That he makes you feel
It's the way
That he kisses you
It's the way
That he makes you fall in love
She's beautiful as usual with bruises on her ego and
Her killer instinct tells her to beware of evil men
And that's what you get for falling again
You can never get 'em out of your head
And that's what you get for falling again
You can never get 'em out of your head
It's the way
That he makes you feel
It's the way
That he kisses you
It's the way
That he makes you fall in love
It's the way
That he makes you feel
It's the way
That he kisses you
It's the way
That he makes you fall in love
Love
Pretty girl, pretty girl
Pretty girl is suffering, while he confesses everything
Pretty soon she'll figure out
You can never get 'em out of your head
It's the way
That he makes you cry
It's the way
That he in your mind
It's the way
That he makes you fall in love
It's the way
That he makes you feel
It's the way
That he kisses you
It's the way
That he makes you fall in love
Love
There is nothing more annoying then writing about a page and a half of your thoughts, and then loosing it to a random computer glitch. Grrrr….
Recap from the blur that is the last few days….
I have returned to the city that’s slogan remains “Just add Water,” after a non-eventful, but great trip to the land of enchantment with the baby sister.
Moments that were memorable:
Thursday; rather than meet up with anyone, I pass out from exhaustion and a severe migraine.
Friday: Meet up with C. Sis gets a surprise gift, as do I. I always do love getting Cd’s. Meet up with J-low. She loves her birthday gift I picked her up.
Saturday: Roam the city for anything fun, settle on J-low for the sis, I have a brief visit with someone special, and call the tattoo artist for a consultation. After ‘ritas at Chilis, we all head to the race track. Despite being in dirt, feeling ‘spit on’ by the weather, and despite not understanding anything going on, we learn to waive at the drivers, make cracks at everything around us, and somehow have a blast.
Sunday: Brunch and Shopping with C, I wear his cologne, and think it smells better on me, good times.
Later that day, put briefly—‘Sneak’ sister into punk show through back alley,
Ticket cost $16.
Seven multi-band buttons$2
Demo CD: $1
Fighting in the mash pit for a cd thrown into the crowd: Free
Grabbing a t-shirt thrown in the mosh pit: Free
Set a bad example, steal two “Vote for something” buttons off stage: Free
Having a cardboard box thrown at us from one of the bands with nothing left: Free
Having some guy step on me and leave me a bruise for a day: Free
Having little sister go kick that guys ass in her first mosh pit: awww, PRICELESS.
Later that night, personal life as I know it changes, but more on that later….
Monday: Wake up confused and lost. Turn to someone who I knew would understand me and left his presence feeling better as always. Um, Movies, rented, borrowed, watched. Over and over again. C, comes over; life is still weird and now I’m lost on who to share with…dodgeball occurs.
Tuesday: Take sis out to the movies and watch the one movie I probably don’t need to see: 13 going on 30. Sis laughs at me and my dilemma, but I take it with a light heart.
Invite friends to do take out, and rented movies, the housemate brings a box of wine home with her, and it becomes a memorable night.
Wednesday: AH-HAH: I know this one: John Mayer Marron 5 show. WE got soaked. Rather than buy ponchos to protect us from the rain, we got pretzels. Sis says she could care less about John Mayer but that his sax player was HOT. That’s okay I tell her, as John Mayer was singing directly at me, and I am positive that he isin love with me now. Okay, well maybe not, but with tickets like ours, center stage 7th row, and close enough to where I can have that delusion, YEAH, it was pretty bad ass. (I still think he loves me). Broke my glasses in scrambling amongst the ‘glitter bunnies’ for a guitar pick thrown (at me because JM loves me, --jk, alright it’s getting old). –Of course I got it, and now my sis has it proudly, claiming it’s hers. I see everything, and everyone I want to and leave feeling pretty damned good, despite being told yet again that I need to learn how to be patient.
I am patient, I just like getting what I want as soon as I possibly can. Lol. Like fun. E.g.: After the show, we get kicked out of the Pavilion for rolling down the grass hills, but die laughing. So worth it.
