And slowly I begin to realize this is never gonna end

Blah....I've done it again...I write this entire entry out, only to press a button carelessly and have the entire entry erased. You know what that tells me?

That it wasn't meant to be out there. HAHA! No I lie, I have to much of self-will to beleive that. I actually just beleive it means that I'm a clutz, and should watch what buttons I push on the damn computer.

So, WHAT I WAS WRITING WAS...

Last night was incredible. Had a beautiful experiance with one of our "self-proclaimed" Interest. Now this is a big deal, because we can say a hundred and one times oh, this is so and so, she's an interest. But to hear a girl say, (*proudly***YaY***)

"Hi my name is So-and-So-and I'm an Interest"

It's the most beautiful thing. I'm a sucker for new girls. This girl could ask me for  anything, and I'd probably do it. It's awful. Some Sorors that know me have nicknamed me "Pixies and FairyDust" because they say I'm constantly making our organization sound like this beautiful thing filled with "Rainbows" instead of headaches. but I can't help it. I love my organization, and when I speak with interest, I just feel that until these girls become Ladies I have to try everything in my power to convey to them what a beautiful experiance it is to know "the only way" in a "sea of burgundy and Grey." Well...I could go on...

Anyways, so my refrigerator finally has food in it--Food other than carots and broccoli. --A girl needs meat! Besides, Hip-hop is going to kick my butt, and I swear by the end of this semester, I'll be smaller than J-low, if my instructor keeps us dancing the way she does....I love the comment one girl made after class...

"There's parts of my booty I shook, I didn't even know I had!"

Jobs are not playing out as nicely as I wanted and this is upsetting. Given, I haven't really tried all too hard, but I guess I have to now. Grrr.

 So hmmm....Food, Sorority-ness, Money-stuff. hmmm....the house is coming together, I still really need to unpack!!!! Moving sucks. School? Hard, but manageable. I'm going to be making many visits to the library. Um...J-low is so in love it's sad. I mean, she's loopy, but she appears to have a good man, so she's happy which makes me very happy. Because when J-lows happy, everythings a little easier in my world. Hmmmm....C, well, I haven't talked to see in a while. School-ness, work-ness, the ex, GAG, but anyways, he's busy....J? J-s cool, we didn't really talk about his girl much, but no news is good news, because when it's big, it's usually bad, so quiet and cool is the way we like it. Playa playa's nose is healing, lol...what else?

Well, yeah there is the "personal life."  The song "Why Don't You and I get together?" by Nickle back kinda sums up where I seem to be one moment...I highly recomend the whole song but the hook this morning rang in my head...Everytime I try to talk to you, I get tongue-tied, It turns out that everything I say to you, Comes out wrong and never comes out right. ....

I'm trying to just crawl under my sheets for awhile. Maybe if I'm lucky, I'll get company, but I'm more scared than ever of screwing up....kinda know I will no matter what I do :(

J and I talked last night and he kinda summed up my life in the present....

"I know you, so this is kinda intriguing to read your stuff miles away...but if someone just randomly came upon your journal, just by accident, or by a search engine, they might leave, lost, confused, and a little more stupid then before."

Funny that's how I feel once I'm done writing usually. N-E-ways, J-lows gonna make the phone go ring ring, so I better allow myself to get distracted before I fall into a fit of solitude....

PS. other comments J-made that were quite notable:

When speaking of the ex: "You know, there's doctors for what he has."

(Okay that was mean, so pardon my repeating it, and J-for letting it slip, but it was said in the least harmful way, and *really* it was so hilarious! Okay, Sorry.)

When Speaking of my life: "You seem like a girl who's just trying to figure out why everything seems to be going wrong in your world"

--Ain't it the truth?