Week 2, Assignment 1 Over

It's done, five minutes before deadline, it's done.

Turned in, and done. Now, congratulate me, for all I need to do this weekend is read a few hundred pages in Torts, Civil Law, Contracts, and schedule a Legal writing lab. Eh, Boo on that.....I think I am going to eat ice cream. Oooh, ice cream and apple cobbler.

Trust me, its delicious and I deserve it.

****Sigh****

I hear there's a real world outside the one I've created in my head. Lol.

Here's some insight. We JUST finished week two, and TV is talked about in the past tense....(No lie, this conversation did take place.)
"Do you get to watch TV?....Do you schedule it in for that "break we're SUPPOSED to give ourselves?...No, me neither....I miss TV."
"Do you remember Bravo shows? Like Project Runway...I hear that started?"
"Did you ever watch HEROES?...Yeah, I think I'll buy the season for a christmas gift to myself after finals are over"
"I miss my x-box....I just looked at my controller last night...."
"Yeah man, I had an X-box."

Forever ago.....*Sigh. On the plus side, I almost have all my books ordered. Classes aren't until Tuesday. and my first graded assignment is done.
Maybe I'll sleep to reward myself??? I haven't done that in a while.
Cobbler then sleep....
Sleep sounds nice....at least for an hour before I start on Civil Procedure.
Cobbler then sleep....

The Breakdown

I have a shirt, that has a cute little owl holding a bitten lolly-pop saying "Uno...., dos....."

Should you translate it from Spanish to English, it would read:  "One, Two....."

The shirt is based on the commercial "How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop" 

This day has sadly become the analogy to my shirt.

How many licks does it take to get to the center of this 1L.

I'm almost ashamed to admit it, but given I pulled it together...Let me just put it out there.

I cried. From 8:30 am to 8:45 am I couldn't stop crying. The simple idea that I was not on schedule, that I couldn't get some "rationale" down for my "rule of law" for the upcoming assignment, and the fact that I simply just want to sleep or  get some damn Starbucks coffee to make it through my day, made me cry. And I couldn't stop.
Its week 2, day 9 or 10, because I've lost all sense of time, and I'm already crying! What does that say? Does that say I'm week, that I can't hack? Absolutely not. And I know this. So Why can't I stop crying?
I start thinking of my scholarship. $10,000 dollars. Not even a fourth of my tuition. But as per our GLORIOUS administrative seminar yesterday, we were all reminded how our "class rank" determines whether or not we have our scholarships renewed.  And I'm on week 2!  Week 2 and I'm tripping over 1 damn assignment not even worth 1/10 of my final grade and I'm crying. And you know why??? Because it matters, people may say it doesn't but it does.  10 points from may grade may be the defining difference between being in the top 8 students in my section versus being student nine. Student 9 looses everything. No matter how great your rationale, no matter how air tight your essays to come may be, there's only room for 8 people, i that top 3% and and in law school, yeah, everyone is determined to be one of those 8. Everyone is working just as hard.

I pull it together by 8:45. not because I'm done crying or not because I've centered and pulled my cool Taoist mentality into focus. No I stop crying because I have a god damn case to  re-read for the 18th  thousandth  time, and  deadlines come faster than you know, and Civ.Pro already put out the next assignment....

I stop crying and just in time, because another person from my section hops on the metro with me. I'm smiles and sunshine, because everyone lies in law school.

We talk blase, and completely avoid the cases at hand.  Which makes me think we're friends.

Here's my decoder ring for any one interested:
Those who talk about "getting it," are lying.
Those who talk about "not getting it, " are lying.

Everyone says "do what works for you." --Liars

This is me not lying. I cried. I'm not even through freaking week 2 and I'm crying. 

Oh well, maybe I'm just more honest with myself. Maybe I'll scare myself into perfection.

 A quote from someone else's blog that rang true. "All I can say about the old days, is that I think about them every single minute."-JM

Daily Horoscope

You may be feeling the emotional stress associated with this Full Moon Eclipse in your 8th House of Transformation. You might not want to change in ways that are being required of you now. Even if you know that the old road is changing, you may not be ready for the new path to appear. Nevertheless, your happiness may depend on your ability to let go of the past.

