Serendipitous Aftermath

Heather Nova---Like Lovers Do

There is a paradise that can be found
A better life to bring us round
And all we really need to do
Is see the world like lovers do
I want to take it easy, take it slow
To catch a fire and let it go
I want to give myself to you
So we can live like lovers do
Like lovers do, I want to feel that way
Like lovers do, they lose themselves for days
And I need to feel that way
I can hear you thinking what I feel
I know that what we've got is real
And all we need to get us through
Is just to live like lovers do
Like lovers do, I want to feel that way
Like lovers do, they lose themselves for days
And I need to feel, I need to feel that way
Give me strength to give myself to you
Like lovers, lovers do

Why your woman would cheat on you
By Elvina Nawaguna

When a man cheats, it is ok. But when a woman cheats, it is an
abomination! Society has made it that way. But still it happens.
Tales of women having affairs with houseboys, or the milkmen are not
new. According to Ruth Huston, author of Is he cheating on you?, men
cheat for sexual reason; women cheat for emotional reasons.
BettyTibaleka of Healing Talk counselling services says women are
emotional beings and if the man is not emotionally involved in her
life, she becomes vulnerable to other men, who may do things that
her partner doesn't. "It is not just about care when you are in bed,
but when you are out of bed. It is about that closeness that remains
even when your bodies are separated," Tibaleka explains.
Tibaleka also says many women cheat for revenge. Because the husband
is having an affair, many women resort to having one to get back at
him.
Tim Lwanga of Kadic hospital Nakulabye says this may be a way of
dealing with her anger, behind which are multiple feelings like
betrayal, mistrust, hurt and feelings of inadequacy.
Lwanga says that sexual incompatibility can drive a woman to have an
affair, especially if her husband is weak sexually and does nothing
to rectify the problem.
Women cheat because they want to communicate. "If you always degrade
her, she will go out to prove her worth to both her husband and
herself," Tibaleka explains. Such a woman is likely to cheat with a
man who compliments her and builds her self-esteem.
Distance many times leads married people to cheat. If the man is
always away on say, business trips and is never around for his wife,
the chances of cheating are high.
At the same time, proximity and companionship with other men like
workmates increase the chances of cheating. Juliet, a mother of four
who is currently running an extramarital affair blames it on the
fact that her husband is never at home.
"I also have needs and if someone is willing to be there for me, why
not?" she says.
According to Lwanga, marital problems which make the home and
marriage constantly strained may also cause the wife to give in to
another man who seems to care about her emotionally, especially if
he is within easy reach.
Lwanga also says that because of poverty, coupled with other
problems in the relationship, a woman may give in to another man who
may be willing to meet her needs.
Still, cheating may be a result of one's personality. "Some women,
though married, may remain jumpy as part of their personalities,"
Lwanga says. This could be routed in their upbringing or some
complex and bizarre behaviour or part of habit formation. It may
also be due to peer pressure; search for adventure or the husband's
physical or mental disability resulting from accidents, alcohol or
mental illness.
However, Tibaleka insists that above all, it is lack of commitment
that makes people cheat on their spouses. "When you are not
committed, all these things will come and sway you," she says. She
says that everything can be worked out if there is commitment.

Signs that she is seeing another man:
These may not be conclusive, but coupled with other signs may be an
indicator.
Tibaleka says that when she is cheating, the likelihood of being
happier are higher, unless she is feeling guilty or is not yet
enjoying the other relationship.
Sudden unexplained gifts may also be a warning sign. Her routine may
also change.
She starts coming home late and becomes protective of her mobile
phone and phone calls.
Sometimes her attitude may also change and she starts speaking
despicably to her husband.
Her sense of style and dress may also suddenly change. "It all comes
from the value that the other person had added to her," she
explains.
Tibaleka however, says that men can prevent their women from
cheating. "Love her, take care of her. Touch her, buy her small
gifts and reassure her of your love," she says.


Go out of your way to find what makes her happy and respond to it.
The key to this is communication. Sometimes, women just need to be
talked to and listened to, even when it seems like nothing serious.

Some counsellors can also help to administer a love language test.

Call her in the middle of the day to say, "I love you".

Let her know that you are proud of her and show it.

Bring her a flower when you return from work.

Compliment her and do things to raise her self worth.

Show appreciation for her and the things she does.

Every now and then, surprise her with very personal gifts that she
will be the only one to use. Don't give her source pans or a set of
cups. These are general household items that you are expected to
buy.

Show interest in her life and what she does.

Help her out with her household tasks and do for her something that
she could have done by herself.

Date her like you used to when you were still chasing her. Go some
place with her and do the things you both like doing.

Hug her frequently, especially if she is feeling down or depressed.
Just hold her, no lectures or advice.