As I attempt to flee, and recapture any shread of dignity and self-worth, I have decided that perhaps my little universe is curious as to my EMO-like postings and manic mood-swings...
LET ME TRY TO EXPLAIN...See, the truth is. I don't know what is going on as I have been told NOTHING by my BOYFRIEND...whom, I can only assume still is my boyfriend as I haven't been told otherwise...but there's a thin line between willful blindness and stupidity.
As I have constructed the situation, a man who promised he loved me, who stated he needed to handle a very serious and grave situation that would take him out of state and out of contact from me, his beloved girlfriend...This I understood. He left, and said he'd be out of touch. I understood. A week passes by, with reassuring text. He loves me, he misses me. I understand. Two weeks goes by. He promises he's okay, just family business, things will be normal soon he says...he promises he loves me and misses me. I understand.
I'm on week 3 of his absence, getting ready to join family in the lone star state, and realize I should be celebrating with friends who just completed The Bar...I go to invite my boyfriends BFF, who is one of my newest Facebook friends...and lo and behold, he has a new posting on his wall from my Boyfriend??? I'm confused. I read the note. A stupid survey that takes too much time...it talks about the last girl he talked to, held hands with, hugged...Erin.
My name is not Erin. And wait, why hasn't he accepted MY Friend request?
I discuss this with friends. I let 24 hours go by...my friends say shady. I defend him.
Next post shows up on the BFF's wall... another lengthy survey...and again this other chick is tagged.
As my girlfriend puts it, "Who the Fuck is Erin?"
I call. Get voicemail,
I text. No response.
I get drunk. I get emotional. I email...I in essence "T-out" I.e. go pyscho...
But it was a very well written emotional email. Asking for closure, the courtesy of a response, apologizing if I had jumpedto conclusions...and perhaps this would have been all fine...IF my phone didn't decide to send said emotional letter eight times. Yes, eight. I'm sure I have a restraining order on me when I wake up.
Yes, only I could have managed to fall in love in 5 days and within 5 hours make a man think, what the Hell was I thinking...but I do think I was deemed an explanation.
I mean what guy tells you he loves you, then vanishes?
I suppose the men I love. Tragic. I made one last attempt to email him today since pycho letter.
If I don't hear from him, I'll delete the emails, the text messages, and take off the necklace at midnight. I'll go on that date Mr.Coffee keeps hinting at. I'll be okay, because I have to. Even if I go back to being jaded and keeping my heart locked up where no one can hurt me....But, no, I don't understand--and I want to.
Xoxo universe...
Hang in there!