What a difference a few months makes....

Three to be exact....

I had a come to Jesus moment, and realized for the first time, that I'm engaged after 3 months. Three. Count em. Sept. Oct. Nov. Now we're in December, and I have a ring on my finger.

Thee ring. The one I wanted.
....The princess cut, at an angle...and blue. Because I wanted a blue diamond since the last ring....The ring which was never right.

People that know me, know I had a panic attack the same night I was proposed to the "last time"...by "that other guy"....

Lol...but he was a good guy. A great guy by some standards. A guy that left his job, his family, everything he knew to follow me to the Big City, and let me pursue what I wanted. He even stuck it out that dreaded first year of Law School.

But like the "first love"....I was never really his.
Emotionally I belonged to no one, longed to be with Someone else...
and well, you can't really marry a person you're not in love with, can you?

But TODAY...Today I'm engaged.
and Today I'm considering that age-old feeling...that, "do I want to escape"...Hypothetically, I'm reviewing the "can I do better" question....
The instant answers are no, and I'm right where I want to be.....But as the law student, I'm wondering, Will I ever have those thoughts with America's Air Force?
Will he always be enough? I suppose a few more months will tell...maybe the months that stretch onto forever.

That's his dubbed name by the way: "America's Air Force"...My Air Force man....given to me by my Texas sweetheart....Lol...well, Texas friend, I s'pose.

Yup...It's all gonna change. Anyone I once loved, knows now....I'm committed.
and in the weirdest way, I'm okay with that.

After years of being second best, or someone's secret, I'm finally comfortable in my own skin and happy with what I have right in front of me.

No desire to stray, no desire to run...just putting my Air Force man's things in boxes to move him into my apartment.
-Smiling and listening to old songs that remind me of a time once passed, and I think...huh, this is what its like to be happy. Thinking, of the old loves, and hoping and wishing them happiness...

In the end, I guess that's the difference a few months makes.