The Finding of a Mentor, and A Meeting of a Friend

Like chores around my house, I understand thoroughly  that regular attention to this day by day play of my life as a 1L will be impossible. But perhaps, the summary (or in legal jargon, the canned brief of it all).

Day 3:
    My professor is French, speaks with a French accent, and admittedly every girl in the entire law school is willing to ruin their ABA bar application for a chance of one steamy romantically fantasized night with him. Me....Lol, Actually I'll pass.
I sit on the right side of the classroom, and he speaks to the left. I'm definitely changing seats.
    Today's dominative required seminar to attend. Hey girls listen up: Sexual harassment. Haha. Faculty and students relationships are strictly prohibited (even if they are legal).
Stay at library, attempt to do reading. Bleh. I'm bored. Home-sleep.

Day 4:
    Wake up extremely early because I have not completed my reading. Catch Metro two hours early, and show up to class--again, two hours early.
I am obviously not the only one with seat change and the assignment on my mind, as two students are already present with books open.
    Today, I sit to the left. Go figure, seating chart does not go out until tomorrow. Quiz. Yes, if you have been paying attention I am technically attending "Class #2" at this point, meaning I am now being tested on material from Day 1. Welcome to the Hustle.
    Today's administrative lecture: Drugs and alcohol abuse in the legal profession. In summary, Law students drink a lot. If you start missing class because of it, you're probably an alcoholic, and you need to go this program. Lovely.
Student ID's are handed out, and yay, I don't look completely moronic. Also we are assigned "mentors"--Mine is unreachable. Hmmmm. Kinda like my professor. I breathe though, cause remember I'm section 3 where we "do" things that keep us busy....That over, home I go, as I'd only be pretending I had friends at this point.
Learning from the night before, I decide to fight the urge to sleep, and brief my case until 1:30 AM'ish.

Day 5:
6am, and forget the suit, I'm wearing jeans today and throwing on my Sorority para. Where I'm from, I'm definitely  in "business casual." (Some will and will not get how funny this statement actually is. No worries.)
    Arriving again two hours prior to class, with two students still before me, I claim my seat. As I've done all my homework, I venture to roam about.
I pillage the lockers, and behold one has finally been assigned to me. My newly given Boober Fragle is placed in my locker with a neon green alphabetical combination lock to guard my "acquired" contract book.

3 things here. 1.Boober Fraggle rocks. 2. Have you ever seen an alphabetical lock.??? Neither had I until yesterday. Admittedly I'm overly excited about this technology; but they are totally awesome! and 3. Let me explain something PHENOMENAL about my school. --Like most (and all ABA) law schools, we are graded on a curve. Meaning, life is extremely completive.  Or at least it could be. BUT. I am going to the Mecca of all things good, and when you "hustle," upperclassmen are more than willing to help a young sister out.
Meaning. In a box, in the locker rooms, upper class man, rather than "sell back" their 1L textbooks, instead opt to "donate" them to us poor 1Ls. Yeah, I jumped all over that.
PLUS. at the Capstone, each 1L is designated a "mentor" to look out for them. Someone in their section, who presumably can guide you through this crazy and strange island of weirdness called life as a 1L.

Now, today is a good day. Today I found my mentor. Or rather, one of the upperclassmen, I've been bugging for a legal writing book, knew who my mentor was and described her to me. Sure enough, she was pretty easy to pick out, especially given I waited outside of her classroom after our lovely administrative lecture. (Today's topic, Security on Campus. Summary: they have guns, and um....don't be an idiot and leave your laptop around. It will get stolen. How do law students get through these three years, without this guidance???)
Topic???? Awe yes, I was stalking my mentor. Sure did. Went right up to her, and made introductions. Everything I expected? Not at all, Everything I could want?
Well, depends?
Is she giving me her books? -Yupp.
Is she on Law Journal?--Yupp.
Is she well connected?-Yupp
Top 25 in her class? Yupp, oh and she is considered the best in her class for legal writing.

