more email filing= stories i want to read...but later!

The Guys' Rules

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all
down

Finally, the guys' side of the story.
(I must admit, it's pretty good.)


We always hear "the rules"
from the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note... these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it
down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that
way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to
almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help
solving it.
That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1 A headache that lasts for 17 months is a
problem.
See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible
in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7
days.

1. If you won't dress like the
Victoria's Secret girls,
don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two
ways
and one of the ways makes you sad or angry,
we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something
or tell us how you  want it done
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it
yourself.

1. Whenever possible,
please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions
and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows
default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color.
Pumpkin is also a fruit.
We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing,"
we will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth
the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer
to,
expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely
anything you wear
is fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless
you are
prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the
shotgun formation,
or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;


but did you know men really don't mind that? It's
like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can -
to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can -
to give them a bigger laugh!!