Starting Now...

I apologize in advance. This got long.

So...I decided my weekend was bound to start soon when somewhere around 3 o'clock I placed an honesty box on my FB page, when I should have been paying attention to tax.

I was re-assured when I discovered my 4pm class was once again held at noon, after sifting through emails at 4:05 in an empty classroom.
Shortly thereafter, lets say 4:07 I decided that I would once again be Professionally Irresponsible and miss my 6pm Professional Responsibility class . As I have no Friday classes, this leads me to believe My weekend has begun.
In that vein, I have purchased a bottle of wine in which 1 friend has already vowed to come over and "assist" me with, as well as pursuade me to join her later at 3L Thursday escapes. I assured her - I am not a 3L.

But...I can be pursuaded. Which leads to this ever growing note.

I am learning, many people can be persuaded. Sometimes. Thus, try to stay with me.

Thursday- Tonight- I will drink my wine and eat my wonderously bad-for-me-but-taste-so-yummy-chinese take-out.

Friday-8 ish, I could. head out to GMU for a probate. (brother org)

Saturday- noonish. There is a flag football game against other law schools.

Sunday. - I have no plans, but 1) its Easter and 2) its many peoples "free day"

Now, I assume -as always people are busy. I further assume that free time will go to studying and or sleeping. ;)

But ... I can be persuaded. As often as I state: "Its April" -meaning no time....I can find time.

Thus if I can possibly persuade others, "some time" this weekend I would like to not be home.

Realizing, its a big commitment to shake law students from their schedules and agenda's, I put this out there: I don't want days, or multiple hours, just maybe a study break?

This morning I had one such "less than an hour" break from the madness.
Result: not bad. repeatable even.

so startng now...my weekend begins....

"Personal Disclaimer" -A Repost for the New Readers

Recently I have learned many people are concerned with my entries so as a disclaimer, please read the following:

The entries in this journal do not reflect the attitudes or opinions of any other person or entity other than the individuals posting to it. While all journal entries, stories, bad jokes, etc. are based on the life experiences of its author, they are intended for the sole use of venting and figuring out the eccentric life of it’s owner.

All charectors and semblances within my life, are based on real life people, and for protection from stalkers, judgemental people, and plain out jerks, most names have been altered or abreiviated.

If you know the people portrayed in this journal, good job for being so close to me; I obviously talk to you. For some reason some people portrayed in this journal don’t "appreciate" my including them, so leave them alone. Again if you know me, this one shouldn’t be a hard to figure out.

Again, all stalkers, get lost. This journal is for mature audiences only. If you can’t take a joke, don’t read it.

If you find yourself reflected in this journal, in a poor light in this journal, you have a multitude of options,

1. Change your behavior.

(I myself am a scandal-ass, bitch, angel, comedian, etc—and refer to myself as such. I wear these titles proudly when I’ve earned them and have no problem being regarded as such, when my behaviour has warranted my label.)

Therefore, don’t give me a reason to portray you as a jerk, and you won’t be. Ultimately, I am a very happy person, and I never ever willingly try to portray people in a bad light.

2. Call me on it.

Tell me you don’t want something in here, and I’ll do my best. Again, this journal is for venting purposes. I’m not trying to start rumors. What I am trying to do is: unburden my little head of grey fluff from the facts that complicate my life.

3. Don’t read it.

(Many thanks to the people that do read this. You are the most open minded people I know. I consider all of ya’lls advice, side bars, and quotes when I write and I find you a joy to my little universe. You are appreciated.)

Comments are always welcome. Including but not limited to: Calling me out, telling me how stupid I am, 3 a.m. morning ramblings, drunken tangents, mathematical tangents, and of course promiscuous pick up line. (Okay that last one I’m still waiting for. No really, I’m waiting! Lol.)

Finally, to all readers: This journal is a few entries of one huge story line. I never knew when it began and don’t know when it will end. I'm just trying to have fun on the ride.

There are many sides to all these ramblings. Be a mature human being and don’t take my writings as an absolute truth. If you are, or have been, check your self into the nearest clinic for the insane, because--you too--have far too much time on your hands.