In sum. Yeah I'm happy.

After stalking said  mentor, not wanting to stay in the library, I choose to sit outside. Not a minute passes, when a guy (who's t-shirt is making me read) ask me, "What chapter?"....So begins the discussion of Greek life, past college what-nots, etc. We move from past to present, and as he has a girlfriend he has mentioned twice  I need not worry he is making small talk for my number. In actuality, this guy just turns out to be genuinely nice. An hour passes without me noticing, and we're into study guides and outlines, when his friend walks up. We make chit chat, and I'm realizing I need to catch the metro home. I hand out business cards, and both are impressed. I'm offered advice or study guides should I ever need them, and am walking home feeling pretty good.

I read most of my case again on the bus, and honestly too tired to do anything, I want my bed more than any girl wants the French teacher.

Good night little universe.

Life as a 1L

I wake up, and realize the importance of showering the night before. Exhausted, I successfully get on the correct metro rail going the wrong direction. Having the familiar dread of not recognizing anything from the day before, I hop off and proceed to get going in the "right direction."
Learning from yesterday, I get off the metro and walk the right direction to the campus, but turn on the wrong street. --How did they let me into this prestigious campus, I wonder. I can't even get there!!!
The morning begins like the day before, except today I acknowledge with no malice or regret, that I am not liked. I sit alone to eat breakfast, and do so rather successfully, until joined by other 1L's are forced to fill the empty seats. Everyone is overly nice, and nothing is genuine. The herding begins, and I am tempted to scream "Mooooo!" as all 150 something of us try to climb stairs.
We are again placed in our "groups."  In our groups we are herded to the bookstore, to the main campus, to the chapel, to our mail boxes. nothing is assigned to us yet. The friendly faces I meet and see are not in my group, and of course, not in my section. We are about to dismissed at noon to another group leader, who is kind enough to see our group leaders exhaustion, and volunteers to take us to our lockers (which are not assigned yet), when he mentions he is an upperclassmen from Section 3.
Like sharks to blood, the group begins the interrogation. Who are our teachers? how are the exams? Where is our homework?
Clearly, scared for us, he takes us directly to our professor. Our professor, explains, that our homework is to read the syllabus, and the syllabus can be found on the password protected website.
"But we weren't assigned our passwords yet?" Grade Grubber declares.
"It was my understanding that you would receive those today." the professor states with an undertone that clearly states "not my problem."

The upperclassman catches the hint, and thanks him for his time. Clearly seeing the lot of us down casted, the professor calls after our group,
"I'll put hard copies on this table after 4pm."

Smiles, and thanks from the group are issued.
After lockers we are dismissed until 1:30 when we are to get our passwords

It is not even 1pm. The pinning ceremony is at 6pm. Almost everyone home except for a choice number of Section 3 students, as we are depending on our passwords.

Making my way to the student lounge I see a speaker from yesterday talking to a handful of my colleagues. I join the circle wondering what the upperclassmen might be conveying.  She sees me, and instantly introduces herself.

I know her name. She is Ms. Everything. She's top of her class, and head of law review. She sits on every group I want on, and to boot, she's pretty damn hot. I saw her yesterday, and knew, this is a girl I want to know...Even better, this is a girl I want to become.


I introduce myself, and she restates that she had just joined the group wanting to know if we "1L's" might have any questions.

The infamous question is asked. "What section are you?"
"Section 3,"  says Ms. Everything.  "What sections are you?" 
--The table is 8 and her, and 4 of us are Section 3.
"We're mostly section 3....."(I gather courage, knowing this is a golden opportunity
    "You're only the second Section 3 upperclassman, we've been given the opportunity to speak with."
"Really? Oh, I'm so sorry?! Thats my fault." Ms. Everything says, sincerely. Seeing our confusion she explains. It's a good thing. Section 3 dominates the review. The review. The prestigious review. The review that everyone wants, but few are selected to be on. Section 3 dominates. Suddenly I'm overwhelmed with relief. The review is in meetings all week prior to school beginning. Ms. Everything continues to dish. We learn the insight on our teachers, who are the best. We learn what our exams will be like, which are fair. We learn no one forgot Section  3, they just got busy being their excellent selves.

