God, I'm sorry...

Wow, I'm a freaking idiot. I've been so caught up in the petty, the drama, the -ish, that I've lost sight of some of the closest people of my life--
__________

Prophet,
 I know you read this, and that's why I'm writing it here. I'm sorry. I'm an idiot,
I should have written right away. I should have bugged you for a number to call, just so I can say I'm sorry for your loss in person, just a voice of someone that is still here for you.
I am still here for you, and I'm sorry to bring it up. I've prayed for E and your family, and you are always in my prayers.

Love you, --
-------------------------
C-
You never read this, and I'm glad. But I've done yet again what I promised I never would do again. I put my sorority life in front of my own.
I'm sorry I picked up the phone
We will be proud of our organizations till we die, but I hope that they never bring on such a demand that we will forget the people we were before them. to this day, I'm proud to say, we were friends before we were greek. 
Oh, and since I'm being honest, just so you know, please don't ever apologize for a year ago...That single moment changed my life. Each day is a painful reminder of the poor choice I made that night, and it only hurts more to know you wish you had stayed silent.
I love you, and you know that.
________________________
J-
I know lately there's this weird thing going on with you. Call it a gut feeling, call it knowing you for 10 years of my life. Who cares I should have called.
Something is going on, and I haven't even called you.
 I'll do my best to put it in one of  your analogies, "Your life is this baseball game, that I don't have a ticket to go see"

I'm sorry honey. Its not about you holding my purse, its about us holding each other when life gets ruff. I lost sight of that for 1 week too long.

Thank God you know me well enough to not hold it against me...i love you.
____________________
Marine;

Hey buddy, I tried, I'm sorry. Damn phone keeps dying. Next phone call is all YOU. I'll be connected to a damn charger if need be,  but I miss you.  you know I love you too. besides, birthday boy, it's getting one year closer  to my wedding ceremony...lol.
love you
________________

Mr. Someone,
On the up-shot that you might check in...I don't even know if your email is valid? Did you recieve my post card?
Hmmm...but tonight....Have I become so shallow that we have nothing left to say to one another? It seems all thats left to reiterate is that I do want you in my life.
As I said earlier, I'm done with complications. You make me happy, so I want you to stay. Not knowing you anymore, not being able to talk at lengths end about anything, makes me sad ( missing that), so I'm letting that go.
If you become the guy I love, for no reason other than once upon a time you "got me"--then I'm okay with that.
You have the power to make me drop everything...and believe it or not, I'm glad one guy does. Please don't abuse it, without complication,  I couldn't stop it then, and I realize now I'd only be kidding myself if I said I could now, so why fight it.
lol, in lyrical prose:
 "Do you suppose that I would come running?....you know I would"
--------
Fork--
honey, if you read this. Your big sister loves you. Tell spatulla and the butterknife I love them too. I have no excuse for not being in your life 24/7. I miss you. I love you. I owe you a concert if I ever get money.

After some down time last night, i discovered the any who text messaged me last night and so casually called himself "Daddy,"
I did infact know. A friend from long ago from the house of Blue. A lifetime ago. I must say, I found it odd that he'd msg me.
Now aware of who it was though, I'm not at all worried it was some guy hitting on me. Although It's been forever,
809 has always been good gente and supportive to me and my girls. maybe we bond and bbq because were Brown? anyways, I blew
809 off last night not knowing why random boys had my number, but well maybe I'll drop him a line and see what's up. Friday is
The Hilton. then, well i'll have to make time again for my social life and ensure I don't double book. Lol. Yeah, double book
My life as a director with anything else. ha ha. i'm not too worried.
The boys I love at least reflect on me enough to send an invite ever so often, and as usual, thats enough for me.
Lol. I mean I'm just a director of a major non-profit. How can that compare to being scared to commit or having two women?
Well, to each their own. Me...I'm just a song lyric waiting to be played.

Okay. now i'm getting text messaged from boys i don't even know... crazy. hmmm.

