So...caffeine....hmmm

Random, random, random day. Not going to write much, because ya'll are tired of this girl, right? I am too, so, blah.

So quote of the day that summarizes the day:

They're funny things, Accidents. You never have them till you're having them.

Eeyore, Pooh's Little Instruction Book, inspired by A. A. Milne

Why is it when you don't want to be bothered the most important thing comes up, right in the middle of what you were doing?

Why is it, that when you're running late for class, your printer runs out of paper?

Why is it that when you look like crap, a guy compliments you?

That was it...I have some other stuff on my mind but I think I'm gonna keep it right there in my little grey fluff of a head. It fits for now.

--Oh, wait, one more thing???? Lost it...hold on? The 14 year old goddess made Homecoming Princess. HAHA the beauty must run in the family. (Shaaaa-from her to me, right?) YAY PIMPCESS!!!!

UM....one more thing? (still trying to remember...) C came by for Vietnameese. Looser, Only coming by because I have food. Well good for him right? at least he gets one more free meal. lol.

What am I thinking of? Damn it. Grrr...random quotes while I think:

"Did you ever stop to think, and forget to start again?"  Author: AA Milne

Aww-hah, thats what it is: I've been thinking about money. When I get a job I'm going to buy things. The first is the Book "Tao of Pooh" the second is "Pooh's Little Instruction Book." I think there is a lot to be learned from a Teddy Bear.

As per C's line of the evening (as he hands me my teddy bear): "You know he's the only reliable man you'll sleep with. "

Well, we'll see.

 

I wanted another book too...grr. can't think of it. Oh, the book "Pledged." If I hear about that book one more time without reading it, I think I'll cry.

So, yeah, books, been my thing lately. I know! Between that and hip-hop, ya'll got to be thinking-"girls got way to much time on her hands"

I know! NEED a JOB! Applying tommorrow.

Thats it. um, yup, thats it. One last quote comparison: (Sad this is what my mind does sometime: I've got two more, but I'll keep  you waiting--right like anyone cares. lol.)

  "Never, ever underestimate the power of 'Id Like that."   Author: John Mayer  

Don't underestimate the value of Doing Nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can't hear, and not bothering.

Pooh's Little Instruction Book, inspired by A. A. Milne

My cousin is so good!

 

Your Love Future

PER A FRIENDS ADVICE: PLEASE ONLY USE THIS LINK IF YOU HAVE GOOD ANTI-VIRUS SOFTWARE. :)

I don't want anyone's computer sick, for a cute site.

Alright, 5 second note: I'm better than the library. HAHA!

Well, at least I'm faster or more desperate than the other students in my class to have gotten up at 8 am to get my book. But I got it. HAHA! okay, well let me enjoy the small triumphs in my life.

Speaking of Triumphs. C called last night. Me and him are in this weird place right now with the busy-ness, and the different life path-ness. Sad if I think about it too much, but I guess thats why I don't. N-E-ways, hoping the weirdness mellows out. I'm really not liking the possibility that I could have been wrong all these years. Yeah he has a birthday coming up too. Hopefully, I'll be recouperated by then. ZOZOBRA on Thursday, right?

ZOZOBRA: Like many traditions in this weird state, ya gotta experiance it to know what it's all about. J-low is marking her calender for this one, but will probably be riding with the boys in blue. Me, well, I have no invite, so I don't know what I'm doing. LOL, the bus was an experiance I won't forget though....

Speaking of which, I am having the most random of dreams! Last night (quick I have to add this before I foget-'cause you know how if you don't write it down you forget...well)

Dream: It's summer. We end up going to my parents condo. (yes they have a condo--it's time share people) So we're up there. Me, and the family. Anyways, theres a  chick that works at the lodge. Not a maid, not a hostess, but something inbetween (?). So, she's the chick thats is making our drinks. Well, it's night time...and we're hanging by the lake, the pool, then the jacuzzi on the outskirt of the condo corridor.  Omg, there were the most random of boys in this dream too, (the little one, the nib, p-president, and someone else too)...So you would expect this to be a dream about them or at least someone, i mean c'mon the're is a jacuzzi...but no!

No, instead the dream is about this chick, liquoring me up, and then she kisses me in the hallway. Very weird. (maybe Zozobra is coming). SO---She kisses me in this hallway but then tries to kill me in the dream (I think poison, but other random things) it was like watching CSI, where all the scenes are chopped up, when the murder is discovered. Well anyways, the  craziest dream.

Anyways! I have to read! 184 pages and a 3 page report by 3pm.