It's 1:45 and time to get our passwords. As everyone leaves, Ms. Everything see's me holding back and stops to ask if I have any more questions. Knowing her weight in the organizations I wish to join, I suddenly become as eager as the Grade Grubber. How can I join this club and that? What are her recommendations?   I try ever so delicately to mention I want to be on the review, and how might I do so?
Ms. Everything walks me to my classroom with my answers. Study, get good grades, and no worries, they'd be in touch.

Passwords are given, and it is 2pm. Truly almost everyone now goes home.
I am the commuter. Not living in the city I have packed lunch and have worn business attire for the evening. I have packed flashcards to study, and begin my lonely existence as theother students venture out for lunch or home.

After a peanut butter and diet cola kinda lunch, I roam the halls. In an effort to be productive, I head to the computer lab to register and get my homework downloaded.
Not surprisingly Grade Grubber is there with what seems her own study group already formed.

What-ever....I print and bail. and make my ways out doors. Calling this person and that, I tie up some student loans, and am feeling accomplished. A little before 4, I feel someone tap my shoulder. A friend from conference has just flown in. He has missed the entire orientation. Knowing he's in need, I do a quick tour. We fly through this hall and that, and I help him get registered.  After scolding my friend, the Dean of Student Affairs shakes my hand and tells me I've done good by looking after my classmate. I say I'm happy to do so, and mean it. He's happy I'm his friend and even though he's Section 1, I'm suddenly not feeling so lonely.

He neeeds to run to change into his suit for the ceremony and I'm left again in the student lounge.

In the student lounge, I meet an alumni who has decided to take work off early to join us. We exchange maybe two words, and he pins me for a 1L instantly.  He ask my schedule, and is instantly giving me advice. A recent grad, he knows the game. Seeing a willing mentee, he graciously teaches me some of the rules. After an hour and a half  flies by, I'm suddenly aware I need to be learning my alma mater with the other 1L's that are filing in past us. We exchange cards, and I succumb to being herded once more into mass.

We are in suits, and I'm hot. I haven't done my make up or changed my shoes, and am suddenly aware, that I've been networking for the past 4 hours.

We are herded outside to wonderful speakers and are led in a wonderful ceremony.  We are lined up, and are holding our pins. Our instructions are that alumni will approach us and should we want them to pin us, we are to give them are pins. If we want a particuliar alumni to pin us, we are to hold on to our pins.
Two gracious alumni  move to pin me, and I graciously reserve my pin. Ms. Everything is taking pictures, see's me and smiles,
"Have you been pinned, ?"
I explain, I'm waiting and she nods a knowing smile, while secretly inside I'm jumping up and down that she knows my name, let alone was willing to pin me.
Not waiting any longer, I march to thecenter of the aisle and tap on the dean of admissions shoulder.
Turning around he smiled and said,
"There you are, I was looking for you."
    I hand him my pin saying "Its been a long journey getting here" knowing he is aware of my admissions packet and story.....
I'm being pinned, its  real.
***
Skipping the reception, I recite the pledge into my mom's answering machine. I'm crying.  
"I am at the Capstone, the Mecca, I am Home."



 

Life as a 1L

With an amazingly early start, I begin my morning. I'm on the metro rail, that I've learned and am suddenly nauseous. After taking some Dramamine, I tell myself to calm the hell down, and I make my way to the surface. Now after a catching two metro rails, I find myself suddenly in day light and lost. While I know my school is only supposed to be two blocks down from the metro stop, I'm suddenly not seeing anything familiar.
I've marched two blocks in the opposite direction. With little time lost, but my pride sorely bruised, I begin the four blocks to campus.

I arrive, and can't help but take a snapshot on my camera phone of the banner. Wanting to remember the moment always. Today is my day, I say.

