The Waiting Game

One day at a time…this really does seem like the solution to not taking life so seriously. To make each moment count, is a true sensation.

 

My friends (falling in and out of love) have decided to ride it out on the carousel of time. I think they’re hoping that one day their intentions for each other will one day meet in the concentric revolutions they seem to be making in each of their individual lives. 

 

Today, I am slightly numb from feeling. After releasing an outsized amount of emotion, I find my mood to be one of tolerance and understanding.

 

For the aforementioned friends, and the relationship I find doomed, I have decided to again remain the silent friend and wait for the pieces to fall to the floor. This is what I feel is wanted from me, and as a good friend, I will stand by my girls side and support her choices.

 

For another special friend, I will wait for him to align his goals, house, and his recovered heart till he’s comfortable. In my waiting, I’ve decided to return to my original intentions of making myself happy. Therefore, elevating my mood, and knowing in the end I’ll be (he’ll be/we’ll be?) worth the wait. J *Shrug.

 

To make the minute hand pass quicker, I’ve begun to force myself to laugh in the comparisons that one can draw between the seriousness of heartache and the “dramatization” of such heartaches. So…I’ve begun to find my situation with my new friend almost laughable. Almost-- It’s very high school, but it’s a coping mechanism I’ve never tried, and it’s better than crying right? As a result, I’ve made the following comparison; not in a rude, immature fashion; but in an innocent adolescent approach.

 

It’s like falling in love with Bradd Pitt, or Jennifer Lopez, or the idea of them as a couple. This adolescent belief that some things are so perfect, or so simple; but realistically subconsciously knowing it’s all a sham or truly taxing.  Knowing Brad has a publicist and hairstylist, and the autographed photos are signed by an administrative assistant, or Jen’s abs are actually attained through excruciating workouts, and strenuous diet. But they make it look so easy. But even the Ben-Jen world is eventually shattered. (Go back to Puffy Jen!!! Or better yet, be a fine independent Latina, that role models to younder girls like myself that they don’t need a man in life to be complete…)

 

*Sigh, J.  There’s nothing worse then knowing the pain you are feeling has been self inflicted. To know your brain is mocking your heart and saying I told you so.

To know, there’s just the tiniest little tinge of an aching heart from allowing myself to care so deeply for someone, who is perfectly entitled to not want to reciprocate this feeling—well again—at least not immediately. Hence I’m left with a sense of hope.  

 

Can’t we just skip all the predicted pain…all the negativity you might just find,

that even if it’s not meant to last forever…I won’t pay no mind…..

Lets not remember or predict the pain, lets just hope one day rocks will melt and only diamonds will remain…

 

Yeah, I smile knowing I’ll be playing the waiting game and just not check the score.  

 

would you be the wind to blow me home
would you be a dream on the wings of poem
and if we were walking through a crowd
well you know i'd be proud

if you'd call my name out loud
if you'd call my name out loud
do you suppose that i would come running
do you suppose i'd come at all
i suppose i would

and if we were walking down a dead end street
would you be the one to let our eyes meet
or would you just keep on walking down to the turnaround
cause you know i'd be proud

if you'd call my name out loud
if you'd call my mame out loud
do you suppose that i would come running
do you suppose i'd come at all
i suppose i would

and if i was gone from the land we know
would you be the dawn let your beauty still show
and if you were walking heard the cold night coming
would you call my name cause you know i'd come running

if you'd call my name out loud
if you'd call my name out loud
do you suppose that i would come running
do you suppose i'd come at all
you know i would
you know i would
you know i would
you know i would
i'd come running
i'd come running
if you called my name out loud