Ugh! aol sucks lately. all my Aim convo's aren't coming up :-(.
So... if you're reading this and trying to figure out why i'm not getting back to you, Sorry!
Spoke to the Dentist tonight. always fun. he's due back in Sept. :)
Been cleaning up my lambda life. files and fines. end result is that new song by papa roach, Scars. i think that sums it up.
I'll post later with emphasis.
I do need to post some of my "Feelings" but to be honest they're not solidified enough in my head to really form into an entry
Mall boy wrote me today. yeah don't really know what to do about him... sometimes i think i should just make him walk around
Shirtless and be proud of my ability to pimp. lol.
But here's a "Feelin'" i'm questioning myself on... I go back and forth. Do i cut myself off? i've got boys that i know
aren't "Into me," but I find myself caught between Have fun and Have some respect for yourself. summer began today.
I'm happy. with or without them. It's just i question does it mean anything to them?
Can i hurt them? do i hurt them? could they care less? and then i catch myself... i'm far to busy, beautiful to waste the
Pretty on figuring out Your feelings.
Once upon a time i'd read a blog to figure it out or wait for a response, but the book had a point...
"If he's into you he'll make sure you know."
So there's my answer, right? not into me... but does that mean I can't love the fun? i get it. i deserve better. and i'm not
Gonna waste my time analysing or did holding my breath for what i want to hear. got that. so i guess i wait for a guy that's
Into me to let me know?
 Lol. you know maybe this book sucks. seems like you wait for the bad guys to figure out you're great, and wait for the great guys?
that's it? I'm just supposed to wait around for some prince charming to clue me in that he's into me? HA
 At least the guys "not that into me," hang with me in the meantime?
LOL--This is what happens when you read!!!!

Looking Forward to anything after 3pm Thurday!!!!!

Files and files. Blue, red, green, yellow, orange; and manilla folders galore. Such is my boxed up life as a regional officer
Packed away neatly so that a girl in Texas may take heed and perhaps succeed where I have failed, and follow where I have led.
I have 5 more days and when I return from a less than shy town I begin a new journey.
In a time such as this it always suprises me how it's not my sorrors company I want; but rather the company of my male friends
Most of my male buddies being Greek they understand my love for this organization without the emotional bias my Ladies have.
works in 6 and i still have reports to complete suitcases to pack and a mid-term to study for.
yet i'm not tired. nonetheless, my monologue will in nowhere. so perhaps it's best to end here. goodnight moon.

Well world my weekend has come and gone, and I must say It's been interesting.
Friday was dinner with mall boy... to clarify he's real cool, and apparently clingy.
Though with a girl friend he does feel the need to call, visit and invite Me over. dunno. but he's nice so why not be friends.
Sat was a night of mixed emotions. leadership within my organization has its tears and it's perks. one such perk will be
Compensated travel to the windy city this thursday.
While i created a little bit of earth shaking and heaven quaking everywhere i went, my retreat was much closer to home than
Last nights fun ended in entirety as breakfast with C's fam came all to early and had me still wiping off last nights mascara.
Nonetheless i was shown the endless love i'm always given when with family, fed well and dismissed as a kid having fun. :)