We left the lights on, but miraculously the car starts and we fight the traffic and head bang to music that is completely different than what we just watched. Head over to where even ice cream doesn’t help C find his smile L
Thursday 2pm-5pm: Tattoo artist gives me love advice, shares about his children as I share about my sister, oh yeah, and alters my body forever. J I tip him well; both him and I are pleased. J-low is “disappointed”—I have a naked lady on my back; hee hee hee. 19 yr old boy approaches me at the Target parking lot. I give him my number and when he calls, it’s an ego boost. Meet up with Sisters; meet a new sister from FL. Visit the Phi’s, cause ‘drama’ as the ex would be the one to answer the door. It gets uncomfortable and we leave to go to my “new-soon to be house.” A few glasses of wine later and with friends all around, all seems better.
Friday: J-low goes above and beyond; she ends up taking care of the sis as I pass out in pain from the tattoo. Catch up with Playa playa on the phone, but after a rap session with J-low, I feel the Jiminy Cricket in my head telling me to go to bed. 15 minutes before he’s supposed to come by, I get a message on my phone and feel re-assured as I tell my 2am playmate, I’ll catch him at a later date, as my heart never was the type to let my body do what it wants.
Saturday and Time to go home: After a ruff encounter with the Ex, the T-mobile lady has managed to separate my account, allow me to keep my own number and phone, and magically, keep all forwarding address information “confidential.” This did not prevent the call to my cell-- ten minutes later—an hour later, I believe it’s resolved; I reiterate that I was the one who packed my boxes, left my home, my school, my job, and I’m not about to loose my friends. Nothing personal I just won’t allow anyone to dictate the friends I see, regardless of where they live.
Drive home: Sister plays her John Mayer/ Maroon 5 cd over and over again, her first sign that shows me she really enjoyed the concert.
More later; hurt seems to want to remind me of how grounded my world is
There's no shortage of activity in your life. You have all kinds of stuff cooking beneath the surface. Often you are up front and tell it as it is. But now, a mood has come over you and it will serve you well if you honor what is going on within your own mind. You don't need to act on every emotion you have, but don't push away the feelings, even if they complicate your life.
Getting marks on my body and bruises on my ego.
Another night, another number. This one had the courtesy to invite me to breakfast. Never showed, but coffee was definately a great idea. A forty dollar night I'm not sure I enjoyed. I think I'm coming to grips with the fact that mindless fun can only go so far. Great while it's there, but once it's gone, are you just going to be left trying to remeber something you wanted the moment to be; feel a little dehydrated from the night before, and then be left looking at the same place you were a week before? --Sometimes, like last night, I think so. On the flip side. There are those "One night" nights that change your life. Despite whatever the world is saying to make it appear as insignifigant, for whatever reason, one moment changes your worldview, and it all can start out as mindless fun. Hell, the revelation could be, that you are capable of enjoying mindless fun. Story time? Just a little:
I'm thinking, Spring Break 2002, Puerto Penasco, don't remember a single guys name, was drugged at the bar, but still kept my respect, had a complete blast, and had a friend that once I passed out from above drug, carried me two flights of stairs to make sure no one laid a hand on me. That is a gentleman, and because of him, that was the best mindless fun I ever had, and that experiance wasn't tainted because I had someone to care about me.
Other Story: Just remembered and relayed to a friend. New Years Eve, 1998. One kiss between me and a friend. Probably meant nothing to him. But in one moment, I accomplished kissing the guy I had fallen for all through high school. He's one of my best friends and I'll always love him.
Recent-ness: As I'm shopping with the sis, Screen t-shirts in the store read: "My boyfriend is Out of Town," "Dump Him" and "My boyfriend thinks he's the last;" along with shirts that state "F*ck me? F*ck You!," "Easy" and "Spoiled." This excursion made me self consious of what I put on my chest, all the while noting, I had a 14 year old who would be watching and noting self-affirmations I would be making about myself. I opted for the simple "Latina" shirt. Nothing new, or shocking, but I can sleep better at night when I know sis sports the "SuperGirl" shirt without doubts.
The choices we make as being single. Me, I want to have fun. I'm done allowing other people to dictate to me, when it is--and isn't--okay to fall in love. Fortunately, I think if anyone who knowsthat they have my heart realizes they have it because I want them to have it; not because they want it per se, but because it's mine to give to whomever and when ever I want.
Okay all done there. Woke up this morning to my little sister reciting lines from SLC Punk, "It's a beautiful [fucking] day!---Oh, all right, two more hours--But thats it."
