Haven't slept. have barely eaten. didn't go to any work shops. sat out most of convention. but...
I did party. i did drink goldshlogger. took pictures but no good ones of me. did pick up stuff for friends on request.
Behaved and was treated like a national board member.
Was loved by my founding moms. was shown all kinds of love by sisters. some new. some old.
Learned new strolls. couldn't shop so didn't spend money.
miss everyone. hope you'll want me back.
Have chance for quick nap. gonna take it.

Weather update from my Marine

When you see this cloud formation on your way out the door in the morning, turn around, go back  home, and climb back in bed." YOU ARE NOT GOING TO HAVE A GOOD DAY!!!

Okay. this is awful, and worse I'm wasting an entry on this. But I just found my old engagement ring. Worse. I'm thrilled.
I put it on right away. and then out of fear I put it away immediately. Am I weird? maybe I like jewelery? easy excuse. hmmm.

Took a nap. packed. and now i'm cleaning. should do my mid-term. but i'm way to tired for that. how i think i'm going to
party with the brothers when i get there is beyond me; but we've said it before-"Sleep is over rated."
Besides what kind of friend would I be if i didn't have goldshlogger shots for J and get hot girls for my Marine? Lol!

BOO ON AOL!!!!

Okay the following Entry from my phone:

Big day. perhaps great night? therefore i'm going to bed. ;)

Sucks~!!!
Why you may ask? I'll tell you, because it's missing like a WHOLE Paragraph!!! ugh. Boo. AOL SUCKS!!!!

NO Just kidding!!!
-->Some aol person is like, "Really, huh? Alright bi-atch" --and then errases all my entries....JK JK JK. No offense to any aol lovers or techies or hackers out there :)

So the entry should have described how I had this HUGE day to accomplish today--> Which I DID!!! YAY

I went to the bank. I got money for Shy-town, I gave money to soon to be pledges, I had a meeting with the new greek life advisor (who though a greek of my campus is surprisingly very optimistic), I fixed my transcript and raised my CUM GPA a whopping .02 points or something like that (boo), I went to class, then I had to come back home let my housemates baby sister into the house cause she locked herself out, then back to a supply center and pick up two very heavy projectors for this years convention-->

AND NOW!!!! I'm home, I have to pack the last of everything, and just hey? relax?

Is that possible? Is that allowed? Am I allowed one moment of complete "me" time? What about "me and someone else" time?

I'm dead serious, the last three pseudo-"dates" I've had, all three different guys (calm down, this is like spanning months, but i'm making a point-->) ===
EVERYTIME I've had a date, or had a guy over, or ANYTHING remotely personal, it's been interupted by a Sister calling, or a text message bitching, or worse, a girl actually coming over completely unannounced right in the middle of a beautiful dinner....

oh yes, it's happened. and as of tonight, it wont ever happen again.

I've got one thing left on my mind and thats stress relief.
No business. No lengthy conversations of "what does this mean" no fines, no folders, no nada.

I'm packing "cute, get me drunk, I'm in Chicago," FUN clothes.
I'm planning on NOTHING...I'm getting off this computer and not getting back on.

I'm going to open a fresh bottle of wine, prepare myself a beautiful meal, and see who calls first, if at all.

Oh....And I've decided ---> (I'm loving arrows, huh?)
I've decided, after generically talking to my co workers--(who are about 15 yrs my elders and one being a former Tri-Delt, who swears she speaks from experiance):
                        I am young.
                   I want to have fun.
               I'm not cutting myself off,
                      I don't have to.

(I'm gonna rie it out J....I know I know, but you know. OverIt said it best: "Live like theres no tommorow and you'll never need a second chance.")
+++++
On the same topic:
I defended myself to Mr. Red tie today, who swears I need to "pick one guy" ===> hmmm, let me think...."says who?"

Not any of the guys I'm seeing. and the way I figure it, they're the ones that matter right after me, so..."yeah,...um,...no." When He says me. I'll consider.
When Someone says it's just you. I'll consider.

BUT: no one is banging on my door with the I love you so much speach...so yeah, again, mmmm...no.

So here's how I'll close....

You know you want it
Girl don't act like you don't want it
Girl I want it just as bad as you do
And look see I can tell from this lil vibe
You got me feeling that you dig me
Boo I'm digging you too
You wanna be one of the chosen few ?
Then gon jig up in this mother----
Maybe me and you can do it big up in this mother---
Sit you in a crib where you can chill
Don't have to move a muscle
Give you some be good now you be good
Daddy gon hustle
Come here let me Whisper in your ear
I gotta tell you something
Listening to this song kinda make a nigga want something
Did some daydreaming
Now I'm fiending like I'm on something
Girl don't hold it from me
Cause right now I'll be don strong on ya
I ain't the type to ruin your life
By running game and throwing your dreams
Get in your brain suit your game
Ease your pain and show you things
Sit you on some leather seats while blowing green
And switching lanes
Girl stop playing games let me beat it out the frame

....
Girl give me that
Girl give me that
Girl give me girl give me that there

...

Look you know you want it
Girl don't act like you don't want it
Girl you want it just as bad as I do
But check this out
You gon be wishing that you been gave me your money
By the time I finish rumbling with you
While rhymes get loose let's take this shit to the room
And you just keep yourself excited til we get to the room
Cuz I've been rocked up since I met you
I'm ready to give you the blues
Don't stunt now take off your shoes
Don't act confused you know what time it is

...

Girl give me that
Girl give me that
Girl give me girl give me that there

Big day. perhaps great night? therefore i'm going to bed. ;)

(AS) Promised

(Dedicated to no one in particuliar....just the song I'm feeling relates to my files)


I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
My scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

Drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
I'm pissed cause you came around
Why don't you just go home
Cause you channel all your pain
And I can't help you fix yourself
Your making me insane
All I can say is

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
My scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

I tried to help you once
A kiss will only vise
I saw you going down
But you never realized
That your drowning in the water
So I offered you my hand
Compassions in my nature
Tonight is our last dance

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
My scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

I'm drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
You shouldn't ever came around
Why don't you just go home?
Cause your drowning in the water
And I tried to grab your hand
And I left my heart open
But you didn't understand
But you didn't understand
You fix yourself

I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life
I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
My scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
My scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel