I hate my life, I can't seem to study or do my homework...I'm calling it a night
gonna read a book hmmm....
He's just not that into ME, LOL

Stalling....

Some quotes on "Doing"....(this while I procrastinate in the library).....

While some people have dreams ... i have plans.
Dreams come when people are sleeping - plans are accomplished when your on da grind.
This my friends applies to me - on da grind.
--Away message from my NY boy....yeah, he's got it figured out...

in the same respect, here's a quote from "the DJ"
"I tell people all the time, If you want to get ahead in this life, you gotta work like 70hrs a week--Thats how we do ma..."
---After seeing me bust at my comp for 2 hours solid.....we plan a club event, flyers, champagne room, VIP passes,  a "donation" and some future party plans...

*****************
Had a song here, but wanted to make sure there was no confusion, so I have had place two in  it's spot, just to compensate, lol!!!! enjoy.....awwww jes.....

How ya feelin'?
The day has had its way with both of us
And oh, I've gone out of my way
But I'm not free
From this pain I'm feeling
I was a fool to think someday
You would come around
But no, no, no
I'm not thinking that way

'Cause now i see
You are not what you seem
You are a mystery to me
Sometimes I just want to scream

I think you should just go away 'cause
There's no necessity for you to stay and
Next time you come around my way
Forget it baby
You're not comin' in

How's your day been? (yeah)
'Cause mine has taken strange and ugly turns
But no, no, no
I feel better today
Because I'm off my knees

You are not what you seem
You are a mystery to me
Sometimes I just want to scream

I think you should just go away 'cause
There's no necessity for you to stay and
Next time you come around my way
Forget it baby
You're not comin' in
A heart ready for a life of sorrow
No you can't come back tomorrow
Shut my windows
Lock my doors
'Cause my heart won't be your ragdoll anymore (yeah)

I think you should just go away 'cause
There's no necessity for you to stay and
Next time you come around my way
Forget it baby
You're not comin' in
A heart ready for a life of sorrow
No you can't come back tomorrow
Shut my windows
Lock my doors
'Cause my heart won't be your ragdoll anymore (oh oh yeah yeah)

'Cause my heart won't be your ragdoll anymore
**********

You're So Real

Yes I am
I hope you think you beat me
Hope I start talking crazy
Before you understand me
Are we through
You think that I'm beneath you
But you like the things that I do
Wrap em up and take em with you

I'm alright
Hope I can sleep for one night
If not to cool my insides
Maybe to calm my backside
Rain on me
I got a weakness in me
I think that weakness feeds me
I don't think you think you need me
Sunshine, you're the best time
I ever, ever had
But I think I made you feel bad
A black fly on your necktie
Time after time

[Chorus]

But when the sun starts sinking
On your beautiful soul
Make you cry, cry baby
Make you feel so cold
Don't you know it's alright
Sometimes you just got to show how you feel
Cause that's you baby
Hell, you're so real

Run this round in your head
Like you don't know what's on the inside
You don't know me too well
You ain't seen my bad side
Shame on me, shame on the things that I be
If you could complicate me
If you could get inside me
Sometimes, you're the best time
I've ever, ever known
A pretty girl with a wicked smile on
But I've cried for the last time
Something just don't feel right

[Chorus]

But when the sun starts sinking
On your beautiful soul
Make you cry, cry baby
Make you feel so cold
Don't you know it's alright
Sometimes you just got to show how you feel
Cause that's you baby
Hell, you're so real

You always know just who you are
You never needed someone else
To realize yourself

[Chorus]

How when the sun starts sinking
On your beautiful soul
Make you cry, cry baby
Make you feel so cold
Don't you know it's alright
Sometimes you just got to show how you feel
Cause that's you baby
Hell, you're so real

Yeah baby, you're so real
Yeah baby, you're so real
So real, so real
Oh god, yeah
Yeah, yeah
***************
So me and C aren't talking again....lol, what else is new?
This time though, I'll state it for the record, I just don't care....
And I'm too busy to respond to his messages right now,
In your words C, "Can we talk about this tommorow?"

I've decided I don't need a plaque. I don't need approval. I am the Fucking Alumnae of the Year!!!

Like "A," # 1-219-555-5555. who's that? hmmm. delete. i scroll thru my buddy list. hmmm. homeboy is never on. delete. will he
ever call, IM, or text? No. Delete.
REASON? I'm bored+Realistic+ too tired to do more homework. so. yeah. so now after playing clean up on my phone,
Delete. Delete. Delete. In a fit of impatience, as I wait for sleep to come I've deleted many a screen names and cell numbers.

Poem from FM

Just wanted to share this poem.... hope its ok... *he bows*

I'm Sorry

Michael Guinn

Every time I see you! I hear the melody of raindrops and realize that
... you are crying inside. And someday� I'll write a poem that wins the
Nobel peace prize for the peace I couldn't find in your eyes.
You� be that poet, writer, soul survivor and your misery, cuts through
me�truly.. taking me back to that moment in your story where you first
lost your glory.