You know I got this. But no more talking. LOL

PS. BTW, I checked out more books so this will never happen again!

PPS. Wondering what the dream analysis on that one is...so please feel free to drop a comment.

PPSS: I really just wanted to write PPSS, but really I have to read, and two: J: you know you deserve some grumpiness from me this morning, I only opened this journal to see the funny additions you'd add. Oh, BTW people, lets all be sad with J. Awww, his girls far away from him now, and living it up as a college girl. but J is a good man, and she and him have been through enough, to where 11 weeks is only 11 weeks. Besides, theres something about distance that makes a girl want to her I love you more. (Trust me, I know.) Bye, for reals now!

Thank You

LOL--I love that commercial. It really is true. "It's amazing what a little Thank You can do."

So to everyone I love...Thank You!

_____

So, upon a friends advice, I will be running into the library at opening hours in hopes to retrieve my book! Grrrr....

Today, (instead of reading or shopping) I have cleaned/unpacked my room. While doing this (and I did do a lot of this), I came across so many memories.--Some wanted, some easily discarded, others I still shudder at to this day.

Don't get me wrong, I have no regrets. But well, even some things you just cry yourself to sleep about if you think on them too long. The people that know me, know this story, and if you know this story you know its been written once, and thats the once too many...Theres only one memory that can haunt my dreams...but as J says, they have sleeping pills for that, lol....that and thanks to kick boxing, I find what ever I can't push back to that far corner of my brain, doesn't bug/threaten me anymore...so,  enough of that. Yes, enough of that...

What else did find along with my "pack rat" boxes? Well it was the most hilarious thing--four slim little address books. I thought to myself "Wow, I was a looser--a "Pimp-cess"--but a looser." I mean, granted I was a 16 yr old kid when I came to college, but really. LOL.

So I was wondering, how the hell these damn things had survived amoungst the move, and especially amoungst my "on again"-"off again" relationships, but then I realized why I've never thrown them away. I hadn't been holding on to them for random numbers to validate myself, but rather, inside the pages were birthdates and addresses of friends I haven't seen in at least three years.

I guess thats an amazing thing...sorting through the randomness of your life to remember it's not all that random. My best friend, "the Frosh," 7 years ago stopped comming by to see me 6 years ago. Why because I was in "College" and he was in "High School,"--and he was immature and being a dumb ass to my new "college boyfriend," who eventually ended up being my first fiance, and probably my only "real" love. (Is that shocking to hear?only one true love? All my LS's know this story too. Same guy...the one I'd move to Nowhere Alaska for.  Same one thats happy and content. Same one that can't wait to attend my wedding. LOL. Same one I realized looking through the pictures that I'm over. Yup, him too.)

So- E was wrong for being jealous, but right I guess for being conscerned for me? hmmm....ponderings, well, why bother now, right? I thought about looking E up,just to see where he was...he was working in a gas station last I heard. Sad, I still know his birthday by memory. I surprise myself when I think about the friend I really can be. which reminds me, all the september birthdays are coming up. 2 of three virgos are accounted for. lol.

Well whatever. It is so cool, because with everything going on lately, I think I do have a handle on things this time. Promise J. I know you're thinking my euphoria is alcohol induced, lol, but really it's just some clarity. I think I said what needed to be said and everything will be so much easier from this point on. Besides, J's known me for ten years now. ten years, before the black books, lol. I'm still me, a little jaded, a little more cautious, but a lot happier, a lot more fun now.

Cause ever since I tried...Trying not to find...Every little meaning in my life...It's been fine...I've been cool...With my new golden rule.

Yup, more JM. Sorry.  It's the little things that rub on me from life experiances.

_____

 I really am done with my past. I looked over some old photos, and realized the last picture that was taken of me to where I looked really happy, was three summers ago. One of my friends, stole my mini camera and just snapped off pictures of me waking up, but rather than being mad, I was just happy.

Lol, not to be conceited. I'm really pretty when I'm happy. I can see the pictures that show my happiness and unhappiness...I could be in a beautiful dress, but completely unhappy, compared to a picture of me in my friends t-shirt, baseball cap, and looking better than any picture I think I have.

I think if someone were to take a picture of me, now--waking up, it would have the same effect. No alcohol J! Promise. Again, I know this is usually the moment to be concerned.  Reality should come crash down...but you know, I just don't see it happening. I think I'm good. I really do.

Well, I put the photos away in a box--To be sorted through and reminised over at a later date. Lol. And there goes the little slim books, away till I laugh at them another day.

