In a moment of weakness

Today was my birthday.

For some I'm still a child, slowly growing up, for others (as I was reminded rudely by my younger cousin), I'm getting "old," (and just the way he said it almost made me believe it....)

But no matter, I stated this because, just the act of the "birthday" shows a lot.
The calls from loved ones, that in fact, Love you, and call just to wish you well on that "special day," that is seemingly all yours.  The text messages, or online comments, that say, hey, happy b-day, added that wow to my existence, that wow to my day, and that reminding wow that people do in fact care. And....in a small selfish way, wow, they care about me.

Now, I did not go out. There was no party. In fact there was no cake, and truth be told I was at home all day alone. At one point I received a call from one of my very BESTEST  friends....he said nothing. Well, actually he talked a lot. He talked about him, and his girl, and his family, and how his girlfriend affected him and his family, and well the mathematical combinations were all there revolving around the three topics. My friend,  whom I was all excited to be acknowledged by, called in fact, to tell me about him--his problems, and his life....Anyways, being the  kinda person I am, I said nothing. Well I said some things; mostly, I listened.  I sympathized, hopefully I helped, but never once did I say anything about me, or remind him of the date....I simply hung up, and smiled; loving him, because he called me, and thats what makes us, "us." 
***Rest assured, he won't read this, and so this is no hidden guilt trip, but I found it humorous the significance one day or even moment has for one person, is meaningless to another. I mean each day is some person's birthday....

(Which if you haven't read the book by now, do so,"How I Paid for College. A Novel of Sex, Theft, Friendship & Musical Theater," by Marc Acito. When you read you'll understand the link I just made.)

There's a lot of people in this world, a lot of special moments. Admittedly, I  let mine pass today. But, dear someone, don't fret, I did so in a moment of weakness that I will not surrender tomorrow.

As per my title, in a moment of weakness, I'm too scared about tomorrow to perhaps enjoy today.

Today, I re-arranged my closet, picked out the most sensible out fit I could, being flats, pants, and a stiped top that makes me look pretty hot. I checked and re-checked my metro pass was in my back pack, checked my backpack, and even as we speak am looking at my backpack knowing I didn't pack something in that 10lb atrocity.I in essence, effectively spent a lot of time doing a lot of nothing.

Tomorrows I begin what many would say the rest of my life. Tomorrow I officially go to law school. I'm nervous. I'm excited.For the first time in my life I'm scarred as hell.

I've gone to seminars, I've read books, hell I bought some flash cards just to get a leg up. I've visited the campus, know my metro route cold, and I'd say I feel like a kid going to first grade, if I could remember what that feeling was like.

I don't feel ready, and yet know there's not enough reading or prep in the world that may prepare me for tomorrow. But its coming. the hours are ticking away, and its coming like hide-and-go-seek on a summer day, ready-or-not.
*Smile*

I've noticed a lot more readers. To say the least, hiyeee (another Acito reference). I never thought this would reach any one outside those friends of mine whom I bugged  years ago to read and never did and still don't.  But I thank each and every one of you all for reading, commenting, and expanding my "little universe."

While I don't pretend to offer any insight or knowledge on the Human Condition, I'm thrilled that anyone cares. ~.~

Happy Birthday little universe.