bears and bandaids

So 1:36am, just spent 3 hours with the C-man, and like loosers all we can do is talk about is the opposite  sex. me and my shopping for someone else, and him, he has his girls, or rather the girls he wishes he had.

C is so good. It really sucks because a lot of people, including my ex have thought he talks about people, but honestly he doesn't. I've never heard him say a bad thing about  anyone. and when we talk about his ex, I'm just dying for one of these days just to be like, "C--c'mon, she's a bitch. you know you want to call her that"

anyways, called C a bandaid tonight. He has the power of temporarily making the pain go away.

you know I know whatever it is I'm making pretend I have with someone is going to end. I'm just waiting for the little note, "You've been written off"

waiting but dreading it. I confide in C. I tell him I feel like I'll never be good enough.

and i know I don't have to be.

you know it's just everyone wants to be loved by someone.

lol--that statement is probably more true than I care to beleive, but really...

_____

you know, I went to Victoria Secret today. And sadly I shopped for him. Don't know why  I thought someone would care. but I did it anyways. kinda like the thank you cards I send, but wonder if they're read?

Well, it's cute. it's blue. very sexy. and when i got home all I could think of, is I wonder if someone will ever see this?

Even if he does, even if I keep having what I say I love and want, I wonder how long it's going to take for him to get bored?

I mean, he doesn't seem to have any interest in me. I think I'm an intersting person. I've told him a thousand times, all I want is to talk...but then theres life.

Life happens between when we see one another, and he's made it clear, he has no time in his life for me.

The sad thing is, on days like Monday I catch myself wondering if he has time for her....then on days like today, I go to Victoria Secret, and fully aware I had monday just passed I'm thinking of seeing him hopefully on Friday or Saturday.

So Mondays roll out of my head...song comes on the radio sums it up

You don't know how you met me
You don't know why
You can't turn around and say goodbye
All you know is when I'm with you
I make you free
And swim through your veins like a fish in the sea
I'm singin'


Follow me everything is alright
I'll be the one to tuck you in at night
And if you
Want to leave I can guarantee
You won't find nobody else like me

I'm not worried 'bout the ring you wear
Cuz as long as no one knows than nobody can care
You're feelin' guilty and I'm well aware
But you don't look ashamed and baby I'm not scared
I'm singin'

Follow me everything is alright
I'll be the one to tuck you in at night
And if you
Want to leave I can guarantee
You won't find nobody else like me


Won't give you money
I can't give you the sky
You're better off if you don't ask why
I'm not the reason that you go astray and
We'll be all right if you don't ask me to stay

Follow me everything is alright
I'll be the one to tuck you in at night
And if you
Want to leave I can guarantee
You won't find nobody else like me


You don't know how you met me
You don't know why
You can't turn around and say goodbye
All you know is when I'm with you
I make you free
And swim through your veins like a fish in the sea
I'm singin'

Follow me everything is alright
I'll be the one to tuck you in at night
And if you
Want to leave I can guarantee
You won't find nobody else like me