My writings, again, are my Perceptions. They change from day to day. Like every decent person, each day I try to grow and understand a little bit more of my world. This blog is just my own little sounding board, to hear myself think.

Don’t base opinions or make value judgments on the people you see reflected in these letters. Especially not based on my little "Blah—I can’t stand X" statements! They are real people with real feelings and if you have any spine or even want to be considered my friend, grow up and make judgments for yourself on these people.

Thank you. Enjoy.
-----
Wow...written 2 years ago, and it still remains true.
Minus the stalker part. There is one stalker who is to not get lost....he knows who he is.

A new post forthcoming, but until then...

NEW! Kate Voegele - Manhattan from the Sky *LYRICS - gcl78

Silly Friends, Blue Flowers, and the Zen Professor

So...a lot, in a very little time as I need to get in a cab to get on a Plane to CHI-Town... in oh 4 hours....So....try to stick with me, I'm speed typing: I.e. writing what I think...

Chicago: -The Windy City, home of some decent pizza, and place I'm resenting packing for at the current moment...(Why?...you'll see...)
3 questions:
1) Do only 'Greeks' get pissed that Chi is pronounced "Shy?"--bugs...
2) Why am I paying for this trip?
3) Why am I bugged I'm going on a trip 3 weeks before finals?
--Oh wait, it's because I'm PAYING FOR THIS TRIP 3 WEEKS BEFORE FINALS!
I need to study, which I WON'T DO. I need to save MONEY, which I don't have. AND, I really, really, REALLY love traveling, but this is gonna be one of "those" trips where the plan is fun, but the result is me coming back on Monday at 1am and then trying to go to Agency jet lag (and lets face it, probably hung-over).

So that's that. And an hour ago I was bitter because my girlie friends came over to wish me well, and by that I mean drink my liquor, eat my food I had delivered, and then leave to the bar I can't go to, because, that's right I'm packing....

Now the food and drink thing, I don't mind: At ALL. My house is the guest house. The hotel, the 'here are the keys to my place, come home trashed, have a boy over....just DONT Have sex on my bed' (That's just courtesy, right???) place kinda place...
&&&&&&&
I love my friends, they could take or break anything, and I'd be cool. What was sad, and got me bitter was seeing them leave. Not because they invited me out, and I can't go, but because I had to be all grown up. I had to be responsible and say: "Wish I could, but I can't"
Growing up? Hmmmm. *crosses arms, sticks out tounge, and makes a noise like a toddler: "I doh-n wanna!"

Anyways, aside from the madness of packing, which I finally completed, I bought my self blue flowers today. Why? because of the Zen Professor, who after an amazingly 2.5 hour long conversation (WHY>!>!>!>) made me actually feel good about some insecurities.

His messages simple:
1. "Don't fight it"
2. "Listen to yourself"
3. "Get Centered" and
4. "Don't let anyone do for you, what you can do for yourself."

I left, amazingly, for once, not confused but actually with it "together." It was weird; and, if you knew this guy, and my feelings about him(i.e. I've told him to his face he's nuts), you'd think this quest impossible. But there it is, the Martian reminded me that I didn't just land on Earth, and I've known how to handle myself for quite some time....

Sorry the base breakdown: Professor said in the simplest terms: "take care of You, first."

So, I bought myself blue flowers.
Why? Because they made me happy.
Two, because when I saw them, my first thought was, "Awww, I wish someone would buy me flowers."
and then it hit...Why do I need to wait for someone to buy me flowers?
I can buy my own damn self flowers.
and I did. And they sit on the center of my table, blue and bright.