The Predicatable, and the Not So Predictable

The Predictable:

C would pick me up from the bus stop and take me home

That the oncoming next few weeks/months would be difficult

I was going to end things with "HIM" soon due to the lack of commitment

The Not So Predictable

That my truck would be just "gone" when I got home

That my keys to my house (left for friend to come feed the dogs) would also be "gone"

That as soon as I opened the gate to check in on the dogs, that they would run away, ending up "gone"

The fight me and HIM would end up with me staying at His house (and me actually typing on his computer now) making me feel like reality is "gone"

How I'm coping:

Quite simple, I made the right phone calls and located the truck, in the mechanics shop, leaving me with a vehicle...

Another phone call later, I locate my friend who apologizes profusely and brings me my house keys

Sorrors, who back me in my need to breathe, are volunteering left and right now to keep me motivated, and are succeeding. I feel refreshed, motivated, and prepared for the oncoming months.

Now-HIM, well, we fought as usual and the outcome is always as complicated....In summation, it was me wanting commitment, Him wanting a benefited friendship,an acknowledgement of a loose loose scenario resulting in me waking up this morning to him kissing me goodbye before he heads off to work.....yeah, confusing much.

All I know, is that my trigger has been pulled. Yes, J. I'm done.

In the words of Ms. V.--I can't keep going on this "emotional roller coaster."

Undoubtedly, I love to easliy. Its what makes me a great friend, a great sorror, and probably the passionate lover that my Someone misses.

But heres the "conclusion" or "descision" I've made....

Time apart will do my soul good. You can't be broken up and keep making out with the guy right?

(LOL--Says her!)

....HE came in, he's asleep...and before I go to class, I'm tempted to kiss him goodbye.

willpower....yeah we all know how much of that I have--

bottom line,  everything and nothing changed?

Some luv from my #8

Around the corner I have a  friend,
In this great city that has no end,
Yet the days go by and weeks rush on,
And before I know it, a year is gone.
And I never see my old friends face,
For life is a swift and terrible race,
He knows I like him just as well,
As in the days when I rang his bell.
And he rang mine but we were younger then,
And now we are busy, tired men.
Tired of playing a foolish game,
Tired of trying to make a name.
"Tomorrow" I say! "I will call on Jim
Just to show that I'm thinking of him."
 But tomorrow comes and tomorrow goes,
And distance between us grows and grows.
Around the corner, yet miles away,
"Here's a telegram sir," "Jim died today."
And that's what we get and deserve in the end.
Around the corner, a vanished friend.
Remember to always say what you mean.

If you love someone, tell them.
Don't be afraid to express yourself.
Reach out and tell someone what they mean to you.
Because when you decide that it is the right time it might be too late. Seize the day. Never have regrets.
And most importantly, stay close to your friends and family, for they have helped make you the person that you are today.