Part of me thought, hmm. I wonder if anyone keeps a little black book anymore. And no, just if anyone was wondering, I have no intention of ever keeping one again. LOL.

I'm happy doing what ever it is that I'm doing right now. Not sure what it is, lol, but I don't think I have to know either.  Well, goodnight little cyber universe. Be happy if you can be, and sleep if you can't.

P.S. Everything really does seem to gets better with time....lol, especially what's kept on the top shelf.

Still dilusioned?

I have decided labor day is for crazy shoppers and those who really do labor. --As a currently unemployed student, I'm realizing today is just like every other day, while all my girlfriends are enjoying their first day off in months. Makes me feel like I REALLY need a job!!!!

So on this fine labor day... ever realize how life just catches up with you?

I need to read a book, and my usual library that always has everything, does not have the book I need. Leaving me with two alternatives, hope like crazy I get to the UNM library before anyone else does early morning tommorow, or---go on a hunt to find and buy the book today.

Now, this wasn't procrastination--I just didn't honestly have the time this week to get the first copy. Grrr...i know it's so petty, but it's amazing how something like that can frustrate you so early in the morning,

I've been up since eight this morning, and have managed to successfully, push a box around and go stupid looking for this book online.

Other things: I need a job. LOL, God I need a job. School: I need a book, Stupid, stupid book! Life: Yup, I need one of those too! LOL.

Waking up still feeling good, or rather today-- it's just okay. The reality of situations usually hit their gravity as to when you're alone in the day with nothing better to do then think...so rather than do that, shopping for a book????

write more later, refuse to worry bout anything...rather I'm going after what I want. Starting with that book...lol, the rest, well, I'll just stay optomistic about, and as always, take what I can, if thats all that can be given. Somedays, I do like settling for fantasy.

PS. Ah-ha-ha. like this color choice? Can you believe I own a shirt this color, let alone am wearing it? crazy crazy changes in the universe of this boring college girl since she's been away.

I wonder if this is Closure?

This is where I should probably write about how my weekend has been "non-eventful" and how my boring college life will continue to be "uneventful," life is "okay" and the mundane world of no-news is good news should remain my creedo for the remainder of this entry. yup...should.

I'm happy. I'm so completely happy.--Not because of one random event, but maybe because finally the random inconsistencies were cleared for a breif 24 hours...my little universe, so accustumed to rainy days, saw a break of daylight and actually remebered how the rain provides for all living things to grow.

I love the smell of rain. It seems to warn you that the showers are coming, and just as it rains...you have that moment of choice: you're allowed to think of the sky darkening around you, or how this will be excellent for buisness, as everyone will want their car washed tomorrow...lol.

Well, the ex has verbalized very clearly and without use of a motor vehicle that he would like me back in his life. In the gentlest ways, I tried to let tell him I couldn't ever be a part of his life again. Trust was lost, my life choices reclaimed,and ultimately how I had a responsibility to myself and to my happiness.

What I didn't say was that "I've moved on." --Not because I haven't, but it's clear that he has not. What I tried not to do: as always, I tried desperately not to cause any signifigant "drama."--Somehow, magically--this time I succeeded.

Last night was incredible. This morning even better.

I think everyone I know and care about, is right where they want to be in this wheel...(hello again?) I hope so anyways...

So now I've been looking at this screen, letting myself be happy. The little IM box of friends is popping up...and lol, this entry must be done, because there goes J-low making the phone go ring-ring. LOL. Well, I like this. I think I'll let my little universe be happy and not worry about tommorow...lol. Yeah...no worries.

On 2 hours sleep

Okay I'm on two hours sleep and I have just brushed teeth so i don't want to drink coffee...

I just gotta say, I had the craziest dream!!!! Putting a lot out there,  but wow, what a dream...so crazy and yet so possible. I wonder if someone ever dreams of me? hmmm

Didn't get tickets to AZ yet, and now am afraid we won't be able too, but, Both me and J-low had nights past midnight, and I think we just both forgot.

Also, craziest thing happened last night, my phone finally died from loss  of battery. LOL! crazy because that means enough girls called me last night....which makes me feel important and hated all at the same time :( but...

sad also, because if someone wanted to call or TM me, I never got it :(

well heres hoping for a great night tonight. Let's pray I don't pass out from sheer exhaustion!!!

PS. Finally figured out where the famous line "I refuse to beleive my life's going to be a string of inconsistancies" is from....interesting huh?  Yeah well JM was easiest to listen to at 6:45 in the morning...Crazy Day ahead, miss me, I'll miss you.