As I wake up, I can hear her blaring her newley mixed CD out of my stereo. Marroon 5, Accidentally in Love following Outkast, followed by what gets me out of bed; John Mayers' Perfect Sense, followed by my mother coming home in a bad mood, and everything gets blurred out.
I'm feeling like a bad friend lately. I haven't given anyone my full attention lately. The only one that's getting true devotion is the sis, but even that is shady once 11p rolls around. I'm not doing it on purpose. I seem to be feeling stretched and for whatever reason I'm unwilling to stretch at the moment. Haven't had a real conversation with my girl since I don't know when; the ex is bothering, and he can choke on it for all I care if he's going to be rude; my playa playa is m.i.a., and I'm thinking in Florida, both the guys are handling their women scenarios with little imput from me, and the cous is opening up to me and I'm not sure how to take that.
Outside of the above stories, I think I'm blocking my own personal life, in an effort not to jinx anything. It seems as if everytime I try to figure it out, a little bit more unravels. All I know is that I finally have things figured out with myself.
No one but I am responsible for my happiness, and/or any other emotion--so if people are going to be pissed that I'm happy they can walk on by. My real friends have shown their colors, and despite all my poor decisions in life have always supported me--not liked what I've done, but supported me. I'm pretty sure I can depend on them again, as always.
Speaking of friends. Been talking to a friend overseas. We've been close since I was 14. It's funny how you end up being away from someone, and then can trace, who you once were, who you still are, who you're trying to be, and how everything in your life is either taking you there or holding you back.
Right now I know theres very little holding me back. My boy overseas mentioned going back to how things were, and I wrote back how I can't do it. Don't wan't to do it. In a letter to him, I write:
Life will be okay, babe. It always is. We just have to look for the constants in our life. You know if you spin and around and around in circles, you get dizy, but if you keep your eyes focussed on one thing thats grounded, you'll never fall.
My eyes are adjusting, and I'm trying to see whats really grounded.
My cousin might be the death of me! I swear I have never known partying like this. *Sigh, J, we went to mavricks; missed you. Also, as I am wired at the moment, and decidingly truth telling at present state, SO...I have decided that all fine men come from NY, wear baseball caps, and hook up with other girls at the end of the night. Well, when you're not trying to catch there eye, I suppose they do go to the next conveinant female, shrug. I can name at least three men at present that fit this. k, boring myself. can't wait till thursday!!!!!
PS. thanks for the comment luv, it makes me feel less small in the world somehow.
Friday night was very--um, interesting; to say the least. Cousin took me out, and was very good to take care of me and see me home safe. J
I wish Friday hadn’t been followed by the 24 hour flu, on Saturday. But as per the name, the nasty bug left as quick as it came. Sounds like my love life, ha ha ha.
Anyway, the sister has decided to wait a term longer before doing DCI drum corp. Thank you to everyone who has either called, or wished to help. Due to this, plans to return to the Land of Enchantment are on once again. Until then anxiety, excitement, and a bit of healthy tension is beginning to build.
If anyone was noting, the NMSU visit was fruitless. I met some very kind ODphi’s, but otherwise, almost not worth the gas money. Listened to John Mayer today as I “recovered,” and remembered all over again how much and why I enjoyed his music. Another great reason to be going back soon.
Here is what is on the up right now; trying to raise money for my sister, going to NMSU to see what greek life is like there--- and oh yeah, I am so totally missing someone! (Like totally--is that valley girl enough???--TX must be rubbing off on me!) I hate not being able to talk to people! its one thing when you don't, it's another when you just can't! grrrr.
Below explains last night and where I am at....Thank you to any sisters who have helped!!!!
_____________________
Dear Sisters,
I am writing to you as family and as sisters of an organization that believe in empowering young women. As some of you may know my 13 year old little sister is the most important person in my life. Over the past few months I have been “home” sharing a summer and room with her, and trying to simplify my life. Last night what I thought to be a regular “bonding” moment, I took her to go see a band competition held by Drum Corps International (DCI). To simplify, this is a competition between the nations best bands composed of students all over the country from age 12-22. If you have seen the movie, Drum Line, you will understand the intensity of these competitions.
