I need buckets and buckets of ice. but i guess i'll make do with icecream :)
sexual frustration beyond compare with no relief in sight. add to a paper deadline. and meet a very cranky girl. : (

3a.m. And 3B left. Off to do what he needs to do...And in some instance of our shared time together this evening I realized I
don't like 3B for the long term, so good thing thats over before it began
I miss the "Cuddling" oddly enough...prob what i deserve for underestimating it in the 1st place

6:30 a.m.: Do you know where your pledge is?
Morning breakfast confused with evening dinner. My batt.
Now it can be like last night at His house; I can get comfortable, get ready to sleep, then right as I'm closing my eyes, I'll be told to get up and drive somewhere.
In summation, its December all over again-
Except now I've realized--No time to waste mine. Besides, June is coming up, and I recall Someone once told it was sacred.

Yes C. i believe in unconditional love. i believe i've known moments of recieving such love, and at moments feel i give it.
Perhaps Katie was more persuasive in conversation, but it is 3a.m.
with that said. don't catch a feelin'.
Expect pain, expect rain, the moon is weaning, and the tears keep coming.
I'll be strong when the run rises but right now... tut tut, it looks like rain.
please be just the moon.
Step one. delete. step 2. repeat "don't catch feelin's"
yupp. it still works. clear skies ahead?

Have you ever....

have you ever...
done something completely out of the goodness of your heart just to be slapped in the face by utter ingrattitude and accusation of selfish motivation?

Such was the situation last night, that made me want to throw my phone, and ultimately ended with me feeling so damn resentful towards this person that I canceled an entire online account, just so I'd never have to deal with the accusations? Sad-- huh?
On top of it all I slept pretty poorly--such is the way when you lay in bed after such conversations, and just go to be thinking "UGH!"
Anyways, woke up pretty poorly too, I think it's the moon.
3YROLD BOY would get that.
Speaking of which, I should call him....
Anyways,  "I'LL get over it"
"Oh Look!.......I just did"

So updates....The PARTY CONT...
SUFFICE IT TO SAY 5 DAYS LATER, WE"RE STILL HEARING ABOUT IT....PICS ARE OUT BEWARE....

BOYS---
Party Boy: K with the kid (Guy who was the blast from the past, I had mentioned earlier????) well yeah, he came over to the party. As always he's still good to look at--but suffice it to say, we're all grown up now...well, who knows maybe I'll have him take me on that motorcycle of his, and then go play "mommy"--Haha, thats sounds DISTURBING.....head out of gutter kids.....
Anyways, participants not at party....I'm not sure if I ever updated on 3YROLD Boy, for a while he was "voted of f the Island" but, after discovering he had a death in the family, I felt like an ass, for thinking so poorly of him and am letting him come back in his own time and way.
Grrr, that name is tooo long, we're gonna have to abbreviate --3B work??? Well it's gonna have too :)
BESIDES, if anyone wanted the most recent tabs on my "love life" in the short it's the following....
I'm working on FINALS! I have no life!
All those who saw me at the party would disagree, but apperances can be decieving.
Here is what is up though with the BOYS in my LIFE
J--HAPPY BIRTHDAY J's GIRL--Write me if you like your present--haha, I know what it is :)
Prophet--safe and sound in the East Coast, where I wish I was, but can't be, He'll be going to Europe this summer, and says there is some Navy code about how he can't stick me in a suitcase...boo.
Marine #1: My future husband: Once again we have revised the Will and Grace plan, and I will outline it later when I have the time, but in summary, I'm getting married at 27 damn it. And since HE JUST passed his Pilots test (Lets all say YAY---YAAAAAAAY!!!!!--He can get me an even bigger rock---haha, who am I kidding, like I said earlier, pick me up on your motor cycle and get me out of this town! hahah. Marine is figuring out the girls in his life, and like good medicine thats hard to swallow, it's his own words: JUST DO YOU luv.
Marine #2: My marine Daddy, all married and grown up. Just got word from him, and hope to hear more. A--you're a lucky woman.
Playa Playa, made his appearance into my life, and we will see how long that last,
um...who'm I forgetting?
oh yeah...well never forgotten just kinda always there?
Mr. Someone is graduating, going alum, making it big undoubtadely, and as much as I wish I was right there next to him, I haven't the slightest notion as to whether or not I ever got invited for the ride...nevertheless, I've learned to play sidelines cheerleader very well, and will be waiting when the dust settles, and the race is won.
And then there's HIM: to be honest I still feel a bitterness in my mouth when I refer to HIM. it's like, oh...yeah, that part of my life thats like air. Always around, taken for granted, and unfortunately I die when I'm deprived...BUT---
It's better, so much better; I've learned, I'm stupid, but I've learned HE's Stupider,
and I got tired of playing games so I stopped, which surpirsingly is working for me.
yeah--I don't know about HIM, and probably never will, and therefore I've stopped trying.

So here's a good stopping point...

Have you ever realized you get more play in grey sewatpants and no make-up then in that little red dress you love?

Have you ever realized that just when you're over someone, there not quite over you?

Have you ever realized that when someone you thought you were over calls you, you know right then and there, you're done--and he's got you for as long as he wants?

Have you ever ran across that person that took your heart, know that they still have it, but kept on walking, cause you were okay with that?

Have you ever stopped keeping score, and had more fun just doing/being/living then when you tried to win?

Have you ever realized life/relationships/school/work is just realy as busy/confusing/complicated/hard as you let it be?

Have you ever caught yourself in the midst of everything (a test, a fight, a kiss, bad traffic) and said, "you know, it just doesn't matter"....and then smiled cause you know you were right.



Mantra's:
"Do You"
"Don't Catch a Feelin'"
"Just Go With It"

Forward from mom...

THINGS TO LIVE BY!!!!!!

1. If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
2. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
3. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
4. Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to
be.
5 . Slower is better.
6. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly
happy.
7. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you
deserve then heck no you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a
friend.
8. Don't settle.
9. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
10. Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at
yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
11. The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
12. Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women.
He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, Why would he treat you any
differently?
13. Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
14. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you,
speak up.
15. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
16. You cannot change a man's behaviors. Change comes from within.
17. Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he
has more education or in a better job.
18. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing
less.
19. Never let a man define who you are.
20. Never borrow someone else's man.
21. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
22. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
23 . All men are NOT dogs.
24. You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is two
way street.
25. You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute
about baggage...deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
26. You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship
consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not
supplementary.
27. Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.
28. Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and
your always readily available to him- he takes it for granted.
29. Never move into his mother's house.
30. Never co-sign for a man. (Hallelujah, thank you Jesus!)
31. Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you
need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

Share this with other ladies..... You'll make someone smile, another rethink
her choices, and another woman prepare. They say it takes a minute to find a
special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love
them, and an entire life to forget them.

I just aced a final project and yeah... i'm happy
not just say the hell with it, hit the gym to get into a bikini and tan all day and drink all night
But in reality, waking up at 6 Tomorrow to DO... sigh. i could spill my innermost confessions, and say "Catching feelin's,"
Could say i miss a touch... but let me relax the best thing i learned last week.
At our self defence class the instructor says,
"Thoughts don't Feel, and Feelings don't Think"