I won't lie. The past few weeks have been hard. See prior posts.
The songs "Fuck you" by CeeLo and BreakEven by the Script pretty much have battled and melded into one restless emtotion.
The temporary solution, simple. Get off twitter. What you don't read can't hurt you.
The long term solution...also simple, get back to that place where I worry about only me and my bubble.
As I call on my Inner Pooh Bear (don't mock me-its my Taoist nature)-- I remind myself, what will be, will be, and what won't, won't. Emotions such as jealousy, hurt, resentment are useless waste of energy...So too, is false spirit for Someone. I can fake happiness, but to whom? No one cares, I shouldn't care, and thus like sand in a reflection garden, I rake over the thoughts...Clang and Chime.
Ironic?, "I just prayed to a God that I don't believe in..." -- Perhaps not, when it works.
Fortunately, I had a miracle the other day that I desperately needed...but that's another story.
in many ways the following statement makes sense and is all I have left, interpret as you may:
now I get to sleep.
ABOUT DCGossipGirl
Followers
How did you get my number?
When does friendly "catching up" cross the line?
How bout when the text after I say "I'm getting married" , reads "can you get pictures on your phone?"
Or maybe its when I don't respond, the next 6 text are some derrivative
"No, okay"
"Sorry, I just want to send you a picture of me and my daughter"?
"Did I say something wrong"
"Why won't you talk to me"
All this when I ran to the store and left my phone in my purse. Its three days later, and without another text fro me, I wake up to two more text.
So now I'm wondering how did this dude get my number? Also, while I won't label this guy a creep, I never "hung out" with this person. He's not someone I'd call a friend, and in fact I only "knew" to be polite to him because he was in an organization I had some respect for... Most importantly, I'm wishing I had a "block" like Facebook or AIM...Polite 'I am declining your FRIEND status.
No, I don't think I'm better than this guy. In fact, part of me sympathizes, thinking Aww, he must be a lonely guy reaching out? The other part of me is thankful for Facebook privacy settings.
----
In other news, let's see...I'm moving to SNOW, year round. Yeah, kind of a big deal, past Canada, up to the Northern Lights to live with Santa. I'm going to be an elf, ftr. How am I with the decision? Well, its not my choice. As I told many a peeps before, I'm a Military Wife first. That means, he moves, I follow. Period. So, I better be Yay,candy canes and moose because
Like it or not, that's my life for the next FOUR Years...Did I mention I was going to apply to be an e
Elf? I'm really excited about the possibility of striped socks. ;)
Speaking of occupations, I'm now a housewife...as the hubby and I decided, there's no real reason to work these next four months...um, yeah. How am I handeling that? Let's see, badly.
While the Martha Stewart gene didn't altogether skip me, it has been repressed. After all I didn't get 5 degrees to be suzy home-maker. But I do get to spend time wedding planning...and well, that Has to be done. Its almost a full time job. Almost...
Other news? I am "Wifey" of the year, as I decided to let the Hubby get the Uggliest Chair in the World. Yup. Mossy Oak in recliner form. The Big Man, "magnum series" catnapper, with heat and massage. I think a guys balls must grow two inches just by sitting in it...sigh. So, yeah. He's the envy of all his friends, I'm the good/cool/insert some complimentarydescriptive- wife.
Truth be told, its very comfortable, and no lies, I'm already seeing the days I get to rock asleep in it. Speaking of sleep, I now have a kitty on my chest, signalling its about time I go back to sleep.
xoxo,
DCGG
How bout when the text after I say "I'm getting married" , reads "can you get pictures on your phone?"
Or maybe its when I don't respond, the next 6 text are some derrivative
"No, okay"
"Sorry, I just want to send you a picture of me and my daughter"?
"Did I say something wrong"
"Why won't you talk to me"
All this when I ran to the store and left my phone in my purse. Its three days later, and without another text fro me, I wake up to two more text.
So now I'm wondering how did this dude get my number? Also, while I won't label this guy a creep, I never "hung out" with this person. He's not someone I'd call a friend, and in fact I only "knew" to be polite to him because he was in an organization I had some respect for... Most importantly, I'm wishing I had a "block" like Facebook or AIM...Polite 'I am declining your FRIEND status.
No, I don't think I'm better than this guy. In fact, part of me sympathizes, thinking Aww, he must be a lonely guy reaching out? The other part of me is thankful for Facebook privacy settings.