During the intermission of this competition, I took my little sister to look at souvenirs. While looking, we observed a sign that one of the bands performing was looking for a Contra Tuba player, the instrument my sister plays. Timid, and intimidated at first, but motivated by her big sister, my sister Aleida informed one of the students selling that she played Contra and wanted to know if their was a waiting list in which she could put her name down. Well to be honest the girl laughed as my sister--she is only 5 inches taller, and thinner, than the instrument they were asking her to play. After informing her that my sister “really could play,” the girl called her program coordinator. Before I really knew what was happening my sister was auditioning between two noisy busses in front of the program coordinator, his assistant, the band director, the tuba section leader, and the drum major. Needless to say they laughed, and then listened, and after hearing her play the Concierto, a piece not taught till college—they asked if she would be available to leave this Monday. This Monday!
My sister would be the only girl tuba in this band, one of 7 members in the band from Texas, the only student from El Paso and the first person in the band to have ever been recruited on the road for exceptional talent. While this is an extrodinary opportunity for her, of course there are expenses involved. The director estimates cost for her uniform meals, and travel expenses will be approximately $675, and this is only asking half. This I have learned is modest. The band she will traveling with tours across the nation in donated busses, sleeps on the floor of high schools, and have a modest but dedicated staff that sells t-shirts at each performance for funding. The money that is given by parents for their children barely covers the cost of a rigid ‘healthy’ diet they are all expected to keep and the gas for the busses. She will be expected to work 60-80 hours a week, all for the pride of competing to be the best. While my family and I, truly wish we could pay for this remarkable opportunity for her, we just know it is not feasible. I have written to many stores here in El Paso to sponsor her, but of course sponsorship takes time and this is something we have little of. The band director has said he will be willing to work with us for payments, but even with this consideration, we are desperately looking for help.
So Sisters, as I’m writing to corporations and local business, alike, I realized, isn’t this something LTA should be encouraging and promoting? We are looking at a 13 year old Latina who has the opportunity to use her talent and travel the nation, and the only thing holding her back is the unfortunate circumstances of coming from a modest family income, that I knowwe all relate to. But heres what I was hoping, thinking, praying? If I had at least 10 sister pledge 10 dollars, that’s 100 dollars less than what my mom and I are going to have to try to come up with by Monday. And if that’s all I get then I know Lambda Theta Alpha really is everything I believed it to be. I know you ladies can help me, and I know you will. I believed in her, and told her to follow her dreams when I pushed her to audition last night, and now as her sister I want to show her dreams come true.
I’ll be setting up a website soon, to show appreciation of Sisters and companies, who wish to sponsor her, and hopefully a way to pay via pay pal, or something of the sort. Until then please just write me at lta_only_17@yahoo.com.
It’s all happening amazingly fast and I’m trying to keep up. But just so you know what I’m trying to encourage please listen to the following link…this is the message she wants to get through with her music. Also, should she be able to go her band is Esperanza found at EsperanzaArts.org. Yes they are the BURGUNDY AND GREY BAND-- can you blame me for trying to get her in the colors early?
Thanks for listening. Thanks for caring.
Mandy
I swear I'm going to update. (Say swear?)
Quickest overview; heard thru the grapevine that "the ex" seems to be doing good. This gives me hope that coming back into town, will be that much easier.
LTA has new national directors, and I'm not one of them. Not surprised, not really dissapointed. I actually had a dream last night that actually scared me and made me thankful LTA is not the only thing on my mind. When you dream about LTA you know you've been reading one to many emails....(I have been dreaming a lot though???--about everyone and everything. hmmm.)
Friends are hooking up and breaking up as the summer seems to be the time to do that.
Finally, as always I fall in love too easily. I still think the end of summer is going to be filled with fun and more fun.
Quick aside; my 14yr old crush wants me to meet his older cousin, 23yr old guy who as deemed by cousin as "really kool." As he's interupted in telling me this, the Sonic guy, is handing over our milkshakes and what not and can't stop smiling, can't stop looking away from my breast either, but what can you do? As he leaves, my baby sister comments, "Wow, he wanted you. At least he was cute." He was cute, sort of, I guess. Well this all takes place after going to dinner with my dad the night before, and as we walk into the restraunt, a group of about 4-5 (somewhat good looking) group of men approach me and ask for the time. I'm thinking possible AphiA's as I was wearing my cute new LTA tank? Maybe they just really needed the time. Well, they all ran scared when my dad came up behind me. Oh well, the attention is kind of nice. Its good to know I can still attract guys, I mean they were all good looking men, too. But I'm not trying and thats what's weird.
