LOL--Besides I would be sharing these feelings but I'm too worried that would be taken as me being "Emotional"---ugh!!!! Still mad....but well here's the truth of the matter...In IM form:
ME: so, what should i do now?
Three: you don’t want to be all, ok I forgot everything happened and happy with him
Three: but you don’t want to be bitchy cuz he is a good friend
Three: if i where you id let him know that are boundaries
that he is not allowed to cross
Three: no matter how good of a friend he is
Three: one sec
ME: k
Three: b/c he is playing with you emotions
Three: which I’m sure he knows
ME: the funny thing is i don't think he knows
ME: and worse Three
ME: i don't think i know what those boundaries are any
more?
ME: Me and “HIM” have always been boundary less, and I
don't know where to put those lines you know?
Three: yeah,
Three: but have you always had these feeling for him?
ME: and worse again, I don't know if I want to put
boundaries out there, because, well, it's like you said I still have feelings
for him and I don't want him to ...
ME: he said that that’s what he loved about me, i don't want
to loose that
Three: I understand that but
ME: I've always kinda liked him
Three: you can’t allow him to one day want to hook up
ME: but no, I only started loving him since summer
Three: and the next tell you he's going on a date
Three: but if boundaries are what you don’t want
Three: I’m thinking one sec
Three: :-)
Three: so keep it bounderiless
Three: but let him know that you have feelings for him
and you don’t want to feel like he is
ME: keep thinking--lol
ME: which is what? I’m confused
Three: taking advantage of that fact
ME: oh
Three: do you understand what it is I’m getting at?
ME: yeah
ME: kinda
Three: does not mean that he can play with your emotions
ME: except, i don't think even I or he knows when he's taking advantage of me as a good friend vs he takes advantage of me as this girl that likes him
Three: one sec
ME: k
Three: ah
Three: well what is it that you think will resolve this?
ME: what?
ME: him falling madly in love with me
ME: all over again
Three: im sure he know what he is doing
ME: loll
Three: :-)
ME: is that a bit much to ask for?
Three: and honestly girl hes a guy
Three: no
Three: it's not
Three: but
Three: :-)
Three: do you think that's going to happen?
Three: relisticaly
Three: if yes
Three: than thats good
Three: i hope he does fall madlly in love with you
Three: but if not, you two are still best friends
Three: and im sure you dont want to lose that at all
Three: you there?
Three: oh, i was saying he's a guy
ME: yes
ME: yeah
Three: all of them are ass holes
ME: and---pleaase continue!
ME: lol
ME: well that was blunt
Three: :-)
Three: after the crap that we both have put up with from guys that's the only way to do things with them
ME: hold on
Three: :-)
Three: k
ME: okay sorry continue
Three: oh look
Three: i just got your text message
Three: :-)
ME: lol
Three: so, what do you plan on doing
ME: see
ME: hold on let me read your last part one more time
Three: fyi except my grandpa, he's not an ass hole :-)
ME: hmmm....lol
ME: i'm still confused, kinda...my turn to talk for a sec
ME: k--*sigh
Three: yes please do
Three: cuz im confused as well
Three: lol
ME: he is my best friend, and to be honest it sucks being mad at him,if i could not be confused about what i felt for him maybe this would be easier, the fact of the matter is I want everything to be the same and yet I want things to change...i want him to trust me with everything yet now that yes we have hooked up--i don't want to hear all the "horney little details" --but then again, he NEVER told me all those details, actually the only thing we've ever done is bitch about the opposite sex, me to him him to me,----
ME: so--
ME: i want him to ofcourse tell me everything, but then again he never did tell me everything, basically i want out summer back, i want it to be like, yeah, you're going here and partying and yeah i'm going there partying and you're with blah and I'm with blah, and thats cool because blah will never mean as much to me as you do?
ME: does that make sense?
Three: yes, very much
ME: and i don't know if thats necessarily boundary-less ness or what but i know thats what i could live with if “HIM” doesn't happen to fall in love with me,
ME: get me?
Three: but you have to deside what it is that you want, and yes i get you girl
Three: i now you want him
Three: as a bf
Three: boyfriend, bestfriend
ME: right
ME: exactly
Three: but things happened
ME: i want both, i really do
Three: i know girl
ME: but i don't know why that has to make things so jacked up!!!!
ME: grrrr
Three: well if you want things to be like they used to be
Three: then let him tell you who hes been with
Three: and know that you mean more to him than she did
Three: be secure with your friendship with him
Three: and know that he knows you will be the one there at the end
Three: and, hopefully you will get what you want, which is him
Three: otherwise
ME: but after that email girl, do you know how hard it is to trust him with that? Three: and know that he knows you will be the one there at the end
ME: otherwise???
Three: you are going to be miserable no matter what
Three: after the last email?
Three: when he apologized?
Three: cuz in that one he said that he said he could call you when he does not want to talk to his brothers
Three: maybe you are not the only one he talks to, but he knows that he cancall you
Three: one to many he saids :-)
ME: lol
ME: i was talking about the email where he said he's not going to talk to me first, that he's going to talk to his brothers first, and that I'm going to be gone...PLUS, he said, (lol) that he's going to put our friendship on the side while he lives his "adventurous side" ----.it makes it really hard to believe that I am that someone specail in his life anymore, or that he would ever want me to be,
ME: make sense?
Three: yes, very much so
Three: but you also have to pay attention to the last email that he sent you
ME: *sigh, I'm all sad huh?
Three: :-)
ME: yeah---i'm trying to but really how much is it worth? i mean is it what i want to hear, i don't even know anymore
Three: :-\
Three: well girl, like i said
ME: the sad thing is, I should know this boy, but after that first email, i mean really my faith in him got shaken so bad
ME: it's like my foundations of all that was true just crumbled
Three: ok scratch that forgot what i said
ME: lol
ME: do you see where i am though?
Three: i totaly understand
ME: thanks
Three: you feel like
ME: lol; i'm glad somebody does
Three: you love him
Three: and all of you wants to love him
Three: and you see NO way of letting that go
Three: but at the same time
Three: you know that he is playing with you emotionaly
Three: or that
Three: he wants to love you back
Three: but
Three: he cant
Three: or wont
Three: for reasons that are beyond you
Three: ?
Three: but you still want to try
Three: b/c you see that tiny little speck of hope
Three: which keeps your love for him alive
Three: no matter how tiny it may be
Three: and even if you dont work out, which would crush you,
Three: you are still going to be his friend
Three: b/c you dont want to lose that,
Three: ?
ME: yeah....wow
Three: yeah
ME: i'm all stupid and wanting to cry now
Three: i just basicly told you how i feel about @@@
ME: yeah, i kinda figured
Three: dont feel stupid about it
ME: but yeah. . . wow
ME: i guess not right, lol---
Three: i know how you feel
Three: :-)
ME: we're two very smart intelligent woman--
ME: fast but slow
Three: LOL
ME: LOL<u1:p></u1:p><o:p></o:p>
Three: that was great
ME: well you have to go soon right?
ME: it was
ME: i feel all close to you now
Three: yeah
Three: :-)
ME: lol
Three: good, that makes me very happy
ME: mind if i throw some of this in the journal--all names changed of course?"
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