And I... can only imagine how it must feel to have wings and not be
able to fly.

That has to be the most painful feeling any woman could bear.

Well�.I've never known that feeling. I�ve never felt the sting of words
with out wings become dirty pretty things.

And I�ve never screamed at the top of my lungs and had no one hear my
cry. I�ve never known what that was like. I�ve never known.

And even though I've never been where you are, I can still feel the
scar on your spirit. Cause when you speak� I hear it.

And even though I've never had hopes bashed�I can still hear the echo
of dreams smashed like a thousand fist against the window of your past.

But � I.. have had words trapped like Terri Schiavo�s Verbs.. dying to
get out and had doubt� just beat them back down until they became
poetic lumps in the throat of my soul. I�ve known�. what THAT�S like! I�ve
known!

But tonight �I REFUSE to let you stand there all alone� wrapped in
blues, clutching black, seeing red.

YOUR Sunshine is just hiding behind dark clouds waiting for you to
shout out loud that you are no longer a slave to pen without ink. YOU CAN
THINK...

And your VOICE� WILL NOT BECOME SIGN LANGUAGE FOR THE GHOST OF YOUR
ANGUISH! BECAUSE TONIGHT! YOUR WORDS TAKE FLIGHT! THEY SOAR! Traveling
from metaphor to metaphor, giving life to

incomplete sentences! THEY SOAR!

Stretching the limitations of sound, YOUR words fan the clouds and cool
the sky�
They Soar�Capturing the moment...

They Soar!...Freeing the soul.... They Soar! THEY SOAR!!

And ..I just wanna say .. I'm sorry�

Sorry for every man who never said HE was sorry.

Sorry �for all those times�your essence was left dying in the shade of
never.. forever road kill for vultures�too stupid to see� that in your
eyes blooms the seed of their culture.

Sorry �for all those nights your heart was left tangled in the curve of
a smile as crooked as his shifty grin... To me THAT is the greatest
sin!

And I want you to know that the prize between your thighs could never
match the beauty inside your eyes�. because you are beautiful.

And I PROMISE to never disrespect you with fist, hurt or pain� Just
protect you with prayers and be your umbrella in the rain..

And I know you may not believe me, I KNOW�

But � tonight �.I'll take that chance to say�"Beaumont".....I'm sorry.

Michael is an award winning poet/performer from Jacksonville Texas now
residing between Fort Worth and Sacramento Ca. www.mikeguinn.com
http://www.cdbaby.com/michaelguinn

"I'm the Center of my own little Universe"

Hello Little Universe:
(If C read this, or if anyone could get in my head, you would know this is truly Hilarious--but since this probably ramble to 100% of those reading, lets move on:)

I am listening to "The PEAK," generous donators of comp American Rejects' tickets. In a word: score. That's April 15th.

Plan Change: Was gonna go to CLOVIS, and no not to see a boy, but to hang with the girls as they saw theirs.  :)
(If my LS15 read this, which she won't cuz she's mad stressing, she's be smiling and saying in her Cute Voice: "Ugh-huh")

But why the change we all ask? Well uh-duh, Prophets coming into town, I can't just leave him un-chaperoned. Hee Hee

So people have been asking, "Who is this guy?"
Um....hello its The Prophet. 
Aside from saying it's Jesus Christ himself, which I won't, he's just the coolest guy ever.
And let me point out: The Prophet is a "guy" --not to be confused with a "boy."
But--The similarities:
Christ can make water into wine,
The Prophet makes wine run like water, and miracullouslly it all disapears too? hmmmm.

Christ preaches the love thy neighbor thing;
Prophet: Well this fine man can make people who haven't seen each other, those who haven't talked to each other, in like "YEARS" come together in a moment all to await his arrival.

He was my "crews" glue.
He is the one I think about everytime I hear "good times" or Blink 182's "23."

(wow, i just remembered I have underlining ability--Sorry, moving on...)

The Prophet is just cool peoples, and he's my bud. Surprisingly though, the only person that knows him outside of my "crew" is well C, who knows everything. hmmm.

Well---almost everything. Some things just don't need to be spoken, or said--ever, or mentioned here, for that matter.

hmmm....Sadly I hate this new, lets just not tell each other "that part of our lives" scenario me and C got going on.  Well, just so all you Ladies know, as of last night he may no longer be on the market--yes the comit-a-phobe.
In the words of my Six, "He's just not that into you."
a book that has now been loaned to me, lets see if I get 5 to read it.

other news. oh I guess the Weekend recap, followed by upcoming me-ness:

Friday:
Drank at the Brick, good times.
Drank like high-schoolers on the side of some random house because we were too lazy to go home but not brave enough to drink and drive...childish maybe, silly definately, but all in all, good times.
After an hour in line and trying with all compasion not to hit the girl in front of me for being a (insert your favorite vulgar expression here) --we get into the Club.
Girls got open tabs running, and somehow I'm the recipient of generosity.
aww, the drinking continues, good times, but now older and wiser, I have learned. yes--there is a stopping point, and at 1 am I hit mine.
Some, unfortunately have not learned this lesson, and from 2-3 am, suffered the reprucussions.
uh-yeah, not so pretty.
Fortunately, I had alternative plans at 3:30 and leaving everyone dutifully, on their sides tucked away in drunken slumbers I proceeded to pursue them.
After careful manuever of questions and cops, I found myself right where I wanted to be,  in bed and Confortable; a feeling that undoubtatedly will pass.

