Wow, it's 730am and i'm wide awake. Oooh. So this is insignifignt to everyone but me, but I finally learned how to use the T9
feature when I'm online on my phone. Yeah... stupid but it makes typing entries like this one so much easier.
So...continuing from last night... I suppose in summation the best way to put it is "then there were two." undoubtedly the
same men I loved last summer, maintain my interest to today. I suppose a lot has changed though...
Prophet refered to it last night in an email, saying I wasn't the same girl he knew when he left. I tend to agree. As C
continuously points out, peoples wants and needs change. I guess mine have, too.
I no longer disillusion myself to believe that I could maintain priority in anyone elses life other than my own. As mentioned
in earlier entries, I'm aware that I'm second to my men's fraternity, his career, his school, his girlfriend, or his
I suppose the differance today is that i've learned to keep my eyes open and my heart a little more closed.
Last night was a perfect example. As my 20yr old Mall boy came over last night, rather than try to make the excuses as to why
I should make this boy cheat on his girlfriend, I simply dismissed his attention and let him leave... I mean aren't I the
"Other girl" to one to many?
--As always J, you were right. They each set off a trigger...Mall boy had a girl. Trigger. 3YB was an ass. Trigger...
And then there were two.
I should be stronger. I should make 2 equal 0, as each have in their own way expressed they're "Just not that into me."
I don't know why I stick around but I do have some reasons.
Reason 1: Mr. Someone is like the guy I can't have... so, naturally I want him. Besides, he's intelligent, sexy, and does just
the right things at exactly the right times. End result; me traveling across the city or further on his phone call. :)
Reason 2: Him. Now this one is harder. Why? Perhaps, because I know I can do better. But, you know what it is? HE is my
Security blanket. HE is my unfailing ear to problems, HE is the guy that kisses my tears away and finds my grey sweatpants and
no make up look beautiful. Lol. HE amazes me. And when we're not fighting, aka when I'm not pushing for a commitment, HE makes
me feel like Wow. -and you know, that's pretty amazing as we haven't slept together.
Lol! I know, (4 and 3) the final frontier has still yet to be explored. :)
Reason 3: All me. I tell myself this is okay because I'm gone in a year. One more year-and I can spend it alone or fighting
off 20yr old Mall boys or I can spend it with a man that makes my blood boil everytime I'm with him... although I'll say again
I value his insight and intelligence and love our talks- verbal or through these entries.
OTHERWISE, there is Him. while magnetic in His own way, He draws me like my favorite pair of jeans. A good fit. makes me feel
sexy, and I can be at home and comfortable or at a club waiting for 3am to be tossed off at the side of the bed.
SO...J, Prophet, others, thats why I stay. Give me a year. Till then maybe I'll trigger one of them. Lol. maybe this entry
just did. :) I hope not, the weekend and the summer have only just begun.
Wait. On a serious moral note- I really don't like it this way. that's why I got rid of the others. and again, no I don't
sleep around. totally my choice to do so but i don't. again, not that type of girl.
Truth be told, should either of this guys tell me for one second that it bothered them, and were willing to make a commitment
to me, I'd leave the other. But i honestly think they both are content to not have to deal with that. Maybe one day I'll be
proven wrong. - I guess, thats the day I'm waiting for. :)
Okay. enough of the soap. Mr. Marine, glad you're able to check in. Miss you still. Denver. make time :-P
J, the 2nd? I want to go out.
Lets all hope i'm in Chicago next weekend. :) so i'm gonna pack.