Meaning, I couldn't focus, and replayed the scenario in my head a thousand times, with the thought: "You couldn't let a good thing 'just be', could you?"
Anyways, back to recovery...so after said morning moment, I was a little jolted, and I conversed with two great friends- kAT and KITTEN. The consensus was "just let things happen."
Side Track: The Way of the Tao, always comes back to haunt me it seems.... "let it be" they say.
Why is the tao so valuable?
Because it is everywhere,
and everyone can use it.
(Lao Tzu)
Letting it be, tomorrow perhaps will turn my awkward 12 year old moment into not a moment at all, but instead as a quirk of vulnerability that is undoubtedly present. :) Maybe.
Sentences without context, make for bad storytelling I know, but alas, you'll have to deal....
The moment I do want to discuss is the moment I had 30 minutes ago. The moment I had after I had resolved to be some nonpracticing version of a Taoist, and was practicing being an uncommitted student. The moment I decided to go to a school organizations showing of Slumdog Millionaire. Which was amazing.
I had Indian food for $3. I started reading for Copyright, I loved the movie, and I got a study partner for finals...
All was swimming, and I was walking out of my school, with a 1L, not remembering this morning, but entrenched with learning about "him" and "his schedule" and I must have obviously been in deep, because as I stood outside, I told him,
"Shhhh...."
and he did. "Wait. Stop. Just look...."
"It's pretty" he said.
"No," I responded "look,"
"At the Cherry Blossoms?"
"At everything...Look.... I'm having a moment..."
and I was. He let me, too.
I took it in, and for a few seconds, everything was perfect.
The mist was just barely in the air, the fog was catching the moonlight, the moonlight was lighting up this gorgeous law school that I take for granted that I go to....
and there it was,
Perfection.
The 1L left me with smiles and goodbyes, but the feeling stayed as I walked home.
I walked to my beautiful apartment, down a beautifully lit street, and I felt like everything was perfect.
I glanced over to the exact spot that my morning had been confused by, and instead of reliving a moment, I just smiled and had one instead.
I felt then and I feel now, as I always have in "these moments;" that I am so lucky.
-I could have just sat in the middle of my parking lot, pulled my umbrella to the side, and let the misty rain fall on me.
Rain? Rain, what people pray for. Rain, what people curse. Making the cherry blossoms grow, making the commute impossible, rain?
No, tonight it wasn't that complicated. It was just mist. A beautiful moonlight mist. Tonight was just a moment of perfect.