A day later I look back and think the late nights are getting harder to pull off, but affirm to myself with a smile--yeah, all worth it.

Saturday:
After I wake up to the land of the living, oh, lets say 2pm-ish. I make my way to see Co-worker boy one last time and collect my check.
With kind words regarding how I "be coming all up in here" and a free sandwich, I'm feeling uplifted again, which makes perfect seg-way to time with C.
A random occurance now-a-days, with only short mention of what are nights were like, only to be more focussed on the time we plan on making for each other in the future....
Like:
April 8th: Movie 7-9/10pm
(Cuz I'm gonna be with the Prophet later on you see...)
April 15th: American Rejects (Do you know anyone else aside from the 14yr old cuteness that would enjoy them?)
April 12th: The Return of the sock-blowing-off, Seth Horan,

and something else...hmm.

Well all in all that was my calender. Add The Prophets return April 7th-April 9th and I'm smiling.
Oh!!!! That was it! Poetry Slams.
April 9th. 7pm Blue Dragon. ah-yes, lol--I can bet money on it now, he won't go, but I will. (With or without him, thats how it's gotta be... ooh,  maybe I'll take The Prophet with me???hmmm... I know you're reading--so how 'bout it? Poetry prior to Party?)

So Saturday night, yes, Poetry. Thats what I did...to be followed by kegger with Ksig-ness, but yeah, bed just seemed far more intriguing...
Then before I drifted compliments were exchanged, and I slept still thinking it was all worth it.

Awoke this morning, ON TIME,
did my Lambda Thang, worked this afternoon, got a few phone calls from friends, and made a few phone calls to friends, and alas I must now return to the dilegent task of grad life and studies

All in all this weekend was "good times"--
Speaking of which, I leave with the lyrics from a back porch poet, lol--
(Yes, poetry lately, right?--that and yeah it played on the radio--so why fight it, what can you do? Me, I'm going with it...)

I'm so alive
I'm so enlightened
I can barely survive
A night in my mind
I've got a plan
I'm gonna find out just how boring I am
And have a good time

Cause ever since I tried
Trying not to find
Every little meaning in my life
It's been fine
I've been cool
With my new golden rule

Numb is the new deep
Done with the old me
And talk is the same cheap it's been

Is there a God?
Why is he waiting?
Don't you think of it odd
When he knows my address?
And look at the stars
Don't they remind you of just how feeble we are?
Well it used to, I guess

Cause ever since I tried
Trying not to find
Every little meaning in my life
It's been fine
I've been cool
With my new golden rule

Numb is the new deep
Done with the old me
And talk is the same cheap
It's been

I'm a new man
I wear a new cologne and
You wouldn't know me if your eyes were closed
I know what you'll say
'This won't last longer than the rest of the day'
But you're wrong this time
You're wrong

Numb is the new deep
Done with the old me
I'm over the analyzing
Tonight

Stop trying to figure it out
(you try to figure, you try to figure it out)
It will only bring you down
You know, I used to be the back
porch poet with my book of rhymes
Always open knowing all the time I'm problably
Never gonna find the perfect rhyme
For 'heavier things'

Don't know how...

Okay, it's been a long time since Brick and I gotta admit, I'm glad those girls have more pull with me then boys. Maybe it's the 2.50 Happy Hour? Maybe it's MY FAVORITE BARTENDER!!! :)
Anyways, there ain't nothing like Sisters to hold you back when you're catching feelings.  And nothing like Sisters to make you waste the time you know you don't have...but, i'm living for right now, and tired is just a state of mind.

*Sigh. But going back to "catching feelings"...At the Brick, I run  into * lets say* a  Man of the Blue, an older more aged rendition of those Boys and Blue, (aka Alum) and I must say I am impressed.

Despite everything that has gone down, in this Gentleman's House-- nonetheless-- with my EX, this alum was beyond decent, approachable, and kind. We talk of the Boys, how I miss them, Greek-ness, and upcoming events. He talks of Formal, I speak of Founders Week. I invite him to mine, he says he hasn't the slightest as to when his is.
Time and again, these men give me an affiliation and friendships to be proud of.
Ladies, or whomever might be reading, I'm not sorry, those boys still have my heart...

Hearts-hmmm. Some are wondering if I have one-- People are wondering. After my Spring Break escapade, there have been no "boys" lately--haha.  Well the end result is no reprucussions, and little fear. Or maybe it's a lot of fear and therfore the push to say, "just go with it."  But lately, I'm thinking there may just be nothing to go with? I shall see...yet again the invite goes out-- i'll see if the door will be opened once again?

Unitl then Rendevouz at 10, then downtown, then ????

If you got my number, use it. :)