There is that philosophy-- once you're taken everyone wants you, except I'm not taken? Perhaps, it's that evident that my heart belongs to someone else. LOL--or perhaps its the fact that I'm finally in the gym, or hell even out in the world, again.
*happy sigh, here's a metaphor for my friend J--
You know those really expensive gifts that you buy for a person, and they're too modest to take them? It happens especially when you really want them to have something and you end up having the pseudo-fight: "No, I couldn't." "No really, I want you to have it." "I can't, it's too much!" "Well, I can't return it!"
--grinning, all the while knowing you probably have the reciept in your pocket???
Damn, that was not quick at all.
Love to y'all kepping up with the "drama" that is my life. Even more luv to y'all that are part of the drama of my life, y besitos para mi amigo que lo desea.
all worth it, when you know that you can do it again, and even better the next time.
Menudo is the fix all. It might prove to be an exciting last month in El Paso after all.
Yesterday, I was pacing. Everything was going so fast. National Director paperwork for LTA is in, and I'm both nervous and excited; confident but scared. AGGGGHHHHH, one more week and I know for sure.
Still yesterday-- plans for returning to ABQ seem more concrete. One of my Sisters is willing to give me a really good break on rent, schools there, and in all honesty, so is my life. Dad thinks it's great, mom's worried.
K-last night, this morning, present state--I actually don't know. Late night calls with my guy friend. Leading to some funny, probably delerious thinking at 2am. Funny so I thought I'd share:
Do you ever feel like everybody knows everybody? Case and point, best guy friend, pretty sure he's in "something"--not love, but maybe (the only word that comes to me) enamored with this one girl. This one girl happens to share the name of the girl thats "hanging out" with the guy I like. For fun, my mind keeps drawing geometrical figures with arrows and coming up with random algebraic tangents, such as:
C is to L, as I am to S,
L is to C, as S is to I,
where C, L, S, and I are all independent variants.
Someone might be able to understand that. LOL. (Yes, C, this is what I come up with when we have our conversations-- math.)
It does makes me feel bad for L though as every other person (um I mean variable) is aware of their place in the equation. I don't even think she thinks there is a mathematical relationship to C, let alone me, I mean "I". ahh too much sylogism (is that right?)
I think this is how the phrase random tangent might have come up.
Anyhoo, plans for fun over the weekend have fallen through, not sad or disappointed, just maybe a little nervous as it builds anticipation.
More randomness:
Newest mantra: Education is my new fiance, LTA is my boyfriend, I am my love, and maybe just maybe Someone will be my lover...
Advicefrom the elders: Primero yo, segundo yo, ultimo yo.
Advice from a billboard: Change is inevitable, unless your dealing with vending machings.
Advice from AOL for Virgo's (C): You do have a right to be silly, Virgo. Nope, you should be silly, because sometimes one has to be foolish to find love. If you think and plan and measure too carefully, you might miss out on the opportunity to connect with a perfectly imperfect person like you.
Advice from Moulin Rouge (as I've seen it for the 5th time this week, thanks to the baby sister): The greatest thing you can ever learn is to love, and to be loved in return.
Per "conversating" on thug luv'n with a many: Thug Advice on Girls "like me," (Playa, playa. Hey Mad Game, do I got this?)
Now bitches be frustrated with a baller, wonder why I don't call her
Maybe because I'm busy and she need someone to spoil her
It gets annoying, from time to time I gotta ignore her
In order to let her know that we friends and nuttin more
She loves it when I'm in town, hate it when I'm not around
I get her and wear her down, next door neighbors hear the sound
Pictures hittin the ground, just enough to hold us down
I'm stickin and movin, cruisin after the third round
Just lay back baby and let me drive you crazy
I can make a forty-year old feel like a young lady
I admit I fell in love with a friend
And to make her feel special I let her call my by my government name
Her panties wet over fame, fell in love with my chain
I wonder if I wasn't an entertainer, would she remain?
Surroundin me, houndin me, tryin to be my ON-LY
I'm not your boyfriend, I'm your HO-MEY