----
In other news, let's see...I'm moving to SNOW, year round. Yeah, kind of a big deal, past Canada, up to the Northern Lights to live with Santa. I'm going to be an elf, ftr. How am I with the decision? Well, its not my choice. As I told many a peeps before, I'm a Military Wife first. That means, he moves, I follow. Period. So, I better be Yay,candy canes and moose because
Like it or not, that's my life for the next FOUR Years...Did I mention I was going to apply to be an e
Elf? I'm really excited about the possibility of striped socks. ;)
Speaking of occupations, I'm now a housewife...as the hubby and I decided, there's no real reason to work these next four months...um, yeah. How am I handeling that? Let's see, badly.
While the Martha Stewart gene didn't altogether skip me, it has been repressed. After all I didn't get 5 degrees to be suzy home-maker. But I do get to spend time wedding planning...and well, that Has to be done. Its almost a full time job. Almost...
Other news? I am "Wifey" of the year, as I decided to let the Hubby get the Uggliest Chair in the World. Yup. Mossy Oak in recliner form. The Big Man, "magnum series" catnapper, with heat and massage. I think a guys balls must grow two inches just by sitting in it...sigh. So, yeah. He's the envy of all his friends, I'm the good/cool/insert some complimentarydescriptive- wife.
Truth be told, its very comfortable, and no lies, I'm already seeing the days I get to rock asleep in it. Speaking of sleep, I now have a kitty on my chest, signalling its about time I go back to sleep.
xoxo,
DCGG
2:56 AM | Filed Under | 0 Comments
Pills, Pals, the Past, and a Present?
Maybe its the new house?
I wake up, and take two pills to "start my morning." Aww. Cafeine in capsule form.
and then at midnight, when I should be exhausted. Two more pills to keep me from looking at the ceiling. 100% Natural for those checking, and should the Charector and Fitness committee come looking, Green Tea extract to Rosehips and Lavender.
But it disturbs me that its becoming necessary. I find myself in a sleepless, restless place lately. Pondering things I shouldn't. Like, why after all these years, would one guy tell me he loved me, now? Knowing I have a date at the alter. Why do I work out relentlessly and drink my one shake for breakfast, one shake for lunch, kill me now, just to look good in a white dress, I'm praying will make other men bite their lip. Why does it bother me to see status updates on someone that was never really mine, bother me when I want him to be happy? Why, especially, when my profile picture proclaims to the world I am a-okay, 100%?
Dunno. So, I think on it. Midnight comes, and I'm thinking. Do I still have feelings for someone that isn't my husband? How far is too far? I think on other things. Why does hearing I love you from years ago still make me smile? I rationalize. I pychologize.
I like love. I like to love. I like being loved. And yes, I get it all.
The permanence, the security, the 45 sitting by, in my bed.
Endless, unconditional love. I got it. So sure a thing, I could bottle it, and save some for later.
Yeah, its damn good.
So, why am I up at night? Thinking.
This is the time, where fortunately, I seem to always be comforted by the back and forth of a friend on Twitter. Not @kanyewest, or @johncmayer who I contemplate daily from removing...
but a real friend, who when my twitter fails, I have his number and can back-and forth with. Yet, even there an underlying sexual tension. But one that at least has boundaries, to where I can say no, and the friendship survives. or he can say no, and still keep my pride in tact.
Sigh. I am a lucky lucky girl.
---But now to an update. Present Day.
What do you do when you get everything you want? Live Happily Ever After?
BUT...what if you had to choose between two dreams?
When it rains it pours, even in its abundant goodness. Which means...I'll be moving, Maybe?
All I know is there will be 7 days of decision making, and a regret will be present. Period.
Wish me luck. Love to you my universe.
xoxo, DCGG
I wake up, and take two pills to "start my morning." Aww. Cafeine in capsule form.
and then at midnight, when I should be exhausted. Two more pills to keep me from looking at the ceiling. 100% Natural for those checking, and should the Charector and Fitness committee come looking, Green Tea extract to Rosehips and Lavender.
But it disturbs me that its becoming necessary. I find myself in a sleepless, restless place lately. Pondering things I shouldn't. Like, why after all these years, would one guy tell me he loved me, now? Knowing I have a date at the alter. Why do I work out relentlessly and drink my one shake for breakfast, one shake for lunch, kill me now, just to look good in a white dress, I'm praying will make other men bite their lip. Why does it bother me to see status updates on someone that was never really mine, bother me when I want him to be happy? Why, especially, when my profile picture proclaims to the world I am a-okay, 100%?
