seriously, are all men the same?

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am so done.
I am so done with putting myself on the line and just freakin' making everyone happy.
I'm going to law school, moving far far away from this miserable little town and just GRRRRR!
I can't believe I freak'n came back here thinking I had a man in my life that finally was in the same place as me.
Oh my fucking, GRRRRRRRR
Per the therapy:
Bad behavious to watch:
Seriously, the scratching has begun. I made my arm bleed while giving advice to a sister. Wouldn't have noticed but like i said, i scratched til i bled . EWE...gross, everyone who reads this must be freaking.....calm down people, it's like bitting your nails til you've got no more to bite, it's just a nervous habbit. me---i scratch unconsiously in one area without noticing, the next thing i know i've rubbed my skin raw. it's a bad thing we're monitoring now. it's really sad too, because now i have all these stupid scabs on my forearm and knuckles. very weird.
Anyways: told my roommate to hide bottles. Really wanted to drink this afternoon, told her to just hide everything. Sad but what does doctor phil say? Fail safe enviornment.
Food: I ate a grilled chicken sandwhich from sonic, tator tots and a chery limeaid, ummm, yeah thats it. I know i need to eat but on the plus side, i've lost twenty pounds lol. yeah--not healthy
Boys, okay this is bad, almost pulled out my cell phone today in anger and was just going to call boys til i got one to come over, isn't that awfl--whats worse, is i know my ability to do so, and well, yeah, it's bad
but--didn't called J-low, then called mom, went to class desite not wanting to,
then didn't answer his text, his calls, or his emails.
I have too much to deal with to have the boy I love jack with my head too.
NO OVER.
I have learned SO MUCH FROM MR. SOMEONE
Hint to life again: when you want someone out of your life, you really can fucking make them feel it i guess.
UGHHHH! I hate that.
He's supposed to be the one I trust, the guy I can always depend on,
Most famous words, this evening as I recount to J-low my misery;
in short five minute version
"I'm so pissed. So very fucking pissed. I'm leaving, I'm leaving this damn state. I don't know why I came. Well I do, and that reasons gone now, and yeah, fuck it. I hate this, and the worst thing is, the worst thing is, I'd expect that from [insert boy name here] but to here that from [Insert name of boy we are so pissed at but unfortunately love here]--that just---i'm not mad, i'm more....hurt. I hurt that he doesn't even know me. and HE, he of all people should. I'm at class, I'm going now..."
yeah that tripped J-low out. So much to the fact that she probably called him or something. lol. i don't know. not answering voicemail. you know what--if YOU KNEW WHAT WAS GOING ON, YOU'D prob know why i won't turn off my phone, but YOU DON:T KNOW, YOu don't care, and you're not reading this, so I'm screaming at no one, just to get it out.....* and UGGGGGHHHHH
I'd not go to work tommorow if I thought I could get away with it, but i can't and yeah, I have a fucking paper due tommorow, and I'm sure HE DIDN"T KNOW THAT, because you never fucking care enough to freaking ask, but Yes I know you have your test, so yeah, good luck with that. UGHHHH. J-lo's right, they always figure it out a second too late, and then what. nothing.
uh---me alone, with a book---no i'm not answering! I see you on my phone and you're making me cry and I felt so miserable I wanted to go back to my ex, and that the total wrong reason, and very unhealthy and  GRRRR!!!!
You want me gone, i'm gone.
i love you but i need to love me. ugh.