Just keep me contemplating

So J-lo is determined not to let me sit around the house moping...instead I'm tempted into breakfast, shopping and eventually dragged to a 100 level Anthropology class. At the class I'm not enrolled in, I have one ear listening to lecture while I'm attempting to read my 600 level graduate articles on imigration in the 19th century, and I'm thinking, lol, "This teacher is so stupid, this class is so stupid...OMG, I'm a stuck up graduate student!" I disturbed myself.

So we come back home, my Dell's got my 'sappy' music on, and J-low , creepy little person,she throws me off the bed when I tell her I just want to mope. Now thrown onto my floor by a person half my size, in a mini-skirt no less, I'm convinced to change the playlist, and put Stroll music on. We dance, I laugh.

She leaves, I feel slightly better. Hip-hop class in less than an hour and I need to get ready. I miss him. Still confused. Change the playlist back, each track hits me...I wonder if it has or ever will hit someone? Why must I love someone that doesn't love me?  Hoping the beat of hip hop will replace the emptiness left in my bed, the sadness on the screen.

I want to tell someone: Come tommorrow. I want to say: Give me one chance, one chance to be good to you. But how many times can you ask? How many text messages can I send, asking him to share my bed? How many letters should I write not knowing if they're understood, cared about, or even read ? How many times as J-low says am I going to set my heart up, to be let down? Why should I let myself fall in love? I want to just show up, ask him point blank, love me, or at least let me love you. I want him to know that there is an open, unlocked door waiting for him. That he can cross the line whenever he wants to.

I have a feeling Hip-Hop might finally have competition, might not be able to fix this.