Thank You

LOL--I love that commercial. It really is true. "It's amazing what a little Thank You can do."

So to everyone I love...Thank You!

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So, upon a friends advice, I will be running into the library at opening hours in hopes to retrieve my book! Grrrr....

Today, (instead of reading or shopping) I have cleaned/unpacked my room. While doing this (and I did do a lot of this), I came across so many memories.--Some wanted, some easily discarded, others I still shudder at to this day.

Don't get me wrong, I have no regrets. But well, even some things you just cry yourself to sleep about if you think on them too long. The people that know me, know this story, and if you know this story you know its been written once, and thats the once too many...Theres only one memory that can haunt my dreams...but as J says, they have sleeping pills for that, lol....that and thanks to kick boxing, I find what ever I can't push back to that far corner of my brain, doesn't bug/threaten me anymore...so,  enough of that. Yes, enough of that...

What else did find along with my "pack rat" boxes? Well it was the most hilarious thing--four slim little address books. I thought to myself "Wow, I was a looser--a "Pimp-cess"--but a looser." I mean, granted I was a 16 yr old kid when I came to college, but really. LOL.

So I was wondering, how the hell these damn things had survived amoungst the move, and especially amoungst my "on again"-"off again" relationships, but then I realized why I've never thrown them away. I hadn't been holding on to them for random numbers to validate myself, but rather, inside the pages were birthdates and addresses of friends I haven't seen in at least three years.

I guess thats an amazing thing...sorting through the randomness of your life to remember it's not all that random. My best friend, "the Frosh," 7 years ago stopped comming by to see me 6 years ago. Why because I was in "College" and he was in "High School,"--and he was immature and being a dumb ass to my new "college boyfriend," who eventually ended up being my first fiance, and probably my only "real" love. (Is that shocking to hear?only one true love? All my LS's know this story too. Same guy...the one I'd move to Nowhere Alaska for.  Same one thats happy and content. Same one that can't wait to attend my wedding. LOL. Same one I realized looking through the pictures that I'm over. Yup, him too.)

So- E was wrong for being jealous, but right I guess for being conscerned for me? hmmm....ponderings, well, why bother now, right? I thought about looking E up,just to see where he was...he was working in a gas station last I heard. Sad, I still know his birthday by memory. I surprise myself when I think about the friend I really can be. which reminds me, all the september birthdays are coming up. 2 of three virgos are accounted for. lol.

Well whatever. It is so cool, because with everything going on lately, I think I do have a handle on things this time. Promise J. I know you're thinking my euphoria is alcohol induced, lol, but really it's just some clarity. I think I said what needed to be said and everything will be so much easier from this point on. Besides, J's known me for ten years now. ten years, before the black books, lol. I'm still me, a little jaded, a little more cautious, but a lot happier, a lot more fun now.

Cause ever since I tried...Trying not to find...Every little meaning in my life...It's been fine...I've been cool...With my new golden rule.

Yup, more JM. Sorry.  It's the little things that rub on me from life experiances.

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 I really am done with my past. I looked over some old photos, and realized the last picture that was taken of me to where I looked really happy, was three summers ago. One of my friends, stole my mini camera and just snapped off pictures of me waking up, but rather than being mad, I was just happy.

Lol, not to be conceited. I'm really pretty when I'm happy. I can see the pictures that show my happiness and unhappiness...I could be in a beautiful dress, but completely unhappy, compared to a picture of me in my friends t-shirt, baseball cap, and looking better than any picture I think I have.

I think if someone were to take a picture of me, now--waking up, it would have the same effect. No alcohol J! Promise. Again, I know this is usually the moment to be concerned.  Reality should come crash down...but you know, I just don't see it happening. I think I'm good. I really do.

Well, I put the photos away in a box--To be sorted through and reminised over at a later date. Lol. And there goes the little slim books, away till I laugh at them another day.

Part of me thought, hmm. I wonder if anyone keeps a little black book anymore. And no, just if anyone was wondering, I have no intention of ever keeping one again. LOL.

I'm happy doing what ever it is that I'm doing right now. Not sure what it is, lol, but I don't think I have to know either.  Well, goodnight little cyber universe. Be happy if you can be, and sleep if you can't.

P.S. Everything really does seem to gets better with time....lol, especially what's kept on the top shelf.