Dunno. So, I think on it. Midnight comes, and I'm thinking. Do I still have feelings for someone that isn't my husband? How far is too far? I think on other things. Why does hearing I love you from years ago still make me smile? I rationalize. I pychologize.
I like love. I like to love. I like being loved. And yes, I get it all.
The permanence, the security, the 45 sitting by, in my bed.
Endless, unconditional love. I got it. So sure a thing, I could bottle it, and save some for later.
Yeah, its damn good.
So, why am I up at night? Thinking.
This is the time, where fortunately, I seem to always be comforted by the back and forth of a friend on Twitter. Not @kanyewest, or @johncmayer who I contemplate daily from removing...
but a real friend, who when my twitter fails, I have his number and can back-and forth with. Yet, even there an underlying sexual tension. But one that at least has boundaries, to where I can say no, and the friendship survives. or he can say no, and still keep my pride in tact.
Sigh. I am a lucky lucky girl.
---But now to an update. Present Day.
What do you do when you get everything you want? Live Happily Ever After?
BUT...what if you had to choose between two dreams?
When it rains it pours, even in its abundant goodness. Which means...I'll be moving, Maybe?
All I know is there will be 7 days of decision making, and a regret will be present. Period.
Wish me luck. Love to you my universe.
xoxo, DCGG
8:39 AM | Filed Under | 0 Comments
It was my choice....
Compare and Contrast?
Mona Lisa Smile-----Set in 1952
Katherine Watson: It says here that you're pre-law. What law school are you going to go to?
Joan Brandwyn: I hadn't really thought about that. After I graduate, I plan on getting married.
Katherine Watson: And then?
Joan Brandwyn: [confused] And then... I'll be married.
My Living Room---yesterday
Friend: Where did you take the Bar?
Me: Maryland....I decided I needed to take the Bar before changing my name.
Friend: Why would that matter?
Me: If he moves, I'll follow. I'm a military wife first.
Friend: When did THAT happen???
Joan Brandwyn: It was my choice, not to go. He would have supported it.
Katherine Watson: But you don't have to choose!
Joan Brandwyn: No, I have to. I want a home, I want a family! That's not something I'll sacrifice.
Katherine Watson: No one's asking you to sacrifice that, Joan. I just want you to understand that you can do both.
Joan Brandwyn: Do you think I'll wake up one morning and regret not being a lawyer?
Katherine Watson: Yes, I'm afraid that you will.
Joan Brandwyn: Not as much as I'd regret not having a family, not being there to raise them. I know exactly what I'm doing and it doesn't make me any less smart. This must seem terrible to you.
Katherine Watson: I didn't say that.
Joan Brandwyn: Sure you did. You always do. You stand in class and tell us to look beyond the image, but you don't. To you a housewife is someone who sold her soul for a center hall colonial. She has no depth, no intellect, no interests. You're the one who said I could do anything I wanted. This is what I want.
Mona Lisa Smile-----Set in 1952
Katherine Watson: It says here that you're pre-law. What law school are you going to go to?
Joan Brandwyn: I hadn't really thought about that. After I graduate, I plan on getting married.
Katherine Watson: And then?
Joan Brandwyn: [confused] And then... I'll be married.
My Living Room---yesterday
Friend: Where did you take the Bar?
Me: Maryland....I decided I needed to take the Bar before changing my name.
Friend: Why would that matter?
Me: If he moves, I'll follow. I'm a military wife first.
Friend: When did THAT happen???
Joan Brandwyn: It was my choice, not to go. He would have supported it.
Katherine Watson: But you don't have to choose!
Joan Brandwyn: No, I have to. I want a home, I want a family! That's not something I'll sacrifice.
Katherine Watson: No one's asking you to sacrifice that, Joan. I just want you to understand that you can do both.
Joan Brandwyn: Do you think I'll wake up one morning and regret not being a lawyer?
Katherine Watson: Yes, I'm afraid that you will.
Joan Brandwyn: Not as much as I'd regret not having a family, not being there to raise them. I know exactly what I'm doing and it doesn't make me any less smart. This must seem terrible to you.
Katherine Watson: I didn't say that.
Joan Brandwyn: Sure you did. You always do. You stand in class and tell us to look beyond the image, but you don't. To you a housewife is someone who sold her soul for a center hall colonial. She has no depth, no intellect, no interests. You're the one who said I could do anything I wanted. This is what I want.
6:37 AM | Filed Under | 0 Comments