Whiskey tango foxtrot, over?
why hello little universe.
Well. i've enjoyed a pseudo vacation
I'm on my way back to enjoy the drudgery that is work. but alas, such is life.
Lol. actually. It's perfect timing. just enough face time to see family, not enough to go nuts.
In synopsis, here's my vacation. saturday arrive. catch a movie. find a coffee shop that has internet work. work on sorority
Business. sunday. baby sisters birthday. wake up give her 10 bucks. proceed to coffee shop. work on sorority business.
Have a great convo via IM with Someone. in actuality, It's the best conversation i've had with any one for three weeks.
Continue to work on sorority business. til 3am. wake up 3 hours later. go to computer pod. work on sorority business. It's
Monday. i've missed my baby sisters 15Th birthday. and i go back to the coffee shop. the owner knows me now. he buys me
my last round of coffee, and keeps the shop open for an hour part closing. He rubs my shoulders and ask that I stay and relax.
It's 11:32 when I send my last piece of business out. I smile at the owner, and leave a five dollar tip, and tell him i'll be
around. i get to my car and after crying just a little in relief, i promise myself not to go back for the rest of the week.
Tuesday. I sleep till 1pm and almost cuss out a soror for waking me. I begin post op procedures and begin the routine of eye
drops. no one is home. i check my email.113 messages. i get through 80 when my baby sister calls saying she wants to shop.
Sister doesn't get home till 8pm. i guess It's bitter sweet payback. we shop. i buy her a gift. markers and a purse. sure
Why not. j calls. he got the night off. ofcourse i want ice cream with him.
We go to grab a scoop. mr. boots calls. he says he'll call back. he doesn't. great catching up with j.
Good ice cream. he takes me to dad's. wednesday. i wake up at 7. we cross the border. i'm tired. i'm nervous. the nurse takes
My clothes. gives me scrubs, cleans my eyes, and gives me half a valium. i go inside the operating room. i lay down. i feel
the first two minutes and cry and shake in pain. the doctor scolds me to stay still and explains i shouldn't be feeling
"a thing." and puts more anesthic in my eyes. i stumble out of surgery and cling to my dad feeling helpless and hurt.
and while my vision is mn clearer than when i entered, i'm glad i am able to see and am not blinded entirely.
My dad drives me home unsure how to handle my tears. he asks if i was given drugs and then smiles sadly when i tell him about
about my half valium: explaining, we've always had a hard time with anestigia, and how if i was only given half I was bound to
be a nervous wreck. he feeds me and puts me to bed. i wake in fear-as my vision remains blurred and all light hurts my
shielded eyes. everything is blurry. my eyes ache. and i'm all alone. after numerous tries i succeed in turning on the radio.
I listen in darkness for two hours. my step mom arrives. after being through the surgery herself, feeds me, and hands me two
Pills for the pain. i get drowsy within the hour. tylenol pm. extra strength. lol. i'm out till the next morning.10am Thursday
No pain. but with a deep desire to wash my face. i remove my protective goggles. put drops in. after blinking i realize for
the first time in my life, I can see. no contacts. no glasses. just my eyes. blinking focussing.
1pm were back at the doctors. 20/20 vision he says. perfect. i ask if i can go to the club later that night. he smiles and
says no makeup, no smoke, but to have a good time.
I force J out. and almost regretably leave him at a bar when a guy offers to take me home should i want to stay later. i did.
J knew it, and let me go. I had net the guy once before with J so felt safe and was. He was a perfect gentlemen and tried
nothing. well. tried but very politely apologized. he was from NMSU. he kissed me goodnight after asking permission, and got
my number. he'll never call and i'm okay and even happy about that.
Friday comes and i watch my step sister play her first varsity game of the season. exhausted from the night before, J and I
decide to stay in. I go to bed suprisingly early, sad after watching "Black hawk down". I message Mr boots, and hold back
Half I want to say. how I'm sorry i let another guy kiss me. how i'm sure he could care less. how i wish i could not care
about him at all. but i say nothing. i just write. "I miss you" and hope that the sentiment if not the message is returned.
And now It's saturday. and i'm on my way home.
I tell myself Mr. Boots isn't my concern. Not a boyfriend. barely a friend. and yet i'm completely scared. Missing him.
Scared he was sent off, called, and I missed it. scared even more so that he could care less. understanding now how scary it
might be to love someone than face death. i pretended for 5 seconds he didn't have to deal with that, but after that movie, i
Realised that "that" is reality. death is just another monday. another week. until you go home. i really wished for 5 seconds
I never met him. that some girl some where else will cry for him. but even as i write now i realize neither of us asked for
this. he leaves "in august." could be tomorrow, could have been yesterday. and deep down, i hope if i'm on his mind at all,
That i don't worry him...I fight the urge to outsour to him, so that he doesn't worry. i tell myself he's gone, and I should
be glad. I think of how cute ÑMSU boy was. how happy i am with mr.someone and his consistant inconsistant pressence in my
life. i think i'm happy with where me and C are and am finally happy to see him with his ex. I think how respected i've become
How many trips there are to make. how many adventures to live. and how i'm almost done. going back doesn't sadden me,
it excites me. i have a new chapter emerging, and i finally feel like i'm the author. i love all the players in this game.
and i'm winning. i know and undertand all thats happening and yet, i guess the hopeless romantic in me still wants to believe
Make no mistake. i'm happy. happier than i've ever been even with a guy, i think. but yeah. the jaded me is starting to fade.
And that makes me happy too
only one thing is dominating my world. and that's the need to smile :-)