I walk through the doors and am instantly greeted by the nice to meet you's of my fellow underclassmen. To my great relief, I hear my name called almost instantly. A fellow 1L from my summer conference recognizes me, and calls me over to her already assembled group.
After making my hello's, we are herded to breakfast by the red-shirted upperclassman. So begins the day.
By the end of breakfast I am realizing I have been somehow pushed to the outskirts of the "group."
Rather than try to be "in", I decide to opt "out" and join another sole 1L at the adjoining table. We make chit-chat, until herded again to our classrooms.
Here is where I make the social faux pa.  I abandon my "safe  group"  to venture to the front of the class. Not the front row, mind you, but the third row,  center aisle.
I want to see and hear, and lets face it, I've read the statistics about kids who sit in the back, and I'm not about to start slacking on the first day.
Notebooks are out. And speach after speach is issued.
We are told the following: "You are aproximately 1000 days from the bar."
We are told of tradition and legacy. We are told about ethics. We are given lunch. We are taken to every damn room in the entire campus. But most importantly, we are given our sections.

Now our sections are in essence what will define our scholastic experience for the following three years. If you are a Harry Potter fan, quite simply our sections are our "houses". While there is no sorting hat, there is a piece of paper which we are given, marking the appropriate Section each person is supposedly "randomly" selected for.

Here is where it gets interesting. Like the Gryffindor House, Section 1: Seems to be about performance.  Section 2: Ravenclaw, valuing scholastics and attendance. Or at least if I could make a correlation thats what I'd guess....There are 3 Sections.

Now here's the fun part. I'm in Section 3.  So is most of the group I've been seperated into the morning with ("by random").....Has anyone had Section 3???  we ask upperclassman. No one can fill us in. The worst part, I'm not really sure I'm liking the people in my section. One person has already made known her "connections" and is clearly that "top 3%" grade grubber I know I'm going to learn to hate, and another I am questioning his motives to even be in law school, as I'm pretty sure he's "on something" other than the severly bad coffee we were given.

The day ends with Section 2 being given their first homework assignment, and Section 1 being told they will have theirs given in the morning. Section 3 is told...."we are trying to track down your teacher..."

This is not boding well I think. After 10 hours we are released. I go home. Without eating, I set my alarm, and fall into bed without undressing. I sleep like I've never slept before.

In a moment of weakness

Today was my birthday.

For some I'm still a child, slowly growing up, for others (as I was reminded rudely by my younger cousin), I'm getting "old," (and just the way he said it almost made me believe it....)

But no matter, I stated this because, just the act of the "birthday" shows a lot.
The calls from loved ones, that in fact, Love you, and call just to wish you well on that "special day," that is seemingly all yours.  The text messages, or online comments, that say, hey, happy b-day, added that wow to my existence, that wow to my day, and that reminding wow that people do in fact care. And....in a small selfish way, wow, they care about me.

Now, I did not go out. There was no party. In fact there was no cake, and truth be told I was at home all day alone. At one point I received a call from one of my very BESTEST  friends....he said nothing. Well, actually he talked a lot. He talked about him, and his girl, and his family, and how his girlfriend affected him and his family, and well the mathematical combinations were all there revolving around the three topics. My friend,  whom I was all excited to be acknowledged by, called in fact, to tell me about him--his problems, and his life....Anyways, being the  kinda person I am, I said nothing. Well I said some things; mostly, I listened.  I sympathized, hopefully I helped, but never once did I say anything about me, or remind him of the date....I simply hung up, and smiled; loving him, because he called me, and thats what makes us, "us." 
***Rest assured, he won't read this, and so this is no hidden guilt trip, but I found it humorous the significance one day or even moment has for one person, is meaningless to another. I mean each day is some person's birthday....

(Which if you haven't read the book by now, do so,"How I Paid for College. A Novel of Sex, Theft, Friendship & Musical Theater," by Marc Acito. When you read you'll understand the link I just made.)

There's a lot of people in this world, a lot of special moments. Admittedly, I  let mine pass today. But, dear someone, don't fret, I did so in a moment of weakness that I will not surrender tomorrow.

As per my title, in a moment of weakness, I'm too scared about tomorrow to perhaps enjoy today.