Ne-who. Last Comments then its to bed.
1) I like numbering things lately. Like really. LOL!
2) I thought this blog was all secret and hiddeny- (yes, "hiddeny") and guess, what, ITS not! all I had to do was punch in an old screen name into Google, then "poof!" (Google, what would cyber stalkers do without you?)
which,
3) I am SOOOO glad no one knows me by my old screen name!
Except
4) If my 3L (who, lets just admit now if you haven't figured it out, I have a 12 yr old crush on) is reading this, HAHAHA, stalker.
but
5) I'm gonna invite him to, cause, well, I like him, and this is the "it" place of my thoughts.
The no holds bar, sorry if you get hurt, read the disclaimer, 'cause its only truth, because I need to vent and get honest with me, where I run the risk of hurting myself dramatically, because this is the raw nerve of emotion I choose to expose kinda space I invented.

Ooh, speaking of new readers. Hi 'Dirk.' I've missed you. Thanks for coming back into my life. Open a book.

yeah....and with that. Wha-la, I am tapped. To bed with the Storm.


"Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; but remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for" Epicurus (341 BC-270 BC).

A moment of perfect...

After a slightly embarrassing morning, which I would do a thousand times over (--um, that story maybe later), I had a hard time (as my friend E would say) "getting back to center."

Meaning, I couldn't focus, and replayed the scenario in my head a thousand times, with the thought: "You couldn't let a good thing 'just be', could you?"

Anyways, back to recovery...so after said morning moment, I was a little jolted, and I conversed with two great friends- kAT and KITTEN. The consensus was "just let things happen."

Side Track: The Way of the Tao, always comes back to haunt me it seems.... "let it be" they say.

Why is the tao so valuable?
Because it is everywhere,
and everyone can use it.
(Lao Tzu)

Letting it be, tomorrow perhaps will turn my awkward 12 year old moment into not a moment at all, but instead as a quirk of vulnerability that is undoubtedly present. :) Maybe.

Sentences without context, make for bad storytelling I know, but alas, you'll have to deal....

The moment I do want to discuss is the moment I had 30 minutes ago. The moment I had after I had resolved to be some nonpracticing version of a Taoist, and was practicing being an uncommitted student. The moment I decided to go to a school organizations showing of Slumdog Millionaire. Which was amazing.

I had Indian food for $3. I started reading for Copyright, I loved the movie, and I got a study partner for finals...

All was swimming, and I was walking out of my school, with a 1L, not remembering this morning, but entrenched with learning about "him" and "his schedule" and I must have obviously been in deep, because as I stood outside, I told him,

"Shhhh...."
and he did. "Wait. Stop. Just look...."
"It's pretty" he said.
"No," I responded "look,"
"At the Cherry Blossoms?"
"At everything...Look.... I'm having a moment..."

and I was. He let me, too.

I took it in, and for a few seconds, everything was perfect.

The mist was just barely in the air, the fog was catching the moonlight, the moonlight was lighting up this gorgeous law school that I take for granted that I go to....
and there it was,

Perfection.

The 1L left me with smiles and goodbyes, but the feeling stayed as I walked home.

I walked to my beautiful apartment, down a beautifully lit street, and I felt like everything was perfect.

I glanced over to the exact spot that my morning had been confused by, and instead of reliving a moment, I just smiled and had one instead.

I felt then and I feel now, as I always have in "these moments;" that I am so lucky.
-I could have just sat in the middle of my parking lot, pulled my umbrella to the side, and let the misty rain fall on me.

Rain? Rain, what people pray for. Rain, what people curse. Making the cherry blossoms grow, making the commute impossible, rain?

No, tonight it wasn't that complicated. It was just mist. A beautiful moonlight mist. Tonight was just a moment of perfect.

chasing pavements- the story behind the status

Like an idiot, I got wrapped up before finals.
In a fruitless campaign, fruitless obligations, and my hopeful mind's notion that I could ever be more than a summer romance, spring break affair, or (admittedly) that girl you just couldn't quite say 'no' to.

But alas, reality takes work. The admittedly lazy: well I suppose we would have problems with all the bloody details that go into sustaining an interest.

I once asked a 3L, if I tried to kiss him if he would run away. His response. I don't know how to run away.

Well, my guess is track season has already begun. Lets see if we go for a run tomorrow; shall we?
So, do I give up or do I just keep chasing pavements?

love,
me

Say So, Uh huh her

Say So