Wow. i miss him. 72 hours or less :-)

Its so nice to have your loved ones "Miss you."
Went out with J, am missing my cousins in their nights out. I'm assuming strip bars and apparently i'm too much of a girl to
be in their company lately...oh well. i guess.
I go back on Friday. to what and whom i'm still unsure.
I'm hoping to a man that realizes he loves me. I'm hoping to Him.
A year and a half we've played this game, and 3 days seem an eternity.
I've completed reading the Tao of Pooh. enlightening to say the least. Moral of the story- accept what is and learn to be

Dear Santa, This Christmas, all I really want is a kiss hello, a kiss goodbye, and someone to call my own...
I've got the kiss goodbye down...but I'm thinking an MP3 player would prob be easier

Yes its 2 am. again. for the third night in a row. i'm exhausted but happy. i only hope it last. :-)

Its 7:25. my body has woken me up. I feel great. Native Nations was good, and again, more autographs emerge. Ms. V had fun.
(Despite her looking very "Santa Fe.")
I woke up business oriented with tasks on mind. In addition to that, I woke up very much in love. 7 more days til Christmas,
Which is funny, because I woke up very much alone.
Maybe its the space alone that let my heart rest and miss not just a warm 98 degrees, but a man of permanance.
I realize my heart and emotions are vulnerable by asking the universe for a boyfriend this season, but perhaps Santa will
deliver. I have been...well, better??? Lol......No one wants to be alone when its cold.

I worked my ass off tonight. no one will know. i'm too tired to care. june 2006, then i'll truly be free to be zen...*But wow
...i'll work and work and not be recognized but i'm okay with that. it is as it is. hmmm. cool.
still not any one's girlfriend. hmmm. how long will i have my freedom?
Oh...1 Day left till the Dentist returns. um. yeah. crazy.
This just in. pledge off limits
He has been corrupted. and for once. i swear it wasn't me :)

my favorite procrastination...

So...it's finals time...

I got a 25 pager due tomorrow... and for once..you guessed it...I'm Zen.

But. lets talk un Zen, cause thats where the fun is...

Un-Zen...the Sorority, I  should be doing more but I'm trying to be a professional, a grad student, and take care of my real Sisters, so...I'll let it be....take it in, let it go....Zen

 Un-Zen...lol, um, not much more, I mean, i could give you the guy breakdown, not like any one cares...

Apparently I'm well hated at my ex's fraternity house...wow, an award. I feel special. LOL...to be honest I didn't even think anyone noticed me. So kudos.

The ex--yeah, I'm trying to let go softly. for his sake...i mean, life is about fun...we can't seem to have that. oh well... take it in, let it go...

Speaking of houses...the pledge...always fun, always elusive. One of these days he might learn his entrigue only reaches my curiosity...to push the limitys is to know no boundaries...

My Marine in WY...he is getting Christmas in a Box...as I told him...he better marry me for all the -ish I give him.

My philisophical marine in AK--he's also getting a box...yeah...that one...lol. "It's not about love...It's about the ring...."

sigh, who else....um, i've been talking to a co-worker...playful jest, it'll all go away by Christmas...

oh....THE DENTIST....yay, he'll be here this weekend...all the way from CALI!!!!

Yay, alone and single this time...I'm very excited to catch up...I will be freeing my weekend up I'm sure....

hmmmm...oh Playa Playa, will be coming end of the month, also from Cali...I'm sure he'll be having me bring him breakfast in bed for many days as retribution of my untouched food... last visit in LA :(

who and what else...oh, the "dad" left on good terms as usual.  I'm sure he'll resurface given a few years time....take in, let out, give to the universe...Zen

non-resurfacing is Mr. Someone...shocking almost, but perhaps most easily explained as...

"No one wants to be alone during the holidays"

Oh...Secret Santa at work,...rocks my world...shopping for this season...like therapy...I shouldn't be all commercialist...but i love giving and receiving gifts....maybe its the girl in me...

last but not least...HIM....yeah yeah yeah... leave me alone. I screwed up and point blank asked him for the relationship...point blank...

"I want a boyfriend"....

HE is not amused...He feels "pressured" and that I'm "demanding a title" etc etc...

Funny thing is...I find it hilarious!!! I guess thats whats cool about being Zen...its like...what-evering life...I'm like, yeah "This Christmas I want a boyfriend"---

LOL, along with "something small and shiny"...

HE truly is not amused...I think I'm getting $30 worth of coal if I keep it up :-)

Oh well, this finals season,...

Finals, are like, yeah...I can do this...

With boys, I'm like....yeah, you can take me out...

with Work it's..., yeah, I do a good job.

With The Sorority, its...I'll get to that...

Zen baby...Zen...

Oh and on the wall...a new set of autographs to recap my acoustic christmas...

Life is good...and I got a handle on it :)

so...back to the paper :-)

 

Morning of questions, answers, demands, and give ins. all followed with a walk in the sunlight, and shopping at sunset. :)

two nights in a row. geese.

Sleepy, so sleepy...Lol. Even at the club I attract taken men. Horrid, but always (Oddly, but truthfully)
a satisfactory smile comes when I think that boys risk so much for one night with little old me

Tickets in hand. I'll be at the acoustic christmas. Will you?

**********

dun...dun...dun....the drama returns....LOL. or so it seems....

In this weeks episode, Our aspring Zen Master takes on "surrogate" motherhood---

aka, she's gonna baby sit 'the daughter.' Hmmmm.

 

Mmmmm...Yeah. Its 4am. SLEEP WOULD BE GOOD NOW! :-D

Deep Insight

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend  more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and  smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but  less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read  too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom. We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
 
We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered  outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better  things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more
copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.  These are the times of  fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the  days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes.

 These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality,  one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from  cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom  window  and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this  insight, or to just hit delete.
 

Remember, spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.

Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

 Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember, to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but  most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from  deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there any more.

Give time to love, give time to speak, and give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.
 

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER: Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

George Carlin

I'm so close to concert tickets. and hello lifehouse is coming