So. i'm gonna fast. and not the usual fast. i am gonna fast from negative habits.
I'm going to try this keeping my personal life personal.
You see, i'm in texas now. a little escape. a little meditation. and It's nice
Before i left, i resolved to come back with clarity. lol. yeah. some summer lessons needed revisiting. lol. but... in my quest
I forwarned those most likely to be affected that my behavior would soon reflect the ideals of happiness i'd like to pursue.
Lol. big concept??? let me break it down. i don't want to be a hypocrite.
I want life to be simple. i don't want to cry over loser friends. i want the guy i hook up with to be the guy that i love.
the last being the most complicated. but again to keep the personal personal, let me only say this: again i have caught
Feelings, again i predict heart ache. but as i learned from the boy i'm stuck on, when it comes to this game of love,
Instead of waiting on the sidelines to be picked, "You have to play to win."

4 something in the morning. wide awake. and i am reminded of my someone and a song...
I'm not alone. and i wish i was. because then i'd know. i'm down because...

Wow. summer has begun and one of my new friends unexpected visits made it so nice. I ended up conversating the evening away as
Opposed to having "MALL BOY" come over. in the truce of outside dating hurts i suppose It's best. wow. i like my new friend.
Fortunately no confusion can be had with this friend-as we have both discussed other love interest.
I'M naming new Friend...red tie. just for you J :)

An Update

So the below was me trying to remember how my truck didn't get broken into, how i don't have to spend over 150 in repairs, and how I'm not hating the absolute annoyance of it all---
:)
Well, I'd like to think I'm pulling it all off pretty well.

*Sigh, but here's the update.
Other than vandalism in my life, I have one MIA housemate, and another in alaska.
yeah in 96+ weather for recess, I'm not really feeling sorry for her in the 60-70 degree bliss she's got going on....
hmmm. but that leaves me (*pause for scream)
Home ALONE!!!!
(AGGGGHHHHH!!!!!)
well, sorta. we do have the minature spawns of satan, or rats, or whatever toy dog it is that my housemate has me watching, but....yeah,....they're smaller than chihuahuas, louder than a police siren, and more chicken sh*t then me, so yeah....
in the end, thanks to recent events, I fall asleep for five minutes (literally, someone TM's me so i knew the time, but, I fall asleep) asnd I have a nightmare that someone is trying to break in. Great right?
ugh!!!!
perfect time to mention, if you are a stalker, I' lied my dogs are mean and big and have rabies. and I have a gun!!!!
well no gun, but if i did, well....i'd probably shoot myself, because statistically...well--I have dogs, so Boo to stalkers and creepy ness. :)

Anyways, i thinking I'm doing an adopt a friend for the night program any way. Just have random friends stay over with me, so that I don't freak out.
#3 stayed the other night, and 3yr boy keeps wanting to, so, *yeah,****i might not just quite stop ignoring his calls.
mean right? invite a boy over just so you can sleep better?
well I've heard of worse, and besides it's not like he minds. LOL
I kid! I swear. It crossed my mind, but--SIGH, all in all guys I'm just to good a girl.
I've decided to face reality once again.
I am reliving last summer all over again.
well sort of. except no psycho ex to claim and I'm financially, and emotionally secure, and I'm 3 pounds away from being the absolute lowest weight my doctor says is acceptable for my height, and hmmm.. okay so it's nothing like last summer.
with exception. SAME Men.
Yeah. I was all set. all ready to go all, like, hmmm 3YOB is like nice, and he like takes me out, and he spends the night and holds me, and yeah, well in the end. I'm just really not that into him.
Nice guy, awesome guy. I just, well I'm not into him. I kiss him and it's like going through the motions, and then worse,....
the next day. I wake up thinking about HIM, and If i shoukld tell HIM, and
well that  3YOB is just not HIM.
and you know to be honest at least when I hooked up with someone outside of HIM, (open/non-existant relationship that it isn't) I would have fun. but this permanent, lets go out, let me come over, blah blah blah, just isn't fun. so yeah. I know I'm bad, but hey. I'm learning.
I'm learning I don't have to say "Yes I'll stay with you because you want me."
It's progress, hell, isn't that what I learned last summer?

So...yeah the return of HIM.
*SIGH.
Relax folks it was temporary if at all, and to be honest I'm kicking myself for going against the mantra,  "Don't catcha feelin'"

Cuz, bottom line is, I'm like, 50 cent thinking,

Hate it or love it the under dog's on top
And I'm gon shine homie until my heart stop...

From the beginning to the end
Losers lose, winners win
This is real we aint gotta pretend
The cold world that we in
It's full of pressure and pain
Enough of me nigga now listen to Game.....

In summation, I'm ready to f-up the cool casual let me be your plan B, and I'll call you on a saturday when I'm too far gone to drive. aka, I'm gonna screw it up by asking what the relationship status is. awe!!!! yes, I'm doing it knowingly people but what can I say....
"Hate it or Love it." LOL. in my defence, he screwed it up before me, he wanted to "see what else life had to offer" or some bs like that.....
yup "the talk" should happen...sadness, the re-occurring shack is nice--even for us Ladies.

So if HE ever calls me, maybe I'll find out what out "relationship status" is, or "where this is all going"--
I guess the diff is that "the talk" is a well known tool girls use to kill the shack.

I'm not bored, I'm just past the games.

Honesty, there is a point to the song below. If you know me, you get the bolded words.

PS. LOL....Hey Mr. Someone, truly, you amaze me. That door is still always open. LOL--after all it is summer

So I had to put it in here....

Don't Cha


Baby
Ladies
Fellas
Are you ready?
Lets dance
Baby (ooooh)
I know you like me (I know you like me)
I know you do (I know you do)
Thats why whenever I come around
Shes all over you (she's all over you)
I know you want it (I know you want it)
Its easy to see (it's easy to see)
And in the back of your mind
I know you should be f***ing me (babe)
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me?
Don't cha
Don't cha
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was raw like me?
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was fun like me?
Don't cha
Don't cha
Fight the feeling (fight the feeling)
Leave it alone (leave it alone)
Cause if it aint love
It just aint enough to leave my happy home (my happy home)
Lets keep it friendly (lets keep it friendly)
You have to play fair (you have to play fair)
See I don't care
But I know She aint gonna wanna share
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me?(like me)
Don't cha (Don't cha baby)
Don't cha
Don't cha wish your girlfriend raw like me? (raw)
Don't cha wish your girlfriend fun like me (big fun)
Don't cha
Don't cha
I know Im on your mind
I know we'd have a good time
Im your friend
Im fun
And Im fine
I aint lying
Look at me shit
You aint blind (you aint blind)
I know Im on your mind
I know we'd have a good time
Im your friend
Im fun
And Im fine
I aint lying
Look at me shit
You aint blind
I know she loves you (I know she loves you)
So I understand (I understand)
I probably be just as crazy about you
If you where my own man
Maybe next lifetime (maybe next lifetime)
Possibly (possibly)
Until then no friend possibly
Is a drag for me
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me?
Don't cha
Don't cha
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was raw like me?
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was fun like me?
Don't cha
Don't cha

Waiting for the cops to come. Someone finally wanted my truck. but they took nothing and now a window needs replacing. boo

went to a wedding. it was so sweet. wish it meant something for me. but sadly it doesn't.
All and all great times this weekend. fun times too. but yeah. It's time to have "The talk."