truth

Truth is I fell for him sitting on the couch probably five weeks before he ever said hi to me. Truth is i fell for him, knowing he probably wouldn't feel the same way. Truth is i question whether i'm now part of the past or the present. is he trying to forget her, or am i the one he's trying to forget so he can move on?

Truth; I just want him to be happy. I don't want to be stupid, and be the thing on the side if he knows i'll never measure up. I don't want to be not given the chance because circumstances outside of his heart say unnacceptable. If he can't do it, fine. But if he can and he's holding back, i really wish he wouldn't. I'd understand, but it just seems like he's on the verge of happiness.

If I could be his happiness, even for a moment, than that's good enough for me. i guess it might have to be.

i guess i should feel sad, or bad, or something for myself, and the way i could percieve myself in being treated, but i don't.  i just feel for him. feel sad that he has to deal with trying to recover his heart. to try to figure out if all the pro's outweigh the cons, or if girl B, will ever measure up to girl A, especially if she's only a transition to Girl C?

Sigh, everything is just practice i think. We have one relationship after another just so that when the relationship were meant to be in comes along, things will be that much better, that much easier. i don't think it's about the compare and the contrast though. i'll never be her, or she'll never be me. and we can't choose and pick what we want in the someone we love, like picking features on a car. --For me, i guess that means i want to wait, i want him to be the best he possibly can be for himself, for his well being. Only then is anyone really going to have the love they give to him returned to them.

Until then I have some "car work" that can be done on myself. I think the best people are constantly trying to better themselves, and i'm just okay. But I am okay. Somedays, even better.