Wow, it's 730am and i'm wide awake. Oooh. So this is insignifignt to everyone but me, but I finally learned how to use the T9
feature when I'm online on my phone. Yeah... stupid but it makes typing entries like this one so much easier.
So...continuing from last night... I suppose in summation the best way to put it is "then there were two." undoubtedly the
same men I loved last summer, maintain my interest to today. I suppose a lot has changed though...
Prophet refered to it last night in an email, saying I wasn't the same girl he knew when he left. I tend to agree. As C
continuously points out, peoples wants and needs change. I guess mine have, too.
I no longer disillusion myself to believe that I could maintain priority in anyone elses life other than my own. As mentioned
in earlier entries, I'm aware that I'm second to my men's fraternity, his career, his school, his girlfriend, or his
I suppose the differance today is that i've learned to keep my eyes open and my heart a little more closed.
Last night was a perfect example. As my 20yr old Mall boy came over last night, rather than try to make the excuses as to why
I should make this boy cheat on his girlfriend, I simply dismissed his attention and let him leave... I mean aren't I the
"Other girl" to one to many?
--As always J, you were right. They each set off a trigger...Mall boy had a girl. Trigger. 3YB was an ass. Trigger...
And then there were two.
I should be stronger. I should make 2 equal 0, as each have in their own way expressed they're "Just not that into me."
I don't know why I stick around but I do have some reasons.
Reason 1: Mr. Someone is like the guy I can't have... so, naturally I want him. Besides, he's intelligent, sexy, and does just
the right things at exactly the right times. End result; me traveling across the city or further on his phone call. :)
Reason 2: Him. Now this one is harder. Why? Perhaps, because I know I can do better. But, you know what it is? HE is my
Security blanket. HE is my unfailing ear to problems, HE is the guy that kisses my tears away and finds my grey sweatpants and
no make up look beautiful. Lol. HE amazes me. And when we're not fighting, aka when I'm not pushing for a commitment, HE makes
me feel like Wow. -and you know, that's pretty amazing as we haven't slept together.
Lol! I know, (4 and 3) the final frontier has still yet to be explored. :)
Reason 3: All me. I tell myself this is okay because I'm gone in a year. One more year-and I can spend it alone or fighting
off 20yr old Mall boys or I can spend it with a man that makes my blood boil everytime I'm with him... although I'll say again
I value his insight and intelligence and love our talks- verbal or through these entries.
OTHERWISE, there is Him. while magnetic in His own way, He draws me like my favorite pair of jeans. A good fit. makes me feel
sexy, and I can be at home and comfortable or at a club waiting for 3am to be tossed off at the side of the bed.
SO...J, Prophet, others, thats why I stay. Give me a year. Till then maybe I'll trigger one of them. Lol. maybe this entry
just did. :) I hope not, the weekend and the summer have only just begun.
Wait. On a serious moral note- I really don't like it this way. that's why I got rid of the others. and again, no I don't
sleep around. totally my choice to do so but i don't. again, not that type of girl.
Truth be told, should either of this guys tell me for one second that it bothered them, and were willing to make a commitment
to me, I'd leave the other. But i honestly think they both are content to not have to deal with that. Maybe one day I'll be
proven wrong. - I guess, thats the day I'm waiting for. :)
Okay. enough of the soap. Mr. Marine, glad you're able to check in. Miss you still. Denver. make time :-P
J, the 2nd? I want to go out.
Lets all hope i'm in Chicago next weekend. :) so i'm gonna pack.

Retiring to bed dramatically early...head aches. to answer your call J, mall boy is now out of the picture. you had perfect
timing, and I suppose his insecurities couldn't handle the fact that another boy called me. oh well. i'm sure his girlfriend
will be glad that are evening ended in dinner without desert.
Prophet-Where ever you are, my best wishes are with you. enjoy your "Classified" locations.
I'd type more but migraine is killing me

The last of my duties as a presiding officer are coming to an end. Those Sorrors who have walked the burning sands stand by my
side now. I make choices of excellance and still don't apologize. I hope one day they understand it really is out of love.
In other news, good luck with Bio my Marine. (BIG SCARY TEST)
C is losing sleep. but learning what we all did to survive,"Sleep is over rated."
J. i miss you. more than you know. hope school is doing well. what do you think about picking me up on the 2nd? :)
Mr. Someone--Will you live in my mind forever? just curious, because if so, i think i might have to start charging rent.
JM was on tonight. but i missed it and will have to get the download. I'm hoping to do either the warped tour or DMB.
ACTUALLY- if your my friends. can ya'll make me Cd's. i'm musically deprived right now. if you need my address or wont see me
...well ask or be cool and amaze me with your detective skills.
Again all stalkers need not apply :)
Okay... work in 5 hours. goodnight moon.

from my *u-hem* 15 year old boyfriend

>*a girls first time*

     (Assume you are a girl if you are a boy)

It's your first time. As you lie back your

muscles tighten. You put him

off for a while searching for an excuse, but he

;refuses to be swayed as he

approaches you. He asks if you're afraid and you

shake your head bravely.

He has had more experience, but it's the first

time his finger has found

the right place. He probes deeply and you shiver;

your body tenses; but

he's gentle like he promised he'd be. He looks

deeply within your eyes

and tells you to trust him - he's done this many

times before. His cool

smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him

;more room for an easy

entrance.You begin to plead and beg him to hurry,

but he slowly takes his

time, wanting to cause you as little pain as

possible. As he presses

;closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give

way; pain surges throughout

your body and you feel the slight trickle of

blood as he continues. He

looks at you concerned and asks you if it's too

painful.Your eyes are

filled with tears but you shake your head and nod

for him to go on. He

begins going in and out with skill but you are

now too numb to feel him

within you. After a few moments, you feel

something bursting within you and

he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to

have it over. He looks

at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a

chuckle; that you have been

his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.

You smile and thank your

dentist. After all,it was your first time to have

a tooth pulled.

Naughty, Naughty!

What were you thinkin' ?

PERVERT

I know what you were thinking!