_______________________________________________

Now some luv from Sarah....   YOU KNOW YOUR A MEXICAN IF... You now you are mexican if...
> Your Mexican Status
>
> If you can run and play any sport while wearing chanclas....Mexican
> status!!
>
> If your late Tio left you a van and you turned it into a taco vending
> business,Yes, you're a Mexican.
>
> If you pronounce words beginning with the letter "S" by
> putting an "E"
> in front of it, (estop instead of stop), big time Mexican.
>
> If you call a chair, a sher, you got it.... Mexican.
>
> If you have ever hurt yourself and your mamacita rubbed the area
while
> chanting, "Sana, Sana, Colita de rana....." You're Mexican,
> big time!!!
>
> If you have your last name in old English lettering anywhere on your
> car, truck, or tattooed on your back. Yes, you ARE a Mexican (proud
> one
> too).
>
> If you refer to your wife as your ruca, your hina, your wifa, your
old
> lady, or your vieja, guess what? Not only are you a Mexican, you're a
> cholo.
>
> If you throw a "Grito" every time you hear Vicente
> Fernandez, then not
> only are you a Mexican, but you are a drunk Mexican.
>
> If you have ever been pinched in church and been told "pobrecito
> de ti
> si lloras" or "Vas a ver orita que salgamos." Yes,
> you're definitely a
> Mexican.
>
> If you grew up being called "chamaca or chamaco"
> .Mexican.
>
> If you grew up scared of La Llorona, or fear the dark because of El
> CuCuy!
> Yes! Mexican!
>
> Si te persinas with a lotto ticket in your hand before every drawing.
> You're in the Mexican Zone!!!
>
> If you ask for something by "dame esa chingadera" instead
> of calling it
> by its name. Yup! Mexican!
>
> If you constantly refer to cereal as "con fleys" or cake as
> "kay-ke".
> You're a Mexican.
>
> If you use manteca instead of vegetable oil and can't figure out why
> your butt is getting bigger......You might be a Mexican.
>
> If you have some Tias that dress up in their prom dresses to go to a
> birthday party at "el parque". You are a Mexican.
>
> I f your Tias and Abuela dress up in their Sunday best with heels and
> all
> to go to the "pulga." (AKA the Flea Market) Then, yes, you
> are a
> Mexican.
>
> If most of the houses on your block are painted bright pink, mint
> green,
> and lavender. Mexican.
>
> If you use the bushes in front of your house, the fence, or the top
of
> an old car to dry laundry. Yes, you're a Mexican.
>
> If you're congested and your mamasita rubbed "Bicks" into
> your nostrils
> and gives you "jugo de sebolla" with sugar, (grandma's
> recipe) to help
> relieve your symptoms. You're Mexican.
>
> IF YOU DON'T NEED ANY EXPLANATIONS FOR ANY OF THE ABOVE, YOU KNOW
> THAT YOU ARE A TRUE MEXICAN. VIVA LA RAZA!!!
>
> You know you're laughing your head off. It's all in fun, so don't get
> all "adoloridos." Just pass it on so another Mexican can
> laugh too!

Forward from long ago....

This is for the girls!

I'm only as strong as the cocktails I drink, the hairspray I use, and the girlfriends I have. Here's to you! Why do we only have parties for each other when one of us gets married, pregnant, has a birthday, or retires?   What would most of us do without our sisters, confidants, and shopping, lunching and traveling girlfriends?  Let's celebrate each other for each other's sake! Pass this on to your girlfriends! If you get this twice or more, you are lucky to have more than one girlfriend.

Be happy!

Someone will always be prettier.

They will always be smarter.
Their house will be bigger.
They will drive a better car.
Their children will do better in school.
And their husband will fix more things around the house.
So let it go, and love you and your circumstances.
Think about it.
The prettiest woman in the world can have hell in her heart.
And the most highly favored woman on your job may be unable to have children.
And the richest woman you know, she's got the car, the house, the clothes....might be lonely.
And the word says if "I have not Love, I am nothing.
So, again, love you.
Love who you are.
Look in the mirror in the morning and smile and say;

"I am too blessed to be stressed and too anointed to be disappointed!"

"Winners make things happen.
Losers let things happen."

Be Blessed ladies and pass this on to encourage another woman.

"To the world you might be one person, but to one person you just might be the world".

So today was cool. Did nothing. Well actually, I did a lot. Email email email. Welcome to my new life. Met a boy online,
while I did my work...yeah...well... Now he wants to fly me to South Carolina and let me move in with him.
My guess is I won't hear from him after today... At least I'm real with it.
Seriously, why not. I've fallen head over heels over enough men and been told i'm not good enough, enough times.
Why not take a chance and have a boy want me so much to fly me across the country?
It could happen. okay. prob not. and i'd prob be stranded in some random state.
But it might be cool.
I think it's just sad that a boy can be so into me he'd be willing to book my ticket and I can't get the man I'm missing to
To come and spend the night with me.
Well, guess you can't have everything.
But in the meantime... you can have fun. ;)
Good night moon. ps. If you're reading this, I miss you.