Today, I re-arranged my closet, picked out the most sensible out fit I could, being flats, pants, and a stiped top that makes me look pretty hot. I checked and re-checked my metro pass was in my back pack, checked my backpack, and even as we speak am looking at my backpack knowing I didn't pack something in that 10lb atrocity.I in essence, effectively spent a lot of time doing a lot of nothing.

Tomorrows I begin what many would say the rest of my life. Tomorrow I officially go to law school. I'm nervous. I'm excited.For the first time in my life I'm scarred as hell.

I've gone to seminars, I've read books, hell I bought some flash cards just to get a leg up. I've visited the campus, know my metro route cold, and I'd say I feel like a kid going to first grade, if I could remember what that feeling was like.

I don't feel ready, and yet know there's not enough reading or prep in the world that may prepare me for tomorrow. But its coming. the hours are ticking away, and its coming like hide-and-go-seek on a summer day, ready-or-not.
*Smile*

I've noticed a lot more readers. To say the least, hiyeee (another Acito reference). I never thought this would reach any one outside those friends of mine whom I bugged  years ago to read and never did and still don't.  But I thank each and every one of you all for reading, commenting, and expanding my "little universe."

While I don't pretend to offer any insight or knowledge on the Human Condition, I'm thrilled that anyone cares. ~.~

Happy Birthday little universe.

If Life was a book....

Immediately below or in time reference (before) this entry is my disclaimer to my journal. In addition and for humor  I advise you to see: the standard disclaimer by B. Long at http://www.fiction.net/std.disclaimer.html. or perhaps http://myweb.accessus.net/~090/univdisc.html compiled by Anthony W. Haukap or  http://neptune.spacebears.com/disclaim.html

For Torts purposes,  however and again, as I enter the profession of law, I feel it very wise to have such a disclaimer.

Why? Well because each day, I am fortunate enough to gain an insight on liablitlity and risk. That alone is cause for concern.

Further, if life was a book, I feel mine would very much be referenced by many of these pages, and should I ever choose to publish, I feel damn well entitled to protect my thousands from a best seller.

To continue, I am coming close to writing A LOT on here and basically should cover my butt. 

To be continued...

The Disclaimer....

Going into my profession, I thought I should reiterate:

***

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Fraggle Rock Wisdom

1. Here to There

Performed by: Wembley

I'm always here.
I'm never there.
I'm never, ever anywhere.
Excepting here, 'cause here is where I'm in.
But when I go from here to there,
My here comes with me everywhere,
'Till there is here, and here is where I've been.

Cleaning out my Inbox

Let It Go
There are people who can walk away from you.

And hear me when I tell you this! When people can
walk away from you: let them walk.
I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with
you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming
to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone.

When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny
is never tied to anybody that left.

People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they
are not joined to you, you can't make them stay.

Let them go.

And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means
that their part in the story is over
And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over
so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead.
You've got to know when it's dead.

You've got to know when it's over. Let me tell you something.
I've got the gift of good-bye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, I believe
in good-bye.
It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful, and I know
whatever God means for me to have He'll give it to me. And if it takes
too much sweat I don't need it. Stop begging people to stay.

Let them go!!

If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you
and was never intended for your life, then you need to......

LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to past hurts and pains ......

LET IT GO!!!

If someone can't treat you right, love you
back, and see your worth.....
LET IT GO!!!

If someone has angered you ........

LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge......

LET IT GO!!!

If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction.....

LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs
or talents

LET IT GO!!!

If you have a bad attitude.......

LET IT GO!!!

If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better......

LET IT GO!!!

If you're stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a
new level in Him......

LET IT GO!!!

If you are struggling with the healing of a broken
relationship....................

LET IT GO!!!

If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try to help
themselves.....

LET IT GO!!!

If you're feeling depressed and stressed .........

LET IT GO!!!

If there is a particular situation that you are so used to
handling yourself and God is saying "take your hands of f of it," then
you need to......

LET IT GO!!!

Let the past be the past. Forget the former things. GOD is doing
a new thing for 2007!!!

LET IT GO!!!

Get Right or Get Left .. think about it, and then .
LET IT GO!!!